Calling Me Back Home
by katielynn101
Summary: Five years after signing a record deal in London, Jude returns home. Unsuspecting family and friends get more than they bargained for when secrets are uncovered as Jude struggles to fit back into her old life. Jommy! Read and tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

Calling me Back

Calling me Back

Chapter 1

Five years later after signing a record deal in London (last episode of season 4)

Jude stepped off the plane and looked around the familiar airport. Same sights, same smells, same old Toronto. She walked slowly to the baggage claim, carefully juggling four carry-ons and her purse.

"Mom! There's my suitcase! Look!" Jude looked down at her daughter Alexa and smiled.

"Yeah, why don't you go grab it while I get the twins' bags?" She leaned down and smiled at her daughter.

"Okay!" Alexa skipped to her spot by the baggage claim while Jude gathered up the twins.

"Ali, Andrea! Don't stand on the chairs! Get down from there!" She sighed as she snatched the dancing girls off the chairs and ran to get their bags before the conveyor belt went back through.

"Mom I'm hungry. Can we get something to eat?" Alexa looked up at Jude with hopeful eyes.

"I'm sure Aunt Sadie will have something for us at the house, okay?" She managed a weak smile, hoping Sadie had gotten her frantic voicemail just days earlier. Her London dream life was falling apart and she needed to be with her family right now.

"Okay, but it better be good because I'm in the mood for one of those fancy meals daddy cooks us on Sundays," Alexa warned. Jude rolled her eyes and couldn't help buy laugh a little.

"Look guys! There's our limo!" Jude exclaimed, walking out of the airport and taking in the fresh air.

"Mommy! Mommy!" the twins screamed. They ran to the already opened door and jumped in.

"Sorry, my kids are a bit of a handful," Jude apologized to the driver.

"No worries Miss Harrison, I know how three kids can be. Had three boys of my own," the driver chuckled and waited for Jude to get in.

"Oh, actually it's Mrs. Connely now. I'm married, he's just not here yet," she managed a weak smile and quickly climbed into the limo.

"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions," the driver said, bowing his head.

"No problem," she managed another bright smile before he closed the door.

"So guys, what do you think?" Jude wrapped her arms around Alexa and Ali and Andrea climbed up in her lap.

"Woah! There's a TV in here!" Alexa exclaimed. She continued rummaging through the cabinets and found a refrigerator with grape and orange soda.

"Mommy, can we have one, please please please please?" Alexa begged, knowing her mom's rules on soda.

"Alright, but the one who tells daddy won't get one for a long time," she joked, opening two and splitting them into three spill proof cups.

The rest of the ride there was silent and peaceful. The kids were wrapped up in a cartoon and Jude was thinking about how wonderful life would be here in Toronto. She had decided to move somewhere other than London and wanted the first choice to be her hometown. But she didn't know how Henry was going take moving away from London. It wasn't his hometown, but he loved it there.

Jude shook her head, trying to rationalize her thoughts as she noticed the limo come to a stop in front of her childhood home.

"Mommy! It's Aunt Sadie's house! We're here!" And like a rehearsed act, all three popped out of the limo before the driver even got out of the car.

"Again, sorry for my kids, they're just really excited to be here," Jude said, her cheeks flushing, "Oh, and here's the tip for putting up with us, we're a loud bunch."

"Any time Miss Harrison, uh I mean Mrs. Connely," and with a quick nod of his head, he returned to the driver's seat and sped off.

Jude stepped onto the grass, following her kids to the front door. Kwest and Sadie lived here now, after finally sorting everything out, and Sadie was expecting soon. What better time to come visiting with news of possibly moving back to Toronto?

But these visits never come without surprises and Jude was ready to take on the worst of them.

Chapter 2

"Jude! Oh my god you're here! With the whole crew! Where's Henry?" Sadie's sisterly voice filled up the foyer as Jude walked in with luggage weighing her down. It was nice to be in her childhood house. It reminded Jude of all the great times she'd had in this city, all the people she left behind and never kept in touch with. But somehow, through it all, they all seemed to stay put, like they were all waiting for her to return.

"Sadie! Oh my god I've missed you so much!" Jude dropped all her luggage on the floor and swung her arms around Sadie, not wanting to let go.

"Jude, glad to see you've had a safe flight. Everything go okay?" Kwest walked in with his apron on.

"Yes, and it is so good to see you!" Jude exclaimed, grabbing him by the neck and squeezing him.

"Mommy! We're hungry!" Alexa whined. She pulled on Jude's pants and looked up at her with big babydoll eyes.

"Alright, go see what Kwest is cooking in there and see if it measures up to Daddy's Sunday dinners," Jude tussled her daughters hair before freeing herself of her grip and directing her toward the kitchen.

"It's the first time they've been here. I can't believe you actually came to us," Sadie walked over to the couch and sat down. She patted the seat next to her and Jude flopped down beside her.

Everything looked the same, nothing was different, not even the picture above the mantle. Jude let her mind escape the trap it was set in. She let it wander the dangerous streets of her memories. She remembered Tommy and her in here at the pajama party. How happy they were. How she felt nothing in the world would ever tear them apart. And then she remembered Jamie's almost death that didn't happen. Then she remembered making love to Tommy in her room. Then she remembered what tore them apart and why she didn't go back to him when she had the chance to marry him. She threw it all away because she thought it was best for herself that she didn't get involved with him again, and she convinced herself that if she did, he would hurt her and she wouldn't be able to get over it and she wouldn't be able to move on. Then she remembered meeting Henry the night she got to London. She was feeling good about the decision she'd made. She walked into a restaurant and was sitting all alone when Henry came up to her table and started talking to her. They hit it off right away and ended up in her hotel room. That was the second man she had ever slept with. And that's the night Alexa was conceived, or that's what Jude convinced herself to believe. She knew that Alexa was conceived days before that in her hometown in Tommy's apartment when he'd asked her to marry him and she said yes. She knew in her heart that she came back to Canada to find Tommy and finally tell him the truth about what happened. That night made her realize why she and Tommy couldn't be together. She realized that the one time they made love that night had to be the last. And so she gave all of herself to him, gave him everything she had and didn't hold back because even though they'll never be able to be together again, she still loved him and she knows that in her heart she would still choose him over anyone else to this day.

"Jude? You've been sitting her silently for like ten minutes. Wanna tell what's going on in the head of yours?" Sadie asked, interrupting Jude's trip down memory lane.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about when we were kids, that's all," she forced a weak smile and put the trap up again. She was Jude Harrison in those days. She was now Jude Connely.

"Well, dinner's almost ready. The kids are helping Kwest set the table. I guess this is good practice for him, huh?" Sadie flashed me a smile and I knew that she was excited about her baby.

"Oh Sadie, I'm sorry. I've been so wrapped up in myself I forgot to congratulate you! When are you due?" Jude asked, thankful for the change of subject.

"Not until December. But enough about the baby, I have some incredible news for you!" Sadie exclaimed. Not waiting for a response from Jude, Sadie went on, "Well, I talked to SME today and they want you to do a live concert with them for your hometown fans! I told them you were coming to town and they'll be at the rehearsal space tomorrow bright and early!"

"Wow! I haven't seen Speed in forever! God, this is great!" Jude smiled, and this time it was for real, "Henry will be in town tomorrow so he'll be here to see me perform with my band! This is amazing!"

"Mom! Dinner is ready!" Ali called. Andrea walked in and climbed up in her mother's lap.

"So this is the shy one," Sadie commented, noticing Andrea's buried face in her mother's shirt.

"Yeah, she pretty much just loves being in my lap and nowhere else," Jude sighed and got up to go eat.

"So Alexa, is it good enough for you?" Jude asked, walking into the kitchen and staring at all the good food.

"Yeah! Don't tell daddy, but I think it's going to be better than his Sunday dinner!" Alexa whispered into Jude's ear.

"Oh I won't. You're secret's safe with me," she whispered back. She gave Alexa a wink and sat down.

"Oh, before I forget, we have a dinner guest coming. So we must wait until he arrives. And he's never late, so the doorbell should ring any…" rrrrriiinnngggg! Rrrrriiiinnnngggg!

"Who is it?" Jude asked.

"You'll see," Sadie flashed Jude her mischievous smile.

"I give you Jamie Andrews!" Kwest walked in with Jamie on his right side.

"Jamie! Oh my god! You look amazing!" Jude pounced out of her chair right into Jamie's open arms.

"God I've missed you so much," Jamie mumbled into Jude's ear.

"I missed you too," Jude whispered back.

"So, who are these munchkins?" Jamie asked, noticing the three kids at the table.

"That's Alexa. She's five. That's Ali and Andrea and they're both four," Jude introduced her daughters, "and they're all mine." She smiled at all of them and tussled Andrea's hair.

"Wow, who knew Jude was Ms. Mom?" Jamie joked. He sat down and dinner began.

As Jude walked up the stairs to go to bed, she had an overwhelming feeling. What if the kids don't like it here? What if they're not okay with moving back? What if Henry doesn't like the idea? What if he gets fed up with me because I feel trapped in London? What if he gives up on me like all the other guys seem to do? Could I handle that? And what if I see Tommy again? How do I repress those feelings I get for him whenever he's around me? All these questions filled Jude's head as she walked to the futon where her daughter Alexa lay sleeping. She climbed in with her and slipped her feet under the blanket. Alexa stirred but didn't wake up and soon everyone in the house was asleep, even if they weren't all dreaming good things.

In the morning Jude's head felt overwhelmed again and was grateful for the time to go see SME. She had missed them over the years and often imagined and concert where they were reunited. Jude, get yourself out of your thoughts and concentrate on what's going on. She pulled herself out of her fantasy world and tried to concentrate on what Sadie was telling her.

"You sure you want to keep the terrible trio? They're so hyper all the time! I mean what if they break something? What if they mess something up? God, I just don't know if leaving them all alone with you is such a good idea. You're pregnant and in no position to chase little kids around all day," Jude rambled on and on until Sadie couldn't take any more.

"Jude, go jam with your band and have a good time, okay? Don't worry about me or the kids, just go see your bandmates. I know you're dying to play with them again so go," Sadie smiled reassuringly and Jude nodded in agreement.

"Okay, so I'll see you later today?" Jude was still not sure, but she was going to trust her sister.

"Yes. And I promise they'll be good for me. They love their Aunt Sadie," and with that Jude was out the door and in her mustang. Man had it been a long time. She was glad Sadie kept it in the garage. It was the only part of her past she cared to relive right now. She was on her way to play with her favorite guys and she was riding in her favorite car. What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or any of its music.

The walk to the rehearsal space was nerve-racking as all the memories she had made in this place came flooding back to her. Jude hesitated at the door before going in to see her former bandmates, hoping they wouldn't notice the small change in her shape and size. Ever since the twins she had been a size bigger than normal and no matter how much she worked out and ate right, she couldn't get back down to her normal size. She shook her head at the thought of them being appalled as she walked through the doorway. she looked to her right, seeing the rehearsal space. Jude ran her fingers over the drums and guitars remembering how much she loved to jam and just let loose. That was five years ago, Jude, she kept telling herself. We're only here to work on a new song to sing at her hometown concert tomorrow. After walking around, smiling and laughing at the memories she allowed to escape her brain, she realized she was late and that the band should be here. She looked around until she came to the couch. A smile crept up on her face when she saw the grungy couch. She plopped down and decided to rest her head for a few minutes, just until the guys show up. With three kids it was next to impossible to get any peace and quiet.

Moments after her eyelids closed, SME jumped out from behind the wall.

"Jude! No way! You're actually here!" Spied yelled. He ran up to Jude and picked her up off her feet, "Well, well, Miss Harrison is back in business!"

"Actually it's Mrs. Connely. I'm married with three kids who I love but a husband that's more like my best friend from preschool than my husband. My life's going super. For a twenty three almost twenty four year old, I'm doing just great," Jude let all her frustrations out on the guys she trusted the most with her secrets.

"Jude, I didn't know it was that bad, sorry. What can we do?" Spied asked, jabbing Wally and Kyle in the stomach for attempting to crack jokes.

"Well, while we're here let's make some music!" Jude exclaimed, jumping up to get her songbook from her bag.

"Jude, I'm here if you ever want to talk about what's going on. I'm a pretty good listener despite what these guys say," He offered, pointing to the band's drummer and bass guitarist.

"Thanks, but I'd rather pretend my little temper tantrum didn't happen. I have three kids now. They should be the ones throwing tantrums. And, for the record, I do love my husband, even if it's not the wild passionate kind of love some people are lucky to have. Speaking of which, how's Karma?" Jude asked. She had to like Karma for Spied's sake and that was it.

"We're divorced, didn't you hear? Caught her cheating on me with little Tommy Q. They were going at it in our bedroom. Moved in with Wally," Spied's voice turned less sarcastic more depressed. Jude could tell he was hurt. And the three short seconds it took her to realize Tommy didn't have trouble moving on hurt her too. Though it shouldn't. she was married to a respectable guy who fathered three kids and treated her like royalty. Well, fathered two, but he's like a father to Alexa

"Spied, sorry. I didn't mean to lower your spirits. Let's just make some music!" Jude exclaimed, picking up her old guitar and strumming a few familiar chords, "Why don't we sing a classic? Why don't we do My Sweet Time? Just for old time's sake?"

"Sure, but shouldn't we look at some of the new stuff so we can sing at the concert tomorrow night?" Wally asked, hooking up the bass.

"Come on dude, you know My Sweet Time is the perfect warm up song. I'd like to take a trip down memory lane," Spied added, winking at Jude. God, she missed that smile, that face. How could she have left this here for so long? How could she have moved to London without Tommy? She still thought about him every time she went to sleep or woke up. And when she was making love to her husband she would imagine Tommy's voice and body instead of her husband's. She never thought it would be this hard to get over him. Old songs only made it harder for her to take her mind off Tommy, but her new songs were about him, too. And now to find out he was with Karma made her sick to her stomach.

"Earth to Jude? Dude, you in there?" Spied called, whacking her head with a drumstick.

"Ouch! That hurt! Geez! What do you want? You could have just said my name!" Jude snapped, throwing the drumstick back at Spied.

"Well, you were all lost in thought. You looked like you were about to cry or scream or something," Spied took Jude's hand, an unlikely gesture that caught her off guard.

"Spied, you know I'm married, I can't do this," Jude snatched her hand away and began strumming My Sweet Time on her guitar.

"Okay, let's get started," Spied mumbled, ignoring Jude's jab in the heart. He knew he'd never get another chance with her but he figured it was at least worth a try.

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR!" Kyle shouted from the drums, tapping the sticks together.

And with that, My Sweet Time's lyrics and music filled the building up with musical bliss. Feeling seventeen again made all the difference to Jude. She loved that she felt so young again. And when it was over, she couldn't help but smile and kiss Spiederman on the cheek.

"I thought you couldn't do this?" Spied joked, hugging her.

"I shouldn't would be a better way to put it," and with that, she kissed him on the lips.

"Hello? You two lovebirds over there better stop it. I know meeting your insanely hot ex for the first time in five years can be overwhelming, but don't you think you're taking the trip down memory lane a little too far?" Kyle asked, walking over to break up the kiss. Jude's attention, which was formerly all on kissing Spied's irresistible lips, turned to Kyle. She remembered her age, her husband, and most importantly, her kids.

"Oh my God! What am I doing! I have three kids to think about! I'm being incredibly selfish!" her sudden realization came to her in the middle of kissing Spied.

"Dude, I'm not in for anything serious, okay? We don't have to if you don't want to," Spied said, lowering his head. He was not going to be responsible for breaking up a marriage. That would just make him another Tommy Q.

"No, I want to, I need it to be anyone but him," Jude said, kissing him further. No one ever had to know about this, not even Sadie.

"Well, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we really need to hear the lyrics to your new song. I think we can make it work before tomorrow," Spied laughed.

"Okay, then how about after the rehearsal. Just you and me and that grungy old couch over there," Jude whispered provocatively in his ear. It made his insides tingle.

"Dude, you rock," and with that and a wink, the band was laying down and new track for Jude's sixth album.

As Jude began to sing, SME played along, mesmerized by the sincerity and power in Jude's voice.

_I wish the world would just leave me alone_

_I've tried to tell everyone I need my space_

_But no one seem to listen, no one seems to care_

_Hounding me for answers and schedules and dates._

_I wanna fly away to a place_

_Where my skin is allowed to show_

_Somewhere that the rain will wash me of my pain_

_Where I could watch a never-ending sunset_

_And not feel any shame_

_For who I was or what I became_

_Ooooooohhhhhh wouldn't that be the perfect day?_

_The moment your fingers brush my skin _

_I long for us to be together one day_

_And if you're willing to take the trip with me_

_I'll show you a place where we can feel the same_

_Come fly away with me to a place_

_Where our skin is allowed to show_

_Somewhere that the rain will wash us of our pain_

_Where we could watch a never-ending sunset_

_And not feel any shame_

_For who we were or what we became_

_Oooooohhhhh wouldn't that be the perfect day?_

_Don't you love the feeling you have_

_When we're all alone in this place?_

_Don't you love the way it feels_

_When my fingers touch your face?_

_Don't you long to stay here with me_

_Until death do us part?_

_Don't you wish I could be yours_

_For real and not just where we are?_

_Come fly away with me to a place_

_Where our skin is allowed to show_

_Somewhere that the rain will wash us of our pain_

_Where we could watch a never-ending sunset_

_And not feel any shame_

_For who we were or what we became_

_Ooooohhhhh wouldn't that be the perfect day?_

_Yeah, wouldn't that be the perfect day?_

_Ooooooohhhhhh wouldn't that be the perfect day?_

_If only it was here to stay…._

_Song: Perfect Day_

I own the rights to this song seeing as I wrote the lyrics.

"So what do you guys think?" Jude took her guitar strap off her shoulder and turned toward them.

"I'm speechless, and that's sayin a lot," Spied took her hand and gently swung it from side to side. They exchanged loving glances before looking at the rest of the band.

"So, come on, spit it out, tell me what you think," Jude looked at both Kyle and Wally.

"I think the song rocks, no doubt, but who's it actually about?" Kyle asked, gulping his water.

"Well, actually I wrote it for myself. There's no one in particular that it's referring to," Jude explained, eying Spied.

"Well I think you're amazing," Spied murmured, rubbing the small of her back. She slid down on his lap almost without effort.

"Why thank you Mr. Spiederman," Jude joked, snaking her arms around his neck.

"Okay, seriously, I think we're good for tomorrow. Speid, me and Wally are going bowling with our dates, you're welcome to come, both of you," Kyle offered.

"Nah, I think we'll stay here and just look into each other's eyes. Sounds much better," Spied joked, only he didn't get up to leave, which only led to one conclusion. Jude and Spied were going to sleep together for the first time ever.

"You didn't have to do that, we could've gone bowling. I'm sure Sadie wouldn't mind keeping the kids for another two hours," Jude insisted once the crew left.

"No, I have other plans for us," Spied laughed and led Jude to the grungy old couch.

Bit by bit, their clothes were on the floor and Jude and Spied were making love. Every so often one would groan or moan or cry out in delight.

"Oh Tommy, oh Tommy!" Jude moaned. She was enjoying herself until she had to go screw it up with that one little mistake. All the fun had ceased and Spied stopped.

"What? You're thinking about Tommy? We're making love and you're thinking about TOMMY?!" Spied sat up on the couch and put is boxers on.

"Spied, look, I'm sorry, please, please don't be mad. I know I screwed up, but please, just listen to me! Please try to understand why I'm doing this to the people around me!" Jude pleaded. She wrapped herself in the blanket and ran to stop Spiederman from going out the door.

"Jude, you just don't get it, do you? You'll never have any room in your heart for anyone but Tommy. Can't you just accept that and live with it? Quit trying to fool yourself into anything else!" and with that, Jude was left at the door, wide open, in a blanket, watching Spied race down the hallway.

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or any of its music

As Jude sat on the couch, all wrapped up in a blanket, she thought about everything she was feeling. She was trying to find someone that would make her forget Tommy, someone that would make her happier than Tommy, because everyboby knew all Tommy did these days was break girls' hearts and tear their hopes and dreams to shreads. But she couldn't stop wondering what would happen if she did see Tommy sometime. Would she act all 'hey! It's so good to see you!' or would she try her best to ignore him like a seventeen year old would? Who knew what Jude would do in front of Tommy. It has been proven, time and time again that Jude + Tommy insanity + confusion + unpredictable.

Jude was interrupted by the faint sound of a cell phone ringing and realized it was hers.

"Hello?... yes I'm here… you're outside?...sure!... come right up!" Jude clicked the phone off and rushed to find her clothes but couldn't find her bra. She was in the middle of looking under cushions when the door opened. Guess she lost track of time.

"Jude! What are you doing! You're naked wrapped up in a blanket!" Sadie beckoned the girls out of the room while she helped Jude find her clothes, "Mind telling me what happened?"

"Look, me and Spied got a little carried away," Jude mumbled, ashamed of what she had done.

"Sis, you need to focus on your marriage and trying to make it work for the kid's sake, okay? I just received a call from Henry and he'll be here tonight for a dinner with his family. I already called in a caterer to have it all set up for you when he gets here," Sadie smiled, obviously proud of herself for taking it upon herself to try and fix Jude's marriage.

"Thanks, were the kids okay?" Jude asked, craning her neck around the doorframe. All three of them were coloring in a coloring book and crayons.

"Yeah, they were awesome. They're great kids, Jude. You're so lucky to have them, and such a wonderful husband. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to sleep with one of your blast from the pasts," Sadie winked at Jude and motioned for the kids to come inside.

"Mom! Guess what?!" Alexa exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"What?"

"Aunt Sadie took us to the movies and bought us popcorn and candy and after that we went to get ice cream!" Alexa explained, still bouncing like a bunny.

"Oh, she did, well I think she deserves a big hug and kiss for that one, don't you?" Jud bent down and gave her little girl a kiss on the nose before nudging her to Sadie.

"Thanks for the movie and ice cream Aunt Sadie," Alexa said, giving Sadie a peck on the cheek.

"Girls, what do you say?" Jude eyed Ali and Andrea playing with the instruments. They both mustered a mumbled thank you and gave Sadie a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Jude, if you need anything just call. Hope you guys have fun tonight and I'll see you at home for some late night ice cream," Sadie waved goodbye and closed the door before heading home.

"So, did you guys have fun?" Jude grabbed Alexa and twirled her around like a princess.

"Yeah, mommy, we all made you something!" Andrea blurted out. She grabbed a piece of paper from their bag and gave it to her.

"Andrea, you weren't supposed to give it to her until Daddy got here," Ali scolded. She crossed her arms over her chest and made a pouty face.

"Ali, would you rather Mommy look at this with Daddy?" the pouty expression became a happy one and they all started to dance around the rehearsal space.

"Who wants to learn how to play drums?" Jude asked, racing over to the drum set, "Now we have to be careful. Alexa, here's your drumstick. I want you to keep a steady beat on this drum. Ali, here's your drumstick, I want you to keep a beat on this drum, and Andrea, here's your stick. Every time Ali and Alexa hit their drum, I want you to hit the cymbal, okay?" they all nodded in agreement and in no time they were striking up beats and rhythms together like they were old band mates.

"Mommy, when can we see your guitar? And remember how you told us Tommy Q once played it? I want to see it real bad," Alexa whined. Jude sighed and got up. She went to the case sitting on the chair and opened it up.

"Here's my acoustic. It's been my favorite guitar since I was a little girl. My dad gave it to me, you know, Grandpa," Jude smiled remembering the memories of him and her playing it in the basement.

"Mom, can I play it?" Alexa pleaded with her eyes. Jude knew that look all too well. It wouldn't hurt to let her strum a few chords, why not?

"Sure, why don't you try to strum some of the chords I've taught you and make your own song," Jude suggested.

"Mommy can I? Can I please write my own song, too?" Ali jumped up on the couch with Alexa.

"Mommy, I had it first!" Alexa whined.

"Why don't we all take turns?" Andrea suggested.

"I think that's a great idea," Jude agreed. And with that she left the three of them alone on the couch to make their music. She sat at the drums beating out all her anger when someone walked through the door. She was expecting her husband so she immediately turned around and gave him a big hug.

"Hun, I'm so glad you're here. The kids have missed you like crazy and I need you right now…" she looked up and saw it wasn't her husband but the man she was once madly in love with (and still is, she's just not ready to admit it), Tommy Q.

"Well, well, well, I didn't know we had kids and I'm surprised you need me right now. Last time we were together you made it very clear that you wouldn't be needing me ever again," Tommy stiffened his posture as Jude let go.

"Tommy," she breathed. Her eyes met his, probably longer than they should have, but as she looked away, she remembered the fear and regret and pain and frustration in Tommy's eyes.

"Yep, that's me and as I recall you're Jude Harrison, the brilliant musician, or used to be anyway," Tommy walked in and noticed the kids sitting on the couch enveloped in the guitar Jude had since she was a kid.

"Actually, it's Jude Connely now, I'm married to Henry Connely," Jude's gaze moved to the floor where it stayed.

"Well you certainly didn't waste any time, did you?" Tommy snapped, pointing to Alexa.

"Tommy, it's not like that, look, I need to talk to you, just not right now. Henry's coming in from London soon and we're having a family dinner. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk, okay?" Jude scribbled down her new phone number and handed the pen and paper to him. He looked at for a minute before looking back at Jude, "Come on, this is important. Otherwise I wouldn't be barging in on yours and Karma's life, okay?"

"Karma? You think I actually like her? She disgusts me. She asked me to make a sex tape with her because she had gotten an offer she couldn't refuse, or so she says. That's all it was. Spied and Karma's marriage was already in the quicksand way before I even stepped into the picture," Tommy chuckled, "Sometimes you can be so twenty three,"

"Yeah, well sometimes you can be so thirty!" Jude snapped, "Now just write down your number and program mine so we'll be able to contact each other. This is really serious, okay?"

Jude watched as Tommy wrote his number down and started toward the door.

"Hold it right there," Jude snapped. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number. To her relief, the sound of Quincy's pocket was her calling his cell phone.

"What the hell? Do you honestly think I'd lie to you?" Tommy was furious now.

"No, but you can never be sure anymore. You learn a lot of things when you're a parent, Tommy," and with that the door shut and Jude was a mess all over again.

"Mom, when's dad gonna be here?" Alexa asked, seeing her mom sitting beside the door.

"Soon, he'll be here soon. I'll be right back I have to go to the bathroom," Jude blurted out before running to the bathroom. She had been forcing herself to throw up now for three months and it had been doing nothing for her. The problem was she didn't know how to quit. And she was going to lose her voice if she kept on like this.

"Mommy? Are you okay?" Andrea asked, walking into the bathroom.

"Yes, sweetie, I'll be fine. Go back to your sisters. I'll be there in a minute," Jude forced a weak smile as she allowed Andrea give her a kiss on the forehead.

"Love you, mommy. Hope you feel better," Andrea smiled and skipped back to her sisters.

"Love you too," Jude whispered. She needed to stop this right now. She needed to feel okay with herself. She needed someone to make her feel sexy and she knew just who that was. The problem with that, she couldn't have him.

She felt a tear sneak out of her eye as she thought about everything that had happened in the last five and a half years. She had three wonderful kids. But the rest was history. She wasn't the hit musician she used to be and the only thing she could think that would make her better was the song her and SME were going to sing tomorrow at the concert.

"Honey! I'm here! Where are you?" Henry called. Shit, he's here. She cleaned herself up and picked up the spare toothbrush. No telling who had used it last.

"Hey! Glad you made it!" Jude ran over to Henry and gave him a hug. The kids were already glued to his legs like leeches.

"So, I was told by Sadie there was going to be a dinner here for us," he looked around and tried to find the table.

"Yeah, it should be here in a minute," Jude said. She motioned for them to sit on the couch.

"So, how was your first night here? Feel good to be back home?" Henry asked, pulling Jude close to him, "I missed you so much last night."

"Yeah, me too," Jude managed a weak smile as she pulled away from him. Alexa climbed in the middle of the two and grinned wildly.

"Guess what mommy?" Alexa squirmed excitedly as she waited for an answer.

"Did you and the twins finish your song?" Jude guessed, smiling.

"Yes, you and daddy have to hear it now!" Alexa exclaimed.

"Okay, okay, sing it to us," Henry laughed and swung his arm around Jude when Alexa got up to sing her song.

"The twins are gonna play those drum beats you showed us earlier and I'm going to play the guitar," Alexa announced.

"Okay, let's hear it," Jude prompted, waving her hands in the air.

As they started to play, Jude saw the same wildfire in their eyes that had once been in hers. She concentrated on the lyrics and couldn't help but smile.

_I love my mom_

_I love my dad_

_I love my sisters_

_I love my cat_

_I love my grandpa_

_I love my Aunt Sadie_

_I love my Uncle Kwest_

_I love my whole family_

_I love you all_

_I love you a lot_

_I can't help it_

_Cause you're all I've got_

Alexa took a bow followed by the twins.

"Guys that was great! I loved it!" Jude ran to her girls and hugged them all simultaneously.

"Daddy, did you like it?" Alexa asked, running to where Henry sat.

"Yeah, it was great," Henry managed to say, smiling, "So when's dinner?"

"I told you, it's going to be here soon, just be patient," Jude whispered into his ear smiling. A knock on the door just moments later startled them all.

"See daddy? Momma was right. The food's here!" Jude laughed at Andrea's statement. What was it with four year olds?

Jude opened the door and to find a very disheveled Spied. He motioned for her to come outside and talk.

"Hun, I'll be right back, okay?" Jude smiled at her family, sitting on the couch reading through some of the books Sadie had let them bring. What a perfect family she had. Too bad she wasn't in love with her husband.

"Listen we need to talk," Spied whispered.

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry for the way I acted. It was totally inappropriate and I never should have suggested that we be anything more but friends," Jude felt the guilt rise up inside her as she said the words. But it was not because she was betraying her husband, but because she betrayed Tommy with Spied and her husband.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm glad we're on the same page. The whole band will be there for the concert. I was just making sure you knew that. I've never let our drama get in the way of the band," Spied smiled that familiar toothy grin and I couldn't resist giving him a hug.

"Thanks Spied," I muttered into his ear. I let go and backed up a little.

"So, I saw your husband, he's not that bad," Spied pointed out.

"I know, but you're right. The only man I've ever loved is Tommy. But how do I get him back, not hurt Henry and keep my kids? You see? I can't. So he'll have to do. My kids mean more to me than anyone or anything," Jude said, sighing.

"Come on, if you're not in love with him, don't do this to him. Don't you think he deserves a chance at real love, too?" Spied had a point. I'd never looked at it that way, "Just think about it, okay?"

"Okay," Jude whispered smiling. Spied took off down the hallway and disappeared out the door.

Jude re-entered the rehearsal space to see Henry and the girls still reading a book. Her heart told her she had to get away from a life that wasn't really hers and raise her kids with the man she loved, but her brain told her that it would hurt them too much and they would be scarred for life. She shook the insecurities away and slapped on her famous Jude smile.

"Hey honey, we were just reading your favorite story," Henry said, smiling at his beautiful wife.

"Really?" Jude asked. She wasn't really interested in that right now. All she wanted was food and lots of it. She had the urge to throw up again.

"Yeah! It's the tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter!" Alexa read from the cover.

"Why don't you try reading it to me?" Jude suggested, turning to the first page.

"Mommy, you know I can't read. Would you please just read it to me?" Alexa whined.

"Sure, just give me a sec," Jude pulled a blanket off the couch and covered all three of her girls up with her in the middle, "Okay here we go."

As Jude read the story, Henry answered the door for the caterers who brought the food, set the table, and left for the family to eat.

"Jude, we better eat this before they come back. They'll be here to pick up in about an hour," Henry said, pulling the chair out for Jude.

"Okay, you guys ready to eat?" she asked, pulling the blanket off of them.

"Yeah!" they all screamed simultaneously and ran to the table.

As the family sat down to eat, Jude wondered what it would be like if Tommy were at this table and not Henry. That's all she did these days was wonder about Tommy and think about throwing up. How could she possibly stop? She ate everything on her plate, the rest of the dinner rolls and half the pie sitting on the table. Along with finishing her kids' meals, she stole a piece of chicken from her husband's plate.

"You getting enough to eat?" Henry joked.

"Yes, okay? I can't help it!" Jude shouted across the table, startling the kids, "I'll be right back," she mumbled, walking toward the bathroom.

"Yeah, sure," Henry called back. He knew what she was doing. He knew she felt fat all the time, not being able to fit into her clothes pre-twins. And he knew she threw up every time she ate. And he also knew it had been going on for too long. She had kids to take care of and a career at stake. He was worried about her and about them. He sometimes wondered if Jude even loved him. The way she distanced herself from him worried him. A lot.

"Daddy, is mommy gonna be okay?" Andrea asked, tears coming down her cheeks.

"I think she will be, I'll talk to her tonight, okay?" he gave all three girls a reassuring smile before heading to the bathroom door.

He knocked on the door and when there was no response, he barged in and sat down on the floor beside Jude, "We nee to talk."

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star

"I know. Can we do it tonight, when the kids are in bed?" Jude barely managed to get the words out. Her tears were coming too fast. Choking them back made it hard to say anything.

"No, we need to talk now. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You need to stop for the sake of our kids! They need you! Don't you see how much they look up to you? When they see you on the floor like this, they think you're sick, really sick, and it scares them. I don't want them being put through that, okay?" Henry's shocking words left me devastated on the floor.

"Don't you know I've tried? I can't stop throwing up! It comes as an impulse. If I don't eat a lot, I'll throw up that slimy stuff in my stomach. I can't help it!" Jude whispered. She got up and leaned into Henry for emotional support but he pushed her away.

"Dammit Jude! Find a way!" Henry screamed. And before either of them knew what really happened, Henry hit Jude hard and threw her into the wall. They both gasped at what he had done, "Oh my god, are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you! God, Jude I'm so sorry," he reached down and picked the semi-conscious Jude off the floor and carried her out of the bathroom.

"Henry, henry, please don't do it again, henry, please! Henry, god, why do you have to make this so difficult?" Jude rambled on and on. She fidgeted with her clothes and tossed and turned in Henry's arms.

"Girls, get your stuff, we're going back to Aunt Sadie's house. We have to get mommy to bed," Henry said stiffly. He unlocked the car and made sure the kids were in their seats in the back of the mustang, positioned Jude in the passenger seat and took the driver's seat for himself.

Halfway through the ride home, Jude became conscious again and looked to the backseat to make sure her kids were alright.

"Henry, don't you ever hit me again, so help me god. I will be out of your life as quickly as I entered it, you understand me?" Jude glared at Henry in the driver's seat.

"Jude, I'm so sorry. I lost my temper and I'm sorry."

"Just don't do it again, okay?" Jude pleaded.

"Fine, I won't," Henry's posture stiffened on the way home. He was nervous she was going to tell someone. But he didn't dare say another word about it. The rest of the way home was peaceful as the kids had fallen asleep in the back. So had Jude.

"Guys, we're back to Aunt Sadie's house!" Henry declared, getting out of the car.

"God, do you have to be so loud?" Jude asked, getting out of the car. She picked up Alexa and carried her into the house, "you get the twins."

When they situated the kids in Sadie's and Jude's old bedrooms, Jude went straight for the shower.

"Hey! How'd it go?" Sadie's perky voice could cheer up anybody.

"Can we talk about it over ice cream?" Jude asked, choking back tears again. She saw the urge in Sadie's eyes to question her further and was grateful that Sadie resisted it.

"Sure. Meet you down in ten?"

"Sounds good," Jude forced a smile and rushed to the bathroom. She turned on the shower before throwing up. After, she got in the steaming water and rinsed every part of her body. She felt the goose egg on her forehead and wondered how hard she had been hit and if she needed to go to the doctor's. Jude got out and wrapped a towel around her hair and threw on her favorite t-shirt and boxer pajama pants.

"Hey, I wasn't sure if you were going to make it to your ice cream, I was going to eat it for you," Sadie joked. Only Jude wasn't laughing.

"Sadie I need to tell you some stuff. You're not gonna like it, but I need your help, okay?" Jude looked at her sister and all her tears came rushing out, "Sadie, I'm bulimic. I can't stop throwing up what I eat. And Alexa's not Henry's, she's Tommy's. And I don't love him, I love Tommy, and the most recent thing, Sadie, Henry hits me, look!" She pointed to the bump on her forehead.

"Oh my god, he hurt you? Did he hurt the kids? Do they need to stay here for a while?" Sadie asked, pulling her sister into her arms.

"No, I don't think he'll ever hurt him, but I think he'll hurt me again," Jude whispered.

"And you're bulimic? We'll need to get you treatment, okay? Don't worry. And as far as Alexa goes, you really need to tell Tommy, but not right now, okay?" Sadie's willingness to help was amazing and Jude was grateful she had someone to talk to about all this.

"Sadie, thanks. Now that I got all that off my chest, I'm going to go to bed now. I'm sure Henry will want to apologize about what he's been doing," Jude said through a yawn.

"Alright. I'll be here all night if you need anything, okay?" Sadie whispered in Jude's ear and she gave her a hug.

"Thanks," was all Jude could manage to say as both of them walked up the stairs into their rooms.

Dragging herself into her room, she realized her husband was still up and reading one of his many books. She sighed and laid down beside him, turning in the opposite direction.

"So, did you and your sister have a nice chat?" Henry asked, putting his book down and looking in Jude's direction.

"Yes, actually we did," Jude smiled politely as she turned around to face him.

"So I take it you didn't tell her about our little mishap, did you?" he looked at Jude crossly, eyeing the goose egg on her forehead.

"Um… no, but she asked about it," Jude forced another smile as she turned to face the wall.

"You told her, did you?" Henry's pleasant voice turned into a frightening one.

"Look, can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm exhausted, okay? I'm willing to forget it if you are," Jude mumbled, dozing off.

"Forget it? You told your sister! There's no forgetting it!" Henry sat up and grabbed Jude's arms.

"Ouch! That hurts!" she hissed, trying to pull away.

"Yeah? Does this?" Henry grunted, slapping Jude across the face.

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Jude cried. She kicked and pulled and pushed to get away from her husband but he was twice her size.

"No Jude! You stop it!" Henry's voice roared and the whole room filled with his echoes. He slammed Jude on the bed and continued to beat her.

All through it, Jude let out little whimpers, praying someone, anyone would hear. She couldn't understand why Henry had started to become violent. He'd never once hit her, except that one time when she attempted to leave him before she had Alexa. But other than that, she'd never seen abuse from him.

"Mommy?" Jude recognized the voice as Andrea's.

"Sweetie, go back to bed, mommy's gonna be there in a minute, okay?" Jude managed a smile as Henry turned around to see who it was.

"Mommy, are you okay?" Andrea's eyes filled up with tears as she saw her mom's face all disheveled.

"Yes, sweetie, mommy's going to be fine, just fine," Jude whispered. She slapped on another smile and urged Andrea to go back to bed. As soon as Andrea stepped out the door, Henry began to beat her once more.

Meanwhile, Andrea was outside the bedroom, listening to her mom's helpless whimpers. She knew something wasn't right. So she decided to go get Aunt Sadie. She padded down the hall, which seemed like forever until she got to the door. She quietly opened it and recognized Sadie's blond hair on the right side of the bed.

"Aunt Sadie? Mommy's in trouble and she needs your help," Andrea whispered, letting a few tears escape her eyes.

"What, honey?" Aunt Sadie pulled Andrea closer.

"It's mommy! She needs you!" Andrea said a bit louder.

"Honey, what's wrong with your mommy, tell Aunt Sadie," she whispered, sitting up in her bed, now wide awake. She shoved Kwest awake to help her.

"Daddy's not being very nice to mommy. I went in there and she was crying, trying not to let anyone see," Andrea explained. She began to cry as she saw the worried look on Aunt Sadie's face.

"Sweetie, don't worry, your mommy's gonna be okay. You just go back to bed and make sure Ali doesn't wake up, okay?" Sadie motioned for Andrea to go back to bed as she and Kwest got up to check out the situation.

As the two drew nearer to the door, they could hear Jude whimpers and the thugs coming from the other side. Sadie went to barge in and Kwest stopped her.

"You better let me, he's gonna wanna fight," Kwest whispered, opening the door. He was shocked to see Jude in such a horrible condition, laying on the bed almost lifeless.

"Get off of her!" Kwest demanded. He overpowered Henry ten to one and knocked him on the ground.

"Jude, Jude, can you hear me?" Kwest shook Jude. Her eyes fluttered open but shut again. Sadie raced in and pulled her sister into her arms.

"Call 911!" Sadie screamed. She panicked and rocked Jude back and forth.

Jude awoke in a strange bed in a strange place to strange people, "Who are all of you?" she asked, trying to sit up.

"Oh, ma'am, please, lay back down," the nurse said, smiling. She propped the pillows behind Jude's head so she could see better.

"Where am I? Where's my sister?" Jude demanded.

"I'll go get them. They took a break and went to have some lunch," the nurse explained, "Your kids are here to see you as well."

"Can I see them? Please? I need to see my kids!" Jude panicked, "Please don't take my kids away! Please, it wasn't my fault! I swear I didn't mean for him to hit me! I didn't mean to start a fight! Please, just don't take my kids!" Jude began sobbing as Sadie reached the door.

"Jude, it's okay. The kids have been staying with us. They'll be alright. They're here to see you," Sadie smiled reassuringly, waving her hand outside the door, motioning for the kids to come in.

"Alexa! Ali! Andrea! You're all here!" Jude expression softened as she saw her kids' faces light up with excitement.

"Mommy, you've been asleep all night," Alexa explained, "And Aunt Sadie said they had to perform surgery on you so that you'd be okay."

"Really?" Jude looked at Sadie for an explanation.

"Girls, why don't you go find Kwest so he can see Jude, okay?" Sadie suggested. Instantaneously, the kids were out the door, leaving Jude and Sadie to talk.

"So, what happened to me? How bad did he hurt me?" Jude demanded the answers.

"He beat you pretty bad. Thankfully, there were no broken bones, but he hit your head pretty hard. They had to go in and drain the fluid from your brain so you could function properly. You're lucky Andrea came and got us before he beat you to death," Sadie explained, squeezing her sister's hand.

"I will never go back to him. You understand that, right? My kids and I are moving back to Toronto and I want him in jail," Jude declared, staring out the window.

"Jude, why didn't you tell me this was happening before?" Sadie asked.

"That's just it. This was the first time he'd actually beaten me. I didn't know what to do. I was so paralyzed and all I could think to do was whimper. I couldn't even cry out. I was afraid he'd kill me if someone found out," Jude's voice lowered to a whisper as she let tears run down her cheek, "Sadie, I was so scared. I didn't know what was going to happen to me."

"It's okay. I'm here now and I'll make sure he doesn't harm you or your children ever again," Sadie's voice was reassuring but she knew what she really needed. She needed to feel Tommy's touch. When she feared for her life the night before, she realized how important fixing things with Tommy was to her. And it started with a phone call.

"Can you do me a huge favor?" Jude asked.

"Anything."

"Will you take the girls home so they can do something other than stare at their pitiful mother in a hospital bed? I need to think. I need to be by myself. For the sake of keeping what family I have left together. And I need to talk to someone about all this," Jude explained.

"If you're sure.."

"I'm sure, now go before they come in here seeing me cry," Jude waved Sadie off after they exchanged hugs.

"Love you sis," Sadie called.

"Love you too," Jude called back. And with the emptiness of her room, she took the opportunity to call the most important person.

"Hello?" Jude's heart stopped at the voice on the other end.

"We need to talk. I'm in the hospital, room 410. I'll explain everything when you get here." And the line went dead. She didn't want a response, not yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Hospital Blues

Chapter 2: Hospital Blues

Hey, thanks for being so patient! Sorry Chapter 1 was so long. The others won't be and I hope to post once or twice a week. Thanks so much for your reviews!! And please keep telling me what you think!!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

"I got here as soon as I could," Jude turned her head towards the doorway and was relieved to see the familiar face looking at her.

"Tommy," she pretended not to care the guy of her dreams was walking over to her, but her lips curved up into a smile she couldn't help.

"Jude, what happened to you?" he demanded. He rushed over to her side and examined her fully.

"Tommy, listen, I need to tell you something," Jude said, almost in a whisper.

"Yeah! You need to tell me what happened! Now!" Tommy looked over to her with piercing eyes. His lack of presence in her life had made her forget his possessiveness and tendencies to overreact and pry into business he didn't belong in. She looked at him questioningly and cocked her head to one side.

"Jude! Tell me what happened!" his voice came out almost in a whine, prompting Jude to laugh, "This isn't funny! Tell me what happened!"

"Tommy, believe it or not, there's something more important I need to tell you. It's something that will probably make you wish you never met me," Jude's voice softened and became shaky as she urged herself to move forward. She grabbed his hand in hers, noticing he baffled look, but decided to ignore it, "Tommy, Alexa, my oldest daughter isn't Henry's child. She's yours."

Both sat in silence, frozen by the realization that had just been spoken. Their hands remained joined as both their minds processed the information and what it really meant for them.

Finally, Tommy spoke, snatching his hand away from Jude's, "And you're just telling me this because…." He threw his hands up in the air and began pacing the room.

"Tommy, Henry was such a great father to her and I didn't want my children to feel that their mother slept around, because I didn't! And I wanted Alexa to feel as much a part of the family as Ali and Andrea! I thought I was doing the right thing. Well until…" Jude's voice trailed off, remembering Tommy didn't know her life story like her sister did.

"Until what? You decided he wasn't good enough for you! What Jude? Just tell me why you're even telling me this!" Tommy swept one hand through his hair as he stared at Jude's trembling face.

"He beat me okay?!" Jude yelled, tears streaming down her face. She let out small whimpers because crying hurt too bad.

Tommy's expression went from infuriated mad man to supporting, loving and caring, "Jude," he whispered, "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you come to me? I would have helped you out. Don't you know that?" He took her in his arms for the first time in five years and let her cry. She didn't resist, she latched on tighter as he pulled her close. She didn't want to ever let him go again. That is, if he's still there to hang on to.

"I wanted to, but I turned you down, remember, and I didn't know if you had moved on! I didn't want to just waltz back into your life thinking I could do that just because I'm Jude! I didn't want to do that, I just didn't," her voice sounded shaky and rough.

Just as they settled into each other's arms, SME ran through the door, throwing stuffed bears in the chair, "Hey! Jude! We came as soon as we…" they stopped mid sentence when they realized who was with her.

"Jude? Tommy? Are you two…" Spied stopped mid sentence, trying to find the right choice of words, "back together?" he closed his eyes, hoping it would shield the glares he would get from Jude.

"No, we're not," Tommy muttered before getting up to leave.

"No! Don't go! I need to talk to you!" Jude pleaded, trying to grab his hand before he got to far away.

"I'll come back later tonight, okay?" Tommy forced a weak smile and kissed Jude on the forehead before heading out the door, leaving Jude helpless to the merciless SME.

"So… how's it going, dude?" Spied kissed Jude's forehead and leaned in for a hug.

"okay, I think I'm going to be sore for a really long time," she managed a smile before studying the bears the guys brought, "You do know flowers are more appropriate for someone who's in the hospital, especially when they're over the age of ten," she laughed a bit to herself and turned back to the boys.

"I know, but we figured they'd be cuddlier and softer," Spied explained, his cheek turning tomato red.

"I love them," Jude said, doing her best to sound enthused. They all stared at each other for a good minute before Kyle and Wally muttered goodbyes and left Spied and Jude alone to talk.

"So, you gonna divorce him?" Spied asked, looking around the room, at anything but Jude's body. He couldn't bear to see the damage Henry had done to her without wanting to kill him.

"yeah, definitely. I don't think I could even look at his face ever again," Jude answered, staring blankly out the window.

"So, how are you gonna manage with the kids?" Spied asked. He knew he was borderline on what was his business, but he couldn't help his self.

"They're going to stay with Aunt Sadie for a while," Jude said. She was hoping Spied wouldn't push the issue.

"Why? Aren't you gonna stay with her too?" Spied pressed. Jude sighed. She might as well tell him.

"I have to check into rehab, Spied. I'm bulimic," Jude explained, turning towards him and looking him straight in the eye.

"Jude! Why? You're gorgeous! God, why would you need to make yourself throw up?" his face showed hurt and genuine concern when Jude looked at him. She knew he cared deeply for her.

"I was going through some things and I thought one of the reasons Henry didn't want to have sex with me was because I was fat. Now I realize he didn't really love me at all," she said, her voice low and shaky.

"I'm gonna kill him," Spied muttered. He hoped Jude didn't hear as he realized what he just said.

"What?" Jude asked, not catching Spied's last few words.

"Nothing," Spied replied. He sat down on Jude's bed and took her hand.

"Spied, you do know that I can't be… what you want me to be, right?" she asked, glancing down at their joined hands.

"I know, I know. I just want you to know I'm there for you in a _friendly_ way," Spied laughed, making Jude laugh. She was grateful she had Spied through all of this. She vowed herself never to meddle with his emotions ever again for the sake of this valuable friendship they shared. And from now on, that was all they were going to share.

"So, are you still going to do the concert, even if I reschedule it for another time? I'm not sure how long I have to recover before I can sing again," Jude said, changing the subject.

"Not at all. But we still have to do that song you wrote. It's amazing."

"Yeah, I like it too," Jude whispered, silently singing the lyrics in her head.

"It wasn't about me, was it?" Spied asked. Jude, taken back by the bluntness, gave him a confused look, "The song, it wasn't about me, so who was it for?"

"I think you know the answer to that question as well as I do," Jude gave him a look that he realized must be one of her mommy looks because he remembered getting the same one as a five year old.

"Yeah, it's a dead giveaway," Spied joked. They were in the middle of a laughing fit when the doctor walked in. Jude was grateful because the laughing made her even sorer than she already was.

"Well, you have your sense of humor back, that's good," the doctor smiled wide before he glanced back down at the sheets on his clipboard.

"So, doc, is m'lady gonna be okay?"

"So far so good. But no physical activity for six weeks, that includes singing, alright? I want you to stay in the hospital for daily check ups until I think you've healed enough to get around at home," the doc said, "by the way, just ask for Dr. Hanson if you need anything, okay?"

"Six weeks? There's gotta be some mistake. Doc, I have to reschedule a concert and my fans will not wait six weeks!" Jude protested. Spied gave her a look that made her quiet long enough for the doctor to explain.

"Jude, I can't let you do it. And who knows if you'll be ready to sing in six weeks? That's just a rough estimate. It all depends on how well you recover and how fast you heal. Trust me, you're lucky you're still alive and functioning properly. The guy beat you pretty bad. And your kid did the right thing by getting an adult for help. I hope you know how blessed you are to have such great children," Dr. Hanson explained. He looked sorry, really and truly sorry for what had happened to Jude, so she decided to let it go. There was no way around doctor's orders so she might as well get used to it.

"Fine, I'll just hold a press conference later this week telling my fans sorry and that the concert will be held at a later date," Jude scoffed disapprovingly.

"Well… okay," the doctor didn't protest. At least she agreed to take it easy for a while, "I'll check in on you before I leave to go home, just to make sure you're set for the night." And with a slight nod and smile, Dr. Hanson walked out of the room.

"Well, I better get going, too. I have a concert to cancel and a press conference to get together," Spied looked at her as he said the words. When had he become so responsible?

"Spied, you don't have to do all that. I'll get Sadie to handle the little things. She's so good at it and she's done it a million…"

"Sadie needs to focus on taking care of you. Don't worry, Miss Harrison, I'll have you know that I can be quite the planner," Spied informed Jude. She decided it would be okay, and gave him a hug goodbye.

"Bye the way, I'm glad you're here and not still steaming over our little… mishap the other day," Jude smiled at him sincerely before he turned to walk out of the room.

Finally, she was by herself in the peace and quiet, left alone to think. To get things straightened out before Tommy showed back up. He was bound to make things complicated and she needed to prepare herself for that.

She allowed all the walls and shields to be lowered in her head and let the thoughts pour out onto her brain. What happens if Tommy doesn't want Alexa? What happens if Tommy doesn't want me? How do I get over that? How do I tell him I'm bulimic? How do I even begin to describe to him how much he means to me? Will he understand? Will he feel the same way?

The questions were coming too fast. She gave up trying to answer them all and fell into a deep sleep, dreaming about who else? Tommy.

_"Tommy, what do you think?" Jude asked, pulling out different paint samples from the stack._

_"Whatever you like, just not pink, okay?" Tommy put his head into his hands and let out a sigh. They had been at this for hours. Deciding what color each room of their new house should be and frankly, he didn't care as long as he could sit on the couch and drink a cold beer without feeling like he lived in a little girl's room. _

_"I was thinking a shade of red for the dining room and a green and tan themed living room. No, how about a cream for the living room? We'll do a light green in the great room. Or should we do blue?" Jude was talking out loud to herself and he could tell she was completely clueless as to what color she wanted. _

_"Why don't we put the paint samples down and go up to the bedroom? Maybe a little break will inspire you," Tommy purred into her ear. She felt her knees grow weak as she smiled. She knew exactly what he was talking about and she couldn't say no. She had never been able to. _

_"Well, if you insist," Jude teased, taking his extended hand. _

_"Oh, I do," he smiled. And without another word, Tommy led her to the stairway, their feet disappearing up the steps. _

"Jude," she smiled as she heard her name, pulling Tommy's arms closer to her. She was still dreaming and didn't want it to end.

"Okay, well, I know we haven't seen each other for a really long time, but now is really not the time to do…" he was stopped by Jude lips on his, her mouth moving in ways he didn't think possible. He kissed her back before realizing what he'd just did. As he pulled back, Jude's eyes blinked open. She gasped, realizing what she'd just done.

"Tommy! I'm so sorry! I was dreaming and I thought I was still in my dream and you were whispering into my ear, so I thought we were still…" her voice trailed off, realizing what she'd just revealed.

"So you were dreaming about us?" Tommy's familiar smirk spread across his lips.

"Well… I… yeah," she gave up in trying to find an excuse and lowered her head in defeat. She knew she would never hear the end of this, that is, if her and Tommy were still on a talking basis at the end of the conversation they were going to have.

"Were we, you know?" he inched toward her, making her blush. Her cheeks flushed with color as she thought back to what they were doing in her dream.

"Tommy, can we talk about something else?"

"I'll take that as a yes," he replied, his smile growing wider at each thought that passed through his mind.

"Tommy, please, we need to talk about this," Jude pleaded. When he looked at her eyes and saw the desperation, he couldn't help but give in.

"Okay, okay. I'll try to be serious," Tommy responded, suppressing a smile and a laugh.

"Look, I know this might sound heartless. And I know you don't like ultimatums, but I need to know. Either you want her or you don't. If you do, tell me right now, there's no thinking about it. If you don't, I want you to walk right out of here because I have no intention of making my daughter's life more difficult than it already is," Jude gave him the look, and was relieved to see him still standing in the room a minute later.

"So, does this mean I can see her?" Tommy asked. His question surprised Jude, who obviously expected the exact opposite.

"Uh… I haven't really given it that much thought," How do you tell your five year old that the daddy she's known for years isn't her real daddy? And how do you introduce her real daddy if she doesn't understand one word coming out of your mouth?

"Well, I've thought about it all day. I want to meet her, know her. I would have liked to meet her and know her before this, but that is over and done with and I might as well just live with what I have now," Tommy explained. Jude could tell he'd actually been a responsible man and thought about what she told him hours earlier, "Surprised, Harrison?"

"It's Conn-" she stopped herself before going any further. No, she was not Connely anymore. She was going to get her named changed back to Harrison, "Sorry, I do it out of habit," she blushed as she looked at Tommy. His features were so defined she had a hard time taking her eyes off of him. That was a serious problem.

"Yeah, it's okay," he managed as smile as he took Jude's hand.

"Tommy, before we get into all this, I have to talk to you about something," Jude had been dreading the eating disorder discussion, but she needed to tell him.

"There's more? Harrison, you're always filled with drama, you know that?" he laughed, but stopped when he saw she wasn't laughing with him, "Okay, spill."

"After my recovery here, I've decided to check myself into rehab," she explained, hoping he wouldn't yell or scream.

"For what? You're not an alcoholic, or anything like that, are you?" Tommy's eyes pierced through hers. It felt like he was staring right into her brain, seeing every thought that passed through.

"I'm bulimic," she answered simply, not daring to look back at him.

"You're what?!" he hissed, shooting her a death glare.

"I felt I was fat so, I tried everything to lose weight, and when that didn't work, I started eating everything in sight, making myself throw up," Jude explained.

"Why on earth would you think you're fat?" Tommy's voice grew louder, "You're insanely beautiful!" he reasoned. When he realized what he just said, he quieted down and tried to redeem his pride, "I mean, you know, you're pretty."

"Yeah, but Henry didn't make me feel that way. He wouldn't touch me anymore and I thought it was because of my weight after having the twins," Jude's voice became shaky as she gulped down sobs and cries.

"Henry! I'm gonna kill him!" he spat. His hands were balled up in fists and his face had turned a real pale color.

"Tommy! Please! Calm down!" Jude's voice sounded desperate as she started to cry. Gulping down whimpers and sobs hurt too much. She had to let them all go.

As they sat there, silently for ten minutes or so, Tommy held her, rocked her and comforted her. He had never been able to do this with anyone else and he scolded himself for thinking about her in a romantic way. They had to deal with everything else before he could even think about Jude like that.

"So, you mentioned earlier that you wanted to know her," Jude paused, waiting for affirmation before moving on, "so, why don't you be there for her while I'm away. That way, when we tell her about her real father, she'll already know you and like you… hopefully. So help Sadie out with the kids. Get to know Alexa and tell her about me. Remind her that I'm still here," Jude's voice went soft again as she leaned in closer to Tommy, trying to communicate to him how important this was to her.

"Anything for you, Jude," he murmured into her ear.

"Thank you," she whispered, holding off a yawn. She let her head rest comfortably on his shoulder as she drifted off into sleep. She hoped he wouldn't move, at least not for a while.

Two hours had gone by and Tommy woke up to find Jude sound asleep and the night coming in on him fast. He did his best to get out from under Jude but her grip tightened around him as he tried to pry himself free. When he finally broke free, Jude's eyes shot open.

"Tommy," she mumbled. She began reaching frantically at the air, trying to find Tommy.

"Jude, it's okay. I have to go, but I'll check in on you tomorrow," he whispered into her ear before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Tommy! Please don't leave me alone! I need you!" she whisper shouted. Tommy pretended not to hear and crept out of the room. Tiny tears were forming in his eyes and he wanted to be alone before he let them fall.

As he sauntered down the hallway, away from her room, he heard her soft sobs echoing through the hall corridors. It was the only sound he heard until he reached the door. He was relieved to get into his car so he could hear his thoughts clearly. He thought about what Jude had asked him and how he would have to talk to Sadie and how he wished Jude was stepping into the car with him, going home with him. But she wasn't and he was going to have to get over that.

"Tommy! Tommy! Please come back!" Jude whimpered. She managed to sit up, letting out a cry of pain before trying to stand, "Tommy! I'm coming to find you! Please, just stay where you are so I can reach you!"

She got about three steps when the nurses came in and lead her back to her bed. She screamed, yelling at them to go away, before giving in to the pushing and pulling. When she was finally settled into the covers, she let out a huge sigh and collapsed into sleep. The sedative they gave her was working.

"I think she's okay," one of the nurses whispered, leaning over Jude to see if she was really asleep.

"Yeah, I think so, too," the other one said as the two tiptoed out the door.

It was almost nine o'clock in the morning when Jude woke up. She looked around and sighed, trying to remember the night before. All she remembered was Tommy being here and then him leaving her all alone. What happened after that, she didn't know.

"How's are rockstar doing today?" Dr. Hanson asked cheerfully as he walked in the door.

"Fine, except the part that I'm all alone and I didn't get to sing at my concert last night," Jude whined. She folded her arms across her chest, trying not to look in the doctor's direction.

"Well, the results came in on some tests we did and they seem pretty positive. I think you're better off than we thought. Looks like you'll be able to check out in a week or so and go home," he explained. Jude's ears perked up when he said a week or so. That was shorter than what she was expecting, not that she was complaining.

"So, does that mean I can sing?" Jude asked, hopeful.

"No, it does not. You still need to see me once a week for about six weeks after that to make sure everything is healing okay. I don't want you singing until I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, you hear me?" Dr. Hanson warned, shaking a finger at Jude.

"Yes, _dad,"_ she joked. It was then that she suddenly realized she hadn't called her dad to tell him about the incident.

"Speaking of, your sister told me to tell you that he'll be in later today. He couldn't get any earlier flights," he said, checking all of Jude's vitals.

"Really?" her eyes sparkled when she heard her dad was coming.

"Yes, in fact, she's here right now, waiting on me to finish your daily check up. I'll send her in when we're done."

A few more minutes of poking and prodding later, Dr. Hanson left the room and sent in Sadie.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, hugging Jude.

"A little better. My head still really hurts," Jude complained, leaning back on the pillows.

"Well, the doc said your results came out good," Sadie managed a smile as she studied Jude.

"Yeah. So I talked to Tommy yesterday," Jude mentioned, hoping Sadie wouldn't make a big to do out of it. Yeah right, that was wishful thinking.

"Really? What did he say? Did you tell him everything? Or did you chicken out?" Sadie's interest was annoying, but Jude missed it.

"I told him about Alexa, my husband, and my eating disorder. He's going to get to know Alexa and the kids while I'm recovering and in rehab. He'll probably give you a call and work things out with you. We don't want to tell Alexa just yet. I'm not sure she's ready for the truth. I think she needs time to adjust to things first. When she gets a little older and me and the kids are finally back on a regular routine, then I'll think about telling her. But until then, I just want Tommy to get to know her," Jude explained. She happy with her decision to be a grown up and tell everyone everything. She was so tired of keeping all these secrets.

"Wow, sounds like you've got all this planned out? Do you have you and Tommy's house picked out, too?" Sadie joked.

"Hey, I'm not interested in getting serious with anyone at the moment. I'm interested in getting better and making sure my kids are okay, first. They're my number one priority" Jude beamed. She couldn't be any more mature if she tried.

"Okay, you're freaking me out. I'm the one that supposed to have my life planned out. Not you," Sadie laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Jude smiled, "so, Spied decided to go all grown up on me too and cancelled the concert and is setting up a press conference for me. I need to tell my fans what happened and all that. I was actually surprised when he offered. I told him you would do it, and he told me that you should be concentrating on other things. And speaking of which, how's your pregnancy? You know, I've been through it twice, I can probably help you out if you have questions," Jude offered which felt weird. Weren't big sisters supposed to give the advice, and not the other way around?

"Well, I have an ultrasound in a few weeks. I'm only three months along, but I do have a little morning sickness. Any cures?" Sadie looked at Jude, hoping, praying she would have a trick that worked.

"Yeah, get someone to hold your hair for you so your hands can hold water and a washcloth," Jude joked.

"Gee, thanks," Sadie mumbled.

"There's no cure for that, you just grow out of it. It doesn't usually last the whole nine months," Jude explained, hoping that would comfort her sister.

"Okay, enough about that, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. The doc says I can go home in a week," Jude smiled, thinking of her childhood home that Kwest and Sadie now owned.

"That's great! But what about rehab?" Sadie asked in a hushed tone.

"I know. I have to talk to Dr. Hanson and ask him when it would be okay to check in. I need to and fast. I'm craving food, and I mean, lots of food. It's killing me not to throw up and I feel awful about that," Jude whispered. She didn't want the nurses to overhear, "When he comes back in to do his nightly visit, I'll ask him about it."

"So, you're definitely going into rehab, huh?"

"Yep. I have to get my life on track, for my kids," Jude responded.

"That's good. So what are you gonna say at the…"

"Jude, I came as soon as I heard. How's my little girl?" Stuart rushed over to Jude and gave her a big hug before sitting down on the bed beside her.

Hours later, her hospital room was yet again empty. She sent her dad home with Sadie and insisted they get a good night's sleep. Tommy had stopped by to check on her but left quickly due to the presence of her dad. Those two never got along.

"Hey, just checking in," Dr. Hanson said as he walked quickly over to Jude's bed, "anything you need?"

"Yes, actually. I was wondering if you could answer a few questions," Jude paused, hoping he would prompt her to go forward.

"Shoot."

"Okay, well, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm bulimic and I can't control it. I know I've been on IVs for the last few days, but I don't know if I can start eating again, you know, like a normal person. I'll always have the urge to eat way too much and puke my guts out," Jude explained.

"Oh, wow, um, well, we can keep you in the hospital for six weeks starting Monday. You can stay right here in this room and we'll have a specialist come in and we'll control your food intake and hopefully by the end, you'll be eating right again. If not, we can explore further options," Dr. Hanson suggested.

"Really? But that means I can't go home for another six and a half weeks," Jude moaned.

"Yes, but it also means that you'll be able to heal faster, quicker and better because you're getting all the treatment you need at the same time. Overall, it's less time spent in a hospital than doing a whole separate rehab program when you're done recovering," he pointed out.

"True, well then, I guess we have ourselves a deal. Thanks. But, can I still hold my press conference?"

"Of course. We'll make sure you get there," and with that, Dr. Hanson made his way out of the room.

As Jude sat, she thought about how long she would have to wait before her concert. She was dying to get onstage and sing. But more than ever, she was dying to eat and throw up. Something she hoped would be fixed in a matter of weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Bad News

Hey, sorry it took longer than expected to write this chapter. Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review!!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

A week later…

"Jude, you ready?" Spied asked her, glancing at the press behind the glass doors.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she sighed and took a seat at the table, motioning for Spied to let the people in.

As soon as the doors opened, journalists, news people and even national television channels were there, waiting to hear Jude's story. She looked from person to person and could almost hear their thoughts of the rumors. She looked to Spied for help who took action calling on people to ask questions.

"Jude! Is it true your husband has been beating you ever since the marriage started?" one asked. Jude took it as her opportunity to explain.

"No, this was the first real beating he ever gave me and I'm just glad to see him behind bars," Jude said, in a monotone voice. She wanted to show as little emotion as she could.

"Is it true Tommy Quincy is back in your life to stay?" another one shouted.

"Tommy Quincy is a very dear friend of mine who is helping me out during my recovery," Jude simply stated. She didn't want to give away too much information.

"But isn't Tommy Q your ex?" she argued.

"Yes, but we are very close as friends," she exaggerated the word friends to get her point across.

"Why did you turn his proposal down?" yet another asked.

"That is none of your business!" and with that, Jude mumbled something about her rescheduling her concert at a later date into the mic and walked as fast as she could to the elevator.

She heard Spied and Tommy racing after her, calling her name. But she pretended not to hear them as she stepped into the elevator. She tapped her toes on the floor, praying the doors closed before they had time to catch her. She needed to be alone.

She let out a sigh of relief when she realized she was by herself in the elevator, escorting herself to her own room. She hadn't been able to take so much as a step without Spied, Sadie, Kwest, or Tommy. They had insisted she be watched twenty four seven in case she fell.

"Jude? We weren't expecting you back up here until after the press conference," Natalie said, giving Jude a confused look. Natalie was one of the nurses Jude had gotten to know really well.

"Yeah, didn't go as planned," Jude sighed and headed toward her room. It didn't take long for Tommy's and Spied's face to appear in the doorway.

"We were worried sick! Why didn't you hold the elevator!" demanded Tommy. He rushed over, scooped Jude up in his arms and laid her gently on the bed. He had formed a habit of doing little things, which were not necessary, and perhaps a little inappropriate for their just-friends relationship. But she got used to them all the same and found herself looking forward to her visits with Tommy.

"Yeah! What he said!" Spied spat, rushing over to help Tommy. They both fiddled with the adjustments on the bed and made sure Jude had everything she needed. Jude scoffed at them both for being so overprotective and possessive. Well, the possessiveness was all Tommy, but still. Can't a girl get a little privacy? She couldn't even take a shower without the supervision of a nurse or Sadie.

"Guys, just leave me alone!" she shouted, slapping both of their hands as they decided to lift the bed up a few more notches.

"What?" they said in unison. For once they agreed on something, at least.

"I can handle the damn remote controlled bed! And I don't need someone else to get a fucking pillow off the chair! I'm perfectly capable of walking! Now get out!" she screamed. This hurt her head, especially where she had been hit, but she didn't care. She needed to be alone, to think things through.

"Okay," Spied replied softly, holding his hands up surrendering, leaving Tommy to deal with psycho Jude.

"You too!" she hissed, trying her best to push Tommy. She let out a cry of pain and any chance of Tommy leaving vanished. He rushed to her side and laid her back down in the bed. He had her positions memorized. Which ones were comfortable, which ones hurt and which ones would earn him a punch in the arm.

"Jude, you need to calm down. Tell me what's on your mind," he cooed, running his fingers through Jude's hair.

"I just don't get why people are so obsessed about me getting a boyfriend right after my marriage fell apart! Don't they even care that I'm going to be in a hospital for the next six weeks recovering?!" Jude squeaked. Her voice was shaky as she tried to talk through sobs.

"Jude, it's okay. They're vultures out there, don't worry about them. The people that care about you are right here, with you," Tommy whispered into her ear, still running his hand through her soft curls.

"Tommy, please don't stop, that… feels… so… good," she breathed, her words barely audible. Her voice became lethargic and soft as she said the last few words. And within minutes, she was asleep.

"Tommy, please I need to talk to my sister alone!" Jude heard a voice hiss. She turned to the door and saw Sadie out there, yelling at Tommy.

"Sadie! You're so…" he stopped and scratched his head, trying to think of a better way to put what he had to say.

"So what? So overprotective? You've got that one covered. I'll tell you what I am! I'm her sister and I'm going to tell her!" she insisted. And without waiting for a response, she rushed into Jude's room, relieved to see her awake.

"Tell me what?" Jude asked, forcing a smile. It quickly faded when she saw Sadie's look of sympathy.

"I'm so sorry, hun, I really am," she rubbed Jude's arms as she continued, "I just talked to a lawyer today and they said that even though he beat you, and you have witnesses, Henry will probably get off if he pays a certain amount of money and most likely he'll go for rights to see his kids."

"NO! I WON'T LET HIM TOUCH MY KIDS EVER AGAIN!" Jude screamed, banging her fists on the bed. She began to shake as she sobbed. She tried as best as she could to stand up, but as soon as her heels reached the floor, she realized she'd gotten up too fast. She screamed in agony, collapsing to the floor.

"Jude!" Tommy panicked. He picked her up off the floor and held her tight to his chest, only letting go when he remembered how sore she was.

"Tommy, please fix this. I need you to make this go away," she whispered, still crying in pain.

"Jude, I'll do my best, I will," he assured her before laying her back down in her bed. He fiddled with everything until he was satisfied with how she was and left, glaring at Sadie on his way out the door.

"Sadie! You have to help him! I need to know my kids will be safe while I'm here!" she whimpered, squeezing her sister's hands.

"Shhh, it'll be okay," she reassured her little sister, gathering Jude in her arms.

"Sadie, will you tell me a story? Any kind of story, just so I can get to sleep?" Jude asked, her eyes drooping.

"Anything, anything," she sighed and smiled down at her sister as she picked out a story, "Okay, this one's about mom and dad when we were on a family vacation. We were at the farmhouse and I remember Dad trying to teach you how to swim, boy were you feisty…" Sadie laughed as she continued the story, but as she looked down, she saw Jude's breathing regulate and her eyes close shut.

"Jude? You awake?" a familiar voice asked, walking over to her bed.

"Jamie? Is that you?" Jude asked, excitement growing inside her.

"Yeah, I came as soon as I heard your press conference. I was going to come earlier, but I had some business meeting in the States to go to. But I'm here now, anything I can get you?" he smiled at Jude.

"Nah, Spied and Tommy have everything covered, trust me," she giggled as she thought back to everything silly thing those two had done.

"So, speaking of Tommy…" Jamie paused, trying to read Jude's facial expression.

"What? He's just a really good friend, that's it!" she insisted, gasping at Jamie's doubtful expression, "You think we're more than friends, don't you?"

"No I think if you're not careful, he'll hurt you again, that's what I think," Jamie explained, grabbing Jude's hand. It wasn't long before she snatched it away.

"He wasn't the one who hurt me! I hurt him! _I _turned down_ his_ proposal, remember?" Jude snapped, not sure as to why she was getting so offended.

"Yeah, but do you really think it would have lasted, even if you stuck with him? Do you think he would have come through and actually married you? Do you?" Jamie interrogated. Jude wasn't in the mood for this and allowed a few tears to escape before she answered him.

"Jamie, if you're going to criticize who I happened to love, then leave. I don't need this right now, especially from you," she whispered through gritted teeth. It took all her strength not to slap him across the face.

"Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't sit around and wait for him to hurt you again!" Jamie hissed, giving Jude a pleading look.

"He's not going to hurt me! Please just let it go!" Jude whimpered.

"Fine, so how's your dad? Sadie said he came in for a couple of days," he muttered, changing the subject.

"Fine."

"So because I actually said how I feel I get one syllable answers?" Jamie protested, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"Yeah," Jude stated simply, staring out the window.

"Jude, just tell me what you're thinking. I want to know," Jamie said calmly, taking a tentative step towards Jude.

"Really?" she asked skeptically.

"Hey! That was two syllables! We're getting somewhere!" he joked, nodding his head for her to continue.

"Tommy's all I can think about, I mean I know I made the choice to go by myself, and I'm glad I lived my life, but ever since Henry, I keep thinking that if I could just go back and marry him everything would have turned out differently," Jude explained, not leaving anything out. After all, Jamie was her best friend.

"I knew it. I knew you two were more than just friends," he muttered under his breath. As soon as he saw Jude's disapproving glare, he knew she heard.

"Look, I'm not asking for you to praise the fact that Tommy and me… are… well, Tommy and me," Jude started, looking up at Jamie, "I just want you to at least be able to live with it. I know you and Zepplin are getting married and I don't want your best friend making your life stressful," Jude added, trying to smile.

"I know, I know. But the second he hurts you, he's a dead man," Jamie warned, "And about the wedding thing, I think Zepplin needs some help. She's completely lost about what to do."

"I'll talk to Sadie," Jude promised before smiling her famous grin. Jamie couldn't help but smile back as the two hugged.

"And who's to say he'll hurt me again? Maybe I'll hurt him," Jude argued jokingly.

"Well if that's the case, I'll be one proud happy man," Jamie responded before walking out. Jude couldn't help but feel invigorated at seeing Jamie again. With her newfound confidence and realizing, finally, how she felt for Tommy, she drifted off into sleep with a smile on her face.

A few days later…

"Mommy! Mommy!" Jude heard all the way down the hall. She smiled as she sat up in her bed, preparing for the upcoming hugging and squeezing. She was just as excited to see her kids.

"Hey guys!" Jude exclaimed, opening her arms wide for all of them.

"We missed you so much, and look! We made you something!" Alexa squealed, jumping up and down. She pulled a picture out of her pocket and unfolded it.

"Yeah! It's of me, you, Daddy, and Ali and Alexa," Andrea explained, pointing each one out as she read the names.

Immediately Jude looked away, tears developing in her eyes. She had to tell her kids that their father was out of their lives for good. But she didn't want to break their hearts.

"Um… girls, can I talk to you about your daddy?" Jude asked, wiping the tears away.

"Mom, Aunt Sadie says Daddy hurt you and we just want you to forgive him so we can all go back to London. I miss my cat," Alexa whined, tugging lightly on Jude's hand.

"Look, Daddy isn't coming back, okay? He's gone for good, it's just us girls for a while," Jude smiled, but she could see the tears already starting to form in the girls' eyes.

"Why?" Ali screamed, banging her fist into the bed.

"Because, Daddy hurt mommy really bad and I want to make sure he never hurts you," Jude explained.

"But he didn't hurt us! Just forgive him! Please!" Alexa cried even louder, punching the bed as she did so. Jude gathered her into her arms and her anger finally subsided. Andrea and Ali had rested their heads on Jude's lap and one by one they fell asleep.

"Well, that went better than planned," Jude muttered, sighing in relief. She attempted to lift the girls up, but was too weak. Sadie rushed over and helped them up, whispering for them to tell their mom goodbye.

"I love you guys," Jude called, waving. They all muttered 'I love yous' and stood at the door, waiting for Aunt Sadie.

"It'll be okay," Sadie promised as she hugged her sister.

"Thanks," she choked, holding back tears.

As she watched her sister depart with her children, she couldn't help but let a few tears escape down her cheek. That should be her out there, walking them to the car, helping them in, and driving them to wherever they needed to go. Her sister had her own problems to worry about. She didn't need three more to add to the list. But reality set in and Jude finally realized that she couldn't be there for her kids until she got her life straightened out. She was going to win the eating disorder battle, but the one waiting for her in court was another story.

As she wiped away the tears, words and phrases came to her mind that she had to write down. She grabbed a pen and paper and began to write down the words in her mind. They were about who else? The famous Tommy Q.

_**Come back to me**_

_I turn around and I see you_

_Standing there you're here to stay_

_Why are you so amazing?_

_It makes it impossible to walk away_

_Running, running as fast as my legs will go_

_I'm trying to escape but it's too late and I know_

_All the kisses we shared_

_All the secrets we kept_

_Float back to me_

_Oh they come back to me_

_So unwillingly_

'_cause I don't wana go there_

_and hurt you again_

_But you face me and start to say_

_So convincingly that I didn't hurt you_

_That I almost believe it_

_Yeah I almost believe you_

_But then I remember us and it was then I knew_

_That I had to run, run, as fast as my legs would go_

_I tried to escape, but it was too late and now I know_

_All the kisses we shared_

_All the secrets we kept_

_Float back to me_

_Oh they come back to me_

_So unwillingly_

'_cause I don't wanna go there_

_and hurt you again_

_Don't you understand _

_This is killin me too?_

_Don't you know_

_That all I've ever wanted is you?_

_But can't you see _

_The things in our way?_

_They're unavoidable,_

_So why can't you just go away?_

_I'm running, running_

_Oh I'm running as fast as my legs will go_

_Yeah I keep tryin to escape_

_But its too late and I already know_

_All the kisses we shared_

_All the secrets we kept_

_Float back to me_

_Oh they come back to me_

_So unwillingly…_

_All the kisses we shared_

_All the secrets we kept_

_Float back to me_

_Oh they come back to me_

_Oh so willingly_

'_cause I wanna go there_

_with you and never hurt you again_

_so please, come back to me_

(I wrote this song, too, so tell me what you think!)

"Jude?" Tommy's soft voice echoed through the room. Jude smiled and took in his familiar scent and the sound of his voice.

"Tommy, I'm glad to see you," Jude whispered appreciatively.

"Listen, I was thinking about what you said about me getting to know Alexa, so I was wondering if it would be okay to take all three of them somewhere, you know, give Sadie a break," Tommy's nervousness was cute, even though Jude knew it killed him.

"Sure, take them anywhere you want. They deserve a little fun time. And I think Sadie would love to have some peace and quiet, you know, she's expecting soon and I think she needs her rest."

"Yeah, I'll call her tonight and set up a time," Tommy smiled lightly. Jude could tell this was a touchy subject for him.

"Hey, it'll be okay. As long as your not Lord Squinty Frown, they'll love you. Just be yourself around them, like you are with me," Jude offered. She knew she crossed the line of things to talk about with your ex-fiancé but she felt he needed the advice.

"Yeah, I'll try," he muttered, "So, how are they treating you? Are they making sure you have everything you need? Because if they're not, I'll be sure to put in a complaint on your behalf," Tommy was rambling and Jude found that worried Tommy was funny. She giggled as he continued to ask her questions about every little detail. When he finally stopped, he gave her a pouty face and sat down on the bed.

"Come on, please, just tell me what I can do to make this all better," Tommy sighed, wishing he could take all of Jude's pain and throw it out the window for someone else to bear. She didn't deserve this.

"You can make sure my kids have a great time tomorrow, okay? And be sure to bring them by here so I can talk to them. I haven't see them since this morning," she laughed as she realized how overprotective she sounded, "Sorry, it's just I'm not used to my kids coming to visit me and then having to leave. I'm used to tucking them in at night and reading them their favorite stories and making sure they brush their teeth and have their jammies on the right way. And I can't help but worry that all that's being done without me there. What if they don't get their good night kiss? And Ali can't sleep without her boo boo bear! I don't even know if I packed them enough pajamas to be here this long!" Jude listed off all her worries as Tommy looked at her with sympathy. Tears were forming in her eyes and she made no effort to stop them from falling. She hadn't realized how much she missed her kids until now.

"Jude, I'm sure Sadie is doing an excellent job. She's so organized and never forgets anything. I bet they even brush their teeth in the morning and after lunch, knowing Sadie. And I'm positive Sadie has kept their clothes clean. Your kids are going to be just fine," Tommy assured her, squeezing her hand. She smiled appreciatively.

"So, tell me, are you up for some ice cream?" Tommy winked at her as she gave him a confused look. But before she could say anything, he scooped her up in his arms and glided down the hall.

"Where are we going?" Jude asked, as they stepped into the elevator.

"You'll see," he winked again as she rolled her eyes.

"Tommy! Please just tell me where we're going. I'm not up for surprises today. I really want to go back and lay down. I'm not in the mood to get eaten up by the press today," Jude whined, folding her arms across her chest as they made their way to Tommy's viper.

"Tell me, Harrison, how long has it been since you rode in my viper?" he asked, smirking.

"I'm in sweatpants and a t-shirt, spare me, please," she pleaded, as Tommy set her down in the passenger seat.

"I won't even make you get out of the car," Tommy promised, kissing Jude on the forehead before making his way to the driver side.

"Where are we going?" Jude demanded as soon as the engine revved to life.

"For a drive, just the two of us. No distractions and no interruptions," he explained.

"I have to be back before my appointment. And did you clear this with my doctor, because I have a feeling that he wouldn't approve of this," Jude asked skeptically.

"As a matter of fact I did and he said it would be good for you to get out of the hospital. And for the record, I knew about your appointment and we'll be back for that, cross my heart hope to die," he made the motions with his hands before he took off down the road.

"Fine," Jude snapped, looking out the window. She watched the hospital get farther and farther away until she couldn't make out the shape of the building.

The two sat in a comfortable silence, both of them enjoying the capability they had to enjoy the presence of one another without actually speaking to the other. It was a blessing in and of itself.

It wasn't long before Tommy broke the silence, prompting to Jude to let out a huge sigh, "So, do you have it all figured out?" Tommy asked simply.

"Do I have what figured out?" she spat, her words as cold as ice.

"Your life, what your going to do, what you want to do, all that stuff," he specified.

"No, all I know is that I'm moving back home. The kids seem to really like it here. And I miss it so much. But other than that, my life's prone to changes. I don't even know if I want to go back to singing and recording. I've written some new stuff, but I don't know if my heart's in it anymore. I want to just settle down and raise my kids without all the hassle of being in the music industry. I think I owe it to them to be the best mom I can be. After the last few months, I know they've got be getting tired of me letting them down. And, if I do want to go back to the recording studio, who do I go to? I mean, after my record deal in London ran out and I didn't sign another contract, I don't see how I can record. I don't have anyone to go to," Jude's words became whispers as she realized what she had just admitted to Tommy. Why did she feel so damn comfortable around him? Why was it that every time she was around him she just spoke her mind? Did he even have a right to know what she was thinking?

"Jude, I'm sure Darius will sign you, I mean, especially if I produce you again," Tommy suggested. Jude stared at him wide-eyed, her mouth dropping open.

"Do you realize what you just said? I'm never going back to Darius, never. I don't want to record with him! Do you remember how he treated me? Do you remember how he just dumped me? Yeah, I'll never go back to him, never," Jude repeated. She tried to shut Tommy out, making sure no more of her thoughts were revealed, but as soon as she looked into his eyes, the walls keeping Tommy out crumbled.

"Look, Darius did what was right at the time, okay? It was not anything personal. It was just business. If he knew you wanted to record again, he'd sign you, and he wouldn't think twice about it, especially if he knew you already had some new songs and I was willing to produce you," Tommy continued, pushing the ideas in Jude's head.

"Can we please just talk about something else? I'll think about it, okay?" Jude said, "So, what about your life? What do you plan to do? I know you're not planning on staying here. You were always one to take off whenever you felt like it," Jude said in a sing song voice.

"Oh, is that why you dumped me?" he asked jokingly.

"No, I didn't dump you, I just decided to live my life before settling down with someone," Jude said softly. She hadn't talked to Tommy about all this and was sorry she brought it up.

"Really, I hardly call being in London for what? A week? And then getting serious with another guy living your life, Harrison," Tommy's voice was borderline serious. Jude knew this conversation would hit a nerve.

"It wasn't like that," she protested, "I thought that if I got to know Henry and tried to love him, then I would forget about you," she choked on her words, realizing how cold they would sound.

"Forget about me? Why would you want to forget about me?" he spat, anger boiling in his veins.

"I was scared of loving you, Tommy. Every time I fell for you, I got hurt, really bad, and I didn't want that to happen again. I thought that if I met someone else and fell for them, that it would make it all better and I wouldn't think about you anymore. Well that worked for a millisecond. The moment his lips were on mine, I wished it was you kissing me, telling me you loved me. That's what I wished, which only made it that much easier to pretend and fool myself into loving him back. I didn't want to go back to you because I knew that we would only end up apart again and I didn't think my heart could take that," Jude finished, not daring to look into Tommy's eyes. Not that she needed to, she knew her words hurt him.

"Do you really believe that we couldn't have made it work? Really? Jude, I love you, nothing will ever change that," Tommy's eyes were dripping with tears when Jude glanced up at him. She instantly regretted telling him how she felt.

"Tommy, please, please don't do this," Jude pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks, too.

"I can't not do this, Jude! Don't you get it? Every time I look at you, I have this overwhelming urge to kiss you! I can't just be friends with you! I just can't!" he huffed, "And unless you tell me you don't love me back, I'm always going to be here, trying to win you back, because I can't lose you again, I won't let you get away like you did last time, I won't do it!"

"Tommy, I-" Jude started, not wanting to finish the rest. She didn't know if she could, "Tommy I don't…" she paused again, frustrated with herself for not being stronger, "I can't! I can't say I don't love you, okay?! Happy?" she whimpered.

"Then, I'm not going anywhere," Tommy muttered, turning the car around. They rode in peaceful silence, letting both of them cool down

"Do you still want ice cream? There's a little place up here that has killer mint chocolate chip," he smiled his best smile. Jude smiled back, happy the difficult conversation was over. It was fine with her if they pretended it never happened.

Jude watched Tommy as he walked into the shop and ordered their ice cream. She giggled to herself as she saw the waitress ask Tommy for an autograph. He signed a napkin before being handed the ice cream. She decided she would let it slide without a snide remark. After all, she'd given him all the coldness she thought he could handle in one day.

"Here you are, Ms. Quincy," he smirked. Jude glared at him as he sat back down in the car, handing her the ice cream cone.

"Don't call me that!" she snapped, "I'm not your wife!"

"Not yet," he winked as he backed out of the parking lot.

"Tommy, please, just give it a rest," Jude said in almost a whisper. All this conversation had made her tired.

"Relax, the lady at the counter thought you were my wife and I let it slide," he explained.

"You're a mess, Quincy," Jude joked, licking her ice cream cone.

"You're a pain, Harrison," he joked back. She was about to retaliate but decided to let it slide, thinking she would get her payback soon enough.

The rest of the ride back to the hospital was silent, each catching a glimpse at the other when they were turned away. Jude caught Tommy twice, and he caught her several times. It was like her eyes were glued to his overly handsome features.

When they finally arrived, Tommy refused to let Jude walk, scooping her back up in his arms. She fought the urge to reach up and stroke his freshly shaven cheek and instead folded her hands together.

"Well, Miss Quincy, here we are," he laughed at her disapproving look as he walked into the room and set her on her bed.

"So, I guess this is goodbye," Jude looked up at him, hoping he would just say goodbye and walk out. That was wishful thinking.

"Yeah, so I'll see you soon," he muttered as he reached down to kiss her forehead. She looked up at him the same time he was going for the kiss and instead of landing on her forehead, he found his lips on hers. After a few seconds, he pulled back smiling.

"Oops," he managed to get out between laughs.

"See ya, Quincy," Jude rolled her eyes as Tommy walked out of the room with a huge grin on his face. She laid back, realizing she had ten minutes before her meeting with her counselor and closed her eyes, vowing to only stay asleep for five minutes.

When she opened her eyes, she realized she had been asleep for ten minutes. She tried to get out of bed as fast as she could, only making things more difficult. She cried out, grasping her side, knowing what was underneath all her clothes. She stood up and made her way down the hall to the office. As she stepped inside, the counselor frowned at her, pointing to the couch.

"You're late," she sighed and shook her head as Jude made herself comfortable on the couch.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Wilson, I just got back from an outing and I had to lay my head down for a minute. I just lost track of time. I'll do better next time, promise," she smiled as she crossed her hands on her thighs.

"It's alright. So, tell me, how are you doing?"

"Better, I guess. I still hurt. A lot, and I'm worried sick about my kids, but other than that, I'm doing okay."

"Why are you worried about your kids?"

"I'm just not used to being away from them like this. I'm still not used to them going to bed without kissing me goodnight," she sighed as she wiped a few tears away from her face.

"Jude, remember what I told you about getting better. You have to worry about yourself and help yourself get better or you won't do anyone any good. You have to be healthy and happy to take care of your kids," Ms. Wilson explained for what seemed like the millionth time.

"I know."

"So, I hear from the doctors and specialists that your eating habits have begun to normalize. You haven't thrown up in almost two weeks. Are you happy about your improvements?"

"Of course. The better I do in here, the better I'll do on my own," she smiled, happy to hear the treatment was working. She hadn't had the urge to throw up in days, "Speaking of, I had ice cream today with a friend," Jude added.

"Really? And you didn't throw it up, I presume?"

"No, I didn't even want to. It tasted so good," Jude smiled, remembering her and Tommy's outing. Even if the conversation wasn't good, the time spent with Tommy was unforgettable.

"So, tell me about your outing today," she urged.

"I was with Tommy. We went for a drive just to get out of the hospital and he bought me some ice cream, that's all. We talked about some serious stuff, though. It was pretty hard."

"By serious stuff, do you mean talking to him about your bottled up feelings for him?" Dr. Wilson never did give up.

"Yeah, I told him how I felt and we're both admitting the same feelings for each other, but I don't think we'll ever be more than friends again," she sighed, finally hearing it coming out of her mouth made the truth sink in. It hurt more than she imagined it would. All of the sudden she started feeling a little dizzy, she lowered her head and shut her eyes, hoping that would make it go away.

"You okay, darling? Do you need something to drink?" Dr. Wilson asked, getting up and grabbing a bottled water, "here, drink this."

"Thanks," Jude mumbled. She took a sip but it didn't seem to help. She tried to stand up, but the dizziness knocked her back down on the couch. Hard. It hurt her bruised side and she cried out in pain. She started seeing three Dr. Wilsons all around the room, all three of them with the same concerned look on their faces. She tried to concentrate on just one, using up all her energy.

"Jude? Jude? Can you hear me?" the voices were fading out as she lost her sight of the counselor. And as if all the lights in the entire world were turned off, everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Courthouse worries

**Chapter 4: Courthouse worries**

Sorry, it took a while to write this chapter. I didn't know how I wanted to go, but I'm starting to figure it out. Expect some surprises in the upcoming chapters. I've decided to bring in some old characters to spice up the story. Hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

As Jude sat up, she noticed everyone's faces turn from worried to relieved.

"Jude! You're okay! I was so worried about you," Sadie exclaimed, pulling Jude into a tight hug.

"Sadie you're hurting me!" Jude groaned, her eyes widening with pain. Her sister immediately let go, releasing Jude from her tight embrace.

"Sorry," she mumbled before stepping back.

"Yeah, you had us all worried," Jamie pointed a finger at her, warning her to never do it again.

"You guys, I'm fine, really," Jude did her best to smile convincingly.

"Lord Squinty Frown over her actually let a few tears drop in front of everyone!" Spied laughed as he watched Tommy's cheeks redden. SME exchanged high fives as Tommy made his way to the side of the bed.

"I'm glad you're okay," he muttered, smiling for a short second. Jude smiled back as he gave her a sweet kiss on the forehead.

She let everyone pat her and tell her she was okay and allowed them all to converse for a while. When everyone finally settled down and Jude mustered up enough energy to speak above all of them, she shouted for all of them to be quiet.

"Listen, I would like to talk to Kwest for a minute," Jude requested. She waited while everyone said their goodbyes and filed out of the room.

"I'll bring the kids to see you," Sadie called as she walked out. When everyone was out of sight, Kwest cautiously made his way to the side of Jude's bed.

"What's this all about?" he asked sweetly.

"I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life," Jude said simply. She smiled, showing her gratitude.

"Ah, it was nothing, you know I'd do anything for you," Kwest chuckled as he ran a hand down Jude's arm, "You're like my little sister. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you." Jude relished in his last sentence before speaking again.

"Kwest, can I ask you something… about Tommy?" Jude hesitated on the last words, not sure what Kwest's reaction was going to be.

"What do you wanna know?" Kwest replied, sitting on the chair beside Jude's bed. She immediately relaxed at his friendly response.

"Do you think that if I gave him another chance that we'd make it? Do you think there's a chance he'd hurt me again?" tears formed in Jude's eyes as she asked the question. She hated herself for doubting Tommy.

"All I can say is that ever since he met you, he hasn't been the Lil Tommy Q I used to know. He's been… different, like he actually cares about something in this world other than himself. I know he truly loves you Jude, but I honestly don't know if he can keep from hurting you again," Kwest explained. He looked at Jude with sympathy.

"Thanks. That's all I needed to know," she whispered, looking away. She didn't want Kwest to see the disappointment in her eyes. They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, glancing at each other as often as possible. Jude was worried about Kwest's response. She wasn't sure if he was warning her to stay away from Tommy or telling her give him another chance. Jude didn't even notice when Kwest got up to leave, and instead continued wrapping herself in her thoughts.

Jude was snapped out of her deep thoughts when she heard the familiar voices of her kids echo through the hall. Her facial expression visably softened as she heard them get closer and sat up in her bed, anticipation rising in her body.

"Guys! Wait for me!" Sadie shouted, letting out a huge sigh. Jude laughed as she heard her sister's heels tap on the hall tiles.

"MOMMY!" they all screamed at once. One by one they climbed on the bed, making their way to Jude's open arms.

"Hey guys!" Jude grinned as her arms wrapped around them. She missed doing this all the time, "Have you guys been good for Aunt Sadie?" Jude asked after the girls settled down.

"Well, Andrea and Ali wouldn't go to bed last night!" Alexa tattled, "Aunt Sadie didn't read us the right book. And I tried to tell them it was okay, but they wouldn't go to bed!" Jude laughed, glaring playfully at Ali and Andrea.

As the four continued laughing, Sadie walked in, glaring at the girls. She smiled, though, at Jude with the "terrible three."

"Hey, glad they're being good or you!" Sadie joked. She collapsed in the chair by the bed and proceeded to close her eyes. Jude could see the exhaustion written all over her body.

"Sadie, you feeling okay? Have you slept any lately?" Jude gave her sister a concerned look.

"Jude, don't worry about me, I'm supposed to the one worrying about you," Sadie warned, raising one eyebrow.

"Why don't you go home and get some rest," Jude suggested, ignoring Sadie's warning, "I'm strong enough to take care of the kids for while. I would love to have some quality time with them," she insisted.

"Are you sure? I mean, I'll just be at home, so you can call me anytime, don't hesitate. Oh! Maybe I'll get Jamie to come in and check on you. I think he'll be more than willing. But, maybe he's busy. I know! SME would love to come see your kids! Or, Tommy! He'd come at the drop of a hat. I'm sure I can get one of them to come and…"

"Sadie, just go home," Jude demanded laughing, "I'll call someone to come pick them up and take them home later. I'll be okay, I promise."

Sadie quickly hugged her sister goodbye and darted out the door. Jude smiled as she was thankful for Sadie's hasty exit. She needed all the rest she could get.

"So, what do you guys want to do?" she asked, as the girls continued coloring at the nearby table.

"I don't know," Alexa mumbled. She stopped coloring when she saw her mom get out of bed and start to get dressed, "Mommy, do you need me to tie your laces?"

"No, I got it," she managed to say. It hurt, she had to admit, but it wasn't going to get better with her just lying in bed. She needed to get up and move around.

"Mommy, where are we going?" Ali asked in her sweetest voice.

"I thought we would take a walk. There's a really nice park just outside the hospital," Jude smiled, remembering the swing. They would love it there.

"Are there swings?" Andrea asked hopefully.

"Yes, there's a big swing and it's attached to a tree! You guys will love it!" she exclaimed, standing up. She stretched her sides out a little, especially the hurt one, and began to walk toward the bathroom. She smiled to herself as the heard little pitter patter behind her.

"Can we brush our hair, too, mommy?" Alexa asked, grabbing Jude's brush.

"Sure," she chuckled, grabbing the stick of deodorant. She dabbed on a little make up and brushed her teeth before she threw her hair up in a pony tail.

"Mommy, you look really pretty," Andrea said softly. Jude had noticed in the mirror that the bruises on her face were almost gone and the little bit of make up she had put on made them disappear.

"Thanks, now let's get going!" she threw her hands up in excitement and grabbed Ali and Andrea's hands. Alexa grabbed Andrea's and together, all four of them walked out of the room and headed down the hall.

They got off the elevator and were headed towards the front door when they were stopped by Jude's doctor.

"Jude, I don't know if you should be taking a walk, it might cause you to collapse again. I know it wasn't anything serious, but I want to try to avoid it," the doctor explained catching Jude before she walked out the door.

"Look, doc, I need the fresh air and I don't think my kids want to see me in a hospital bed when they come to visit me, so I'm going to take them to the big swing and let them play. They deserve it," Jude replied firmly, her hands now on her hips.

"Oh please, please let mommy come swing with us!" Alexa pleaded, tugging on the doctor's scrubs.

"Alright, but don't stay out there for long, you have an appointment later this afternoon. Don't be late!" he called as he walked off. Jude smiled, happy she was going to get to spend some time with her kids. All by herself.

"So, what do you guys think about grabbing some ice cream after we finish our walk?" Jude asked, pointing to the cart of ice cream in the middle of the park. They had just come from the big swing and all four of them were sweating. She looked down at the girls and saw their exhaustion.

"Can we get some now? I'm hot," Ali whined, pulling on Jude's hand.

"Alright, but this is all you get. Aunt Sadie will kill me if I send you back to her house wired up on sugar," Jude warned, giving all of them a playful glare.

They walked up the ice cream stand and ordered four chocolate ice cream cones. Jude was grateful they decided to stop now because her tummy was grumbling and she was afraid of collapsing in the park with her kids.

"Mommy, can we do this again? I like taking walks with you. You don't go too fast. Kwest lets us come on his morning jogs and he tries to make us keep up. And then he laughs when we can't! We're only five and four!" Alexa shook her head, making Jude burst out laughing.

"Honey, you do know you don't have to go with him, right? He's just trying to be nice," Jude managed to say in between laughs.

"I don't want to hurt his feelings, obviously he wants us to go," Alexa insisted, taking a big lick of her ice cream.

"Well, in that case, just politely tell him you can't keep up and maybe he'll stop asking you to go with him," Jude suggested.

"Mommy, who's that?" Ali interrupted, looking over to a lady walking towards them.

"I'm not sure, let me go see," Jude gave her ice cream one last lick before handing it over to Alexa, instructing all three of them to stay on the bench.

She approached the lady, shielding the sun from her eyes so she could get a good look at her.

"Hey, my kids and I were just wondering why you seem to be walking towards us," Jude said politely, "Is there something wrong?"

"Ma'am, I really hate to do this to you, but I'm going to have to take your kids. I'm with the department of social services and I have been instructed to put you kids in foster care for the moment," she sighed sadly as she walked over the kids. Jude raced in front of her, blocking her way.

"You must have the wrong person! I haven't done anything to my kids! We were just eating ice cream! You can't take them! I'm not going to let you!" She screamed. Everyone at the parked turned at stared at the scene playing out before them.

"Ma'am, it's nothing personal, I'm sure you'll get them back when all this is settled in court, but…"

"Court? What do you mean court? Who's fighting me for my kids?" Jude demanded.

"From what I understand, your husband is trying to get some charges dropped and has filed for a custody hearing," she explained. She saw the look of hurt in Jude's eyes and it broke her heart that she had to take her kids. But it was orders and it was her job.

"What? He's going to jail! He's never going to touch me or my kids again!" Jude cried, running over to her kids. She realized it would be better to just let the woman have her kids, it would set a good example and most importantly, it would keep the kids calm. She squatted down and huddled her kids around her, grasping them tightly.

"Guys, I love you, no matter what happens, okay?" Jude whispered. All their faces turned from confused to sad as they all began to cry.

"Mommy, why are you saying that? What's wrong?" Ali's shaky voice asked.

"You guys are gonna have to go with this nice lady. But don't worry, I'll be back to get you before you know it, okay?" Jude smiled through her tears. She didn't want her kids to be more upset than they already were. She grabbed their hands and led them to the car waiting for them in the hospital parking lot. The walk seemed too short. She wanted more time with her kids, to reassure them that everything was going to be okay. She wanted to turn around and walk away with them, and never let them out of her sight again.

She helped them into the car, handing them her star ring, "You guys hold on to this and when I see you again, I'll get it back, okay?" she smiled. This was her way of telling her kids that she would see them soon. She had to give them something to hold on to.

"Mommy, please don't go!" Alexa cried, snaking her arms around her mother's neck.

"Honey, I have to, but I promise I'll come back to get you, okay?" Jude held back tears as she tore apart from the grips of her three children.

"Have you said your goodbyes Miss Harrison?" the lady asked.

"Yes. You take good care of them, understand? If anything happens to my kids, I won't be able to live through it," Jude hissed, glaring at the lady as she got in the car. Jude backed up and watched as they drove off, all of them waving to each other until she couldn't see them anymore.

She took one last look down the road, both her hands shielding the sun. When the realization hit her that her kids were gone and possibly not coming back, she started to sob. And right there, in the middle of the parking lot, she collapsed. But this time, instead of everything going black, the aweful images of her children crying kept replaying like a slide show on a computer. She laid down, curled up in a ball as she slowly lost consciousness and drifted off into a deep sleep.

It wasn't long before one of the nurses found her frail body in the parking lot. She was taken to the emergency room and quickly hauled back to her hospital bed on the fourth floor. The blurs of images she remembered were added to the slide show playing in her head. She couldn't stop the images from coming and it hurt bad seeing them over and over again.

She lay there, almost lifeless as she thought of her kids being hauled off in that old beat up car. She couldn't get their disheveled and scared expressions out of her head. She turned and faced the wall, not hearing the footsteps walk into her room.

"Oh, Jude honey, what's wrong?" Sadie rushed over to her sister's side and gathered her up.

"They took them! They didn't even say where! And they just took them! There was nothing I could do about it! Sadie he's going after them! He wants them back! And I'm not sure if I'll get to see them ever again!" Jude cried, pulling Sadie closer to her.

"What?! Who took your kids Jude, who?" Sadie demanded.

"Social services. They said there was a custody dispute and until it was settled, they had to take my kids!" Jude's high pitched squeals showed Sadie how upset she was.

"Jude, we'll get them back, don't worry," Sadie whispered. She repositioned to where she was laying right next to Jude. Their hands joined and Sadie vowed never to let go, at least for a long while.

"Jude, I was just stopping by to see how you…" Tommy stopped when he saw Sadie laying beside her.

"Tommy? Is that you?" Jude sat up and her face showed the smallest of smiles as she got up and attempted to run into Tommy's arms. He seemed to be the only one that could make her feel safe and reassured.

"Jude, let me come to you," Tommy rushed over to where Jude had fallen and picked her up. She was so happy to be in his arms. She burrowed her head deeper in his shirt and smiled as his scent tickled her nose. He could make her forget everything.

"Tommy, they took my kids," she whispered, reality rushing back to her.

"They what!" he screamed, almost dropping Jude.

"They took them away from me," she said a little louder.

"Sadie?" he asked, expecting an answer.

"Henry's going after custody and until it's settled, they were put in foster care," Sadie explained.

"But Alexa's mine! He can't have her! Or the twins! He can't take them!" He insisted, looking from Sadie to Jude.

"Listen, I didn't put your name on the birth certificate. I put his because he told me it was for the best," she whispered, ashamed of her past actions.

"So what you're saying is as far as the law goes, he can fight for her as much as he wants!" he realized the consequences of Jude's thoughtless actions.

"Tommy, I'm so sorry, please, please don't be mad at me," she whispered, hoping he wouldn't let go of her.

"Jude, it's alright. We'll get your kids back, don't worry," he soothed her doubts and fears with those simple words.

Jude sat comfortably in Tommy's arms, thankful for the peaceful silence that surrounded them. As soon as Tommy kicked Sadie out, he had made his way to Jude's bed, making sure she was as comfortable as possible.

The two sat there for a long while, staring out the window, muttering simple one syllable words to passing nurses and doctors, assuring them they were both okay. Both of their minds were on hyperdrive, producing ten times more emotions than they could possibly feel at once.

Jude wondered if Tommy was mad about the birth certificate thing, especially now. She wondered if her kids were okay, and thought about everything she would do for them when they were safely back in her arms again. She felt guilty, though when thoughts of Tommy filled her mind, especially when he caressed her back or touched her arms. She felt like she was cheating the kids for thinking about something other than them while they were away, probably crying their eyes out wondering when they were going to see their mommy again. But, still, through all that guilt and pain, she managed to find pleasure thinking about Tommy and how maybe one day they could actually be together, without any complications. The major one right now was that she wasn't quite sure where she stood with him. They both obviously had feelings for one another, but she didn't know if she could trust anyone again. After the way Henry treated her, she wasn't sure she could trust another man, especially with her body. She felt fragile, like anyone who touched her in the wrong way would break her and she hated it. Every time someone gave her a hug, or just touched her skin, she felt shivers go up and down her spine, remembering the way Henry had treated her that night.

Tommy sat, frustrated with the situation. More than anything, he wanted to kill Henry for taking advantage of Jude's situation at the time of Alexa's birth. He also wanted to kill him for trying to take Jude's kids away. Anyone who looked at her with her kids knew that they were her life, her everything. How could someone be so heartless and want to take that away from her? It was like taking the oxygen out of the air she breathed and suffocating her. He squeezed tighter, letting Jude know he was there for her, as she seemed lost in thought, too. He wondered what Henry could have done to break Jude's spirit like he had. She was doing okay, she was going to get better. Until he decided he was going to attempt to get the charges dropped and take custody of their kids. Correction, her kids. They were no longer his. He lost that right when he decided to take his anger out on the one person that mattered to him, Jude. He wasn't going to let that SOB get away with anything, even if that meant the alternative: death. He would kill to keep Jude happy with her kids, even if it meant he had to spend the rest of his life behind bars. He hoped one day Jude could learn to trust again, let him back into her life. He wished there was some way to communicate that to her. But, what was most important was that someway, somehow, she got her kids back. That, he knew, would make her the happiest.

"Jude? Are you okay? You haven't said a word in hours," Tommy cooed, stroking her hair. Here they come, the inevitable thoughts of Tommy. She closed her eyes and relished in his touch as his image filled her mind.

"You know how to make it all better," she whispered, letting out a moan.

"Really now?" he smirked, still stroking her blond locks.

"Tommy, you're the only person I know that could make it better. You're the only person I know that can make me forget everything and it scares me," she continued, her eyes still closed and relaxed.

"I'm sorry I'm so scary," he joked, "I could try to smile more often. Maybe that'll soften my look a little bit."

Jude reluctantly laughed, thinking of her kids. She knew they weren't laughing right now. They were crying, not knowing when or even if they were coming home.

"Tommy, I can't do this right now, I feel so guilty. I mean, my kids are out there, waiting for me to come get them and I'm sitting here in your arms laughing at a joke you just cracked," she opened her eyes and turned to face Tommy, "Ow! Ow! I need to sit back down!" she squealed, grabbing her side with her hands.

"Okay! Okay, calm down, Harrison," he scooped her up and gently placed her in the bed, her pain immediately residing. She smiled appreciatively and closed her eyes again.

"Tommy, you're so great, you know that? I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the only friend I know that would stay here all night if I asked you to," she said, caressing Tommy's hand in gratitude.

"Anything for my girl," he winked at her as he went to sit in the chair.

"No! Don't! Please, just hold me," she pleaded. She fought the urge to cry as Tommy let out a sigh.

"Alright, but only because I love you," he smirked at his comment. Jude was about to open her mouth, but let it slide. What was wrong with a friend telling another friend that they loved them? Tommy could love her with actually be in love with her, right?

"Thanks," she whispered.

"So, you wanna talk about it?" Tommy asked.

"Not really," she replied, doing her best to hold back the tears that were developing in her eyes. She wanted so much to go back and do everything differently. If she would have stayed and married Tommy, these would be their kids and she wouldn't be sitting in a hospital bed with bruises from a beating that almost killed her. Instead, she'd be sitting at her house with Tommy's arms wrapped around her as they read their kids nighttime stories. But instead, she's sitting in a hospital bed, not even sure where her kids were. The only thing that seemed right was Tommy's arms around her, telling her that he wasn't going anywhere, hopefully.

Two days later…

Jude awoke to the sound of her cell phone ringing. She ignored it the first few times, but it's persistence forced her to get out of bed and check it. 5 new text messages, the screen read. She sighed and opened the first one:

_Be ready by 10_

the second one…

_I'm picking you up, just so you know_

The third one…

_Jude, don't fight me on this, okay? Just be ready._

The forth one…

_Oh, and try not to wear your pajamas. Thanks._

And finally the fifth one…

_And by the way, good morning gorgeous._

Jude laughed inwardly as she read the last one. Yep, that message definitely crossed the line between friends, but she didn't care. She was just glad someone in this messed up world thought she was gorgeous.

"Jude?" she heard the nurse call. Jude got up and skipped to the door, opening it before the nurse had a chance to knock.

"Hey Natalie! Good morning!" she chirped, skipping back to her bed.

"What put you in such a good mood?" Natalie asked, shocked at Jude's reaction to her usual morning visit. Usually she was quite the grouch, ignoring everything and everyone until someone brought her coffee.

"Oh nothing," she teased, knowing Natalie was dying to find out.

"Really? Come on, tell me, who is he?" Natalie asked, her head shaking. Girls were so predictable.

"Tommy, you know the one I told you about? He's taking me out today. I think he thinks it's a date, but I wouldn't go that far. He'll be lucky if I put make up on this morning," Jude finished, trying to cover up her obvious affection for Tom Quincy.

"Girl, that doesn't work on me. I know you're head over heels in love with him. I know that," Natalie gave Jude the all knowing look, which Jude could not argue with. After all, Natalie was in her forties.

"Well, whatever, I'm going to get dressed," she mumbled, pulling on her good jeans. The tightness hurt her bruises a little, but she wanted to impress Tommy, show her the Jude everyone was used to.

When she finally managed to get her shirt on, she looked at her reflection in the nearby mirror and nodded approvingly. The outfit covered all the right places, only letting the un-bruised skin show. She dabbed on a little make up and perfected her already fluffy curls.

Natalie, after watching Jude try on outfit after outfit, left with a look on her face, like she was silently warning Jude not to fall to hard for the guy she was about to see. But Jude ignored it and continued her quest for the perfect outfit.

As she struggled to tie her laces, she heard her door open slightly and listened to the soft step of Tommy. She knew his step like she knew the chords to her songs, "Jude, you ready?" Tommy asked, glancing down at a struggling Jude. She cursed under her breath, giving up on the laces.

"Yeah, it's okay with you if my laces aren't tied, right?" she asked, pointing at her shoes.

Tommy let out a burst of laughter before picking Jude up and gently setting her on the bed, her feet dangling off the side, "I'll tie them for you."

"Thanks," she mumbled, a bit embarrassed that she couldn't tie her own shoe. She blamed it on the tightness of her jeans and jumped off the bed. She winced when her jeans dug into her side upon her landing, causing Tommy to look up in concern.

"Everything alright? You sure you're up to this?" Tommy asked, instinctively grabbing Jude's wobbling arm.

"Yeah, I need to get out of this stinky, stuffy room before I explode!" Jude exaggerated. She paused before walking out the door, admiring Tommy for being with her throughout this whole thing. He was amazing for taking her on like this, especially after she dumped him flat on his but five years earlier.

"Well, thank goodness for me then because I've got a plan," he smiled mischievously as he pulled Jude toward the elevator.

"Are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to be surprised?" Jude asked, already knowing the answer.

"Sorry, Harrison, but it's a surprise. Can't even give you a hint," he frowned apologetically before stepping into the elevator, tagging Jude behind him.

"Not so fast! My side is still killing me!" she whined, leaning on Tommy's side for support.

"Sorry, I'll do better, promise," he muttered, seriousness enveloping him.

"Tommy, don't look so sad, I'll be better soon, promise," she winked at him before stepping off the elevator.

"I know, but I feel like an insensitive jerk when I do things like that. It's just I forget that you're hurt. You know, you do such a good job of hiding it from the world," a hint of sarcasm in his voice told Jude he was trying to lighten the mood.

"Sorry, would you like me to wear a tank top so the whole world can see my shame?" she laughed at her words as she and Tommy walked to his car hand in hand.

They approached the parking lot, immediately noticing someone leaning on the car. As they got closer, she realized he was carrying a briefcase and when he saw they were coming, he opened it and grabbed a paper, preparing it for delivery.

"Who are you?" Tommy asked coldly, pulling Jude closer.

"Relax man, I'm here to serve your lady here with court papers. She's expected there in a few days to battle her so called husband over a violent domestic dispute," the man explained, quickly handing over the papers.

"Domestic dispute? The guy almost beats me to death and you people are calling it a domestic dispute? Not to mention you took my kids away! You took them and never even told me where! Do you know how that makes a mother feel, not knowing where her kids are, forced to live her life until she has a chance at finding them again?" Jude screamed. In a moment, the good mood she had come to that morning vanished. She felt tears hot on her cheek and tried to wipe them away as she felt everything come crashing down around her. This day was supposed to be about getting back out in the world with Tommy by her side, helping her. This was not supposed to be the day she would have to face it all again. She wasn't prepared for all this, not yet.

"Jude, it's okay, don't take this out on the man, he's just the messenger," Tommy whispered in her ear, instantly soothing her anger. She loved, and hated the power he had over her. Loved it because it prevented her from doing things she would regret, but hated it because she didn't always want to listen to it. Sometimes she just wanted to lose control and do the bad things she would regret, just so she would have some mistakes to look back on and learn from.

"Well, thank you for the papers," she spat, her arms folded across her chest.

As the man walked away, Jude climbed in the car and slammed the door. Tommy quickly followed, knowing a full blown rant was in the making.

"You okay?" and as soon as his mouth shut, he regretted speaking those two words.

"Do you think I'm okay? The man just handed me papers stating I have to be in court or I might lose my kids and the battle I'm fighting with the bastard that almost beat me to death, so no, Tommy, to answer your question I'm not okay!" she shouted, instantly regretting yelling at him.

"Sorry, why don't we just go somewhere and talk about all this, okay?" Tommy suggested. She acknowledged his statement with a quick nod. And that was that. The rest of the way to wherever they seemed to be going was silent.

Five days later…

Jude took a deep breath before tightly clamping a hand around Tommy's muscular arms. She leaned close to him for both physical and emotional support, and started climbing what seemed like never-ending stairs to the big brown wooden courthouse doors.

"You're going to do great, I know you will," Tommy whispered into her ear as she took the first few steps.

"You really think so? You don't think I'll mess up and fall apart, right there on the stand, making myself look like an idiot who doesn't deserve to get her kids back?" she was rambling again and Tommy heard the nervousness in her words as she spoke.

"Jude, don't you worry about a thing. You're smart and you're strong. You'll get your kids back and put that bastard behind bars, don't you worry, okay?" Tommy's voice was a little louder, more demanding, as he wanted to get his point across clearly before walking into the courtroom.

"If you say so," she managed a half smile before reaching the top of the stairs. Another deep breath and she was in the courthouse, standing in front of the doors to the courtroom that awaited her. She thought about the events that would follow when she opened those doors. It would shape her future, judge her past and live in her present. All things she was deathly afraid of. But with Tommy by her side, muttering all those encouraging words, she decided to bite the bullet as she pushed the doors open in front of her and walked in.

So, that's it for this chapter, please review and tell me what you think. I'm open to any suggestions. You guys that review is what keeps me going, so please continue!!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Never Let you Go

**Chapter 5: Never Let you Go**

Hey, sorry it took so long for this chapter, but some of the writing was really hard to do and I couldn't figure out where I wanted to go with the storyline. So please tell me what you think and if you have any ideas, let me know. I love to get feedback, it encourages me to write more!!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

Jude walked cautiously into the silent courtroom feeling all eyes gravitate toward her shaky figure. She could hear Tommy's pace quickening as soon as she become out if his grasp. She smiled, thinking how cute it was that he was so protective of her. But her thoughts vanished guiltily when she remembered the reason he was even accompanying her here in the first place: her kids.

She took her seat next to her lawyer quickly and glanced back to make sure Tommy had made it to his chair. She managed a weak smile for him to assure him she was okay. He smiled back, motioning for her to turn back around. As she did, her eyes were met with the judge who proceeded into the courtroom. Jude turned away quickly, intimidated by the woman's fierce eyes. It felt like she was drilling holes in Jude's head with lasers.

She briefly closed her eyes, trying to drown out all self doubts. The past week had been a tough one for Jude, beginning with the separation from her kids. And just as she thought it might get better, she was served with court papers and immediately got a lawyer with Tommy's help. She hadn't slept for days, trying to mentally prepare herself for all the questions she'd be asked today.

"Court is now in session," Jude heard a voice say. She shot up in her seat, holding in a cry of pain as she did so. The wooden chairs were uncomfortable against Jude's sore body.

"Jude?" Frank whispered. Over the course of three days, Frank had become overly protective of Jude, him being her niece and everything. As her lawyer, she admired him and respected him, but as an uncle, he was a little annoying at times. She sighed to herself, knowing what he wanted to hear.

"I'm ready, I promise," she whispered, smiling weakly. She needed to be strong and part of that was putting on a smile during the worst situations.

"At this time, we'd like to call Jude Harrison to the stand," Jude's eyes jerked away from her fingernails she was picking and searched the room for the person who'd called her. She spotted Henry's lawyer sitting confidently, smirking at Jude. She gave her best glare and stood up, momentarily forgetting her bruises and sores. She moaned and let out a small cry before collapsing in the chair again. Whispers were heard all over the courtroom and Jude drowned them out, all out except one.

"Jude, are you okay?" Tommy asked, immediately getting up from his seat to help Jude. He grabbed both her hands and squeezed, giving her a concerned look.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but you need to go sit down so I can go up to the stand," she whispered, noticing everyone's questionable stares, especially Henry's.

"Right," his cheeks were flushed with color as he snuck back into the vacant seat behind Jude.

"Jude, let me help you up," Frank insisted, supporting Jude's arms as she rose to her feet. She smiled appreciatively before heading toward the stand. Jude sat down slowly, hoping the stings of pain would subside. Her mind was on overdrive as she thought about every possible question, waiting for them to be asked.

A few hours later…

Tommy glanced over at Jude, who was sitting on a nearby bench, and tried to hold his chuckles. He knew the situation was bad, but he couldn't help but think how adorable she was all flustered and panicked. He sighed, feeling the vibrations of her heavy tapping feet, and immediately thought of Thumper on Bambi. He thought of going over to her, but decided she needed her space, only to change his mind a moment later when he saw the desperation in her face. He made his way to the bench, sitting down beside her, their bottoms touching.

"Ugh! Tommy, what's taking them so long?" Jude whimpered, looking up at Tommy. Her eyes were bigger than normal, fear practically written all over them.

"I don't know," he muttered, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. It didn't take much to pull her closer to him, as she willing laid her head on his chest.

"Is it really that complicated? I mean, are they seriously considering that I made it all up and beat myself? I know I may not be the best role model in the world, and I admit I can be a little crazy sometimes, but who would beat themselves like that? I was almost dead when I made it to the hospital!" Jude vented. Tommy could see her hands balled up in fists, ready to knock someone out. Tears were spilling out of her eyes like buckets. Her words had made him flinch and he tried to block the surge of images of Jude's lifeless body in a hospital bed filling in his brain.

"Jude, it's okay, don't worry about it. There's always some jackass who wants to argue the situation. It's inevitable. But they always give in, knowing that the rest of the jury was right. Trust me, I know. I've had jury duty before, I know how some people can be," Tommy assured her. She looked in his eyes, making sure he was telling the truth and was satisfied to see concern and assurance in his eyes. She snuggled deeper in to Tommy's embrace, not willing him to let go. He grinned ear to ear, not helping how this made him feel. He rested his head atop hers and listened to her breathing regulate.

As she drifted off into sleep, Jude couldn't help but think how safe she felt in Tommy's arms. She could sleep through anything with him by her side, hugging her and keeping her close. She remembered this feeling all too well and tried to ignore the sensation she felt when she felt his hot breath on her neck.

Tommy's watchful gaze on Jude was broken when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Frank running frantically toward him. He motioned for him to be quiet and pointed to the sleeping Jude.

"Tommy, they want us back in court! They have a verdict," Frank blurted out breathlessly. Tommy's whole body filled with nervousness and anticipation. Jude must have felt him stiffen because moments later, she was trying to wake up, her hands rubbing her eyes like she was a little girl. She stayed put where she was, not wanting to leave Tommy's touch.

Jude immediately noticed their eyes intently set on her and her body stiffened next to Tommy's, "What's going on?"

"Jude, they've reached a decision," Tommy explained, hugging her fragile frame. He had the urge to squeeze her a little more for assurance, but fought it when he remembered her soreness and the bastard that made her like this. It was like she was a porcelain doll that was so valuable that every touch had to be planned and careful.

Jude looked at Tommy, fear dancing in her eyes. He fought the urge to kiss her and instead pulled her up in a standing position, "Tommy, tell me everything's gonna be alright," she squeaked, choking back sobs. They threatened to come out if she said another word.

"Jude, everything's going to be more than alright. It's going to great," he assured her, a sparkle in his eyes. With those words said, he led her to her seat in the courtroom and helped her sit down before making his way to his chair.

As soon as everyone was situated, the jury filed in, taking their seats. Jude tried to read their faces, but all of them seemed to be emotionless. She looked over to Frank and grabbed his hand, wishing it was Tommy's. His hand was shaky and wasn't reassuring like Tommy's touch. But she held on as all the possible scenarios played out in her mind.

She could be accused of lying, which would set Henry free and would spark a never-ending custody battle. Or he could be convicted of assault and attempted murder and be put in jail for a very long time. In that case, she would immediately get her kids back, as there was no one else who was fighting for them. She preferred the latter and hoped the jury did too.

An hour later…

Jude was practically dancing in her seat on the ride to the Foster Care home her kids were placed in. She hoped the people were nice and loving and caring to her kids. Tommy was in the driver's seat, escorting her to the house, as he didn't think she should drive in her current 'giddy' condition.

When they pulled up, Jude's body was out of the car before Tommy had it in park. She practically ran to the front door, tripping over herself in her high heels, but nevertheless, making it to the doorbell. She rang over and over until Tommy put her hand in his, begging her to have a little patience.

A friendly woman smiled warmly as she opened the door and motioned for her to come in, "So you must be the famous Jude!"

"Uh, yeah," she smiled, craning her neck as she tried to catch a glimpse of her kids.

"Well, no use in stalling, let me go find your little ones."

"No, it's okay, I will!" Jude smiled and ran out of the room, following the voices she heard coming from the bedrooms. She peered in and saw that they had been staying in a very nicely furnished bedroom with lots of toys and was grateful that they had such great foster parents. Her attention focused on the little girls and tears filled her eyes.

"Aw you guys!" Jude cried, running to her kids. They immediately looked up from whatever they were coloring and ran to Jude.

"Momeeeeee!!" They screamed, grasping Jude's neck. She smiled through her tears, kissing each of them on the forehead over and over. She was never going to let go of her kids, ever again.

"So, I see you found your mommy," Tommy smirked standing at the doorway, watching Jude with her kids. They seemed so right with her, so at home in Jude's arms.

"Mommy, promise you'll never let that lady take us again," Alexa pleaded, sitting on Jude's lap.

"I will _never_ let anyone take you girls away from me again, you understand? Under no circumstance will you ever leave my care forcefully," she looked at all of them sternly, hoping they would understand her implications.

"Mommy, who's that?" Ali asked, pointing a shaking finger at Tommy.

"Oh, you guys remember him, don't you? He's the guy that stopped by to see mommy when we first got to town," Jude smiled and assured the girls he was a friend, "Tommy's been helping mommy out a lot lately and I really like him for that."

"Well I like him, too," Andrea smiled brightly and stuck a hand out to Tommy. He took it in his and kissed the top of her hand like a princess.

"Mommy, is he your prince?" Alexa asked, noticing the gesture.

"Well, I'm not so sure I'd call him a…"

"Because he acts like one. The only other guys I've seen do that is in the movies we watch where the prince does that to the princess," Alexa explained, interrupting Jude's statement.

"Well, guys, we better get out of here, okay? I think Tommy has plans for us Harrison women!" Jude exclaimed, attempting to get off the floor. She sighed, frustrated with herself, but soon gave in to Tommy's help as he gently lifted her off the floor and placed her back on her feet.

"Thanks," she mumbled, heading for the door, where three giggling girls waited for her.

On their way out, Alexa tugged on her mom, beckoning her to turn her ear toward her, "I think he has a crush on you, mommy. He's looking at you funny," Alexa giggled at the statement, making Jude giggle, too. She missed the little moments like this with her kids, sharing things with them that the whole rest of the world didn't know.

As they headed out, Jude thanked the woman and her husband for keeping her girls. The woman nodded, a smile always across her face, but as she looked back from the car, Jude noticed shining tears glistening on the woman's cheeks. She felt good that her kids had been well taken care of, but felt bad for the woman because she got so attached.

"Jude? You okay?" You've been silent, in your own little world," Tommy asked. She turned toward him, remembering everything he'd done for her since she'd returned. That made her smile, this time for real.

"Tommy, I don't know how to thank you for what you did for me," she said, closing her eyes.

"Oh, it was nothing. The drive over here wasn't that bad," he smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

"No, I mean for everything you've done since I got back. All you've been is nice to me, even after what I did to…" Jude couldn't manage the rest. Tears were pouring out of her eyes as she remembered all the awful things he must have gone through when she left. He was going to marry her and she threw it away to live her life in London. But all that'd really gotten her was a failed marriage and her kids almost taken away from her for good.

"Jude, I'm past that, really. I just want to be here for you, right now, and whenever you need me," Tommy's voice soothed her worries as she relaxed in the passenger seat. But she couldn't get to sleep and checked to make sure the girls were still there, that this wasn't just one big dream and she'd wake up, still without her kids. She smiled contentedly when she saw the three of them, peacefully sleeping in the back seat.

"Tommy, they're so perfect. What did I do to deserve them?" She whispered, vowing to not let any tears escape.

"Jude, you're perfect. Where do you think they got it from?" his face had a half grin on it when she turned to look at him, making her smile too. Why did everything he said have to be so damn sexy? Just the way his voice echoed through the car made her insides tingle.

"Stop it, Quincy," she smiled wryly, warning him to quit being so nice.

The rest of the ride to Sadie's house was silent, Jude knowing she'd have to say goodbye to her kids and go back to the depressing hospital. But at least she could make Tommy stay with her and maybe convince him to bring her dinner.

"Mommy," a groggy voice from the back said. Jude's head spun around, glancing over every face, making sure they were alright. She stopped when she saw Andrea's, making a sour expression.

"What's wrong honey?" Jude's voice cooed, her expression immediately soften.

"Can you stay and read us our nighttime story, just this once?" Andrea's eyes were pleading. She couldn't say no to that one.

"Okay, but only if you promise to be good for Aunt Sadie the rest of the time you're here," Jude smiled and playfully pointed a finger at her.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," and with those three little words, Jude's tears started coming. She took Andrea's hand in hers.

"I love you too, more than you'll ever know," Jude smiled, her words wavering at the end as she choked on the few sobs she was holding back. God she missed those girls.

By the time they pulled up to the house, all the girls had woken up. They were particularly chatty and had the urge to tell Jude all about their stay with the Jacksons.

"And mommy, guess what?" Andrea said excitedly.

"What?" Jude exclaimed, trying her best to return the enthusiasm.

"Ms. Jackson baked us cookies, just like we did at home, but yours and Aunt Sadie's are better," her expression momentarily became sad, but as soon as Alexa and Ali started talking again, Andrea's expression was happy again. Jude made a note to talk to Andrea later about what was bothering her.

"Hey! Glad you made it!" Aunt Sadie's arms were open wide and the girls ran to her, and Jude had to admit, it was nice that her kids felt so comfortable with her sister. It made her feel better about leaving them here.

"Hey sis," Jude smiled brightly and gave her sister a hug. It felt good to be here, all of the court battles behind them.

"Hey! I'm so sorry I couldn't make it this morning," Sadie gushed, "I spent the morning throwing up, it was terrible," Sadie explained. And it was the truth. She had made herself comfortable on the bathroom floor with a pillow and a blanket, trying to be strong and not cry in between puking.

"Sadie, I completely understand. Tommy was there with me. I couldn't have done it without him," she smiled at Tommy, who was now blushing.

"Thanks. So, how long you guys staying?" Sadie asked, leading them to the living room.

"We were thinking until the girls went to bed. Andrea made me promise to read them a bedtime story," Jude explained, plopping down on the comfortable sofa. She let out a moan and smiled when she didn't feel any pain from her sudden movements.

"You look tired, maybe you should let me and Sadie handle all the cooking while you go take a nap," Tommy suggested, picking Jude up. She was going to protest, but the idea of getting some sleep was too good to ignore.

"Tommy, you can put her on mine and Kwest's bed. She'll be most comfortable there," Sadie explained, walking out toward the kitchen. She spotted the girls raiding the fridge and decided it was time to start dinner.

Tommy padded up the stairs, making as little movement as possible to keep Jude from waking up. As he reached the door and moved into the room, he felt Jude stir.

"Tommy, please don't go, I need you right now," she murmured, her eyes still closed, although she managed to grab onto his shirt, pulling him down on the bed with her.

"Jude, I have to go help with dinner. But I'll wake you when it's done, okay?" Tommy tried to stay strong, he wasn't sure if he could control himself in a bed with Jude. In the hospital it was different. But here, they were in a dark room, with a comfortable bed, privacy…

He had to stop. He got up to leave, but Jude pulled him down into a kiss. And before he could manage to jerk away, he found himself kissing her back. When she came up for air, he took it as an opportunity to bolt from the room and help with dinner. He waited outside the door for a minute and relaxed as he heard Jude's soft snores coming from the other side.

"How's Jude?" Sadie asked as Tommy walked into the kitchen.

"She's good, but I think she sometimes thinks I'm someone else when she's asleep, or maybe she just lets her guard down, I don't know which," Tommy's statement confused Sadie and she looked at him, urging him to go on.

"Tommy, spill," she ordered when he didn't budge.

"She kissed me, like really kissed me," Tommy explained, his hands running through his hair.

"Oh, wow, that's a shocker," Sadie joked.

"Sadie! This is serious, she made it clear she only wanted to be my friend, and then she turns around and kisses me!" Tommy threw his hands up in the air. He wasn't about to try to figure Jude out. He had given up on trying to understand the female population in the sixth grade.

"Tommy, she wants you. You and the kids are all she talks about. But she doesn't want it right now because she's afraid of what might happen. Believe me, I know her. Just give her time and she'll come around, she always does," the earned a half smile from Tommy. He knew Sadie was right. He was enjoying Sadie's humming (something she could do without sounding like a dying bird) when he realized that was all the sound he heard.

"Sadie, where are the girls?" Tommy asked, panic in his voice.

"Jude's been back almost a month and you're already playing Daddy to her kids? Wow, I'm impressed, Quincy," Sadie joked, but quickly became serious when Tommy's expression didn't budge, "They're outside with Kwest. Chill out, Tommy."

"What are they doing? Because if they're on the…"

"Tommy, I've been taking care of them for a while now. I know what I'm doing," And with those words, Tommy decided to shut up. He cut up the vegetables Sadie gave him and threw them into the boiling pot of water.

After dinner, Jude managed to read them all a bedtime story after giving them a bath. She enjoyed being left alone with her kids, being able to do normal things a mother usually does. But after the bedtime story, her good mood faded, knowing she had to leave and wouldn't see them until Sadie or Tommy got a chance to bring them in.

The ride to the hospital was silent. Tommy attempted conversation, but got one syllable answers, ending them. Jude had fallen asleep, and when they got there, he carried her up to her room.

"Good evening, sir," one of the nurses called, as he walked down the hall to Jude's room.

He set her down on the bed and began to take off her court clothes. He started with the shoes, then the jacket, then the shirt, then the skirt, all the way down to the hose. He stared at her, in her panties and bra. She was so gorgeous and it took everything he had not to devour her right there in the hospital. He instead concentrated on finding her some pajamas which he found in the chair, unfolded. That was so Jude. He managed to get everything on and slipped her under the covers.

"Goodnight, Jude," he whispered, kissing her forehead. She stirred at his touch, brushing his cheek with her fingers. A smiled curved on her lips as she turned to face him, eyes finally opening.

"Tommy, if I asked you to stay with me, would you?"

"Anything for you, Jude," he immediately took off his shoes and his jacket and climbed into bed with her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to him. She smiled and finally settled into a deep sleep.

Jude woke up to voices all around her whispering. She could tell they were talking about her, just by the frequent glances she felt on her body. Her eyes fluttered open and everyone went silent.

"Hey guys," Jude muttered, shielding her eyes from the sun sneaking through the shades.

"Hey, we were just here to congratulate you on your victory in court," Jamie said, smiling.

"Thanks," she mumbled, looking around at all the faces. There was Jamie, Zepplin, SME, and… Darius?

"Jude, I just wanted to congratulate you on everything. It's been a long time. No hard feelings?" Darius stepped closer to Jude. He was just as she remembered him, with no hair and a terrifying stare.

"Darius?" was all Jude managed to say. He laughed a bit at her obvious statement, but his face soon turned serious again.

"Jude, I know it's been a long time, but I'm glad to see you," Darius offered a genuine smile, and Jude decided to accept that. It wasn't everyday Darius freely offered a smile.

"It's good to see you too, I guess," Jude replied, holding out her hand. Darius took it and pulled her into a gentle hug. Her body stiffened at the gesture, but enjoyed it nevertheless. She took this opportunity to look around and see everyone else who had showed up. No Tommy. He had somehow managed to escape before she woke up. Why didn't she feel him getting up?

"I hate to break up your little hug, but some of us came here to see Jude," Spied said, shoving his hands in his front pockets. He didn't want Darius to yell at him, so he took a step back when Darius approached the group again.

"Guys, thanks for coming," she smiled, attempting to get out of bed. She was happy when her feet reached the floor without her feeling pain in her side. She walked over to the group standing around her bed and offered each of them a hug before sitting in the chair.

"Hey, I was wondering when we can see your little munchkins," Jamie asked.

"Yeah, I'm dying to know which one takes after her mom in the music department," Spied said.

"Are you sure you don't want to know which one takes after her in the girlfriend department?" Kyle joked. His laughter earned him a punch in the arm from both Spied and Jude.

"You are such a pervert," Jude rolled her eyes.

"Guys, can you act serious for ten minutes?" Darius demanded sternly.

"Well, I guess we better get going, we're off to sample wedding cake," Jamie smiled at Zepplin who was clearly excited.

"Oh, Zepplin, if you need anything, just give my sister a call. She's put together some awesome events," Jude smiled brightly. She was truly happy for her best friend. She was glad it was Zepplin who stole his heart.

"Thanks," Zepplin responded, smiling weakly. She turned and walked out of the room, following Jamie.

"Yeah, I have some business to take care of, but Jude, when you get out of here, I want you in my office. We have some things to talk about," Darius spat, walking out.

"Yeah, Spied, we have some girlfriends that need us, so we'll see you later," Wally explained, leaving, Kyle not too far behind. Pretty soon it was just Jude and Spied.

"So, stranger, how they treating you?" Spied grinned at Jude, instantly making her feel better.

"Good, actually. I don't mind talking to someone about all this every other day. It's actually making me feel better, like I don't have to keep all my secrets all bottled up inside."

"Well that's good. Okay, so before I forget, I want you to know that I'm willing to babysit your kids, anytime. I love kids and I really want to know them. After all, I am their Uncle Spied."

"Thanks, I'll take you up on that, but Tommy's kind of hogging them right now. He's taking them out tonight. But whenever he's not available, Sadie would love for you to take them off her hands. She's got a lot to think about right now."

"Yeah, another Harrison kid. What are we going to do with you crazy sisters?" That earned a smile from Jude. She missed just talking to Spied like this. Their friendship was one of the things she missed most.

"I don't know. But I do know that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You've been there through everything, you and Tommy. I just want to thank you for putting up with me," Jude was close to tears when she heard footsteps coming in her doorway.

"Jude, wow, it's so good to see you," Jude's body stiffened when she heard the familiar. It couldn't be… no it couldn't be him, could it?

"Shay?" She asked, slowly turning to look at his face.

"Yeah, I've read all this crazy stuff in the tabloids and I just wanted to see for myself that you were okay," he smiled and made his way to where Jude was sitting. Spied took this as his cue to leave and gave Jude a quick hug before practically scrambling out the door.

"What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in seven years," Jude squeaked. God, he still took her breath away. He was the only person on earth that could make her forget Tommy. And it felt good.

"I know, but we're not kids anymore, Jude. I thought you and me could just start fresh," Shay explained, "I'm not the same person I was seven years ago. There have been a lot of changes in my life."

"Wow, what do I say to that? I guess I could say the same thing," Jude smiled, relieved she wasn't the only one who had changed. Everything seemed the same, except for Shay.

"Jude, I'm not sure how to say this, so I'm just gonna get to the point. I have been thinking about you since the day we split. I made a mistake, but I want to fix it. I guess what I'm saying is, Jude, will you give me a second chance?" Shay's nervousness made him even more adorable. She nodded wordlessly, making her way over to where he stood.

"Shay," Jude wasn't able to finish her thought. All she could think about was the amazing kiss she was experiencing from Shay.

"That was amazing," she breathed, reaching up for more. He smiled and let her kiss him again.

They had been kissing for half an hour when Jude heard footsteps in the hallway. She ignored them and kept kissing.

"Um… I hate to interrupt your little make out booth, but I need to talk to you," Tommy hissed, dumbfounded at what he walked into. He never guessed in a million years that Jude would even consider Shay again.

"Tommy!" Jude jerked her head up and stared at him wide eyed. It was then she remembered Tommy's feelings for her and her feelings for Tommy. She looked back at Shay.

"Jude, I better go," he whispered, kissing her cheek. Shay walked out, feeling Tommy's glare on his back.

"What was that all about?" Tommy demanded once Shay was out of earshot.

"Tommy, I didn't mean to, it's just that I hadn't kissed someone like that in a really long time and he's the only one that can…" her voice trailed off, not wanting to finish. She wasn't about to let Tommy know that no one except Shay could keep her mind off him.

"Can what? Can make you feel all better, Jude? Is that what this is all about? Well, then I guess I've been here for no reason then. Because obviously I don't make you feel any better. I guess I just make you feel worse. Is that why you publicly dumped me five years ago?" Tommy was raging and Jude didn't know how to respond.

"Shay's the only one that makes me forget about you, Tommy! You mean everything to me! Don't you get it? All I ever think about is you! So it's nice when one other person in this world can make me feel almost as good as you do!" Jude screamed. She ran over to Tommy and before she could think about it, she pressed her lips against his. But before they could go any further, she pulled back, "See, I love you, Tommy Quincy! I love you so much that I'm scared of it! Okay? Are you happy you know the truth?" Tears were rolling down her cheeks, cutting through yesterday's make up.

"Jude, don't be afraid, please. Let me back in, let me show you how much better it would be if we were together," Tommy's touch made Jude give in.

"Tommy, I love you," she whispered, letting him kiss her. She silently thanked Shay's kiss for making her see what was right in front of her. If it wasn't for that, she would still be denying her feelings for Tommy.

But instead, she was slowly making her way toward trusting him again. Their kisses became more involved, Tommy pushing Jude toward the bed. He picked Jude up in one swoop and gently set her on the bed, not breaking the kiss. Jude's hands explored Tommy's chest, relishing in the familiarity of it all. She tugged at his shirt and he willingly took it off, throwing it on the floor. His tongue fought hers for control in their mouths as his hands fumbled with her shirt and bra. After succeeding in tearing all her clothes off, his lips moved down to her breasts. She fiddled with the buckle on his belt and when she finally got it off, she pulled his jeans down, revealing his hard member. She wrapped her legs around his waist, begging for him to enter her. She got her wish and was soon panting and letting out moans in delight. It was better than she remembered, but she wasn't complaining. She was happy he was hers again.

His lips trailed her neck all the way up to hers as he began to push harder and faster. Jude let out a squeal and arched her back. But she winced in pain as she felt her side ache. This was too much for her sore body. But she didn't care. She wasn't going to let it ruin her time with Tommy.

"Jude, are you sure you're okay with this?" Tommy panted, continuing to push hard and fast. His rhythm was synchronized with hers as she nodded yes.

Within minutes, she had reached her release, his following shortly after. He collapsed on top of her, kissing her on the cheek. She did her best not to cry out in pain and instead focused on the beauty of the situation.

"Tommy, you're still in me," Jude giggled, blushing. Tommy just smiled and rolled over, taking Jude with him. He didn't want to leave her, he was content sitting like this.

"I like it there," he purred into her ear, making her blush even more. She still couldn't help but feel like a teenager with a ridiculous crush on him. She giggled to herself. She was a grown woman, for heaven's sake. She sighed and rested her head on his chest, taking in the sound of his heartbeat. And it wasn't long before both of them drifted off into sleep.


	6. Note from Me

Note from me:

**Note from me:**

Hey guys, sorry I didn't get to post another chapter before I left, but I promise that I will have three new chapters when I come back!! I will post Mon. Aug. 18th for those who want to know. Thanks for being so patient and here's a shout out to all who have reviewed:

**Thanks to these people for demanding more, ya'll have kept me going:**

KRHODES12

Rockstargoddess101

the-power-of-love

**Here's to my most continuous reviewer: **

KrazyKarah: thanks for continuous reviews and feedback! Appreciate it a lot!

**Here's to my new readers:**

Lindsay44: I'm so glad to see new readers!! Please keep reviewing!!

**Here's to avid reviewers and commenters:**

Leytonfan30: thanks to much for the reviews and comments!!

larydreamer: thanks so much for reviewing and don't worry! I promise to keep the chapters long!!

chocolateelephantz: thanks for your long reviews!! Your feedback is awesome!! It keeps me going!! And I'm loving the long chapters too!!

LindaISFan: thanks for such an amazing review and I love your enthusiasm!!

SMCKI10: thanks for the great advice! I didn't mean to post such a long chapter, but I saved it as one document by accident. Hope the chapters aren't too long now!!

Thanks to everyone for your reviews, you don't know how much they inspire me and make me want to write more!! So keep reviewing please!! And again, I'm sorry I'm not posting another chapter, but I will be out of town for a week! But I promise to come back with three extra long chapters!! And I'm sorry this wasn't a chapter I posted, I know a lot of you are waiting for me to post, so I'm sorry for that. Anyway, I gotta go!! Expect three amazing chapters when I get back!!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: What I want

**Chapter 6: What I want**

**To my devoted readers and reviewers:**

I'm sooooo sorry it took this long to get this chapter posted. But thank you for being so patient! And if I have time, I'll post on the next chapter tomorrow!! Hope you guys enjoy this one!! It's one of my favorites. Anyway, please continue to tell me what you think and once again, I'm so sorry for the delay. Thanks for being so supportive and patient!!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

Jude awoke to her own moans and groans the next morning, calling and reaching out for Tommy. As her eyes opened, she realized she was alone and that Tommy was nowhere in sight.

Panic ran through her bones as she thought through every possibility. What if he left me again? What if he decided he didn't want me? The questions floated through her head, not willing to leave.

"Jude?" Natalie called, knocking on the door. Jude's head shop up at the sudden break in silence, momentarily forgetting her thoughts.

"Um… y-yeah," she stuttered, C-come in," she hoped her weak smile would convince the nurse.

"Ready for your check up?" she chirped, smiling brightly. Natalie's body was aging, but her smile kept her heart young.

"Of course," she whispered, trying to hold her smile.

"Okay, what's wrong, sweetie?" Natalie asked, eyeing Jud suspiciously.

"I slept with Tommy!" she blurted out. When she realized what she had said, Jude slapped a hand across her mouth.

"Oh, good lord," the nurse chuckled as she checked Jude's vital signs. After a moment of what appeared to be contemplation, she continued, "well I suppose it was time. You two have been rubbing on each other for the past two weeks. All the fourth floor nurses bet on how long it would take. I said a couple of weeks. Guess that means I win," she chuckled again, smiling brightly.

Jude's tensed muscles eased up. Okay, so at least one person in this world was okay with it. It made it easier to tell family and friends, "So it's not a bad thing? I mean he and I have had ups and downs and I hate to admit it, but there have been more downs," Jude looked down, not wanting Natalie to see her shame, "What makes you think this time will be any different?"

"Because he loves those kids. Whenever he come by when you're sleeping, he always tells you about them. They're all he can talk about," she had a smirk on her face, which made Jude smile.

"That's good that he loves my kids. They are my life. If anything ever happened to them…" her voice trailed off. Jude wasn't in the mood for depressing conversation, "So, on a slightly better note, I get out of here in three weeks!" Jude couldn't help but squeal in excitement. Three more weeks and she would go home to her kids and be a mom again.

"That's great! So take it your shrink has really gotten through to you, huh?"

"She's helped me see a lot of things from a different prospective. So yeah, she's really been there for me," Jude explained, happy someone was there to listen. They continued to talk, cherishing the girls-only conversation they rarely got to have.

"So tell me, how was sex with Little Tommy Q?" she asked between giggles. They had been talking for almost an hour and Natalie was dying to know. Who wouldn't?

"Oh, it was amazing. I don't think I can walk! That's how sore I am!" Jude let out an adoring sigh as Tommy's image filled her head. His face, his eyes, that gorgeous hair…

"Wow, so much for healing," Natalie joked, her voice soaked with sarcasm, "I guess it was over-rated."

"Hey! I'm getting better! If anything, the unbelievable sex has helped me," Jude smiled remembering every detail.

Natalie got up from the chair and straightened her pant legs, no wrinkled from sitting so long. She situated her stethoscope around her neck and redid her ponytail.

"Well, kiddo, I gotta go. I have more patients, but just holler if you need something," she gave Jude a quick hug and pulled her back, looking straight into her eyes. Natalie gave her a sympathetic frowned when she noticed the disappointment on Jude's face, "Don't be sad."

"I'll try," she mumbled, "Watch for Tommy?"

"Yes, I'm sure he'll be here," and after another exchange of smiles, Natalie turned around and walked out the door.

Jude sat, listening to the emptiness of the room and it was more than she could handle. She clenched her hands into fists and squeezed her eyes shut to help the sudden urge to scream and she felt her eyes slowly relax when she was sure her screams were safely suppressed. She allowed her mind to wander through her memories of her daughters and before she knew it, she was reliving them in her head. After each memory ended, Jude longed for her kids to be in the room with her, their laughter filling the hollow spaces in her heart and echoing in her ear. Tears were slipping out of the slits of Jude's eyes, tracing their way to her chin and then to the hollow of her throat, when she thought back to her life in London.

She was such a good mother, making sure she was home in time to have dinner on the table and taking time from her day to play with her kids and teach them valuable life lessons that they wouldn't learn in school. She would take them to the studio so they could listen to her play. Alexa loved the guitar and often helped Jude figure out what was wrong in the song. Sometimes she'd say 'go higher there,' or 'go lower there.' She was like a mini Tommy Quincy. Every Friday, she would let them each have a friend over for a sleepover where she did their hair and make up (even though she wasn't too experienced in that department) and would sing them new songs and get their opinion. She did so much for them, tried to make their lives as normal as it could be for kids who had a rockstar mom.

She had tried to be a good wife, also. She would set aside days where all three would have play dates with friends so her and Henry could be alone together. She cooked a fancy dinner (as her cooking improved through the years) and would lay out candles and expensive wine. Jude would even pull out the nice dinnerware. But as soon as he got home, he blew out the candles, worried that they would burn down the house and plop down at the table, stuffing a forkful of food in his mouth. He didn't notice the plates she had set out, or the different patterns on the antique silverware. When he asked where the kids were, she'd tell them 'on play dates' and he'd joke about how he could finally read that book on his nightstand without having to deal with putting three kids to bed. And Jude would laugh, too, thinking as long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Now, she regretted everything she'd ever done for him because if it weren't for Henry, she wouldn't be in a hospital bed, recovering from a severe beating and having to battle an eating disorder.

She slowly let the thoughts and pain fade away as she drifted off into sleep, tears still making their way down her cheeks. As she lay there, in peaceful silence, now, glad the painful and regretful thoughts were gone from her head, she thought of the life she would start, all the things she would to for her kids that she hadn't done before. She would take them to see more places, go on more vacations, and help them with their schoolwork. She would do it all, just to prove to herself the Henry hadn't ruined everything.

She stirred when she heard a familiar pattern of footsteps making their way to the side of her bed but didn't open her eyes. Just a few more minutes, she thought, squeezing them shut as if to will them to keep closed.

"Jude, girl, don't cry," cooed a voice, a very sexy voice. Jude felt the comforting rough thumbs brush away her tears. She gave in to her temptations, and slowly opened her eyes, squinting at the harsh fluorescent lights, and looked straight into those eyes, Tommy's eyes, she realized.

"Tommy, you're here. Thank god," she breathed, grabbing Tommy's hand. She caressed it with her thumbs and when he tugged, she clamped on tighter, not willing to let go. She needed him with her. She needed to feel him, to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Where else would I be?" he murmured, smiling at her unwillingness to let go of her hand. He looked up and gave her his signature smirk, Jude feeling her insides melt to mush. Even after five years with another man, Tommy still has an unbelievable affect on her.

"I don't know. It's just that… When I woke up, you weren't here… and I paniced… Dammit! Quincy! You scared me!" She whimpered, embarrassment flushing her face. He laughed at her dependence on him.

"Did you really forget where I went last night?" he asked, surprise written all over his face. Her confused looked seemed to fuel his amusement as she racked her brain for all possible ideas. After a few minutes of Jude's face contort into a million different faces, each representing her confusion growing, he continued, "I took the kids out last night, you know, to give Sadie a break. We went to get ice cream and they were dying to go back to the rehearsal space, so I took them and they played with Spied for a while. They even wrote a song. Alexa wrote most of it by herself. And those twins, they love the drums. They couldn't get enough of it," Tommy laughed, stuck in a moment from the night before. Jude smiled. Tommy seemed to be so lost in thought, thinking about her kids.

"Sorry, I can't believe I forgot that!" she exclaimed, snapping Tommy out of his daze, "I swear, I think my memory is just gone with all these drugs the doctor keeps making me take," Jude shook her head but looked up with a bright smile, "So what was the song about?" she asked, forgetting why she was so worried in the first place.

"I can't tell, she made me promise," Tommy insisted, raising his eyebrows, "But she'll sing it for you when she perfects it. That's her promise to me," he grinned widely, his lips fastened into a permanent smile, "It's killing that I know and you don't, isn't it?" He laughed inwardly, beyond happy that he shared something special with his daughter. His daughter, he thought. He'd have to get used to that.

"A little, but I promise I'll live," she replied, smiling. Truthfully, she was just glad Tommy was getting to know the kids and was ecstatic that he enjoyed it.

"That's good to know. I don't think I could live without you," he smiled down at her and proceeded to kiss the top of her forehead. Before he knew it, they were making out like teenagers in the backseat of a car. It would have turned into much more if Jude hadn't cried out in pain, "Jude, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"No," she managed to get out. Jude's hands flew to her stomach, her fingers gripping it tightly, "It's my stomach."

Tommy's hands glided over Jude's abdomen, hoping his touch would sooth her. For a while, his massaging fingers seemed to work, but after a few minutes, Jude winced in pain, throwing Tommy's hands off her stomach.

"Tommy! It hurts again! This time worse!" she grunted, trying to retain her screams.

"I'll go get a nurse," Tommy mumbled, before stumbling out the door. He was so filled with worry, it was hard to walk straight. Jude watched his perfect figure retreat from the doorframe.

When he was outside, not knowing, really, where he was going, he began to call out frantically, "Nurse!" he said whiny at first, lacking force, "Nurse!" he screamed, more demanding. As he ran into different directions, repeating his demanding call, he almost ran into the deck at the nurses' station. He scanned all the nurses on break, looking for one he'd seen take care of Jude before. When he spotted her, their glances caught immediately and she was at his side, giving him a concerned look. She noticed the nervousness running through his bones, making him shiver, shake, and sweat.

"Tom, calm down. Tell me what's going on," Natalie instructed, laying a calming hand no his shoulder and holding it there firmly. When he attempted to pull away, she gripped it tighter, "Tom, just tell me what's wrong," she said, again using a calm voice.

"Jude! She's…" he took a few deep breaths. Running had made him weary, "She's… uh… it's her... well… ugh, Just go help her!" he screamed, not able to get the necessary words out. He was too tired and worry to think. All he could process was that Jude was hurt and needed help. All the rest would have to wait.

In a split second, the comforting hand on his shoulder was gone and nurse was retreating down the corridor. He followed, noticing her jerky running, knowing she was worried. As she ran, she gripped the shirt of Jude's doctor and dragged him to Jude's room. He struggled to keep up with the nurse and doctor, but Tommy filed into the room a second after them. They found Jude unconscious on the bed, hands still on her stomach, trying to stop the pain.

"Jude!" Tommy called, rushing over to the side of bed. Tears were welling up in his eyes as he knelt down and tried to shake her. He leaned down and confirmed she was breathing with a quick nod, much to his relief.

"I thought she was okay this morning!" the doctor hissed at Natalie, his face red hot with anger. She looked like a lost puppy dog. You could see her face go white with fear, realizing now that this could all be her fault.

"She was! I checked everything like you told me to, like I've been doing the last two weeks! It must be something we don't check for daily!" she insisted, some color coming back to her cheeks. Dr. Hanson rolled his eyes in disbelief and made his way to Jude. His steps were full of caution, like he was scared of what his examination would uncover.

"Jude, can you hear me?" He asked quickly, feeling for a pulse. It was weak, but nevertheless it was still there. When she didn't respond, he grabbed her glass of water off the table and dipped his fingers into it. He sprinkled water all over her face, hoping the coldness would wake her. When that didn't work, he tried, trailing cold water down her cheeks, but it didn't work either. He needed to get her to the emergency room.

Dr. Hanson made a call to the front desk, instructing them to have a bed ready when he came downstairs. He didn't want to take any chances.

A blur of nurses wizzed into the room and circled around Jude's bed, ready, at the single sound of the doctor's order, to wheel her out of the room. This made Tommy nervous. Where were they taking her? Would he be able to see her? Before he knew it, Tommy was being shoved out of the way, he was unnoticed by the nurses who usually begged him for an autograph.

When they were in the hall, Tommy decided to follow them as far as he could. He got to the emergency room entrance and was told to wait outside for any news.

Almost an hour had passed since Jude disappeared through the double doors. Tommy thought through every possibility. It could just be a really bad stomach bug, he thought, and she just couldn't handle the pain so she conked out. Yeah, that was all it was. There was no need for him to be alarmed. She would wake up and they would walk back to her room together and he would hold her hair while she puked and get her water. And that would be that. There was nothing seriously wrong with her, nothing at all.

He hadn't thought of calling anyone else until he heard a frantic mother calling what seemed to be the father of their child who was just taken into emergency surgery. He was reluctant to leave his place by the doors to find a telephone and scolded himself for leaving his cell at the apartment. But he eventually gave in to calling Sadie, knowing Jude's friends and family had a right to know.

He quickly walked through the waiting room up to the nurses' station and asked to use the phone. He even threw in a please. This got a smile out of the head nurse and she offered him to walk inside the desk area to sit and make his call. He smiled slightly, but it quickly faded when he remembered why he was even making this call. He already knew what he was going to Sadie: Jude's in the hospital and that Sadie needed to call everyone else.

"Sadie?" he asked urgently when he heard the ringing stop.

"Yeah?" she answered. What it just him or did she sound annoyed?

"Listen, Jude's been in the hospital and she hasn't come out ye, so it must be something serious, so I just want you to know. And I need you to call everyone for me because I can't tie up the hospital line. I forgot my cell at home," he explained, hoping she got all that. He talked so fast, he wouldn't be surprised if he had to repeat it all again.

"Tommy, what's gotten into you? Everyone knows about this already. She's been in the hospital for over three weeks, remember? Now, I need to go. Kwest's waiting for…"

"NO! Sadie, she's in the emergency room! She could be dying! Get your ass down here!" he screamed. Of course he knew Jude was in the hospital. What the hell? Who would think to be that stupid?

"Oh! Oh God! I'm on my way," Sadie's voice lost it's annoyance and panic came through her words instead. Tommy politely hung up the phone and thanked the nurses for letting him use it, who were all staring wide eyed at him for the way he screamed. But he just smiled and sauntered out of there, on his way back to his chair.

Another ten long minutes passed by for Tommy, who thought it was more like hours. He was never good at waiting. Patience was not one of his many gifts. Tommy changed positions and got up to pace every five seconds, not able to keep himself still. He was too antsy. He had finally returned to his original positioned, head hung over, elbow on knee, hand resting on his forehead, supporting his head.

Sadie ran through the door, rolling her eyes at Tommy, who didn't notice her come in, "Tommy? Where's Jude?" she asked, grabbing his attention.

"Still in there," he mumbled, not bothering to look at her.

"What's wrong with her?" Sadie demanded, sitting on the very edge of her chair.

"Don't know," he said loud. She gave out a sympathetic sigh and placed a hand on his shoulder. He shuddered at the touch, but didn't want to be rude and knock it off. Instead, he longed for Jude to be touching him, laying a hand on his shoulder instead of Sadie.

"Tommy, can we talk? I know this probably isn't the time or the place, but…"

"Then don't bring it up. We can talk about it any time," he snapped, cutting her off. He wasn't in the mood for a Sadie lecture.

"Tommy, just hear me out, okay?" she whispered, removing her hand. She was fidgeting with her purse, looking for something that wasn't there, and Tommy gave in.

"Alright," he sighed, and leaned back in his chair, looking at Sadie for the first time.

"Tommy, I know you care about Jude, and I'm positive you love her, just be the way you look at her, but…" she couldn't bring herself to say the rest right now. Truthfully, she didn't know how she felt about the whole situation.

"But what? Sadie, you don't need to worry about her anymore. She's almost twenty five with three kids. We're both ready to settle down together. Don't ruin it," he threatened, "We know we want."

"Yeah, well I didn't worry about her in London and look what happened to her! Of course I'm gonna worry about her, Tommy! She's my little sister!" Sadie hissed, standing up, towering over Tommy.

"Where are the kids?" he asked, hoping to avoid further discussion.

"Tommy, I just don't want her to get hurt again. She's been hurt and let down so many times. And she doesn't deserve it. Every time you hurt her, more of her breaks. And now, after her marriage fell apart, I'm not sure she could take much more. Tommy, the next time you hurt her, I'm not sure she'll be able to get over it and fix herself again," Sadie explained, ignoring Tommy's question. That wasn't important right now. She knew they were safe. Anyway, she thought Jude was letting her kids get way too attached to Tommy. You never know when he's going to take off again.

"Sadie, I know I haven't been there in the past, but that's changed now. I can't leave her or the kids. I feel too strongly about them. I don't expect you to believe me or even understand what I'm saying, but you need to live with it. You can't tell Jude what to do. She's a grown woman," Tommy explained, anger spewing from his words, "Now, where are the kids?" he asked, more concerned.

"They're with Kwest," she sighed in defeat, answering the question.

"What are they doing?" he pressed. One answer just wasn't enough was it?

"Is that really any of your business? They're fine, Tommy," Sadie insisted. He wasn't their father, why should she tell him?

"Dammit Sadie! Just tell me what they're doing!" he screamed, his muscles tensing up with anger.

"They're at home, playing outside, most likely," Sadie whispered, scared of what Tommy might do to her if she didn't answer.

"Do they know?" he asked, more concerned, less angry.

"No, they don't know," she answered quietly, hoping her soothing voice would calm him down.

"Good, they don't need to know. Jude'll be okay, there's no reason to scare them," Tommy's voice broke at the last words, tears slowly beginning to pour down his face. He couldn't hold it in any longer. All the fear, guilt, longing, anger, sadness, nervousness, and anxiety he felt crept up through his pores and burst when there was too much to control.

"Tommy, I'm so sorry," Sadie whispered pulling him into a hug. Everything negative she felt toward Tommy melted away and in its place was quilt and sympathy.

"Sadie, I love her so much. I don't want to lose her again," he mumbled, through little discrete sobs. It was so unlike Tommy to actually let another human being see him in such an emotional state.

They sat in silence, both of their arms draped around each other in fear of losing the person they both loved. That was the one thing that connected them: Jude. Other than that, it was 'hi Sadie' and 'hi Tommy'. But nevertheless, Tommy's pride got the better of him and after a few more moments of silence, he pulled back, and recomposed himself.

"Are you relatives of Jude?" the doctor asked, walking out through the double doors. Tommy and Sadie sat up and stared at the doctor.

"Yes we are," Sadie said automatically, "can we see her now?"

"only one at a time," he warned, "But she has already requested to see a Mr. Thomas Quincy?" Tommy raised his hand a little and nodded, following the doctor back through the doors.

"What was wrong with her?" Tommy asked, as he and the doctor made their way to Jude's room. Sadie was left sitting in the waiting room, hoping everyone she called would show up.

"Apparently, she had a stomach ulcer that was agitated. I guess her sore tired body just couldn't handle the pain. But we've treated it and as long as she's in the hospital, we're expecting a speedy recovery," Dr. Hanson explained. He smiled reassuringly at the relieved look on Tommy's face as he opened the door to Jude's room.

"Sadie! We got here as soon as we heard!" Jamie called, sprinting towards Sadie's chair.

"She's okay," Sadie reassured him, "She's in with Tommy right now."

"What was wrong with her?" Spied asked, running up next to Jamie.

"I don't know. I'm waiting for the doctor to come back. He walked with Tommy to her room," she explained, sighing once again, in defeat. Her sister was never going to let Tommy go, not ever. She guessed she was going to have to live with that.

"Well, can we see her, too?" Kyle asked, annoyed that someone was already getting to see her.

"Hey man! Get in line!" Spied shouted. No one was going in after Tommy except him.

"Spied, I'm her sister, I'm next. You guys can fight over who sees her next later," Sadie snapped, impatiently glancing through the double doors. She saw the doctor coming back. Thank God. They would finally get some answers.

"Tommy, I'm so glad you're here," Jude whispered after a few minutes of silence. Tommy had managed to snuggle closer to her, even with all the IVs on her arms.

"Me too," he kissed her forehead and rubbed his nose with hers.

"I love Eskimo kisses," she breathed, closing her eyes and inhaling the smell of Tommy.

"I know," he sighed and pulled her close. What would he do without her? All he could think about was that she okay and in his arms. He'd almost lost her so many times now that he couldn't keep count. This little episode only made it harder to leave her anywhere by herself. He didn't trust anyone with her, not even her own sister, especially after what Sadie said. But he was glad she was recovering, nonetheless, and would be back to her old self once this was all over. He couldn't wait for them to be in the privacy of a house. He could take her on dates, lure her into bed, kiss and devour every square inch of her flesh on her body…

A few minutes later, he pried himself from Jude's grip, only to have her pull him back. He chuckled, but deep inside, the look she gave him, depressed him. She was so scared to be by herself. It pained him to see her like this. What happened to the Jude who hated being looked after?

"Please, please, don't go," she whispered, clutching him tighter.

"But Sadie's waiting. And I'm sure everyone else wants to…"

"I don't care who is waiting. I need you here right now. They can wait," she murmured, yawning. Tommy nodded, deciding he would stay until she was asleep. Then he would go and get Sadie.

As he watched her eyes slowly drift shut, he remembered all the times she had fallen asleep at the studio after long hours. And he remembered the time in the car after her tour where she crashed as soon as her head hit the seat. All the times he's watched her sleep. But this time was so different because she was his girl now and it was his job to protect her.

He rocked her back and forth until he was sure she was asleep. He gently laid her head down, knowing Sadie was dying to get in there and see her sister. He watched her for another minute, making sure his movements didn't wake her and slipped out the door.

He made his way to where Sadie was seated and noticed all of Jude's friends standing around another set of chairs not too far away.

"Tommy, how is she?" Sadie searched his eyes for reassurance.

"She's sleeping, but you should go back there," he replied quietly. Sadie nodded silently and disappeared behind the doors. Tommy sat there for a long moment, listening to the harsh squeaks coming from the swinging door soften into nothing. Then he sauntered toward the rest of the group, unnoticed. He decided to take advantage of his unknown presence and listen in on the conversation.

"I hope dude's going to be okay," Spied mumbled.

"Yeah, she'll be okay. If I know anything about Jude it's that she's a fighter. She'll beat whatever is threatening her, I know it," Jamie said, determined. Tommy held a laugh and continued to eavesdrop.

"Yeah, and with Lord Squinty Frown here things have been going good, but I hate to admit it," Spied explained. Tommy was surprised by his compliment.

"Yeah, I'm kind of surprised he's been there for her considering the last time he saw her was when she dumped him and left for London," he could tell Jamie was speaking out loud, trying to gather his thoughts by the tone of his voice.

"Yeah, well, there's a rumor going around the nurses' station that dude slept with him! In the hospital!" Spied whisper shouted into Jamie's ear. Tommy saw Jamie wince, but after a short moment, he returned to his usual geeky self, smiling brightly at Zeplin who was sitting quietly, wanting for this all to be over.

"Yeah, he has been spending a lot of time with the kids lately. Or so Sadie tells me," Jamie's face contorted into a thoughtful look, his eyes distant, his mind deep in thought.

Tommy sighed. He'd heard enough gossip for one day. As he made his way to where everyone else was standing, Spied was the first to notice him and waved him over when he saw Tommy's quickly approaching figure.

"How's dude?" Spied asked, trying to sound unfazed.

"Fine right now. She's sleeping and Sadie's in with her," he answered, plowing through them to get to the chairs. He plopped himself down and closed hi eyes, hoping to get some sleep.

Sadie tiptoed across the room and sat on the edge of Jude's bed. She felt like crying at the scene in front of her. She was sorry for all the selfish things she'd done to Jude, for all the times she's given her a hard time about Tommy, but mostly for taking Tommy away from her those many years ago when in the back of mind, there was always a slight nagging telling her that the two were meant to be.

She sat for a long while, tears silently streaming down her face, just staring at her sister, how beautiful she was, how fragile she looked. Everything about her was small and delicate, like if you touched her she would break, just like a porcelain doll. Everything about her screamed 'don't touch me! I might break!' Sadie just wished she could have been a better big sister, especially through high school.

But she was getting the chance to be one now, to tell her how it is with Tommy and how he's not going to change just because he's yours. But Sadie already knew how this was going to end: Jude would get incredibly mad and kick her out of the room, only to make up with her an hour later. It was always the same.

On impulse, Sadie grabbed Jude's hand, squeezing it tightly. She wanted to cherish every moment she had with her little sister, even if she wasn't dying.

"Sadie?" Jude groaned, attempting to sit up, "um your grip is really tight," she complained, eyeing Sadie's hand clenched around her own.

"oh, oops," Sadie giggled and dropped Jude's hand.

"What are you doing here?" Jude asked, her eyes frantically searching the room for Tommy.

"Jude, he's in the waiting room, No worries," Sadie explained, knowing exactly what Jude was looking for. Jude nodded, her cheeks flooded with red color that she was that transparent.

"So have you had the ultrasound yet?" Jude asked, trying to make polite conversation.

"Jude, I came in here to talk to you about Tommy," she explained, "Not m, there's plenty of time for that."

"Oh," Jude dropped her head and picked at her fingernails, a bad habit she had picked up in the third grade.

"Jude, I know you love him, but sometimes that isn't enough. You need to trust him, feel safe with him, and not have to worry about him leaving. Sometimes, Jude, you just have to let someone go when you love them,  
She smiled and watched Jude's smile go from bad to worse. That was okay.

"Sadie, o do trust him and he's the only person that can make me feel safe! And I don't worry about Tommy leaving anymore!" She screamed. Okay, so the last part was a lie, but she would get over that in time, when he proved her wrong. She knew it would happen.

"Jude, just don't make the same mistake. Breaking up with Tommy was the best thing you ever did," Sadie insisted. She wasn't going to let this one go.

"And look where it got me!" Jude furiously waved her hand around the room as if to show Sadie where she was, "If I would have just married Tommy, I wouldn't have been beaten and I wouldn't be battling an eating disorder! Breaking up with Tommy was the biggest mistake I ever made, not the best thing I ever did!" Tears were streaming down her face, now. Tommy has done nothing but help her and Sadie. How dare she doubt him and insult him like that!

"Look, Jude, Tommy's Tommy. You can't change him. He's left you before, he'll do it again," Sadie's voice was low and threatening, and even though Jude tried to ignore her words, they managed to seep into her brain and stick, haunting and teasing her.

"Sadie, just go. And tell Tommy I need to talk to him, okay?" Jude whispered, afraid if she talked louder, tears would spill out of her eyes.

"Jude…" Saide couldn't seem to finde the right words. Everything she said made Jude mad.

"Said, just go," she pleaded.

Jude watched as Sadie sauntered back down the hallway, slumped over with defeat. Good, Jude thought. It serves her right for how she talked about Tommy.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Chapter 7: Let's Talk about Love

Hey to all my readers! I'm so sorry it took so long to get this chapter up!! With school starting and my internet being down, I couldn't get this post up. It's been done for two weeks now and I just got a chance to post. So, I hope you enjoy!! I had fun writing this one. Oh, and I'll have more chapters coming. I already have two more written. So watch out for more Jommy!!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

A few minutes later, she heard the familiar beats of Tommy's footsteps against the linoleum floors. She smiled relieved he was here.

"Hey," he said nervously. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his shoulders were tensed up.

"Hey," she squeaked back, giving him a weak smile.

"So I guess you wanna talk," he whispered, lowering his head.

"Yeah, but don't look so sad. I still love you Tommy," Jude whispered back. She outstretched a hand and Tommy took it, getting pulled closer to Jude. He smiled, relieved at her statement.

"So… you don't want to dump me again?" he asked. She could feel his hand shaking in anticipation. She suppressed a giggle.

"No, I don't want to dump you," she whispered, trying hard to keep a straight face. But Tommy was so damn cute when he was nervous, "But Tommy I need to know that we can last. Forever. Every time we've tried being together, it seems like something is always in our way. I need to know that nothing can tear us apart," Jude hated reliving the past mistakes they had made, but she needed to know. For the sake of her kids and herself.

"Jude, we're older now and we both know what we want. I love you, you love me, the timing couldn't be better, and I firmly believe we can last. I believe we'll be together forever," Tommy was close to tears. He wanted Jude to completely understand. He squeezed her hand, letting her know he was always there.

"So, you promise not to run away when things get tough?"

"If you promise not to dump me ever again," Tommy smirked. He was glad the serious talking was behind them. Now they had time to do other things, things that didn't require clothes.

"Oh Tommy," she breathed. She recognized her look, that one special look Tommy always gave her. She knew it was for real this time. His eyes told his whole story, and they were saying that he loved her and was ready to be with her forever.

Tommy lay breathlessly beside Jude, his arms clenched around her waist. He kissed her naked back, smiling at the beauty in each curve. She was beautiful, even in a hospital bed. He held on tighter, not wanting her to ever leave his side, but frowned when she winced in pain.

"What's wrong?" he asked, panicked. He sat up and looked her over.

"My side still really hurts," she whispered, forcing a smile.

"Oh," he muttered, lowering his head. How could he forget? After almost losing her countless times, how could he forget to be gentle? After everything they've been through, he had forgotten what happened to her.

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I love when you hold me," she added, this time smiling for real, "Just don't hold on so tight. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still just really sore."

"From what?" he asked seductively, planting little kisses all over her neck and throat. Jude still blushed, even after five years. Tommy made her feel so perfect. She studied their bodies, entwined and naked, both of them keeping warm like this. The only thing that covered them was a flimsy hospital sheet.

"Tommy!" she cried, slamming her pillow on his head, stopping the sweet kisses.

"What? I just wanted to know! What's so wrong with that?" he insisted, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"Alright, you really wanna know?"

"Yes, I want to know."

"Fine, I'll tell you. I am sore from you. I won't be able to walk all day," Jude explained, "Because, you, Tommy Quincy, are so good in bed."

"Why thank you," he smirked again, and started kissing her neck.

"Yeah, well, you better go. Jamie's waiting to see me," Jude warned, playfully shoving Tommy out of the bed. He laughed at her attempt and just pulled her closer, drawing in for a kiss. But Jude lowered her head as Tommy came in, letting him kiss her forehead, instead.

"What was that?" he snapped, pulling back.

"There's plenty of time for that later," she giggled at her own shyness and shoved him once again, this time with a little more force, "Forever's a long time. I don't want you to get tired of kissing me."

"Jude Harrison, I solemnly swear that I, Tommy Quincy, will never, ever get tired of kissing every single part of you," Tommy stated, bowing like a knight.

"Go on, get outta here," she sighed, there was her look again. Why was he so gorgeous?

"If you say so, but I promise, Ms. Quincy, that I will be back," and with that, he walked out of the room. Jude smiled and closed her eyes, wanting that image to stay in her head forever.

About ten minutes later, Jamie walked in, a bouquet of flowers in hand. He walked over to Jude's bed and gave her a kiss on the forehead, placing his hand in hers. There was nothing he treasured more than his friendship with Jude. And although they've been rocky, they never stopped trying to make it work. And now he had Zeplin, the one girl that made him feel like he was the center of the universe.

"Oh, Tommy, I missed you so much. Please don't stop," Jude murmured, pulling at Jamie's shirt. Jamie caught a glimpse of Jude smiling, "Oh Tommy." She repeated, squeezing Jamie's hand. He found this amusing.

"Jude," Jamie whispered, holding his laughs.

"Tommy, I missed you," Jude finally opened her eyes and her eyeballs almost popped out of her head when she saw Jamie, sitting there, looking like he just crapped his pants. She snatched her hand away, "Jamie, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It's just that Tommy was supposed to be coming back and I thought you were…"

"It's okay, Jude," he smiled reassuringly and set the bouquet on the table beside her bed.

"So, how are you and Zeplin? Is she still clueless about planning the wedding?" Jude asked, trying to make pleasant conversation. She didn't want to talk about her, for once.

"Yeah, but I called Sadie and she says she'll set up a meeting with Zeplin. I'm eternally grateful for your sister's help," Jamie explained. He was relieved he didn't have to do anything.

"Well, my sister will give you the best wedding ever. She's so amazing at this kind of stuff," Jude smiled. She was actually having a civilized conversation with her best friend. No lectures from big sisters, no fighting with her friends, just a good conversation between her and Jamie.

"Well, Zeplin's too shy to ask, but she told me she wants you to sing for the wedding. You're her favorite instant star, just so you know," Jamie winked at her, "She loves your voice."

"Really? Of course I'll sing at your wedding! But you have to wait until I get out of the hospital," Jude warned, "Or my doctor won't let me do it."

"We were thinking about doing the wedding in the spring. That's a while away."

"Works for me," Jude smiled, "Just let me know when and I'll be there. God, I can't believe I'm her favorite."

"Well who else would she like? You're the only decent one. Oh, and Mason. But he's in Nashville right now anyways," Jamie smiled wide. Finally, things were going the way he wanted them to. He could sit down with his best friend and have a decent conversation like they used to be able to do, "So, speaking of love, you and Tommy?"

"What? We're taking things slow. I don't want anything really serious until my kids are comfortable with them," Jude explained, a little embarrassed. She still felt a little awkward talking about boys with Jamie, "But let's not talk about me. Have you talked to Mason recently?"

"Really? That's not what I heard. I've heard from all the nurses you two have done it at least three times since you've been in the hospital," Jamie raised his eyebrows, ignoring Jude's attempt at changing the subject.

"Well… still… I don't want him getting any wrong ideas about doing normal couple things. I have three kids to take care of as soon as I get out of here," Jude quickly explained, "Now, will you please tell me if you've talked to Mason? I don't have his current phone number."

"I think Tommy's gonna be right there helping you. He loves those kids. And they really like him, too. Every time I glance over at them in the backyard playing with Tommy, they're tackling him to the ground, tickling him. Andrea accidentally called him daddy and the sad thing was he didn't even catch it. I heard it when I went in the back to take the garbage out. I don't think he noticed because he was so into what they were doing and I guess for a moment he thought he really was their dad," Jamie explained, shaking his head. Jude couldn't believe how Jamie was completely ignoring her. How dare him!

"I'll talk to Tommy," she snapped, "Now will you please just answer the damn question!"

"Jude, why are you so set on ignoring this conversation? Jude, talk to me. We've been telling each other secrets since we were old enough to talk," Jamie hissed, slamming his hand on the chair.

"Jamie, I can't right now," Jude whispered, "All I can tell you is that I love him. The rest is just as much a mystery to me as it is to you. Please, just try to understand.

"Jude, I'm okay with it, really. I'm happy for you. Just be careful, okay?" Jamie smiled and squeezed her hand. She smiled at his caring gesture.

"Jamie, Zeplin is so lucky to have you."

"Well, thanks," he looked down embarrassed, "by the way, the only person who's talked to Mason is Tommy," Jamie added, trying to change the subject.

"Really, how do you know?"

"That's what Spied said. Tommy and Spied got kinda close before Tommy made the sex tape with Karma," he explained, shaking his head. He paused for a moment before continuing, "You know the only reason he made that sex tape was because he was so messed up about you leaving. That's how him and Spied bonded. They had one thing in common: the missing Jude Harrison syndrome."

"Wow, I didn't know…"Jude trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Yeah, no one did until Spied's marriage fell apart. When he found out about the sex tape, he confronted Tommy about it. Tommy called him out for secretly being in love with you and how he didn't love Karma anyway so it shouldn't matter. And Spied broke down completely, right there in the studio, proclaiming his love for you, when Karma walked in and heard. She served him with divorce papers two days later. Spied blamed Tommy because it was easier to hate him than hate himself for loving you. And the sad part is, he knew all along that if you were ever to come back, you would pick Tommy over anyone else, so he tried to get past you. Now that you're back and you've chosen Tommy, yet again, he's been trying to support you and he realizes not that Tommy's not to blame for his marriage falling apart. He told me it would have happened even if Tommy had kept his mouth shut. Tommy's been helping Spied with his third album at NBR to make up for everything he's done, on top of working for Darius. Now that's a passionate man, right there," Jamie finished. He wasn't sure why he just poured Spied's deepest darkest secret to someone, especially the girl the secret was about, but somewhere inside him, he felt Jude had a right to know.

"Jamie, I have to talk to Spied. I had no idea! God, Jamie! I slept with him!" Jude slammed her palm on her forehead, wincing slightly at the pain.

"You slept with him?" Jamie rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling, "This just keeps getting better."

"But you can't tell Tommy! As far as he knows, Henry's the only other guy I've slept with."

"Jude! Why? What possessed you to do that?"

"I don't know. I hadn't had sex with anyone for almost a year and I tricked myself into having feelings for Spied so I slept with him. But don't worry, we were five minutes into it and I accidentally called out Tommy's name and he got pissed and left," Jude explained, realizing how bad she must have made Spied feel.

"Can't you learn to keep you lips and tongue to yourself? You cause serious emotional damage," Jamie let out the smallest of laughs but quickly turned serious again, "please, please don't ever sleep with him again because I'm the one who has to deal with him when he's heartbroken because you decided to dump him and run off with Tommy like you always do," Jamie pleaded. So much for the pleasant conversation with his best friend, "Now I have to go. I'm late for the meeting with Sadie. Zeplin'll kill me if I'm not there."

"I'm gonna talk to him, just send him back," Jude insisted, still not sure what she was going to say to him.

"Will do." He mumbled, "See ya, Jude."

"See ya, Jamie," she smiled a little, "And thanks for telling me."

"Don't sweat it. It was nothing," Jamie winked and headed out the door.

Jude sat impatiently at the side of her hospital bed, tapping her toes on the floor. Why was Spied taking so long? Where was he? It didn't take that long to walk down a hallway, did it? She glanced down at her watch. Five minutes. Five minutes and she was still waiting out this awful guilt she felt. Five minutes and she was still unsure of what she was going to say to the guy who lovesher almost as much as Tommy does. Five minutes and…

"Jude," Spied mumbled. He was here.

"Spied, why on earth didn't you tell me?" Jude demanded. Was that anger in her voice? Why was she mad? She had absolutely no right to be mad. He had the right to love her in private. It was probably for the best until Jamie told her everything, "I thought we were friends! Friends tell other friends big stuff like that! You had me thinking your marriage was broken up because of that stupid sex tape! How dare you let me think that!" Jude was close to tears. Why was she so upset?

"Jude, I'm sorry, but I didn't want you to know that I've been madly in love with you since the day we first played in the studio together. I remember the song, Me out of Me. I loved it. I wouldn't have changed a thing about you, not one thing. I loved the rocker chick look, the red hair, the ripped jeans, all of it, Jude. I loved your voice, your eyes, the way your face crinkled when you were stumped on a song. I took it all in everyday and I couldn't help the way I felt. When we were going out, I hated that you didn't love me back, I hated it. And I always knew that your heart only belonged to Tommy, but I didn't want to accept it, so I kept on feeling this way. When I finally realized that I had to deal with it, I broke down. I sat down in the studio and cried. I've never felt this way about anyone and the fact that you loved him pissed me off and caused me to hate him, especially because he loves you back," Spied explained.

"Spied, I'm so sorry. But I don't like you the way you like me. I see you as a really good friend, that's all. But Spied, I understand if you don't want to see me again. I totally understand the feeling," Jude's voice softened at the last phrase, knowing that inside she would be totally devastated if that were to happen.

"Jude, I don't feel that way anymore," he let out a laugh and his face broke into a half grin, "I realize now that I love Karma, I really do. I want to win her back. But I need your help, Jude. Even though she says she doesn't like you, she does. She admires you so much. The only reason she's mean to you is because she's threatened by you. So you need to let her know that you're not a threat. Tell her that I still love her, tell her that I'm over you, tell her whatever the hell you want to get her back," Spied explained.

"Okay, but it's going to have to wait. I have some important matters to take care of, first. Tommy and I need to get back on track, I need to see my kids, I need to talk to my sister who I happened to totally bring down and I need to form a plan," Jude's sly expression spread across her face and she gave Spied a hug, "I'm so glad you fell in love with someone," she whispered into his ear.

"I know, us men are finally getting over you, except for Tommy. He had a hell of a time just learning to function without you here. He didn't sleep with anyone the entire time you were gone, except for Karma, but I think we all forgive him for that one," Spied cackled at his own comment, making Jude giggle.

"Yeah I don't think we can hold it against him," Jude agreed, "So are we okay?"

"Yeah, I guess we are, _Dude_," Spied pulled Jude into another hug before turning to leave, "I'll send him to you as soon as he gets back."

"Thanks, Spied."

"Dude, anything for you."

"Jude, wake up," cooed a voice, a very sexy, familiar voice. She smiled, pulling Tommy closer and inhaled his scent, that soft, shower fresh clean scent.

"I'm awake. I knew you'd be back. You just can't stay away, can you Quincy?" Jude smirked. She opened her eyes, and stared straight into Tommy's. She wasn't quite sure was she was searching for, but soon found it when she realized their lips had collided.

"You're right," he whispered breathlessly after a few minutes, "You're way too addicting."

"Well, don't ever give up the habit," she whispered back. She focused on his lips, and then smashed hers into his, not wanting to ever part from him again. Everything she felt for him, everything she loved about him, was right here in this moment. They could be living on a street corner for all she cared, as long as her kids and Tommy were with her, keeping her alive. To her, that's what love is. It's being with the person that makes you feel like you're the center of their entire universe and you can also make that person feel the same way. And with Jude and Tommy, it was that way. And that was all that mattered. And his gorgeous body didn't hurt, either.

"Don't plan to," and without another word, the two undressed each other effortlessly.

Seconds later, Tommy was on top of Jude, pressing as close and hard as he could into her. It seemed like he couldn't get close enough to her. He wanted to be so close their entire body would fuse together and become one so they would never have to leave the other's side.

His rhythm and hers became one and both Jude and Tommy were stuck in this trance that slowed time almost to a stop. They wanted the moment to last forever. Jude dug her fingers into Tommy's back, arching hers in the same motion. Tommy began to plant little kisses all over her neck and throat and shoulders. And when she came close to letting out a scream, he would crash his mouth on hers to suppress it. He was amused by her excitement and giddiness when he would kiss her breasts or run his hands alongside her body.

When both of them had finally climaxed, the two lay side by side on the bed, Jude's back pressed into Tommy's stomach and his arms tightly around her entire body. He was never letting go, not for anything.

"Tommy?" Jude whispered. It took him out of his trance, and he strained to look at Jude's face while at the same time trying not to break his grip on her.

"Yes?" he answered sweetly.

"Do you think that when we're in heaven the sex will be better?" Jude's voice sounded thoughtful and he wasn't sure if she was joking or being serious.

"Uh, I don't know," he muttered, holding back laughter.

"I don't think it could get any better, I mean, this is pretty amazing sex," Jude turned as she said this, struggling to face him. Tommy loosened his grip just enough for her to do so.

"Yeah," he agreed, "I don't know, though. Just imagine the things we can do when you're fully healed," he whispered wickedly, his lips spreading into an evil smile.

"Tommy! That's so not funny!" Jude whimpered, making a pouty face.

"Yeah, okay," he rolled his eyes and smiled sweetly, pressing his lips on Jude's forehead gently. He didn't want to upset her, so he decided to let it go.

"Tommy, I'm serious. When I get better, we'll need to talk about having sex. When I go back to Sadie's, I'll be a full time mom again. I can't let my kids see me having sex with you. So I'm not sure how much of it we'll be having once I'm out of here. So I just want to make the best of what I have," Jude explained. She knew Tommy was going to get upset, so she squeezed her eyes shut, cringing in anticipation of his temper tantrum.

"Jude, just because you have kids doesn't mean you don't have a life," Tommy argued, getting up from the bed. Jude instantly missed his touch, regretting she ever said anything. Why did she have to go and ruin a perfectly good moment?

"I know, but Tommy, I can't ask my sister to watch them for much longer, I mean, she's pregnant and needs to be concentrating on other things besides my kids right now," Jude whispered, hoping her soft soothing voice would calm him down.

"Then marry me, Jude. We'll have a small ceremony, friends and family only, right her if you want. Just don't say no. I love you so much and I can't possibly be anywhere but here with you and your kids. I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else," Tommy said, pulling a diamond ring out of his pants pocket.

"Oh my God, you have a ring this time," Jude mumbled, shaking with excitement. She didn't know what she should say. She's loved him for almost ten years and she knew it. She didn't want to fight it any longer, "Yes, Thomas DuTois, I'll marry you." A tear ran down her cheek as she stared at the colossal diamond on her finger.

"Jude, I love you, here, now, forever," he whispered, hugging her tightly. She didn't want him to let go.

"I love you, too," she smiled at her words, content with her decision. If she wasn't happy, there was no way to make her kids happy. She was just going to let whatever happens, happen. There was no more fighting destiny.

"So, just tell me when, where and what to wear and I'll be there," he pulled her back, and looked her in the eye, waiting for a response.

"Today. Let's just go somewhere and get married," Jude replied, moving toward her bag of clothes in the chair.

"Jude, don't you think we should tell someone?" Tommy asked skeptically.

"Damn, I don't have anything to wear. I guess we'll have to go by Sadie's and pick up some clothes."

"Jude, are you listening to me?" Tommy's anger level was rising. He didn't like being ignored.

"Yes, Quincy, I'm listening to you, but we need to go by Sadie's," Jude repeated, smiling.

"Okay," he mumbled. His anger vanished when he saw the hurt expression on Jude's face. How could he be mad at her?

"You don't want to get married today, do you?" she whispered, looking down at are wiggling toes.

"Jude, I just want someone to know, that's all," Tommy smiled at Jude and took her hand in his, "Why don't you tell Sadie?"

"Sadie?! Are you kidding me? She's not even talking to me right now!" Jude argued. No way was she going to tell her sister.

"Look, she'll get over it. You can't be mad at her for having an opinion," Tommy cooed. His soothing voice was getting to her, he could tell.

"Tommy…" Jude trailed off.

"Jude, it'll be okay. You two won't stay mad at each other for long, she's gonna need your help with her new baby," Tommy pointed out. He was winning and she was losing momentum.

"Yeah, but she doesn't have a right to have an opinion about us! She's my sister and she should be happy that I've found someone I can trust! Especially after what Henry did to me!" Jude was close to tears, thinking back to that awful night.

"Jude, listen to me. Your sister cares about you a lot. She's been there through everything, she's just being an annoying big sister because she's older and she thinks she knows best. All she's doing is looking out for you. You and I, we don't exactly have the best track record," Tommy's voice was almost a whisper now and somehow he had managed to get all the way to Jude's ear without her noticing. She was too captivated with his words.

"Okay, okay, we'll tell Sadie," she sighed and leaned into Tommy's forehead, their nose tips barely touching.

"Now, we can go get married," he smiled that devious smile and pulled Jude right off the bed.

"Wait! Shouldn't I tell my kids?" Jude asked, realizing what a bad idea this was.

"Of course, we'll tell them when we tell Sadie," Tommy's eyes shown with assurance.

"Okay…" Jude said tentatively.

"Don't worry, they'll love the idea. They helped me pick out the ring," he explained, his grin growing wider by the second, "Alexa picked it out and was sure you would love it."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, let's go tell them we're getting married."

Sadie paced the house, arguing with herself in her head. How could she have gone off on Jude like that? What was she thinking? Jude was twenty four years old and could make her own decisions. Why was she still trying to dictate her life?

"Sadie?" Kwest called, walking into the kitchen.

"Yes?" Sadie snapped, not meaning to sound so cold.

"Um, the girls were wondering if they could go see their mom," Kwest explained. When Sadie didn't answer, Kwest spoke again, "Sadie, what's wrong?"

"I'm such a bad big sister!" she whimpered, and then broke down in tears. Kwest caught her before her butt hit the floor and held her until she calmed down.

"Sadie, you're not a bad big sister. You were just looking out for her," Kwest whispered, running his hand through Sadie's hair.

"Why are you so nice to me? Why do you put up with me? It seems like everyone else hates me or doesn't want to be around me," Sadie cried, sniffling.

"Sadie, I love you, and so does Jude. That's why we put up with you, and that's why we put up with Jude, because we love her," Sadie smiled, Kwest always knew what to say.

"Thanks," she whispered, giving him a peck on the lips. It soon turned into much more but was quickly interrupted by three sets of footsteps shuffling into the kitchen.

"Aunt Sadie, we want to see our mommy!" Alexa whined, putting her fists on her hips.

"Yeah!" the twins yelled, mimicking Alexa.

"Guys, can't you ask nicely? Didn't your mom teach you manners?" Sadie sighed.

"Yes, but when we're mad and cranky, we don't use manners. Even mommy doesn't use manners when she's mad. She doesn't ask us nicely to sit in timeout! Why should we ask nicely to go see mommy?" Alexa argued. Sadie didn't quite know what to say to that, so she smiled and threw her hands up in defeat.

"Alright, but it'll have to wait until after lunch because Jamie's coming over with Zeplin today, okay?" Sadie explained, leaning down to their level.

"Okay," they all said deflated.

"Guys, come on. You love Jamie! He always brings you cool things! Remember last time he brought you the first copy of Spied's new album!" Sadie exclaimed, trying to lift the girls' spirits.

"Yeah, but I like Tommy! He always plays with us and he loves mommy. Did you know he picked out a diamond ring for her? Alexa helped," Andrea said, pointing to her older sister.

"Andrea! We weren't supposed to tell!" Alexa hissed, glaring at Andrea.

"Alexa, mommy says it's not nice to keep secrets," Ali pointed out, defending her sister.

"Ali, this was a good secret! Not a bad one! Tommy said mommy would tell Sadie!" Alexa buried her head into her hands and closed her eyes. She couldn't get anything through those thick skulls.

"Oops, sorry," they both said, like they could read each other's minds.

"Guys, is he going to ask her today?" Sadie asked, hoping to pry information out of the twins.

"Not telling. He doesn't want anyone to know," Andrea said, finally catching Alexa's drift.

"Yeah, but I'm sure mommy'll tell you. She doesn't keep anything from you."

"She's right, once she told us that sometimes she felt like the only person she could trust was you. She even told us how good you are at being an older sister. She told me I should be like you," Alexa explained. This made Sadie want to cry. It made her feel even worse for what she had said earlier. Jude trusted her and loved her, why couldn't she just be happy for Jude's relationship with Tommy? Why did she have to go and trash it?

"Really? She said that about me?" Sadie whispered, afraid if she talked any louder, her tears might spill out of her eyes.

"Yeah, she said it all the time, especially when she was mad at Daddy. She told us stories about you and she gave us a list of every sport you played when we asked, we've tried almost all of them," Alexa explained.

"Wow, that's a lot!" Sadie exclaimed, laughing at their dedication to be like her. Maybe Jude really wasn't the little sister she knew five years ago.

"Yeah, we've tried everything!" Andrea exclaimed.

"Nuh uh!" Ali cried.

"Yeah, we didn't get to ride horses yet," Alexa explained.

"Well, I'll make sure you do, okay?" Sadie propped Ali and Andrea on her knees and Alexa, being the attention hog she is, plopped herself right in between her two sisters.

"Hey! Sadie! Jamie's here!" Kwest called from the living room.

"Coming!" Sadie exclaimed, tickling the girls so they would get off.

"Aunt Sadie! Stop!" Alexa screamed between giggles.

"I will if you get off of me," Sadie said, trying to break free from the girls' grip.

"Okay! Okay!" they all screamed simultaneously. As soon as Sadie could get to her feet, she walked to the living room to greet Jamie and Zeplin.

"Hey guys!" Sadie hugged both of them and urged them to sit down.

"Hey Sadie," Jamie greeted. He took a seat right next to Zeplin and put his arm around her.

"So, I just need to ask you guys some questions and I'll start calling around for caterers and flower arrangements. Oh! Zeplin, I think you would look stunning in an off-white dress. And Jamie, I have the perfect color tux for…"

"Sadie!" Kwest called. He jogged out of the study and ran to the living room.

"Kwest, not now. I'm in a meeting with clients," Sadie hissed.

"Kwest held back laughter and tried to stay serious, "Sadie, Jude and Tommy just pulled in our driveway."

"What! You don't think…" Sadie's hand flew to her mouth, "Oh no! No! She can't be getting married right now!"

"Sadie, just act calm. Remember, we don't know anything about it. They both think we're clueless. Let's keep it that way," Kwest warned, walking over to the door to let them in.

"Jude and Tommy are getting married?!" Jamie screamed.

"Shut up!" Sadie snapped, pointing at the door, "They're coming in right now!"

Kwest opened the door just as the duo walked up the stairs, "Hey I saw you guys pull up. What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to say hi to my girls. Where are they?" Jude asked, craning her neck around Kwest, looking down the hallway.

"Hold on, I'll go get them," Kwest chuckled and walked off to find the terrible trio.

"Hey Jude!" Jamie exclaimed, "hey Tommy," he said with less enthusiasm. He was still getting used to seeing the two together.

"Hey guys!" Jude exclaimed, walking over to Jamie and Zeplin, purposely passing Sadie.

"Hey, Jude" Zeplin mumbled. Jude gave her a quick hug and reluctantly made her way to Sadie.

"We need to talk," Jude whispered into Sadie's ear. She snatched her out of the chair and pulled her to the kitchen.

"Look Jude, I'm sorry. For everything. I don't know what I was thinking," Sadie said, once they were safely in the kitchen by themselves.

"Good. I was worried you wouldn't change you mind," Jude's scorn had turned into a smile and she gave her sister a hug, "God I missed this."

"But Jude, that doesn't mean I don't have doubts, cause I do, but I will definitely support you, Jude. I'm just worried. You can't hate me for that."

"I'll deal, Sadie. I just need my sister back."

"Well you got her," Sadie took Jude's hand and squeezed it, "So you and Tommy, huh? Care to share?"

"MOMMEEEEEEEE!" Alexa screamed, running into Jude. A nanosecond later, Jude felt two little girls strap their arms around her legs.

"Hey! There are my girls!" she squatted, her face now at their level.

"Mommy, are you here to take us home?" Alexa asked, her eyes hopeful.

"No, sweetie. I'm just here to visit," Jude explained, giving all three of them a sympathetic frown.

"Okay," Alexa mumbled, "Is Tommy here?"

"Yeah, he's in the living room. Why don't you girls go say hi? Mommy's got some big news and I want everyone in the living room," Jude explained, a hug grin spreading across her face. She watched as her girls ran into Tommy's arm as if they were his children all along. A million feelings surged through Jude's veins at the very moment, making her heart ache and her body limp. Words couldn't describe what she felt when she saw her kids and the one man she's always loved come together.

"Tommy, did you give my mommy the ring?" Andrea whispered into his ear. He simply nodded and put his finger to his lips, willing the girls to be quiet.

"Okay, is everyone here?" Jude asked, walking into the living room, Sadie in tow. She glanced around and saw that everyone was there, waiting for her to go on. She took a moment to mentally ready herself for the news and continued, "Okay, so here's the news: Tommy and I are getting married!"


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Don't worry, be happy

I know, it took a whole month to post a chapter I had already written! I'm so completely sorry, but I've been crazy busy with my singing schedule and I'm almost never home anymore. This is the first time in like three weeks I've actually turned on my computer!! I know, crazy, right? But anyway, hope you guys enjoy. It's a few paragraphs shy from my normal length, but I thought it was a good ending place for the chapter.

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

The entire room was silent. Jude stared into the blank-faced crowd that was supposed to be her closest friends and family. They were supposed to be overjoyed with the news, not stunned and speechless. The girls sat there, quiet, trying not to burst with excitement until everyone else did. Jamie and Zeplin looked back and forth from Jude to each other. Sadie and Kwest had a contemplative look on their face, as if they were mentally weighing the pros and cons to Tommy and Jude's relationship. Tommy was the only person that had a grin on his face, staring straight at Jude. She didn't get why he was the only one so happy. Everyone was supposed to be that happy.

"Okay, someone say something," she sighed and put her hands on her hips.

"MOMMMMMEEEEE! We wanna throw the pretty petals on the ground while you walk down the isle!!" Alexa screamed.

"And I wanna wear a pink dress!" Ali added. Andrea just sat there, aimlessly nodding, so excited she didn't know what to say.

"See? Someone's happy for us," Jude joked, walking over to Tommy. She put a comforting arm around his waist as his hand effortlessly made its way to Jude's shoulder.

"Yeah," he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Jude! This is so great!" Sadie exclaimed, jumping up from her spot and wrapping her arms around both of them. Kwest walked by and congratulated them after Sadie.

"Jamie? You gonna say something? Or are you just going to sit there and look all mopey?"

"Jude, I just… can we talk? Alone?" his look was so serious Jude had to almost look away.

"Sure. Tommy, we'll be in the kitchen," Jude muttered, her smile and excitement gone.

"Jamie, what's up?" Jude asked, folding her arms across her chest defensively.

"An hour ago you were saying that you didn't know what was going to happen with Tommy! Now you're marrying him!" he hissed, pointing sternly in to the other room.

"I don't want you to understand, Jamie! I want you to be happy for me! I finally get the guy I want and you want to take that away from me!" Jude whined accusingly.

"What about Spied? Huh? Never mind the fact that he's madly in love with you. I guess you just think you can go around breaking everyone's heart just because you feel like it? Well you can't! You broke mine one too many times! And now that I've finally gotten over you and found someone to spend the rest of my life with, you want to do it first! Does it always have to be like this with you?"

"Jamie, I didn't know he was going to ask me! I don't have to marry him today!" she said through tears. But I was planning on it until you said something, she added mentally.

"AAAHHHHH! You're not getting it! You have three kids! You just got divorced! You've only been with Tommy for what? A month? And now you wanna marry him?"

"Jamie! I've known Tommy going on nine years!! I think I know that if I feel the same way about him that I did nine years ago that I would know what to do about it! I know I made a mistake with Henry, but Tommy's not Henry! He's way better and I've been in love with him practically my entire adult life! Can't you just be happy for me?"

"I am happy that you found someone you love, and I'm ecstatic that he adores your kids as much as he adores you, but don't you think you should continue dating him for a while longer before you just dive into another marriage? You've only been divorced for a few weeks!" Jamie's voice was pleading now, trying to make Jude understand the consequences of rushing into a marriage based solely on the fact that they loved each other. There was so much more to consider.

"Jamie! I know this sounds ridiculous, but I need you to back me up on this. I need you to support me and let me know that everything is going to be okay. I need to know that you'll be up there with me on my wedding day, catching me if I faint out of nervousness or something! You're my best friend I need you for that!" Jude cried, slamming her fist on the counter. Its boom sounded through the entire house and everyone in the living room, was suddenly in the kitchen, wondering what was going on.

"What's has gotten into you two?" Kwest asked, looking back and forth between Jamie and Jude.

"I don't want her to marry _him_." Jamie said through his teeth, pointing at Tommy, who was now by Jude's side, wiping the fluent tears coming out of her eyes.

"You know what Jamie? Go to hell," Jude finished wiping away her tears and pulled Tommy with her back to the living room where her girls were playing with their new toys Aunt Sadie had bought them. Damn Sadie and her shopping sprees.

"Hey guys! Watcha playin with?" Jude asked, sitting down on the ground between Ali and Andrea. She tried to sound cheerful and forget about Jamie.

"Nothing. We were just thinking about how cool it's going to be when you and Daddy live with each other in the same house!" Alexa explained, putting another outfit on the doll she had been playing with.

Jude shot Tommy a glance, telling him to meet her in the study. Pronto, "Hey guys, I'm going to go talk to _Tommy_ about something, okay?" she said sweetly, emphasizing the word Tommy.

"Okay," they all mumbled, still occupied with their new toys.

Jude smiled brightly at them and made her way to the study, closing the doors behind her when they made it in.

"Since when have they been calling you daddy? And when were you going to tell me?" Jude snapped. She was getting tired of the surprises and upsets today.

"Honestly? I don't know. I think it was about two weeks ago when I picked them up to take them to the park. They told me I was the coolest daddy ever and that their other daddy never did things with them. I felt bad for making them call me Tommy, so I let it slide. But then it started happening more frequently, and I was going to bring it up. But then this happened, and one thing led to another… I guess I either forgot or didn't want to tell you right now," Tommy explained. He felt bad for not correcting them. Because they did have a dad out there, Tommy wasn't, by any means their father, as much as he wanted to be.

"Tommy, I just don't know if it's such a good idea. I mean, they still have a dad, and what happens when they get older and realize that you're not their real dad? They'll want to know why we let them call you that all these years," Jude's voice went soft at the end. She didn't want to talk about this as much as him.

"You're forgetting Alexa is mine. We had a baby together. I feel like if she wants to call me daddy, then she can. And the other two feel just as much mine as Alexa does. I can't not let them call me Daddy. In fact, there's nothing I want more than for them to be my kids. And of course, having you around doesn't hurt either," he smiled, and let his hands cascade down my body, sending shivers down my spine. I jumped up on top of him and continued to kiss him until we hit the floor. Then there was no stopping us. I didn't need to tell him that I felt the exact same way about it that he did. I could just tell him by making love to him. That way was easier and a lot more fun.

"I'm going to go find Jude," Sadie mumbled, wanting to be out of the kitchen. She didn't want to talk to Jamie right now. He was pissing her off.

"I'll stay here and talk to Jamie," Kwest whispered to Sadie. He didn't want Jamie to know he was about to give him the third degree.

"Whatever," Sadie scoffed.

As she retreated away from the kitchen, Kwest waited until she was out of sight before starting to yell.

"Jamie! Do you understand what you just did?! If you don't apologize and support her for being with Tommy, then you're gonna lose her. And I don't mean for a few weeks until she decides to come and apologize like she always does. No, this time, it will be for good! Now go and find her and tell her that's you're sorry!" Kwest growled. He was not one to get that angry, but he felt Jamie was being overprotective of Jude. She's a grown woman with three kids. So what if her soul mate has a tendency to skip town when things get rough? Old habits can die, right?

"Kwest!!" Sadie screeched, her body frozen in the study's doorframe. Kwest was by her side momentarily and was as shocked as she was. Zeplin giggled at the image and Jamie, well, if there was such a thing, smoke would be pouring out of Jamie's ears.

"Jude! Tommy! That's our study! Get out!" Sadie demanded, pointing to the living room.

"Sorry. Can we have some privacy? We need to get dressed," Jude mumbled, trying to cover herself up with her jacket. Poor Tommy had his hands covering his… male parts.

"Yeah, really Sadie, you can stop staring now," Tommy accused in a low husky voice. Jude could tell he was no where near done with this and had every intention to continue as soon as Sadie shut the door.

"Yeah, okay, we're leaving," Sadie managed a weak smile before closing the doors again.

"Now, where was I?" Tommy groaned, pulling Jude back. He slipped into her and within moments, they had settled back into their effortless rhythm.

"Tommy, we should really stop and get back in there. I didn't mean for this to get so out of hand," Jude giggled softly, thinking of how perfect this was.

"Alright, I guess we can pick up where we left off later," Tommy sighed, stood up and went to put his clothes on.

"I know you don't want to stop, I know it's so hard leaving me like this. I'm just so irresistible," Jude cooed, moving her body in ways Tommy didn't think possible. Fuck clothes. Who needed them anyways? He went back over to Jude and began to kiss her vigorously. He didn't ever want it to stop.

"Tommy, seriously, we have to stop." She said after several minutes of aimless making out.

"AH!" he held his head up to the ceiling, "Why now? Huh? God, can't you just give me one more minute?"

Jude burst into laughter and knocked Tommy off of her with one swipe. As soon as her body recognized how much force it had used, she began to wince in pain, "OWWW! I think I hurt my side!" she choked out, pressing her hands into her hip.

"Jude? Are you okay?" Tommy's voice was full of concern as he got up to put his clothes on. He stopped when she didn't respond. Thank God he had managed to put his boxers on, "Jude! Answer me!"

"I'll be okay, I just need to lay here for a few minutes before attempting to get up," she whispered hoarsly.

"Okay…"

"Tommy, finish getting dressed. I'll meet you out there with the kids in a minute," Jude said, a bit louder. She watched his figure walk out the door, halfway dressed, holding the rest of his clothes. That was so like Tommy to piss Jamie off like that.

Jude lie there for a few minutes, taking slow, deep breaths until she had gathered up enough energy to get dressed. She was putting on her shoes when she heard faint footsteps outside the door. Must be Tommy, she thought.

"Tommy, I'm fine. I'm putting my shoes on. You can leave me alone right now," Jude said in an exasperated tone. Tommy was officially smothering her, and though she didn't seem to mind ninety nine percent of the time, the other one percent really wished she could do something without him worrying about her.

"Jude, it's not Tommy. I need to talk to you," the male voice said. Jude froze, holding her two laces, frozen in time. She managed a squeaky okay and quickly tied her shoes.

"I'll meet you out back," he said, and she heard the footsteps saunter away. Why did he come back? Why now? Jude didn't respond and instead looked in the window, checking her reflection for obvious, embarrassing flaws and saw none.

"Jude, why is he here?" Sadie whispered once Jude was out of the study.

"Listen, I'll explain later. Right now I just have to get rid of him," Jude whispered back, craning her neck to make sure Tommy wasn't hearing her words. She sighed a breath of relief when she saw him laughing with the kids. Apparently, he hadn't seen him. That, she was thankful for.

"Jude…" Sadie gave Jude a sister look of warning before Jude darted out the back door.

Sadie walked back into the living room to the kids and started, once again, showing them what outfits matched.

"Is she okay? Do I need to go help her?" Tommy asked worriedly, as soon as he noticed Sadie's presence.

"No, she just went out back to get some fresh air. She told me to tell you she would like to be alone for a few minutes. I think she needs to clear her head of Jamie," Sadie whispered the last part so he wouldn't hear her in the kitchen.

"Oh, I see," Tommy muttered. He didn't want to comment on it because he knew how much Jamie's friendship meant to Jude.

In the kitchen, Kwest and Jamie had settled back into a heated argument about whether or not Jamie should be happy for Jude and let it go. Apparently, he was not going to apologize.

"I will not stand by and watch her marry a guy that might leave next week because he feels like it!" Jamie screeched. Tommy winced at the words, obviously hurt.

"Look, man, just give him a chance. He's changed a lot since he met Jude. There's nothing more he wants in the whole world," Kwest's calmer tone pleaded. Tommy couldn't help but smile at the undeserved faith Kwest had in him.

"I can't, I just… It's so hard for me to see her with anyone but…" he didn't finish the sentence. There was no way he would say it, not with Zeplin in the other room.

"With you? Because if you're still dreaming about Jude, then why are you marrying Zeplin? You can't marry someone unless you love them," Kwest lectured.

"Exactly my point! Tommy doesn't love Jude! He loves the idea of him and Jude together! That's completely different!" Jamie yelled. Tommy's ears perked up. That was it. Jamie was going down. How dare he accuse Tommy of not loving Jude. That was wrong, so wrong, on so many different levels.

"Alright you little punk ass know it all! I'll be damned if I hear you say that I don't love Jude! You don't even know me! How the hell do you know what or who I love! That is my business, and if you ever accuse me of not loving Jude again, you will be as flat a tile on this crappy ass floor!" Tommy yelled as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Whatever, I'm out. Zeplin and I will find another wedding planner. Tell Jude not to call me when he leaves her for the next biggest thing," Jamie said, deflated. He grabbed Zeplin's arm and raced out the door, "Oh, and tell Jude she is NOT welcome at my wedding and is no longer the singer for our service!"

"But Jamie! I love her voice!" Tommy heard Zeplin whine. Obviously she didn't have a problem with Jude getting married. That would mean no more threats on Jamie's heart except her. Now, if he could only get it through Jamie's skull that he doesn't plan on leaving her ever again.

"Jude's never gonna get married, not until Jamie decides to show up at the service," Tommy murmured, shaking his head. He was tired, so tired of all the drama. Love was supposed to be simple, something you read about in storybooks, not a complicated scheme just to get to the wedding!

Outside, Jude walked over to the swing and sat down, waiting for him to arrive. She was nervous and relieved all at the same time. She was finally going to get to wash away all other things keeping her from loving Tommy.

"Jude, we need to talk," he mumbled, coming out from behind the bushes.

"Shay," she breathed, patting the seat next to her. He sat down and the swing creaked a little, easing the awkward silence in between them.

"Look, Jude, I want you, I really do. But…"

"Shay, I'm marrying Tommy. He proposed and I said yes. I know we kissed, but I just don't feel the same way about you as you do about me. A long time ago I loved you, I did, but now? My heart only belongs to Tommy. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else," Jude tore her eyes away from Shay's and looked down, not wanting to look at the hurt in his eyes.

"Jude, you don't just kiss someone and then totally turn the tables on them!" Shay argued.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, but I can't be with you. Not now. Not ever." Her voice was monotone and expressionless. It was like all the life had been sucked out of her today.

"When I walk away, I'm walking away for good. You'll never get me back, Jude. It's now or never," he warned, getting up. Jude suppressed a laugh. It was funny how every guy she dated thought they were the ones breaking her heart.

"Shay, you deserve someone better than me. I'm an emotional wreck and have three kids. Find someone that can make you happy. I'm just not right for you," Jude explained, hoping he would finally get it.

"I guess you're right. Maybe I will find someone," he offered a slight smile and turned to walk away. Jude watched him until he was out the gate, heading toward his car parked on the other side of the street. Just enough out of view so that Tommy couldn't see, I guess that was just a blessing on her part.

Jude turned and headed back to the house, a house that was silent, except for three little girls running around the living room, most likely tearing up furniture. Why wasn't Sadie stopping them? Why was everyone so quiet?

She walked through the back door, straight into the kitchen, to have everyone stare at her.

"Jude, I'm so sorry," Sadie whispered. She looked apologetically to Jude, then to Kwest who took his turn to speak.

"Look, I tried to reason with him, he just didn't see it the way we see it," Kwest raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders.

"Guys, what do you mean?" Jude asked, panic rising through her bones.

"We mean Jamie is gone and he's not coming back," Tommy said coldly, glaring at the wall. He didn't look away from it to see Jude's facial expression. He didn't have to. He knew exactly was portrayed on her face.

"He didn't listen! How could he? We've been friends for over twenty years! That has to count for something!" she screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks again.

Tommy could punch Jamie right now. That was the second time today he had made her cry.

"Jude, I'm so sorry. I would have…"

"There's nothing you could have done, Tommy. Look, let's just go back to the hospital, okay? I've got a therapy appointment. I'm going to go say goodbye to the girls," she smiled through her tears and slapped a grin on her face as she went to greet her daughters.

"Girls, can I talk to you a minute?" Jude asked, patting the sofa. All three girls obediently sat on the sofa, facing their mom, sitting on the coffee table, "Angels, I have to go back to the hospital, okay? I'm trying to get better so I can come home for good. I probably won't see you for another week, unless you come visit me at the hospital. I have to stay so the doctors can finish taking care of me. Then I won't have to go back any more, okay?" she kissed each of their foreheads before muttering goodbyes. And before they knew it, Jude and Tommy were in the car, heading toward the hospital.

"Well, so much for getting married today," Tommy smirked, which made Jude laugh. She loved that he could turn a bad day into a good one, just by grinning.

"Yeah, but now that Sadie's not planning Jamie's, maybe she can plan ours," Jude suggested, smiling bigger, "Speaking of planning, I need to plan a baby shower for her. I don't want her to feel overwhelmed with everything. She needs a day dedicated to her, especially with all the crap she's been putting up with lately. I don't even know how she's putting up with three little monsters running around the house. She's a saint just for doing that."

"You know, they could always stay with me. I have a house. There's a few spare bedrooms. They could move in and we'd have a place to live when you come home from the hospital. It all works out," Tommy suggested. Jude seriously contemplated this in her head, weighing the pros and cons.

"I don't know. As much as Sadie wants her house back, she'd never admit it to me. And if we did let the kids live with you, her feelings would probably be hurt. She would think I trust you more than her. And while that may be true, I can't let her know that, especially since she's a hormonal wreck," Jude explained, a frown on her face. There was nothing she wanted more than for her and her kids to be home with Tommy, all of them a family. But it would have to wait.

"I have a better idea," Tommy grinned. He pulled off on another street and started heading toward a part of town Jude wasn't familiar with.

"What are we doing? I have an appointment. If I'm late, she'll kill me!" Jude moaned, already giving up the argument. There was no point in arguing with a determined Tommy.

"Would you just trust me? Please?" he gave Jude that grin and her heart was won over immediately. The appointment could wait, right?

"Will you at least give me a hint?" Jude asked meekly. She didn't want to push her luck.

"Alright, but just one," he gave her a dangerous look and proceeded, "I was over here the other day, taking the kids to my favorite park when I happened to ride by something. I thought… well… I thought that maybe… if…"

"Tommy, just spit it out," Jude sighed, amused by his nervousness.

"I thought we could buy it together and fix it up, just the way we like it. So it can be what we both want," Tommy explained, pointing to a magnificent Victorian style home. They drove slowly so Jude could get a good look, her eyes following every unique outline and curve.

"It's gorgeous," she breathed, her jaw dropping slightly.

"I know. But it needs a lot of work. But I figured with the helping hands of three little monsters we could get it done. And then we'd have _our _dream house," he gave her a sheepish grin and continued driving.

After another minute of silence, Jude finally spoke, her words sounding like gibberish to Tommy, "We could totally redo the second floor and make it the girls' space. I'm sure they'd love pink, well, Alexa would want blue, but the twins would want a princess room. Oh! And we could give Alexa her own space to rock out! Tommy, does it have a basement? And where's the master bedroom? Upstairs or down? And what's your favorite color? We'll have to paint a room in the house for everyone's favorite color. I've always wanted to do that!" Jude paused, clapped her hands and looked over at Tommy, whose face had gone completely white with horror.

"Jude, this can wait, we haven't bought the house yet," Tommy stuttered, trying to keep his horror to himself. Jude was freaking him out just a little. She had all the time in the world to think about colors and where everything was. She hadn't even seen the inside yet!

"Hmmm?" Jude hummed, her eyes closed, a smile dancing on her lips.

"I was just… never mind," he whispered, mostly to himself. He didn't have the heart to ruin Jude's fantasies…. Not yet at least.

Ten minutes later, driving into the parking lot, Jude spoke yet again. She started to think that her obsessive planning might freak Tommy out, "Tommy?"

"Yes?" he snapped, a little harsh. He didn't mean to sound cold, but couldn't keep his mind off her OCD fit only ten minutes earlier.

"Woah! What's up? Did I freak you out? Because I can totally find something else to obsess about until I come home," Jude quickly said, hoping to ease Tommy's frustrations.

"Yeah, that would be good. Let's just take this thing slowly. First, we have to get married," his tone lightened up, which made Jude feel a lot better.

"I think my latest obsession would be you," she whispered seductively as they got on the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, her lips were on his in a frenzy, like she was trying to get her fix before he had to leave. To her, they hadn't had enough of each other for the day. She may just have to keep him with her in her room... _Ding! _Damn that elevator, she thought, stepping out.

"Jude, can you make it to your appointment? I have some errands to run before it gets too late," Tommy asked when they were off the elevator.

Jude let out a whine, not able to hold it back. She instinctively reached for Tommy's shoulders and pulled herself closer to him, pressing her lips to his cheek, "I guess so."

"I promise it'll be worth it," he flashed her a smile and quickly kissed the top of her head before jumping back on the elevator.

"Yeah, I hope your right," she whispered, watching the floors on the elevator change. When it stopped on one, she sighed and walked back to her room.

"Jude! Did you marry him?" Natalie asked, a smile hidden in her lips as she waited for the response.

"Not yet," Jude said simply, "It's a long story. I'll talk after my appointment, okay?"

"I'll be waiting!"

An hour later, laying on a couch in a stuffy office, Jude contemplated the question she was being asked, _If you really love this man and he really loves you, why are you so worried that things won't work out?_ That's what her shrink had asked, confused with Jude's worries of Tommy and her not working out.

"Well, I don't know. I guess I'm trying to trick my brain into feeling this way because it has happened to me so many times before," Jude answered.

"Now see, doesn't it feel better to have these worries lifted off your chest? Now you can concentrate on other things, more important things," Ms. Wilson pointed out, smiling.

"Yeah, I guess it does. Now I can worry about what colors I want my wedding dress to be!" she exclaimed sarcastically, which earned a laugh from both of them.

"Now, don't let the little things bother you too much. Just like you shouldn't avoid the big problems, you shouldn't let the little problems eat up your time. I think you of all people she know that you your life is unexpected and can be taken away from you at any moment," she lectured. But Jude paid attention, trying really hard not to yawn.

"I know, Ms. Wilson, I know," she laughed a little at the counselor's all knowing look, and sat up on the couch.

"Well, it's getting to be that time, any last thoughts before I send you off?" she asked politely, closing her notepad.

"No, I think I'm done for the day. You made me think a lot."

"You know you only have a week left in this program, I only see you two more times before you are officially released," she warned, wagging her finger in Jude's direction.

"I promise to come in with a list of problems next time. That make you feel better?" Jude asked jokingly.

"Absolutely," Ms. Wilson beamed as she opened the door and the two said their goodbyes.


	10. Chapter 9

OH MY GOSH!!!! I'm so sorry this took so long. My computer crashed and I had to completely restore it, meaning I lost EVERYTHING including this story. I just got my laptop fixed and I finished writing this chapter and I'm working on chapter 10. Oh, plus I had to do some research for this one. It was hard finding something that fit where I needed it to!!! I'm so excited for the chapters to come!!! There's definitely going to be some Jommy drama!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

Chapter 9:

A week later…

"Oh my gosh Sadie! I'm out! I can finally go home!" Jude screamed, jumping up and down on her hospital bed, ignoring the tiny jabs of pain in her head and side.

Sadie's eyes widened at the sight, "Jude! Get down! You're gonna hurt yourself!" her arms attempted to catch Jude's frail body. When she finally caught hold, she yanked down.

"Sadie, relax. I'm coming home!" she squealed, falling down beside her sister. Her legs awkwardly bent beneath her legs and her arms were still in Sadie's tight grip, "How long has it been since you've jumped on a bed?"

Jude attempted to pull Sadie up, "Jude!" she hissed, glaring in her sister's direction, "Cut it out!"

"Aww, you don't want to ruin my fun, do you?" Jude's playful smile danced on her lips as she pulled both of them up onto their feet.

Sadie hesitantly looked around the room, "Oh, what the hell," she muttered, kicking her heels to the floor. She eagerly grabbed Jude's tiny hand and started jumping. She had forgotten how much fun this was.

Jude eyed her sister knowingly, "See isn't it fun?"

"Yeah, I missed this," Sadie whispered, smiling earnestly. She slowly faded her smile in an effort to become more serious, "we should probably stop, I don't want to jostle him," she murmured, rubbing her hands across her belly.

"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HAVING A BOY!" Jude exclaimed, grabbing her sister by the neck and pulling her into a tight embrace.

The two girls finally let go of each other long enough to get to a sitting position, both of their feet hanging off the side of the bed.

"Yeah, I went for an ultrasound a couple of days ago," Sadie explained, sighing. It was all a lot to handle at one time. Jude coming home. Jude _staying _home. Jude and Henry getting a divorce. Henry beating Jude. Three girls. Jude and Tommy engaged. Jude getting over major eating disorder. Sadie having her first baby. Wow. That was a lot of things to take in at one time.

"So, what are you calling him? There's gotta be a name you already thought of," Jude pried, beaming at her sister.

"Well, I'm calling him 'little Kwest junior' right now, but I'm sure he'll have a much better name when he's born," Sadie's excitement faded and in her eyes she showed worry. Jude quickly picked this up and soon her face was puzzled and shocked.

"What's wrong? I thought you were happy to have a boy."

Sadie eyed her sister, "I am," she grumbled, letting her hands fall to her knees in frustration.

"Then what's wrong?" Jude pried.

"It's just, I don't think it's the right time to be having a baby. I mean, you're coming home from the hospital, you're marrying Tommy, you're trying to get a house together and raise three kids. I'm supposed to be helping you and I'm over here with morning sickness trying to keep down breakfast," Sadie was almost in tears.

Immediately Jude began to feel guilty. This was what she was afraid of: Sadie thinking she had to take care of her, "Look, me and Tommy don't have to get married right away. We'll wait. Don't worry, I have more than enough time to help you with your new baby."

"But you'll be painting your house and recording a new album with-"

Jude held up her hand to stop her, "None of that is more important than being there with my family. And besides, construction workers have to come in and do all the major work before we can even think about painting," Jude smiled at her sister, who smiled right back.

"But what about the girls? Won't they want to spend time with you?"

"Yeah, and they will, Tommy and me both. But I'll be here for you whenever you need me. I'm coming home. I'll be able to get in a car and ride over to your house and help you out. You seem to keep forgetting that," Jude explained, "And I'm not going to think about doing another album until everyone is taken care of."

"You're so mature and here I am acting like a big fat baby," she sniffled and laughed a little.

Jude took her sister's hand, "Let's just say I've been through a lot that has helped me grow up."

"Am I interrupting something?" Both girls looked up and saw Tommy saunter over to the bed.

"How long have you been standing there?" Jude asked.

"Enough to know Sadie's worried about not getting any help," He smiled and looked over at Sadie, "Don't worry, I'll make her babysit your kid to pay back for all the time you kept hers."

"Thanks."

"You ready to go?" Tommy asked, picking up Jude's duffel bag.

Sadie glared at her sister, "You _are_ coming home with me, right?"

"I thought Tommy could take me home," she managed a smile as she stuffed her wallet and phone into her purse.

Sadie crossed her arms over her chest, "But you said I could take you home and we could talk!"

"I know, and we will. I promise."

Jude gave her sister's hand a squeeze before walking over to Tommy, "Hello gorgeous, how are you feeling?"

"Well, since someone on this planet thinks I'm gorgeous, I'm doing just fine."

They walked out of the room, hand in hand, leaving Sadie in the hospital room to pick up whatever Jude had left behind. No matter how old Jude got, no matter how mature she had become, she was still the same old slob who left her stuff where ever she happened to go.

_______________________________________________________________

"Jude! I've had enough!" Tommy whined, moving his neck from side to side.

Jude's eyes rolled, "Tommy, I'm just planning for the future. I want to be there for Sadie as much as I can."

"I know, but can we please just get to your sister's house, play with the girls, and talk about this tomorrow over lunch? I'm just dying to have you sleep in the same bed as me for a change."

Jude suppressed a giggle, "Tommy, I think we've already accomplished that one."

He burst into laughter, "A bed that _isn't _in a hospital."

"Okay, okay. So one more question: big wedding or small wedding?"

"Small, _very_ small." And that was that. Jude was surprised by his answer. Boybander wants to have something low key.

"Really? Cuz I was thinking more like a wedding where we invite all those relatives we don't even know, but because our parents do it's rude not to invite them. And some of our friends from elementary school. And your family. And all my family, _even _my mother."

Tommy's face went white, "Really?" his voice quivered as he spoke.

"I was kidding!"

"Oh."

"How do you feel about eloping?" Jude asked. Maybe that would solve all their problems.

"Yeah, I guess that would be good."

"We can make it just you and me and the kids. Then we'll come back and Sadie can plan a nice party for us," Jude suggested.

"I like that plan," his smile grew into a wide, devious grin, "Then we can go on a honeymoon."

"Yeah. I was thinking Thailand." At that they both exploded with laughter.

________________________________________________________________

Jude opened the door to the house to find everything silent, "Where are they?" she whispered to Tommy.

"I don't know. With Kwest?" he guessed, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, maybe," but Jude wasn't convinced. She wasn't even convinced her kids weren't in the house.

"Hey! You're back!" Kwest beamed walking into the foyer.

"Yeah," Jude forced a smile.

"So, you want something to eat? Drink?" he asked, walking them into the kitchen.

"No. Kwest, where are my kids?"

"Oh, they're sleeping. It's naptime. They don't get up 'till two. You're a little early. Hey, weren't you supposed to be riding with Sadie?"

Jude smiled. Since when had her kids taken naps? "Oh, she's coming. I rode with Tommy."

"We were discussing future plans. We're thinking about taking the kids and getting eloped.," Tommy blurted, placing a supporting hand on Jude's back.

Kwest's eyebrows raised, "Have you talked to Sadie about that? You do know she's planning your wedding."

"She is?" they said simultaneously.

"Well, yeah. She figured she might as well. She didn't think you would hire anyone else to do it considering she's a planner and all that," he explained.

Jude's face fell into a frown, "You know I wouldn't have chosen anyone else, but I was thinking she could just plan a casual party instead, for when we get back."

"Yeah, I'm sure she'll be okay with that," Kwest poured himself a drink.

"I'll have whatever you're having," she grumbled, plopping into a seat.

Tommy glanced at her questioningly.

"What? I'm twenty four. I can have a grown-up drink," she snapped.

"Nothing," Tommy looked at Kwest.

All three turned around when they heard the front door slam shut, "OH MY GOD! The traffic out there is ridiculous!" Sadie screeched, stomping into the kitchen, her stilettos threatening to give in.

Jude approached her sister, "So I guess now isn't the time to talk to you?"

"About what?" she snapped.

Jude bit her lip, "Uh… my wedding."

"Go ahead, what do you want," he sister sighed, sitting down.

"Just for you to plan a casual get together for everyone. Me and Tommy have decided to take the kids with us and get eloped."

"But I was planning this beautiful ceremony," Sadie whined, tears threatening to come out of the corners of her eyes.

"Well… okay. We'll have it here," she reasoned, letting here eyes fall on Tommy.

"Yeah! We'll just go with whatever you had planned, it'll turn out great!" Tommy exclaimed fake smiling. Jude loved him for that.

"Mommy! You're home!" Alexa squealed, running into the kitchen. She latched her mother's legs and didn't let go until she was in her mother's arms.

"Alexa, guess what?"

"What?"

"Mommy's here for good! I don't have to go back to the hospital!" Jude exclaimed.

"Really?"

"Really," Jude promised, kissing the top of Alexa's forehead, "So, you take naps?" Jude questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes, your children take naps," Sadie answered.

"Wow," Jude whispered, mostly to herself.

"Yeah, I had nothing better to do with my time, so I figured I would get them into a routine. I did a lot of research for it, too," Sadie explained.

"Well, I think you did a wonderful job," Jude smiled at her sister.

Sadie smiled back, "The other two should be up any minute."

As if on cue, the twins came running through living room to the kitchen, "MOMMMMEEEEE!!!!" they screamed.

"Hey guys!" She dropped to the floor and all three of her daughters were soon in her lap, fighting over who got to sit in the middle.

"Mommy, will you read me a story tonight?" Andrea asked.

Jude looked at all three of her daughters, "Of course I'll read you a story. I'll read everyone a story. Because I won't ever have to go the hospital again, I promise," she smiled weakly and pulled them all into a tight embrace.

"Does Daddy get to stay, too?" Alexa questioned, hopeful.

"Yep." Jude grinned. She finally had her family together.

"Speaking of…" everyone's eyes flew to Tommy.

"Continue," Sadie prompted, sitting on the edge of her seat.

"Well, I was just thinking that now would be a good time to announce that Jude and the girls will be moving into my apartment this week," he explained, glancing nervously at Jude.

"But I thought you were going to stay here until your house was finished," Sadie argued. The tears were threatening to come out again. Jude knew it was her hormones getting bent all out of whack.

"Sadie, why don't you and me talk about this over ice cream tonight?" she suggested, placing her hand on her sister's shoulders.

"Okay," she smiled weakly.

"So, how about some dinner?" Kwest announced, rubbing his hands together, "I think I might need the help of three little girls."

"I'll help!"

"Me too!"

"I'll help too!"

Jude and Tommy looked at each other, "We'll be in the… bedroom unpacking."

"Oh, Tommy you're staying, too?" Sadie asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, but only for a few days to help Jude get everyone packed and help arrange for all their belongings to be shipped over here from London," Tommy sighed, as if he knew what was coming.

"You act like that's a bad thing," Jude purred, "There _are_ benefits to sleeping in the same bed as your fiancé."

Sadie's face had a disgusted look, "Ugh. I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

Tommy and Jude laughed as they walked to the guest bedroom. Jude got butterflies in her stomach as she remembered the first time Tommy and her had slept together in her house. It was the night of her party, the pajama party. The night Jamie almost died. Oh god. Jamie. He was still living next door. What was she going to tell him if they happened to run into each other? How did you act to a guy who had totally ditched you as a best friend?

"Jude, where to you want this bag?" Tommy asked, snapping Jude out of her daze.

"Oh. Uh… how about on the chair."

"You okay?"

Jude glanced at her reflection, "Yeah, I just really want to be with you right now," she whispered, leaning into Tommy's arms.

"Oh really?" he raised his eyebrows and let his hands explore the familiar hills and curves of Jude's body.

"Oh! That feels so good," she whisper-shouted.

"Yeah, how about this?" he murmured into her ear as he felt his way to her breasts.

"Yeah," she breathed, arching her back.

Tommy and Jude crashed onto the bed kissing, "I… love… you," Tommy whispered in between kisses.

Jude was about to answer but Tommy's lips crashed down on hers and she didn't want them to go anywhere.

_______________________________________________________________

two days later…

"Guys! Get in the car! We're ready to go!" Jude called, beckoning her children out of the door.

"Jude, you sure you want to move in with him?" Sadie asked, taking her sister's hand, "I mean, we don't care if you stay."

"I know, and I'm so thankful you took my kids, but it's time for us to get out. I think we've over-extended our visit."

"Well, just be careful. I know you and Tommy have had a shaky past and I don't want you to…"

Jude stopped her in the mid-sentence, "Look, Sadie, I'll call you tonight and we can talk then, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Sadie smiled weakly as Jude walked to the car and got in after the girls were situated in the backseat.

Jude rolled down her window, "Bye!"

"Bye!" Sadie and Kwest yelled back. Sadie leaned into Kwest as their car receded.

"Look, it'll be okay. I know you want to protect your sister, but she's twenty-four and is perfectly capable of handling herself. She's a pro at being a mom and as soon as everything's worked out, she'll be in the studio again where you'll be able to see her everyday," Kwest assured her. Sadie pecked his cheek and smiled at him. He was so good at making her feel better.

"Thanks. Why don't we go inside and celebrate having the house to ourselves?"

"That's the way to be," he chuckled as the two retreated into their house.

"TOMMY! I CANNOT PUT MY ALBUM COLLECTION IN STORAGE! THEY HAVE TO BE OUT HERE WHERE I CAN GET TO THEM!!!!" Jude screamed.

"Jude, calm down, all I did was suggest it, you don't have to do it," he purred, rubbing her back.

"Sorry, I don't know why I just snapped like that. It's just there's so much going on right now! I don't know where to begin!" she whined, collapsing in the sofa.

Tommy plopped down beside her and pulled her into his arms, "It'll all work out, okay? We've moved everything into the apartment and put the rest in storage for our new house and we've already hired the construction workers to come and gut everything for new construction. And we're going next week to pick out everything we want for our new house. Chill out, it'll be okay, I promise."

"But what about the wedding? And Sadie having a new baby? And what am I going to do with the kids while we're out picking out everything? I can't just leave them here!" Jude collapsed all over again and started to cry.

"Jude, honey, what's the matter? I thought you wanted this," he whispered, smoothing her hair. He kissed the top of her head and wiped her tears with his thumb.

"I do," she sobbed.

"Girl, don't cry," he whispered.

Jude wiped her tears and stood up, "I think I'm going to alphabetize the albums."

Tommy's face bore a worried expression. Everyone knew when Jude started alphabetizing there was definitely something wrong with her, "I'll finish unpacking the girls in their new room." He said quietly and got up to leave.

"Tommy!" he turned around, "I'm sorry for getting so emotional. It's just a lot to handle at once, that's all. But I do want to stay with you. I never doubted that." She turned around and began putting albums on empty shelves in the living room. Tommy remembered when he furnished his apartment. It was almost nine years ago, when he first met Jude. He'd expected just to stay for one album, as a favor to Georgia. Then he saw her for the first time and here he is, that girl standing in his apartment with her, no _their,_ three kids alphabetizing her albums.

Instead of walking away, like the man he was nine years ago would, he walked right up to her and put his arms around her tight, "I'll never _let_ you go again. And I'll _never_ leave you again. I swear by everything I own."

Jude turned around and crashed her lips on his, her hands greedily sliding up his shirt. She didn't have to say anything to him, not when she could _show_ him how much she loved him. She forgot about her three kids in their new room taking a nap. She forgot about all the unpacking they still had to do. She forgot they were in the middle of a living room with no blinds, showing downtown Toronto _everything_. The only thing she _didn't _forget was how much she absolutely loved and adored Tommy.

Tommy picked Jude up without breaking their kiss and effortlessly laid then down on the couch. He fumbled with the back of her bra after ripping her pants off. He broke the kiss, moving down to her breasts, nipping at her throat on the way down. He took her left one in his mouth and traced her right with his fingers, sending a tingling sensation up Jude's spine.

Jude scraped her fingers across his back, reveling in the pure pleasure this gave her. She worked on pulling his pants off and when she succeeded, thrust her hips toward his. He mimicked her and they were both soon in sync with a rhythm.

Jude released first, letting out a cry and Tommy soon followed, collapsing on Jude, "Oh my God! That hurt!" Jude screamed, her tight hands on Tommy's back going limp.

"Jude! What's wrong?" he demanded, getting off the couch. He immediately put his boxers back on.

"I don't know! It feels like someone's jabbing a knife into my side! Tommy it hurts! It really, really hurts!" she started to cry out in pain and grabbed her side. Tommy threw a blanket over her and headed straight for the door.

"Tommy! My kids!" she attempted to shout.

He stopped dead in his tracks. _That's right. We have to take them, too,_ "Alexa! Ali! Andrea! We have to go! Mommy's hurt!" he called.

A few minutes passed and all sleepy girls were in the living room, waiting for Tommy to explain. Jude held her hands tight to her waist, trying to hold in her screams for her kids.

"Guys, we have to go to the hospital, okay? You guys are going to have to stay right behind me. I can't hold your hand." He explained, opening the door with his hand supporting Jude's back. He got it open and stepped out, the girls following close behind him.

"Tommy. I don't… think… I… can…" she didn't finish but instead went limp in his arms. He wanted to stop right there and shake her awake. He wanted to sob. He wanted to kill someone. But he resisted the urge and headed for the car. There was no way she was going to die, not if he had anything to do with it.

"Hold on, Jude. We're at the car, just hold on." Tommy whispered, opening the passenger seat. He made sure everyone was in the car before squealing out of the parking garage.

"Daddy, what's wrong with mommy?" Ali asked with a quivering voice.

"She'll be okay. She just has a pain in her side, that's all," Tommy answered, smiling in the rearview mirror.

"Is it because Daddy hit her?" Andrea whispered, remembering the night she saw Henry hitting Jude.

Tommy resisted the urge to turn around and yell at them for calling Henry daddy. But he didn't and answered them instead, "I don't know."

"But he's not our daddy anymore, Andrea," Alexa insisted, "Tommy's our daddy." This made Tommy smile, even if it was just a little.

"Tommy? It hurts. It hurts so bad," Jude whimpered, rolling her neck. Tommy could see her getting weaker as they pulled into the hospital. He parked in the first available space and raced to the other side to get Jude out. He hurried everyone inside, "We need help! She's going unconscious!" he looked around the emergency room and saw two nurses coming with a stretcher to put her on.

"Sir, what happened?" the nurse asked, eyeing the blanket around Jude.

"Well, we were… uh… you know," his face flushed as he thought of Jude naked under the blanket.

"Sir, does she have any clothes on?"

"Uh… no. That was all I could manage to get on her. I was kind of in a hurry. She cried out in pain and started grabbing her side," Tommy explained, walking with the nurses into the room.

"Is there any reason this might have happened?"

"Well, she was physically abused by her husband and had an eating disorder. But she was in the hospital for six and a half weeks recovering. She's been home for a few days now and this is the first time she's complained about hurting for at least a week," Tommy explained.

"We'll run some tests and let you know," the nurse said, pushing Tommy out the door.

"But I want to stay with her!" he yelled as the door slammed in his face.

He walked over to a nearby chair and sat impatiently, waiting for someone to come out and tell him what was wrong.

"Excuse me, sir. Do you know which floor is recovery?" a lady asked.

"Yeah, it's the fourth floor," he mumbled, _where my fiancé spent six and a half weeks_, he mentally added.

Right as Tommy was about to lie his head down, he remembered the girls in the lobby waiting for him. He ran as fast as he could until he found them all hunched over asleep.

"Girls!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around the balled up kids.

"Daddy?" Alexa asked groggily.

"Shh, go back to sleep, I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, picking Alexa up.

She twirled a piece of his shirt around her finger, "Shouldn't we call Aunt Sadie? She's always worried about Mommy."

He looked down at the twins, not awoken by his exclamations, "I think you're right. You stay right here with the twins and I'll call Aunt Sadie"

"Okay," she answered as he lay her back down on the chairs.

Tommy made his way to the nurses' station, hoping to come across as somewhat of a decent man, "Hey, can I use the phone?"

"Yeah, if you give me your autograph," the secretary winked and leaned over just enough for him to see right down her shirt.

"Look, this is a family emergency, okay? Just let me use the phone!" he hissed, picking up the receiver.

He dialed Sadie's number. _Rrrriiiinnnngg! Rrrriiiinnngg! _"Hello?"

"Sadie! It's Jude. I just rushed her to the hospital. She's been going in and out of consciousness and she's in testing right now."

"Oh my God!" Sadie gasped on the other line. Tommy could hear muffled voices in the background, "Kwest, Jude's in the hospital."

"Sadie, please get here as soon as possible. I need to get the kids home to bed. They can't spend the night in a hospital," his voice softened at the last few words. Hospital. It sounded so _usual_, like he was used to hanging around in one. Not that he was.

"I'll be right there." And the line went dead.

"Tommy! Where is she?" Sadie asked, running through the lobby to Tommy. Alexa had managed to climb her way into his lap and the twins' heads were on his lap.

"They haven't been out here yet. I don't know what's going on in there," his voice was deflated. All the life had been taken out of him. The only thing that kept him going was his kids. If Jude didn't make it, the only reason he would live was to take care of them.

"Tommy, it'll be okay," Sadie assured him, taking his hand, "She's so strong. And I know Jude. The last thing she wants to do is leave you with her three kids. She loves them like she loves you. She's got four excellent reasons to be strong."

Tommy knew exactly what she was talking about. If they weren't enough to keep her going, nothing could keep her going, "Should we call your dad?"

"No. Not until we know if it's something serious," she answered, taking a seat beside the twins. She instinctively grabbed their hands and began rubbing her thumb in circles.

"You're so good at this, you and Jude both. I just don't know what else to do with them," Tommy whispered, resting his hand on Alexa's back.

Sadie eyed him, "You're doing it. Just by being here and taking care of them. And loving them and comforting them. That's all they want from you, trust me."

"Mr. Quincy?" Tommy's head shot straight up as he looked at the doctor.

"That's me," he answered, not able to stand up.

Tommy saw the doctor's once over of him and the kids, "Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to come with me. We've got some talking to do. And you'll have to find somewhere for the kids."

"Do you mind?" he asked Sadie, handing over Alexa.

"Of course not."

Tommy followed the doctor to the elevators, "What's this all about? What can you tell me that they can't know?"

"It's regarding you fiancé's pregnancy. I wasn't sure if you had already announced it or if you were going to wait."

"Pregnancy? What pregnancy?" Tommy stood in the elevator, shocked, "I think you have me confused. You know, I'm sure a lot of girls here put me down as their fiancé, but unless it's Jude-"

"Miss Harrison? Yes, it is her indeed. So you're telling me you knew nothing about this? Do you think she did?" he asked, stepping off the elevator.

"No. She just got out of the hospital. The last thing on her mind was another baby," Tommy replied, taking in the new floor. At least it wasn't the fourth. Maybe their visit this time won't be quite so long.

"Well, let's sit down in my office and talk about this before we break the news to Jude," he led Tommy down a series of hallways and entryways and lobbies until they finally reached his office.

"What do you mean, talk about this? If she's pregnant, what else is there to do?" Tommy questioned, taking a seat across from the doctor.

He put his glasses on the desk and opened the file, "Well, your fiancé cannot carry this baby to term. She can't even carry this baby any longer. She has what we call an Ectopic pregnancy. It's where the fetus has started developing somewhere other than the uterus. In this case, it has started to grow in her Fallopian tube. It causes all sorts of complications, including stabbing pains and bleeding, lots of bleeding. We need to take action right now to reduce the possibility of further complications and lifelong abnormalities," the doctor explained.

"What do we do?"

he sighed heavily, "well, right now, she's doped up on drugs to help ease the pain, but we need your permission to remove the fetus. If you sign this paper, we'll continue with the operation as soon as I get back down the hall."

Tommy hesitated. He rubbed his temples, "Alright, I'll sign. But I have to be the one to tell Jude everything, not you."

They both nodded solemnly toward each other, "Done," he handed Tommy the papers and pointed the pen toward the line he was supposed to sign, "Now sign here and we have ourselves a deal."

Tommy grabbed the pen and scribbled his name as fast as he could before he changed his mind. Because he was pretty sure if he sat down and actually thought about this, he would go about it an entirely different way. But he wasn't going to let Jude suffer anymore. He was sign to go ahead with the procedure and tell her everything afterwards. And then they'll be able to silently grieve together and share this little thing between them and go about their lives as if this never happened. And that would be that.

"Uh, here," Tommy scratched his head as he handed the form to the doctor.

"I'll be down the hall, gearing up. You are free to wait in here or go back and join your family. You should probably give them a heads up of the grief your wife will prone to. Losing a child is like nothing else. It'll hurt her forever and you really need to be prepared.

Tommy nodded anxiously at the doctor as he parted down the hall. He had to get out of here. Jude depressed scared the shit out of him. She'd just gotten over an eating disorder. She'd been beaten by her husband. She has three kids to think about. There was so much she had overcome. So much she had to be thankful for. So there was nothing to worry about, right?


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Tommy lay crouched over in a chair next to Jude's bed. She had been out of surgery for almost an hour and was supposed to be up soon. He hoped Sadie had taken the kids to her place to get some sleep. And he hoped the girls weren't too worried or upset. That was all he needed.

"Oh, it hurts," Jude squeaked, slowly moving her hand to her incision. Tommy's hand was on hers in an instant.

"You're up. I hope you're not mad at me but I went ahead and okayed the surgery. The doctors thought it would be risky to wait," he whispered, rubbing circles on her hand.

She turned her head to face him, "Yeah, I trust you. What did I have done?" she said hoarsely. Her eyes began to open up groggily.

He hesitated, not sure of what to say. He could tell her. He could lie to her. He had the power to make her believe whatever he wanted her to, "There was just something somewhere down there that had to get out," he blurted out. He couldn't bring himself to tell her what it was.

She smiled faintly, "Tommy, really, what was it?"

"You had a cyst on your fallopian tube. But don't worry, they did it without causing damage," he explained. So much for never lying to Jude again. But this was so much different. He didn't know if she could live through another traumatic loss.

She lowered her head, "Oh. I seriously thought I was pregnant because my period was two weeks late. But I guess it was because of the cyst," she smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

Tommy looked straight into her eyes, "You know I love you, right? I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, just to protect you and help you."

"You're being too hard on yourself. I understand why you okayed the surgery. I'm alright, aren't I? We'll all be okay, I promise," Jude assured him, kissing the top of his hand.

Tommy got up and backed away, "I'm gonna go call Sadie and tell her you're alright."

"Sure, tell the kids, too."

Two weeks later…

"Jude, you sure you want to go away and get married? Because I promise it's not that much trouble for me to plan something here, in Toronto," Sadie pressed. They had been going at it for hours. It was too late to change their minds. Tommy and Jude had already decided they were going to the country by themselves and tying the knot. No need for a big obnoxious ceremony.

Jude sighed, "Oh my God! If you don't stop, I'm gonna pull my hair out!"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'll never mention it again. But at least let me plan a celebration party," she said, folding her hands together.

"Fine, but only a _few_ friends and family, nothing big or important or fancy," Jude warned. She bent over, slightly grabbing her side. She definitely had to start taking the pills everyday.

"Jude, you okay?" Sadie asked, putting a hand on her sister's back.

She straightened back up offering a smile, "Yeah, it's just my incision. It's probably time to take some more medication. You know, it's funny. The doctor prescribed me with depression drugs and I don't even know why. I mean, I had surgery, but it's not like I lost anything. Just a cyst."

"What did Tommy say? You know, he has an answer for everything these days," Sadie joked, earning a laugh from her sister.

Jude plopped two pills on the counter, "Yeah, he probably asked for the prescription. I think he's completely terrified of me having a relapse of my eating disorder."

"Ah, I see. Well, if you're okay, I have to go get your kids and bring them back here, seeing as Tommy completely took over your car," Sadie glared at her sister.

Jude looked back innocently, "What? I didn't break his viper, he did."

Sadie looked skeptical, "Yeah, well what about his Porsche and his Hummer? Doesn't he still have those?"

"Yeah, but they're in the U.S. getting paint jobs. They should be back any day now. Then I can go get my own kids," Jude explained. She swallowed her pills and winced, "These things are killer going down my throat."

"Just drink some more water. I'll be back in a few." Sadie closed the door behind her and Jude was left all alone. Maybe she should call the doctor and ask him about her incision. After all, she saw him all of two times in the hospital. He didn't even bother to make a follow up appointment.

Jude sat down on the couch and rested her head on the back. She jumped when her phone started to vibrate in her pocket, "Hello?"

"Hey gorgeous. Just wanted to share some good news."

"Do tell." She smiled at his tone.

"The viper just got out of the body shop. Turns out it was fixable after all. You get your 'stang back sooner than expected."

Jude held in a squeal, "YAY! I can finally go grocery shopping!"

"Yeah, well, I gotta go, just thought I'd share."

"Okay. Love you."

"Yeah, I'll see you soon." Click. He didn't say it back. That was the first time in their relationship that he hadn't said it back.

Jude shuffled to the girls' room, depressed. How could he not have said it back? She started picking up the scattered toys and clothes. At least it was something to do until her kids came home and more importantly, Tommy.

"Jude! How've ya been?" Jude jumped up, dropping the pile of books on her feet.

"Dammit Spied! How did you get in here?" she screamed, trying not to smile. In truth, she was excited to see him. It seemed like forever since she had.

"I was just coming by to schedule another performance. I know it's only been like three weeks since you've been home, but…"

"No, that's exactly what I need right now. After getting surgery it seems like nothing is going right."

"Yeah, Sadie told me, how's the scar? Is it killer?"

Jude glared playfully at him, "_No_, it's just there, reminding me to take my meds when it starts to hurt."

Spied nodded like he understood. Though Jude knew better, "So, when do you think you'll be ready?"

"I think soon, very soon. Oh, by the way, I've been thinking up a plan to get Karma back. It'll be a scam that would put her to shame." Jude smiled deviously as she led Spied to the living room.

"So, what is it?" he asked, sitting next to Jude on the sofa.

"Well, I was thinking about a national television debut of our secret affair. No one knows me and Tommy are official so it wouldn't hurt him when we 'broke up' on national television. What's Karma's favorite show?"

"Whoa, you sure Quincy's okay with this?"

Jude rolled her eyes, "Yeah, don't worry about Tommy, I've got ways of seductive persuasion."

"Uh, okay. Well she always watches the news every night at six o'clock. Do you think we can get them to agree to host us?"

"Spied, do you remember who we are? Do you know how many people would die to see us as a couple or, better yet, as a broken-up-on-national-TV couple?" Jude rolled her eyes when she saw Spied understand. Finally.

"Yeah, I remember. So, when do we do this?" he asked, smiling. She could tell he liked the plan. A lot.

"Tommy, hurry up! I'm gonna leave without you!" Jude threatened, opening the door.

"You wouldn't," he pretended to gasp.

She opened the door a little wider, "Do you really want to find out?"

"Okay, I'm coming. You sure your sister has the kids? Because last time I thought they were with Sadie they were with Spied. And the last time they weren't-"

"Tommy, Spied is at the studio getting ready for our interview. And I'm supposed to be there, too. But because somebody had to spend three hours with a bottle of hair gel and comb, I'm late!" Jude hissed, stepping in the hallway.

Tommy's expression softened, "F-Y-I, it was only twenty minutes."

"Same diff."

Tommy put his shades on and wrapped his arm around Jude's shoulder, "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

They walked to the viper hand in hand in silence. It wasn't until they were in the car that Jude spoke, "Tommy, earlier today, when I told you I loved you, why didn't you say it back?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's just the first time you've ever done that and I was wondering if there was a reason, that's all."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," he made a puppy dog face before continuing, "I love you Jude Harrison-almost-Quincy. How's that?"

"Almost perfect," she answered, smiling at him. Maybe it was just a really busy day at the office. She was reading way too much into this. There was absolutely no reason at all he hadn't said it back. Just work.

They rode the rest of the way in silence, catching glimpses of each other the whole way there. This reminded Jude of earlier times when she was a teenager riding in the car with him. She had giggled every time she caught him looking. Some things never change.

"Hello everyone! Please welcome our guest speakers, Jude Harrison and Spiederman Mind Explosion!" the announcer exclaimed, pointing an exaggerated finger toward the lit up stage.

"Hello everyone! This is my first concert since being out of the hospital. I have a new song for you and I hope you like it. It's called Come Back To Me."

The crowd thundered with applause, anticipating the band's starting note. When it finally played and Jude started to sing, the entire audience was silent, taking in the words and melody to the new song. When it was finished, the audience was clapping, screaming and attempting to jump on stage.

The announcer came to the stage and beckoned for Jude and Spied to follow him, "So, why don't you tell these ladies and gents about your budding romance! I hear you two are in love!"

Jude sat very close to Spied on the sofa, wrapping an arm around him, "Well, for one, he's an _amazing _kisser. And I don't know where I'd be without him."

He smiled at her before speaking, "Yeah, I'm so happy. When I was with Karma-"

Jude stood up and stared down at Spied, "I told you not to mention her ever again! Why did you have to go and ruin our interview! All you ever do is talk about how great Karma is and how much you wished you could have done things different! You're always telling me how Karma did things and that I should do them, too! Well, let me tell you one thing! I'm not Karma! I never will be Karma! I never was Karma! I'm Jude fucking Harrison and if you can't accept that then you should go _back_ to Karma!" She stomped offstage, leaving Spied dumbfounded. She smiled inwardly, as she knew she totally killed it. There was no way anyone was going to think Spied didn't love Karma.

"You know what?" Spied yelled, looking to where Jude had walked offstage, "I think I will go back to Karma, that is, if she'll have me. I never stopped loving her and I never will! Karma, if you're listening, please, please, don't make me sign the divorce papers! I love you so much! Please, please, please come back to me!" He was on his hands and knees now, his head looking up toward the ceiling, his hands squeezed into fists.

"Well, folks, there you have it! We'll be back after a short break!" the announcer yelled over the screaming crazed audience. Spied ran offstage when the cameraman called cut and threw his arms around Jude.

"You, Jude _fucking_ Harrison, are awesome!" he shrieked, letting go.

"I know. If she doesn't take you back, then I think I'll just have to knock some common sense into her," Jude said.

"Hey, Jude we have to go! Sadie just called! Andrea has the stomach bug and she won't stop crying. She wants you!" Tommy shouted rushing up to Jude.

"Oh, okay. Spied, call me and let me know how it goes." She didn't bother to say good bye as she turned to follow Tommy out the door.

"Did Sadie say if she had a temperature? Is she throwing up?" Jude asked as she frantically got into the car.

"Sadie said we needed to get there, that's it. She had to go take care of her," Tommy explained, peeling out of the parking lot.

"Do you think someone will answer if we call back? Because if she has a temperature they need to put her in an ice cold bath and keep her there. And they need to find some pedia-lite. If they don't she'll have to go to the hospital. We went through this last year. It wasn't pretty. Even after I did everything I was supposed to we ended up in the ER getting meds for the fever."

"Jude, calm down. I'm pretty sure Sadie already knows this stuff. She's been reading a lot about parents lately."

Jude wore a sour expression, "Yeah, well pretty sure doesn't cut it!"

The rest of the ride was spent calling the house over and over until finally Kwest picked up. It turned out Andrea had been in the ice cold bath. And the reason no one was answering the phone was because Kwest was out at the pharmacy picking up pedia-lite and fever reducer.

"See? I told you Sadie would have it under control. She's about to be a parent now, too. She knows what to do."

"Well I had to be sure. With kids, you have to know. It's like something inside of you is screaming at you to find out every little detail. You think of every question under the sun to ask and most of the time you drive people crazy with them. But Tommy, I wouldn't have been able to stop calling or asking questions because I would have died not knowing what was being done to my child. It was an instinct I couldn't have ignored. Maybe you'll understand when you actually father a kid," Jude mumbled, immediately regretting her words.

"May I remind you that I did Alexa's mine! And I'm more of a father to them than anyone's ever been! So don't tell me I wouldn't understand! Because I do! I understand the never-ending worries, the doubts of safety, the separation anxiety you get, I have those feelings too! Because, ever since I met your kids, I loved them as much as I would love a kid who I've known since birth. And you were the one that kept Alexa from _me_. I didn't choose not to take care of her. I didn't have a choice! So don't go accusing me of not being a father!"

Jude felt a tear well up in the corner of her eye. She let it fall silently as she thought about what he had said. It was true that it was her fault for not telling him. And it was true that he had been just as much a figure in their life as she had these past few weeks. And he was right about the feelings you constantly feel because you have kids.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant what I said," she whispered, getting out of the car. She walked up the steps, wiping the last of her tears.

"Then why did you say it?" he hissed, his voice cutting through her heart, slicing it open.

"Because I was mad and angry and upset that you were so calm and trusting with Sadie. I guess I just didn't get why you felt that way," she replied, looking down at her shoes, "And I honestly didn't know really how much you do care about us until now. And it means a lot to me that you love them like you do."

Tommy took Jude's hand and stared at her intently, "Jude, don't ever doubt that I'll always take care of you and your kids. I'll never stop, there's nothing that can make me."

"Oh good! You guys are here!" Sadie let out a breath as she opened the door.

"Please, come in and do something with her. She's puked all over the tub three times. And the fever reducer isn't working! She won't drink any of that stuff Kwest got and she's shaking like a madman in the bathtub!" Sadie looked like she was about to cry.

"Is she in the guest bathroom or yours?" Jude asked, throwing her top on the couch.

"Jude, what are you doing? That's your shirt!" Sadie gasped.

"Yeah? What about it?" she hopped out of her pants and threw them onto the couch as well.

"What are you doing?"

"If you get in with her and sooth her she'll stop crying. And I'll just have to go in like this."

Tommy looked her over, "Well, I certainly don't mind it."

Sadie glared at Tommy before speaking, "Jude, you can't get in with her, she's puked three times."

"Yeah, well, I've been puked on by all three of them at some point in time. We'll just drain the tub and start new water," Jude reasoned, climbing the stairs in her bra and underwear.

"MOOOMIEEEEEEE!" Andrea screamed as Jude walked into the room. Kwest looked dumbfounded and stopped to look at Jude.

"Mommy's here, it's okay," Jude cooed, grabbing Andrea from the tub. Ignoring Kwest she wrapped her up in a towel and set her on her lap, "Kwest is going to finish cleaning the tub and we're going to take a nice cold bath together, okay?"

By this time, Andrea's sobs has turned into periodic sniffles and her head was rested on her mom's chest, "Okay." She said with a shaky voice.

"Kwest, how ya doing?" Jude asked once Andrea had settled on her lap.

He looked up from the tub and gave Jude a death glare, "Fine, just fine!"

"Oh, well, if you just run the shower and let the water drain it'll eventually go down the drain with the water. No need to actually touch it," Jude suggested, maneuvering her way to the shower nozzle.

Kwest eyed her skeptically when she went to turn it on, "You sure it'll work? There's a lot of puke in there."

"Yes, I've done this too many times to count. This is what comes with being a parent. The good, the bad, _and_ the ugly."

"Yeah, well I see that. I guess you have it from here. I'll go get another sippycup of pedialite."

"It helps if you mix it with milk or juice!" Jude called after Kwest had left the room. By then the water had drained the puke and Jude was filling the tub with cold water, "Okay sweetie, let's get in now. It'll make you feel better, I promise," she whispered, climbing in the tub with Andrea.

"It's cold, mommy," she breathed, yawning, "It's so cold."

Jude could hear her teeth chattering, "It's okay. It's okay."

"Mommy? Is Andrea going to be okay? Aunt Sadie's crying," Ali asked sleepily. All the commotion must have woken her up.

Jude smiled gingerly and nodded, "Andrea's going to be just fine. Why don't you go check on Uncle Kwest and see if he has the pedialite yet."

"Okay," she managed through the middle of a yawn.

Jude watched her walk down the steps, dragging her blanket behind her. She must have been tired, clutching the rail like she was for dear life. She laughed a little, remembering the times the girls had slid down the stairs in London on scraps of wood leftover from their neighbor's, Mr. Buckbee's, projects.

Just then she saw Tommy's figure slowly creep up the steps. His mysterious look was amplified in the shadowy hallway. It gave Jude chills up and down her spine.

"You need me to do anything?" he asked, his face appearing in the doorway.

"Yeah, could you get all the kids' stuff together in the car? After I feed her some pedialite I think it'll be time to take them all home." Jude asked, grabbing a towel from the rack.

He looked at her as if he wanted to say something but stopped himself, "Do you want me to wake Alexa up or let her sleep?"

"Oh, I think we should let her sleep. That way she'll sleep in the car." Jude reasoned, stepping out of the tub. Tommy instantly smiled at the sight of her, eyeing her angelic curves, her graceful ways with her kids. It was all part of why he loved the Jude she was today. There was still the unreasonable stubborn Jude from five years ago, but she had changed so much and so many things about her were different. But all for the better.

"Okay, I'll meet you two downstairs," he whispered, kissing each of them on the forehead. Jude watched his figure retreat down the steps before heading to the bedroom.

Andrea was already asleep on her shoulder, still shivering from the cold bath. She took the towel and gently rubbed her dry and placed clean pajamas on her with ease. Then she laid Andrea's head on the pillow, careful not to wake her.

"I have the pedialite. I'm not sure if-"

"shhhh!" Jude hissed, her index finger on her mouth. She pointed to the sleeping Andrea and Kwest backed out.

"I'll just be down-"

"Just go!"

Jude sat down on the end of the bed and let out a low grumble. So much for a perfect carefree life. When she moved back home, she had wanted a stable house for her girls. Now she was more unstable than the homeless man down the street. At least he had some sort of idea of what to expect day to day. She, well, she was surprised everyday, good and bad. Ironic for a girl who grew up hating surprises.

"Jude I have everyone loaded up except you two. You ready to go?" his voice sounded tired to Jude. He sounded so defeated. He sounded exactly how she felt.

She turned to face him, eyes pleading for him to take her in his arms, is warm, safe arms and never let go, "I need you so much right now."

Her head was buried in his shirt, tears staining his chest, "Shh, she's gonna be fine, we're all gonna be fine," he whispered, pretending the words were for Jude when really and truly, the words were just as much for himself.

She looked up at him with bulging red eyes, "Really? Because sometimes I just think the whole world's out to get us. Everything that can go wrong does," she didn't stop the tears that had managed to escape her eyes. So much for not crying. Damn those pesky tear ducts.

"Let's go home. It's getting late." And just like that his warm, safe arms had maneuvered their way out from around her and to her daughter lying on the bed. Her desperate attempt to be close with him was a sad cause. This wasn't how a relationship was supposed to be. Why was he acting like this all of a sudden? Did he not care about her anymore? Why didn't he just talk to her?

"Kwest, Sadie, thanks for taking care of her. I'm sorry she threw up all over your tub," Tommy said on his way out the door. Jude stopped, admiring how good he was with her kids. He had to be stressed or something, that was it. Maybe when things cool back down at work he'll be okay. Maybe he won't act all cold and shallow. Maybe, just maybe, there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Except for him running off of course, something that had happened so many times before. No! That was never going to happen again. Not now. Not ever.

"Jude, she'll be okay, right?" Sadie whispered, scared to talk. Jude was convinced that before long Sadie would cry over her own shadow.

"Of course, I'll call you tomorrow with a full update, promise," she hugged her sister and climbed into the escalade Kwest had so courteously lent them. There was no way all five of them would fit in a viper.

The next day…

"Jude! You're not listening to me! Darius is _making_ me go to this party! It's not like I _want_ to go!" he screamed from across the bedroom.

"Tommy, your job title is a producer! Not a partygoer! You've been working so much lately! Can't you just stay home?" She pleaded standing up. She could see him ignoring her, as usual.

He turned around and walked toward her, "Look, D is counting on me to be there. I'm Karma's producer. I have to be at her performances," Tommy's voice was softer now. He didn't want to leave the house with them in a fight, "When I was your producer I was at all of your shows."

"Okay, I get it. But this is the third one this week. Me and the girls miss you. I miss your cooking. And the girls miss your hugs. And I miss other things, things that happen when the kids are asleep and we're all alone," she whispered, a wicked grin spreading across her lips. She snaked her arms around his neck and looked up at him.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead, before letting go, "Look, I'll talk to D, okay?"

"Fine!" Jude huffed, stomping out of the bedroom. She went into the kitchen and tried to find something to eat, "I'm going to the grocery store!"

"You're taking all three kids to the grocery store? That's brave," she could hear Tommy laughing in the other room.

"Yes! We have nothing to eat!"

"Okay, well, I gotta go," he called, walking out of the bedroom.

Jude turned around and faced him, "Well, what do we have here? Do you have a date I don't know about Quincy?"

"No, but it's nice to know I still take your breath away."

Jude busted out laughing, "Yeah, right."

"What? You think I'm unattractive in this? Should change?" he asked, immediately looking at his shirt and pants combo.

Jude laughed again, this time falling to the floor, "Tommy, you look fine, just let me fix your tie," she said, attempting to get up. Tommy held out his hand and she took it, slowly getting up to his level. When she did she fixed his crooked tie and led him to the door.

"Where did you learn to be so polite?" Tommy asked, kissing her on the lips. She pulled back and smiled nervously at him, "What? Is it that embarrassing? Did your dad teach you?"

"No. Actually I learned the whole tie thing from Henry. He used to make me tie it when we were… uh… married. And he liked it when I escorted him to the door and gave him a good luck kiss. Most of the time he was off to an important business meeting or something," Jude explained, her cheeks tomato red.

"Oh, well, you don't have to do-"

"I want to, for you," she smiled and kissed him on the lips, "There's more where that came from later."

Tommy's eyes lit up, "Really?"

She rolled her eyes, "Haven't you heard of make up sex, Quincy? I mean, really. You don't think I'm still mad at you, do you? I couldn't be, not with you looking at me like that. I know you care, even if you suck at showing it," Jude smiled sweetly before opening the door for him, "Say hi to Kwest and Sadie for me."

"I'll see what I can do," he walked down the hallway and pushed the elevator button.

"I love you!" Jude called.

"Love you too!" Tommy answered as the elevator light clicked on. Before he stepped on, he turned around and winked. Jude blushed, as usual.

She stepped back inside and went to the girls' room to get them ready. They were going to the store. Screw sitting around the house waiting for Tommy to get back. There were things that could be done. But when she walked into their room, they were nowhere to be found. Jude started to panic as she checked under the beds and in the closets. She called their names but none of them answered.

"Girls! If you're in this house you better come out or I'll call Daddy! And he'll have to give you all spankings!" Jude shouted, stomping on the floor. She was about to cry when she heard giggles coming from her and Tommy's room, "Girls, I hear you, please come out," she pleaded. Jude sat down on her bed and let out a deep breath. Now that she was sure her kids were in here there was nothing to worry about.

"Mommy, we were just playing hide and seek. Why do ya gotta get all mad?" Ali moaned, slinking out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, Alexa was supposed to come and find us, not you," Andrea complained, folding her arms like her sister.

Just then Alexa ran into the room, "Found you!" she shouted, tagging them both on the shoulder.

The twin exchanged a glance, "No you didn't. Momma did." Ali corrected.

All three girls looked at Jude with a glare, "What? I was worried. Next time you want to play that game, tell me for god's sake!"

"Sorry," they mumbled before going back to their room.

"Where are you guys going? We have to get our shoes on and go to the store! Don't you guys want some marshmallow cereal?" she smiled, mostly fake, trying to get the girls to do the same.

"We want Daddy to play with us," Alexa whined, sitting on the bed next to Jude.

"I know, but Daddy's at a very important meeting. He'll be back before you know it. If we go to the store, he'll be back sooner," Jude suggested, raising her eyebrows.

"Really? How?"

"Well, it's magic. You just have to trust me."

"Okay."

"You said somthin about marshmallows? Daddy loves marshmallows in his hot chocolate," Alexa grinned, "Maybe we should buy some and when Daddy gets back we can all have some and sit together!"

"I think that's a great idea, let's do that," Jude hugged all three of them and smiled. Sometimes they knew exactly what to say, "You guys go get your shoes on while I throw on some clothes, okay?"

"Yay! We're buying marshmallows!" they shouted, skipping down the hall.

Jude giggled, touched by how much those marshmallows turned her day around. Kids were definitely the greatest joy in life, aside from sharing the deepest love possible with the man of your dreams.

She danced her way to the bathroom, putting the stereo on. She heard Karma's song start to play, and for the first time in her life, she didn't change the channel. She listened. Karma actually wrote about stuff that was meaningful and it actually made sense. Maybe there was more to Karma after all.

After throwing on jeans and putting on her favorite pair of boots, she headed to the girls' room to check on them. Before she made it to their door, the phone rang. She raced to get it before the answering machine did, "Hello?"

"Hey! It's Karma! I just wanted to thank you for giving me my Spiedy back! I missed him so much. Oh, you rocked on stage today!" Karma yelled. Jude heard voices, lots of voices in the background. That was a big G major bash.

"Um, your welcome. Wait, why are you thanking me? You should totally hate my guts."

"Spiedy told me everything. I loved your scam. It was genious! Oh, here's Spiedy! But listen, call me and we'll do drinks. On me! Love ya!" Jude heard a kissing sound on the other line before Spied's voice rang in her ear.

"Dude! You so totally rock!" Spied screamed, hurting Jude's ear. She laughed at him anyway.

"Glad to help."

"Look, I just wanted to let you know that me and Karma are officially back together! Oh, you're like her hero now, just to share. She adores your devious plans that got us back together. Did she already invite you for drinks? I told her you loved to go out and have a good time, not that you've done that with lord squinty frown always at work. All he does is hound Karma for more songs. He _says_ they're not good enough, even though they are. He's taking it to the extreme, even for him."

"Really? Do you think he's keeping something from me? Because I get the feeling there's something he doesn't want me to know about," Jude thought out loud. She slapped a hand over her mouth when she realized she said it out loud, "Oh god, Spied, please, just forget I said that. I'm being paranoid."

"Jude, I can't hear you! I gotta hang up! Karma's about to go on!"

"Wait! Can you tell Tommy-" Click. So much for checking on Tommy.

Jude made her way to the girls' room once again, trying to shake her doubts from her mind. There was nothing he was hiding. It was all going to be fine.

"Girls, you ready to go? Have you got your shoes on?" she called, walking into her room. She found it was empty again, "Girls! What did I tell you about hide and seek? Get out here NOW!"

"Surprise!" they screamed, jumping from behind the bed. Alexa extended a hand with a piece of paper on it.

"We wrote this for you while you were talking on the phone," Alexa explained, blushing. Jude tried not to laugh. This was all so sweet.

"What is it?"

"It's a poem! Read it to us!" Ali pressed, jumping up and down.

"Okay, I'll read it. It says:

Mommy and Daddy

Are so very nice.

Whenever I get in trouble

I just have to apologize.

Then I don't get a timeout

And I can go and play

With my two little sisters

For the whole entire day.

Wow, it's nice. I love it."

"Really?"

"Really, now lets go, okay?"

"Are we still getting the marshmallows?"

Jude laughed, taking the twins' hands, "Yes, we're still getting the marshmallows."


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Drunk Men Never Lie

Hey, guys, I'm sorry it's taken so long. I've been out of school for a couple days now and I decided it would be good to finish chapter 11. So, here it is. Now I know when you finish it, you'll be thinking 'what the hell' but I promise, the next few chapters will have you loving it. But for now, just go with it. Drama is sometimes necessary. Just remember that .

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

Alexa tugged on her mother's shirt impatiently, "Momma, is Daddy _ever _coming home?"

The question struck Jude like a bolt of lightning. Him not coming home had happened so many times in the past. There was always that possibility that he would run away again. But despite her doubts, she thought better of it, "Of course. He's just a little late, that's all," the answer was mostly reassurance for herself.

After a few silent, agonizing minutes her eyes glided over to the clock. 10:30. It was only half past ten. Maybe she should put them to bed. Ali and Andrea had already fallen asleep on the sofa. She glanced at the yawning Alexa. She wouldn't last much longer either.

"Momma, can I wake them up?" she asked, stifling a yawn. She pointed to her sisters snuggled together.

Jude pondered what to do before answering, "Nah, I think I'll put them to bed."

She could tell Alexa didn't like that answer by the sudden change in facial expressions. Her eyes seemed to get bigger in a matter of seconds and her lips were turned upside down causing wrinkles on her forehead, "But we're all supposed to wait for daddy!" Alexa insisted, tears threatening to escape. Her irritable tone gave her tiredness away. Jude was convinced they all needed to at least try and get some sleep.

"Mommy's going to bed. You don't want to be up here all by yourself, do you?" Jude argued. She kept telling herself to be patient, to play it cool. Tired Jude didn't have much patience.

Alexa's face turned from worried to angry, "But you promised!" she stomped her foot and started to cry.

That was it. There was absolutely no stomping, not when Jude was about to fall over and crash from tiredness, "Listen hear Alexa! We're all tired and need to go to bed! We can see your dad in the morning! Now quit acting like a baby and-" Jude froze mid-sentence when she heard a bang on the door. This was when she wished Tommy were here to make sure everything was okay. She was about as good as a cat when it came to protecting someone.

Stepping away from the frustrated Alexa, she grabbed the twins and swiftly walked as fast as she could with seventy five extra pounds to the girls' room. Alexa followed, forgetting all about waiting for Tommy as she quickly became scared of her mother's frantic behavior.

"Alexa, you stay here. I'm going to see what that was!" Jude whisper-shouted, tiptoeing out of the door. When she made it to the kitchen, Jude grabbed a steak knife. She didn't know how on earth to use it on a person, but she would figure it out if she had to.

Another bang scared Jude half to death, almost causing Jude to drop the knife on her foot. Who was she kidding? She wouldn't be able to kill someone if her life depended on it. What if it did? What if tonight was the night to die? What if all she could do to save herself was use that knife? But she didn't know how. She'd never even seen a dead body before, much less been involved in a killing crime. She did hit Hunter in the head pretty hard. Would this be the same?

Jude inched closer to the door but stopped abruptly when she heard another bang. Someone was moaning? Was that what she heard? The moaning was followed by a female voice, "Would you just open the door already?" It sounded so familiar.

Another voice spoke, this time a man, "I'm trying! He's got so many damn keys on this ring! How the hell does he keep up with all of them?"

Jude relaxed at the male's voice. It was just Kwest and Sadie. No need to panic after all. But what were they doing here? At ten thirty?

She placed the knife, slick with sweat, on the counter and cautiously made her way to the door, thinking of a thousand different reasons why they would possibly out here this late. She tried to turn the doorknob with sweaty hands and finally got it open with her shirt sleeve. When she cracked the door open, the mumbling stopped. She opened it all the way and gasped at the sight in front of her.

"Sadie! What's wrong with him?" Jude cried, kneeling beside the curled up Tommy on the floor. He was a mess of rumpled linen and hair gel.

Sadie rolled her eyes, "Relax. You're new hubby-to-be has just overdone it this time. I think he emptied every bottle at the open bar," Sadie explained. Jude could tell by her disapproving tone that she was not happy. Tommy would get the lecture from hell tomorrow at work. From D _and_ Sadie.

It was all Jude could do to shake him awake and call him out for being so damn stupid, "I thought this was an industry party. Tommy doesn't drink at those. He's always so put together." Jude was confused. This wasn't Tommy, not when he was in business mode.

Sadie and Kwest shared a knowing look before answering. This time Kwest spoke, "Look, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think something's going on with Tommy that he doesn't want anyone to know about. The only words he could get out on the way home was 'man I really messed up. She'll never forgive me.' I don't know what it means."

Jude looked like she was about to break down and cry. What could he have done that was so horrible? It took only seconds for Jude to come up with an answer, "Sadie? Do you think… he… cheated on me?" Jude gulped, unsure of what to think.

Both Harrison women looked clueless. If Sadie said yes, Jude would believe her because they were sisters, but then again, if Sadie said no, Jude would go with that answer forever because of how much she loved Tommy. So which one was it?

"Look, I don't know. All I'm saying is you guys need to talk. Pronto. Because there's something really wrong with him. He's never drank that much," Sadie warned, raising her eyebrows at her sister.

Jude looked helpless in her sister's eyes, "I'm so sorry you had to bring him home. You should have called me," Jude whispered, tears already trickling down her cheek to her neck. Sadie opened her arms for her sister and Jude fell into them, "Sometimes it's really nice to have a big sister."

Sadie smiled, though Jude couldn't see her, "Sometimes it's really nice to have a little sister that needs my help."

Kwest's loud throat clearing broke up the moment, "I think we need to get him inside."

Jude awkwardly released her sister, embarrassed, and knelt down to Tommy, "Okay, Kwest, you get his arms and I'll get his legs."

"I can help," Sadie insisted, kneeling down beside Jude.

Kwest was the braver one and decided to face up to the hormonal Sadie, "I don't think it's such a good idea with the baby and-"

"Kwest. Just shut up and let me help. It won't kill the baby," Sadie's voice was terrifying. Jude decided to let it go and thanked God when Kwest decided his mouth was better off staying shut, too.

After a few seemingly never-ending minutes, Tommy was successfully on the bed. He had woken up a few times and started reaching for Jude, although Kwest wouldn't let him. He thought it would be better if they talked when both of them were calm and at least Tommy was sober. His mood, Kwest had said, was terrible and depressing when he was drunk. Jude had believed it, knowing all too well what drunk Tommy was like. She still remembered to this day when he had called her poison, straight to her face. And she assumed he was drunk then, just by the sight of his posture, his struggle to form a coherent sentence, his constant swaying, and his unfaltering glare. It had scared the bejezus out of her.

Jude was startled when Alexa stumbled into the room, her eyes wet and red from crying and sleep deprivation, "Mommy, is Daddy home yet?"

Jude broke down at that and started to cry too, taking Alexa in her arms, "Yes, sweetie, he's here but he's sleeping right now. Why don't you go pick out a movie and we'll watch it in the living room?"

"Okay." She started to walk out the door when she realized Kwest and Sadie had been standing there awkwardly, not knowing whether to stay and give comfort or leave and give privacy. Honestly, Jude didn't know which one she wanted either, "Mama, what are they doing here?"

Jude looked to where Alexa was pointing, "Oh, they helped Tommy get home. He got a little sick tonight. That's why he's home so late."

She wiped the remainder of her tears on her oversized sweatshirt, one of Tommy's, and did the best she could to muster up a smile to her daughter who smiled back, "Okay, I'll go pick out a movie."

As soon and Alexa was safely out of earshot, Kwest and Sadie started shuffling around Jude, "Honey, do you need me to stay? I can help with whatever you need." Sadie spoke first, sitting down on the floor, grunting a little when her slightly oversized belly restricted her from easily plopping onto the floor.

"No! I don't want you to do any more. You need to go home and get some rest," Jude was close to tears again, feeling guilty, "God! I'm supposed to be the one helping you! You're the pregnant one!" The tears started pouring out again.

"That's it, I'm staying. Kwest, I'll call you tomorrow," Sadie ordered, wrapping her arms around her sister. Kwest was about to say something but decided against it. When Sadie noticed him still standing there, she got agitated, "Why are you still here? Go!" she snapped, swishing her hand towards the door.

Without another word, he disappeared into the hallway and moments later Jude heard the soft click of the apartment door, "I'm gonna go lock up and make sure the twins are all tucked in and settled."

She broke away from her unsure sister and started to walk out. Sadie got up, grunting again, and started toward Tommy, "Do you want me to take his shoes off or anything?"

Jude didn't snap, telling herself Sadie was only trying to help, and calmly answered her, "No. I'll do it when I get back."

After two movies, ice creams sundaes, and the promised hot chocolate, Alexa had finally given up and fallen asleep in Sadie's lap. All while Jude was taking care of her supposed to be one true love. But she was seriously doubting his love and commitment after tonight. As long as Jude had known him (which was going on ten years now) Jude had never, not once, seen him even so much as sip a drink on the job. Not until tonight, that is.

But even though she was unbelievably mad at him, she couldn't bring herself to leave him like that, all disheveled on the bed. Damn Quincy and his unbelievably cute butt and his adorable face. Damn that sweet look on his face that said 'I'm the sexiest thing that ever walked this planet.' Jude was such a pushover when it came to him.

So she took off his shoes, ran a bath, undressed him, washed him, even held him up so he could brush his teeth after puking his guts out. Then, when they were all through, she put his boxers on, pulled down the covers and gently laid him in the bed, like he was a fragile baby doll or something.

Turning to leave the sleeping Tommy, finally all cleaned up, Jude sighed. She hoped she would be this nice in the morning, when her brain held the mental capacity to actually think about what happened tonight. But she doubted she would be this forgiving.

"Jude, should I put her to bed?" Sadie whispered, pointing to the sleeping Alexa when Jude stepped into the room.

Jude took one look at her and about broke down again. Alexa would never recover from this, at least not for a while, "I'll take her. I need to check on the twins again anyway."

Sadie eyed her suspiciously, "You check on the girls an awful lot," she commented.

"Yeah, well, when that baby's born, I'll call you and ask you how many times you've found yourself just staring at your sleeping kid. Then we'll talk about who's more overprotective," Jude snapped. She wasn't about to take Sadie's comment to heart, but it was still way past midnight and everyone that knew her (okay, everyone that knew her as in talked to her on a daily basis, not the paparazzi) knew that she didn't handle tiredness very well. Sadie of all people should, anyway.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Should have known you'd act all defensive. It's way past your bedtime," she apologized. Jude smiled, relieved her sister understood.

"I'll be back in a minute, we'll talk then," Jude whispered, gently picking up Alexa. Sadie awed over how poised Jude was as a mother. She just prayed Tommy's fiasco wouldn't falter her motherhood, or for that matter, the stable life she had built for her family.

Tommy woke up in the morning with a pounding headache and possibly the driest mouth ever. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been that wasted. He looked over to his right and was relieved to find a sleeping Jude beside him. Apparently she wasn't too mad or she would've slept on the couch.

He started toward the bathroom, having to pee really bad, when he heard banging around in the kitchen. He glanced at the alarm clock. Six forty five. None of the kids were ever up this early. So who was it? He made his way down the hall and was surprised to see Sadie clunking, or rather waddling, around the kitchen making breakfast.

"Sadie, what are you doing here?" he asked, squinting at the fluorescent lights above him. He turned to switch them off when Sadie interceded.

She stuck her nose up in the air and stared him right in the eye, "You should have thought about those lights last night, before you emptied the _entire_ bar."

And just like that, she waddled back into the kitchen, in Jude's robe, he realized, and continued whisking the eggs, "You still didn't answer my question." His voice was raspy. He had slept too late, he realized, "Crap! I have to be at the office in twenty minutes! Why didn't anyone wake me?"

Sadie snickered out loud, "I thought Jude might want to sleep in after taking care of you like her newborn last night. You're lucky to have her, you know. Anyone else and you might have found yourself outside, basking in your own bodily fluids."

Tommy stopped at the sound of Jude's name, "Wait, she was the one doing all that stuff last night? I wasn't doing them by myself?"

Sadie laughed, almost losing her balance, "Do you honestly think you could have gotten a bath running, washed yourself, brushed your teeth and lived to tell the story without someone helping you? Do you even know how wasted you were last night? Do you even think about the girls you committed to raising when you do shitty stuff like this?" her voice turned serious. Tommy realized he was in a whole heap of trouble.

He didn't say anything for a long time. All he could think about was the sleeping Jude in the next room. The Jude he lied to. The Jude he thought he was protecting. The Jude that had so selflessly taken care of him last night, even _after_ he'd come in stumbling, smelling of alcohol and cigarette smoke. Why couldn't he be selfless and finally come clean about her baby, the one that she'd never known about? Why couldn't he be like her?

"Tommy, she'll forgive you, she always does," Sadie whispered, instantly feeling guilty. She rubbed a reassuring hand on his back and even dared to give him a small hug.

Tommy wondered why she was all of the sudden being so supportive and nice. And, as if she had read his mind she answered, "Tommy, you're crying."

The past few hours had been hard for Jude. After arguing with Tommy for nearly an hour when he was getting ready for work, she had come into the kitchen to eat to find the girls all wound up on maple syrup and pancakes. Glaring at her sister, she was about to snap when she saw Sadie's thoughtful, but confused look.

"What's wrong?" Jude yawned, pouring a cup of coffee.

Sadie groaned and pushed herself away from the counter, shifting all of her weight on her right foot, "I just don't get Tommy. I mean, he cried this morning, Jude."

This was news to her. When he came into the bedroom, he looked all pissed off, which was what actually started their argument. She would have waited until after work to talk to him about last night, but he had to come in all pissy and mean, which only pissed her off, "Really? Then why was he so mad?"

"Because, Jude, something's eating at him. You need to find out what it is. I'm telling you, it'll only get worse if you keep avoiding the conversation you need to have with him," Sadie warned, turning around to pour another cup of coffee.

Jude's eyes widened, "Sadie! You can't have caffeine!"  
"Relax, it's decaf."

At that, Jude spat her mouthful of coffee into the sink, and dumped the rest, "Are you freaking serious?"

"What? I didn't think you'd mind," Sadie smirked. She noticed Jude's glare, which made her laugh, "Relax, I made you some regular coffee. Geez, you are grumpy in the morning."

Jude's look softened as she reached for the second pot of coffee, the one Tommy had insisted on buying after Jude and him moved in together. They both liked their coffee, just in very different ways. Tommy liked his fancy flavored coffee, which suited his fancier way of living. But Jude like her plain old Folder's coffee out of a tin can. So they both made their own in the morning.

"I don't understand why you two just can't take turns with one coffeemaker," Sadie shook her head, baffled.

"Because if we took turns, one of us would be grumpy all the time," Jude explained, "It's easier for us to deal with people when we're both happy and content."

Sadie couldn't argue that. She'd seen Jude only once when she hadn't had her morning coffee. That was the day she hadn't gotten anything done in the studio, all those years ago.

Jude took a sip of coffee, listening to Sadie's morning chatter, the one thing she didn't miss about her sister. Who wanted to listen to that much of one person in the morning? When she got up to go and try and settle the kids, who hadn't even acknowledged her presence in the room yet, she fell right off the barstool, grasping her side, "Sadie! I need my pills!" Jude gasped, sitting up and resting her back on the bar itself.

"Jude! Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" she rushed over to her sister and felt everything Jude claimed hurt.

Jude's head swung from side to side, trying to control her pain.

"What's wrong mama?" Andrea asked, plopping in Jude's lap. She screamed in pain, "Sadie! The pills! NOW!"

Sadie scrambled, trying to get up as fast as she could, taking all the kids with her, "You guys need to go play in your room while I take care of your mommy, okay?"

They all mumbled okays and skipped to their rooms and Sadie rushed to Jude, two pills in hand, "Here, take these."

After a few minutes, Jude was able to get up and walk very slowly to a chair, "I think I'm gonna call the doctor. There's gotta be something wrong."

Sadie nodded her head in agreement, "But I think after you see your doctor, you should get a second opinion. The doctor you have doesn't seem very thorough. He didn't even schedule a follow up, which is very risky."

Jude was still perplexed at this. According to everyone around town, he was the very best doctor you could get. Maybe someone had told him not to schedule a follow up exam. But who?

"Well, I'm sure he'll be more thorough if I ask him to be," Jude was confident in him. After all, he was the doctor practically everyone used. The only one that managed to know everything there was to know about female problems.

Jude sat patiently in the dimly lit waiting room, reading a magazine. She was amazed at how many times she'd seen herself on its pages. One headline claimed she was secretly pregnant. One dared to claim she permanently quit music altogether, and yet another said that her and Spied had still been hooking up. But nothing about her and Tommy.

"Jude Harrison?" a nurse called, rather monotone. Jude noticed her dull face and decided she'd been at this all day and was tired of it. But when Jude walked up to her, the nurse looked like she was about to faint.

"I'm Jude Harrison," she explained when the nurse just stood there.

"Well. I, I know that, but, but I just didn't think it-" she stopped, embarrassed, Jude realized.

Jude smiled politely, she was used to way worse than a harmless nurse, "It's okay, really."

The nurse, Callie, Jude had read on the nametag, led her back to the examination room. It was cramped inside and Jude wondered if they were all this small. But she slapped on her smile and hopped up on the table, holding in her moan when her stomach started to ache.

Callie took out a pen and flipped to Jude's chart, "So, why don't you tell me what hurts?"

Jude thought about it. She wasn't really sure, "Um… I think it's right down in here," Jude pointed to her lower stomach, hoping the nurse would know what she was talking about.

Callie nodded in understanding, "Sometimes, after this kind of pregnancy, especially when you have to have it… removed-"

Jude stared at her with unbelieving eyes, "Um… I think you have the wrong chart. I had a cyst. That's what the doctor removed," Jude explained. It was just a chart mix up, that's it. After all, the nurse had said she'd been expecting someone else.

This time, Callie shook her head, "No, I really think this is you. When did you have your surgery?"

Jude struggled to think back to the date, "Um… I think around the thirtieth of July," she explained, "It was an emergency case. Tommy took me in because I was unconscious."

The nurse relaxed, "Yep, this is you. It says right here that a Tom Quincy took you in on the thirtieth for a removal of a fallopian tube pregnancy."

A removal of a pregnancy? What had Tommy done? Jude wondered if Tommy even knew about this, "Callie, I don't know what you're talking about."

Realization hit the nurse hard as her face turned from a little worried, to a lot worried, to just plain old panic and shock, "Um… I'll to get the doctor."

Before Jude could protest, the nurse had escaped from the room, letting the door slam behind her, scaring Jude half to death. She wouldn't think about this, the doctor would make sure everything's okay. The doctor would tell her it was all a mistake. Most importantly, the doctor would tell her Tommy had nothing to do with this. At all. Zip. Nada, as in never even knew about it.

Moments later, the doctor swept through the door, taking a seat on the spinny stool and looked at Jude with sad eyes, "Jude, we need to have a talk."

"What about? I know I was supposed to take those depression pills, but I didn't see why they were necessary. All I had done was a simple cyst removal, right?" The doctor didn't say anything, which scared Jude, "I was going to have a baby, wasn't I?"

The doctor swallowed hard, "Yes. Tommy promised me he would tell you. He wouldn't let me discuss it with you because he thought you would handle it better if he was the one that told you."

"Or I would handle it if I didn't even have to know about it. I guess he wasn't anticipating me having complications and coming back to see you," Jude muttered, realization hitting her hard and fast. That's what he had been talking about last night. That's why he drank Darius out of business. That's why he was acting so weird. Well, it served him right.

The doctor looked at Jude with sympathy, "Look, I'm so sorry. He had me so convinced that he would tell you. I believed him."

Jude nodded, understanding the feeling, "Yeah, he actually had me convinced that he loved me. What I sucker I am, right?"

"Now, while we're hear, we have to fix whatever problem it is you're having," he had his usual sense of strength back in his voice, as if that conversation never happened, as if he had nothing to do with it, as if she was just supposed to forget it ever existed.

But she nodded, still wanting to know what was wrong with her, "I'll talk to Tommy, don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault."

And just like that, the examination went back to normal, just a doctor checking out a sick patient, nothing more.

Sadie paced around the apartment, still waiting on Jude to get back with some good news. The kids had been grumpy all day, not wanting to do what they were told, wanting their daddy and mama. Wanting everything to just go back to normal. Who didn't want that?

Just then Sadie heard the door slam shut, "SADIE!"

Uh oh. What had she done, "I'm coming!" she called running to the door, "What's wrong?" she asked, noticing Jude's puffy eyes.

"Tommy lied! He lied to me! I had a baby and Tommy took it from me! He didn't even tell me! I never even knew that I had a baby! Sadie! What am I going to do?" she screamed, collapsing on the floor, "I had a baby," she whispered, sobbing. She clung to Sadie and didn't let go until she saw three tiny faces peeping out from behind the counter.

"Mommy, please don't cry. We still love you," Ali whispered, sitting beside Jude. They all nodded, like angels, and took a seat next to Jude, too. For once, they didn't fight over who got to sit in her lap. And she was thankful for that.

She wiped her runny nose and got up, carrying a new prescription and plopping it on the counter, "Alright, girls, I need you to do me a favor." She paused, sniffling, waiting for three nods, "You girls have to pack up everything you want and put it in your bags, okay? We can't stay here anymore."

All three girls got teary eyed, and without another word, slumped back to their room. Jude smiled, just the tiniest bit, when she heard the zippers of bags. The sooner they got out of here, the better.

"Jude, what are you doing? You can't just run away from this problem," Sadie warned. She was really rooting for Jommy these days and didn't want to see her little sister so sad.

Jude gave one of the meanest glares, not directed at her sister, but because she was thinking about Tommy, "I'll never forgive him for taking my child away without telling me! He's a no good lying cheating bastard that deserves to rot in hell. And I don't want my children to be around someone like that."

Sadie backed away, not sure of what to do. She had never seen Jude so adamant about something. She had never seen Jude so angry. She had never even been scared of Jude. Until now, that is.

Hours later, around the time Tommy was expected home (not that he was ever home by then), Jude had the girls packed, her stuff packed, and the boxes she was going to order Tommy to ship to her house back in London. It still hadn't sold and she wanted to be as far away from Tommy as possible. She had already bought the plane tickets for tomorrow and until then would stay with Sadie and Kwest. And that was that. The girls missed their cat, anyway, who had been staying with their neighbor.

"Mommy, do I get my kitty back?" Alexa asked, putting her suitcase on the floor.

Jude chuckled. They were taking this better than she had expected, "Of course you can have your kitty back."

Then, the door creaked open and Jude stiffened. Sadie had left hours ago, asking Jude to call her when she was on her way. It had to be Tommy.

"Daddy!" All three of them ran to him and Jude watched, although it was very painful, the girls hug Tommy and tell him all about their day. And when he made it all the way in the doorway and saw all the boxes and suitcases, he stopped right where he was and looked straight at Jude.

"What's going on? Are we going on a trip?" he tried to sound enthusiastic, but he could tell by Jude's glare that this wasn't a joke, "Jude, say something."

Jude looked to the girls. She would never forgive herself for letting them get attached to Tommy. It would take years for them to completely get over this, "Tommy, we're leaving. For London."

He watched her pick up all the suitcases, "Why didn't I know about this? Jude I have to work, I can't just take off whenever you want me-"

"You're not going anywhere. Just me and the girls. Don't contact us, don't even think about us ever again." Jude words were slick with threats and Tommy knew something was up, something was really not right.

"Jude, will you please explain to me why you're leaving? I'm not quite sure I understand. I mean, I know we fought this morning and I promise I'll never get drunk again but I…" he stopped talking, lost in his thoughts. He knew exactly why Jude was leaving, "Jude, oh god, who told you?"

"Who told me? That's all you have to say for yourself? What about I'm sorry? Does that little phrase even ring a bell and the pea sized brain you have?" Jude screamed, tears running down her cheeks. Her voice was faltering, losing its steam when she saw how hurt and torn Tommy was. She told herself to ignore it, that it was just another one of his ploys, but something else, something stronger than any other part of her told her it was his genuine sorrow, that he really did love her and that deep down there was a reason that was important to him why he hadn't told her. But she ignored it, too angry to even think about forgiving him. She was done with Tom Quincy. She would find someone else that was better than him one day.

"Jude, I wanted to tell you, I even thought about it this morning, but I knew you'd be devastated. You've been through so much! I was scared you wouldn't make it through this one! I was scared you'd just give up and never get over it. That's why I kept it from you. I didn't want you to feel the way you felt when Henry beat you, or when you were puking your guts out. I thought I could be the one to save you this time," his voice got softer as he spoke the last sentence. But Jude didn't comprehend what he had to say, she forced herself not to listen. Sure she'd wanted to know why he'd kept it from her, but she was afraid the reason might make her give in and fall into his strong, muscular, safe arms again. Damn! Jude, shut up! You're not supposed to be thinking about how good he is! You're supposed to be thinking about how awful he was!

She took the last of the suitcases and walked to the door, beckoning the girls to come with her, "Tommy, have a nice life and do me a favor. Stay out of mine."

With that, she walked out of the door, slamming it shut. Stomping down the hallway, she jammed the elevator button in, furious with herself for even thinking about Tommy. She was supposed to forget he existed, forget he was ever a part of her life.

"Mommy, when is Daddy gonna come to London?" Ali whispered on the elevator. She didn't dare speak louder. She was frightened of her mother's behavior.

Jude tried to think of a nice way to say in her mind, but came up empty, "Never."

With that answer, she heard the girls starting to sniffle. She was tempted to take them all in her arms and tell them that she was just kidding, but she wasn't. And they would get over it. Eventually.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Moving On

Alexa paced the house, phone in hand. Tommy hadn't picked up the phone once since they had left and Alexa wanted to talk to him. There was no way she was going to let a stupid fight come between her mom and her dad.

"Alexa, honey, put the phone down," Jude pleaded, attempting to snatch it away.

"No! I want to talk to Daddy!" she screamed, running off to the kitchen.

Jude looked at her sister. It was seven o'clock in the morning and she was in no mood to handle this right now, "Sadie, please, do something. Cut the phone line if that's what it takes."

Sadie nodded, understanding, "Okay. I'll cut the phone line. But you can't just expect them to never want to see Tommy again just because you don't."

"I don't expect that! I just expected it to be easier!" she insisted. No, don't break down again, that was the last thing she wanted. As she expected, Tommy had been on her mind all night. And just when she started to think about something else, the girls would ask her something that was related to Tommy, somehow, some way.

"Well, I'm going to go make some coffee," Sadie patted her sister's knee on the way to the kitchen, "And I promise to cut the phone line."

Just then, Kwest appeared, looking all ready for work, "Well I'm gonna head out. I'll see you Harrisons later," he waved good bye and started for the door.

Jude jumped off the sofa and ran toward Kwest, "Wait!" he turned around, "If you see Tommy would you tell…" what did she want him to tell Tommy?

Kwest looked perplexed, "What? Tell him what?" he prompted.

Jude shook her head, "Never mind, just tell him that I didn't mean all those awful things I said yesterday."

"If I see him, I'll tell him. But I doubt he'll come in today. He'll probably be spending it trying to find a way to win you back," Kwest smiled at that, like he was rooting for Tommy.

"Well, it'll never work. He has a better chance getting Sadie back than me," Jude snapped, stomping all the way back to the kitchen.

Sadie was startled when Jude walked in, looking like she just walked out of a horror movie, "Jude, you really need some coffee," She handed her a cup, full to the rim.

"Ya think? I haven't slept in days. There's a week left to find the girls a school and then I have to think about my career! And then there's Tommy! I have no clue how we're going to work this out! And then there's London! Do you know how hard it is to pay a mortgage to a house you're not even living in?!" she stopped, realizing what she just said, "I'm sorry."

"So you're not moving after all!" Sadie squealed, pulling her sister into a hug, "You and Tommy are going to work things out!"

"Yes, but it's not what you think. I was thinking that maybe we could work something out so he could see the kids," Jude explained, "I don't want to be involved with him anymore. There's no telling what would happen."

Sadie's smile faded, "Oh Jude, please. Like you're ever going to be happy without him. Don't do this to yourself. Just go and apologize and tell him you'll work things out."

"Me? Apologize? No, he has to apologize to me!"

Sadie sighed, "But didn't you say a lot of awful things yesterday? If you want to work things out with him, you really need to apologize to him. Even if what he did is way worse," Sadie's voice was calm, and to Jude it sounded wise.

She smiled. Maybe there was hope for Tommy after all, with her sister sticking up for him, "Alright, I'll go and talk to him today."

Sadie noticed Jude's face light up at that. Lord help those two, she thought, "Go take a shower and I'll let you wear something of mine."

"Sadie, I appreciate it, I do, but I don't think-"

"Would you just go take a shower? Leave the rest to me," she winked and pushed Jude up the stairs, "And don't forget to shave."

An hour and half later and two coats too many of make up, Jude walked down the stairs, "Sadie, I don't think this is such a good idea. I mean, he'll wonder what I got so dressed up for. It's not like we're going anywhere." She looked down at her strapless sundress and cutesy sandals with a small heel, "And I feel like I'm revealing too much. I mean, I am a mom, you know."

"Mommy! You look really pretty! Just like the people in the movies!" Andrea exclaimed, grabbing hold of her mom's freshly shaved legs, "And you smell really good!"

Sadie gasped looking at her sister, "Yeah, you're a really hot mom!"

Jude's cheeks turned a bright pink and she lowered her head, "Maybe I should go change." She started back up the stairs.

"No! You look good, why would you want to change?" Sadie interrogated, "I mean, you might as well flaunt it while you have it. Ten years from now, you'll wish you wore more of those strapless sundresses." Sadie wagged a finger at Jude.

She walked back down the stairs and into the living room, "Alright, fine."

Sadie squealed again, the second time that day, Jude counted, "Now, we have to talk about moisturizer. I know you used lotion today, because I made you put it on, but I saw how dry your skin was. And your calluses have got to go. A simple manicure can solve-"

Jude held up her hand, "May I remind you, Tommy likes my callused hands! He said they were sexy!" Jude protested, getting up to get more coffee.

"I'll say. You use them enough, don't you? How many times have you been caught shacking up with Little Tommy Q?" Sadie teased.

"Okay, that's enough. I'm pouring myself another cup of coffee and I'm leaving," Jude sang. She moved through the house with ease, feeling almost natural in the sandals she was wearing. They weren't anything like boots, but they were comfortable, especially in the hot weather.

"I'll see you to the door!" Sadie shrilled, squealing, for the third time that day.

Jude walked to the closet and pulled out a sweater, "You know, if you keep squealing like that, you'll scare all the little birds away from the birdhouses you oh so carefully hung," she called, trying to find a sweater that matched what she was wearing.

Sadie caught her in the closet, holding up sweater after sweater, "Jude, you don't need a sweater! It's eighty five degrees outside!" Sadie hissed, pushing all the sweaters and jackets into the closet.

"Well, what if it's cold at the apartment?" Jude raised an eyebrow.

Sadie smirked, "Uh, I don't think you'll have a problem staying warm, not with Tommy right there to warm you right up," she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Ew! Is that all you think about nowdays?" Jude shook her head and grabbed her keys from the entry table, "I'll be back in an hour or so. Just make sure the kids get a nap. They're really ornery today."

"An hour? You plan to make it a quickie? I didn't know Jude liked it dirty," Sadie laughed at that one, obviously thinking it was way funnier than it actually was. In all honesty, Jude thought it was disgusting. No way would she have sex with Tommy today, especially after what he did to her.

Jude lay next to Tommy, covered in sweat. Who was it that told her sex worked every muscle in your body? Well, it didn't matter because she believed it. There was no way she would be able to get up, at least not for a while.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"We need to talk."

Tommy stiffened, let go of Jude's hand, and sat up, pulling his boxers back on, "What about?"

"I need to know why you thought you couldn't tell me," she whispered, pulling the sheets over her boobs. She was suddenly feeling self conscious, with Tommy acting all weird.

"Jude, we just had the most unbelievable make up sex and you want to ruin it by fighting?" Tommy snapped. He plopped back down on the bed. Sometimes men could be such asses.

"Tommy! I didn't mean for this to happen! I walked in the door and you were on the couch, sexily looking through one of those muscle magazines and I just… I just couldn't help myself!" Jude's face turned sour as she thought through other reasons, "the second I walked in the door, you kissed me, not giving me any time to explain why I was here! And then you don't stop! You just keep on kissing, shedding my clothes like that's my whole purpose in life, to have sex with you. And then, if that's not already enough, you seduce me, leading me into the shower, the warm, hot shower! And THEN you don't stop! Even when I told you we should stop, you ignore me! So how was I supposed to stop? Huh? When the man I love is assaulting my neck, my shoulders, my everything, you tell me how I was just supposed to stop!"

"Well you make it sound like you came in her dressed like grandma! You were wearing a dress that barely covered you boobs! How do you expect me to resist that? I mean, you're so sexy! And your legs! That dress barely covered anything! Who do you think you are, coming in here dressed like a supermodel, just wanting to talk! You should have worn jeans and a ragged t-shirt if you wanted that!" Jude was going to kill Sadie. She knew the dress was a bad idea. It did scream 'screw me because I miss you.' God, was she that desperate?

"Tommy, I didn't come here to fight. I agree, that sex was pretty amazing, but I came to work things out with you. And I do want a repeat of today, somewhere in the near future, the very near future, but I can't. Not until you explain to me why you did what you did," Jude calmed down. If she didn't, no one would have.

Tommy ran a shaky hand through his hair, "Jude, I was scared. I was being selfish. I thought if I told you, nothing would be okay. I knew you had been through a lot and I just didn't want you to have to go through that kind of pain. I was so scared you wouldn't be able to get over it, especially after everything that happened. Jude, I didn't want to lose you. And the girls, do you know what would happen to them if you fell into a depression? God, I wouldn't have known what to do with myself, let alone them!"

Jude was crying now. How could she be so stupid? Of course her kids were the reason. Of course he wouldn't want her to fall into depression. And of course he didn't want to lose her, "Tommy, why couldn't you have just said something? If you would have told me all your fears, I would have tried, for you and for the girls. Because you guys are here, part of my life. I wanted it to stay that way," her voice never came above a whisper in fear that she might start to break down. Because that's what she did best.

"Well, can we at least try to be together again? Even if you don't forgive me right away? I'll wait if you want me to, I'll wait until I'm lying on my deathbed. For you, I'd do it," his voice was a whisper, too, except his was an act of persuasion. Inching closer to Jude's face as he spoke, trying to get her to fall into the sweet blue eyes of his, oh and she was falling, so fast, she was losing herself in his eyes, losing all her troubles, forgetting all the pain, just remembering how good it felt to be with him. Just sitting on the couch barely touching him, watching reruns of horrible comedies made Jude's insides tingle. And she was reliving all those feelings again, trying to imprint them on her brain so she could feel them wherever she went.

"I think you need to give me some space. I'll think about what you said, but I can't make any promises. But… I'll call you okay? I'm still leaving tomorrow, so don't think I'm not," Jude was almost in tears as she said this. As much as she wanted to wrap her arms around him and kiss his lips so hard they fell off, she had to think about her kids, had to think about what was best for them. And leaving Tommy for right this minute was the best thing to do.

"So, what am I supposed to do? Sit around here and wait for you to call? You just expect me to put my life on hold so you can figure out what it is you want?!" he screamed, throwing his shirt on the bed. So much for putting it back on.

Jude glared at him. How dare he say that, "You should have thought about that before you lied to me! And I do know what I want! I want to be with you! But you're not showing me you care! We were going to get married! Do you know what married people do? They talk things out! They don't do things behind each other's backs! We aren't ready to make that commitment if you can't even talk to me about things like this. If you were so scared of telling me what makes you think I believe the next time will be different?" Jude closed her mouth in a tight line and threw the sheets off of her. She scrambled to find her clothes, making sure to find her panties. Where were they? They had to be somewhere…

"Looking for these?" Tommy asked mysteriously, swinging the thong back and forth on his index finger, "It was carelessly discarded about an hour ago, when we SLEPT TOGETHER!"

God, Jude hated him sometimes, "Quincy, give me my underpants!" she ran around to the other side of the bed naked, trying to catch the thong swinging back and forth. When she fell on the bed, her panties still on Tommy's finger, she huffed, "This isn't funny! Do think I won't leave here without them! Because I will if I have to!"

Tommy laughed at that, a laugh that said 'I'm so pissed at you I couldn't care less if someone knocked you over the head with a baseball bat' and Jude hated it, "Well, if you ever want to talk to me, you know where to find me, right were you _left_ me!"

Jude was so disgusted by that, she ran out the door, making sure to give it a good slam. So what if she didn't have any underwear. So what if her and Tommy were most likely done for good. So what? She was still Jude fucking Harrison and there were people in the world that cared about what happened to her. Like Sadie, and Spied, and Karma (weird) and most importantly her kids.

_Three days later…_

Tommy stepped out onto the street, pushing the brim of his sunglasses up to meet his gaze. Looking around, he took in his new surroundings. Glancing down the street, he tried to guess which house was Jude's, or which house she was temporarily staying in. If he had his way, they'd be back on the plane within a week to Toronto.

He started to walk down the street, towards the end and noticed a little coffee shop. It wasn't busy, but it was also two o'clock in the afternoon. Most coffee shops weren't busy now. So he walked in and took his shades off, putting them on top of his head.

"Sir, can I help you?" a chirpy voice called to him from behind the diner style counter.

He turned around and glanced at the street, "I'm just gonna wait here, if that's okay," he smiled for a short second and took another look around.

She shrugged and started to wipe down the counter, "Fine with me. But no one usually comes in for another two or three hours."

At that, Tommy took a seat right in front of her, "So, then, why don't you tell me something," he smiled deviously.

"What?" she raised her eyebrows and stopped cleaning, leaning down on the counter.

"Do you know a Jude Harrison?" he leaned in real close, hoping she would go over the edge and spill.

But she didn't. She pulled away and realization hit her eyes, "You're Tommy Q! Ohmygod! You're here! You're really here! She told me you'd show up, she told me!" by then she was jumping up and down, her apron flapping with each movement.

Tommy rolled his eyes and leaned back into the chair, "Look, I know I'm supposed to be some famous washed up boybander, but can we please try and pretend I'm normal for two minutes?"

Her excitement faded and she returned to her normal self with a cold glare, "Well then, with all fame being excused, I'll just tell you that she never wants to see you again. Came by this morning to let me know she was back for good. Sorry to hear about it. I really was rooting for you two, even before she moved here in the first place. But I will tell you that she comes in every day around nine in the morning for some coffee. If you tell her I told, I swear I'll have your pretty little head on a silver platter! And I'll sell it on ebay," wagging a finger at him, her coldness went away. She was just her usual perky self again.

"Thanks. And don't worry, I won't even come in here. I'll catch her on her way out of the house," he smiled again, this time for real. Maybe this waitress girl wasn't so bad.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically, "Like you know what house is hers."

"It's the green one," he said sure of his answer.

Her eyes widened, "How did you know? You've never been here!"

"Well, it's the one she would have chosen. It's the only one with a huge bay window in the living room and the only one with a huge front porch. We used to drive around Toronto looking at houses, picking out which ones had the most bedrooms, which ones looked the best for kids, which ones we thought we could fit the biggest beds in. You know, people think we're together for publicity, that we're just like every other famous couple. But the thing is I know her, I know her so well that I could pick out what she'll order the next time she came in here. Because I know what kind of mood she'll be in, just by when she wakes up and how she starts her day. I know what she'll pick out to wear, well mostly because I had a huge part in helping," he paused to laugh, still remembering all their good times together. He didn't realize the waitress's adoring stare. The romance in her taking over her mind, making her feel sorry for him, "And the funny thing is, I still managed to find a way to screw it up. But for the first time, it's not just about me and Jude. We have kids, kids that I love, kids that I can't live without. If it hadn't been for them, the sad thing is, I would have waited a month before coming here. But those kids, they made me and Jude so close. They made us become one, made us love each other even more."

He stopped, tears in his eyes, and glanced down at the floor, "Hey, she'll take you back, she will. Sometimes girls just need time to think, time to sort out what's really important. And she's smart. She'll figure it out," Bonnie, the name on the tag, read.

"Thanks Bonnie. And I'm sorry for just pouring out my deep dark thoughts. Sometimes it just happens when I think about her and I can't help it."

She noticed his embarrassment when his cheeks turned a bright tomato red, "Trust me, I'm glad it was you and not Jude. I still remember some of the days she came in here crying. She'd talk for hours about you. But it would always end with the same words, almost like that entire day didn't happen. 'I have to go home. Henry'll want dinner.' I could have killed him when I found out what was happening. I felt so stupid for not noticing sooner," Bonnie shook her head, "Well, anyway, you probably know that by now."

She offered up a weak smile before walking out from behind the counter, "Yeah, of course," Tommy lied. He had no idea that she missed him that much. It made him mad that he didn't chase after her. The one time he tried to be a better person, to let her live her life, she ended up getting hurt even worse.

"Look, if you do start talking to her again, please don't tell her I told you anything. I'm… I'm just hoping you two will be able to work things out," Tommy felt fragile arms around his shoulders and for once, he didn't back away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Almost as small and perfect as Jude's. Almost, but not quite.

Jude closed the door behind her and locked it. It was one of those kid-free days she got maybe once a month. All three girls were at a friend's house for the day. And Jude was going to take advantage of it. Without kids, she was free to shop, get some groceries for the house, unpack without having to make frequent trips to the playroom to sort out a fight. And most importantly, she could go to the diner and talk to Bonnie, her one and only friend in the entire city of London.

Walking down to the street, she thought about how much Tommy would have loved this house. There was a porch, they both always wanted a porch, a lot of windows, enough rooms, and one of the biggest beds ever. She tried not to laugh out loud when she remembered them driving, picking out their dream houses. But her smile slowly faded when she remembered why she moved back here in the first place. Tommy was safely back in Toronto, probably working himself to death, covering up his emotions with work. But she had this feeling that he would come after her. Probably just another stupid notion of hers, like the one that inclined her to like him in the first place.

Suddenly, a huge knock in the chest caused her to lose her breath, "Excuse me, sorry," the voice squeaked. Jude took the extended hand and balanced herself.

"No, I'm sorry. Lost in thought," she explained with a nervous laugh. She kept from looking straight at him, knowing her cheeks were turning red.

"Don't worry, I have those days, too," she forgot all about her cheeks, and looked straight into his eyes.

They were gorgeous. _Not as gorgeous as Tommy's, _a voice whispered wickedly inside her head. But she shook the thought mentally and smiled, "Yeah, with three kids, thought is the only thing I have to myself."

He stopped laughing then and surprise took over his face, "You don't look a day over eighteen, how have you had three kids?" A mischievous grin spread across his face. She was used to that grin, just on someone else. _Someone it was way cuter on_, the voice advised. She frowned then, "Something wrong?"

"No! And for the record, I've only been pregnant twice. Had twins the second go around," she explained, changing the subject back.

"Well, they must be as pretty if they look anything like you," he raised his eyebrow. Jude pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, suddenly self-conscious. She found herself wishing she had a different outfit on, wishing her hair was actually styled. But she had on jeans, a ripped t-shirt and her favorite pair of beat up old black boots. And her hair was messy, held together by a clear clip near the top of her head.

She giggled uncontrollably, "Do you… maybe want to have dinner with me?" She asked, rubbing her hands together. It would hurt if she got let down. After all the flirting they'd done.

He put a hand on hers steadying them, "Quit being so nervous. Of course I'll go out with you."

"Well, good. Oh, I'm Jude, by the way," she held out her hand, which felt silly.

But he took it and squinted at the sunlight peaking out through the clouds, "Max."

"So…"

"I'll pick you up at eight?"

"Sure. See you then!"

He stopped from turning around and looked at her, "Where do you live?"

"Oh, it's the big green house with a huge front porch. You can't miss it,"

"Cool, I guess I'll see you later," he smiled again and started down the sidewalk. Jude stood there, smiling like a moron, before she could think to wave bye. But he was already out of sight when she finally got the message to wave back.

_Later that night…_

"So, you mean to tell me you've never recorded anyone else's music? I mean, I knew you wrote music, but I didn't know you wrote _all _of it," Max's eyes gleamed and he started to laugh.

"Well yeah, I mean, you didn't think I stole from people, did you?" she whispered, hoping no one was listening. She didn't want it to get out that she didn't write her own music. Because she did.

He stopped laughing finally realizing she was taking this seriously, "I'm sorry. It's just hard to believe a singer would actually write his or her own music _and _be stupid enough to fall for that washed up boybander," he raised his eyebrows knowingly, "I mean, you did fall for him, right?"

Jude was steaming. How could anyone insult Tommy? That was something only she could do, "Look here, I'm not going to sit around and let you bash my life! Just because I fell for an extremely sweet guy does not make me stupid!" she screamed. Then with the politest of smiles, "I would like to go home now, if that's okay."

Jude watched carefully as Max turned from snobby to concerned. But she could have sworn she saw the slightest bit of hatred in his eyes, "Sure, just let me pay."

She seemed satisfied for the time being, but felt uneasy about his tone. There was something about it, almost mocking her request. She shook it off and just decided he was a stupid son of a bitch who thought he was smart because he wore a suit and tie. Well, by the looks of it, he wasn't even top of the line. No Berber, no Armani, nothing anyone with money used. Even though he liked to think he was. Not that Jude minded dating someone that didn't have the money she did, but her goal was to find a man who would accept her just the way she was. _Tommy did. Tommy loved everything about you. Even your annoying coffee habits that you know he hates, _the little voice whispered, much to mockingly for Jude's taste. But she knew the voice was right.

"Jude, you ready?" Max sounded tired, defeated, like a long day at work, not like he had just come from the best date ever. And it was. Until he started dropping smart remarks and hinting at Jude's non existent stupidity.

She sighed, "I guess," getting up from the table, she felt a thrust of pain in her stomach, "You know what, I'm gonna call a cab. There's no sense in me going with you. I think I'm going to be in the bathroom awhile," she smiled. _Puking my guts out! _She mentally added.

He looked hesitant, "I'll just get you home. I don't like to leave my dates in crowded places. No matter how smart they are," he added, an evil smile spreading across his lips.

Jude felt a shiver go up her spine, almost warning her not to get in the car with him. His comment about smarts was left unnoticed all the way to the car, which was parked in the back of the parking lot, the only place there was to park in this craphole.

Without saying a word, she climbed into the passenger's seat, folding her arms across her chest defensively. She didn't even bother to say thank you, "Look, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want," he started, glancing at her shaking hands, "But it would make things a whole lot easier."

Jude was confused, "Make what easier? I don't understand, I mean, I'm going- hey! There's my street! You passed my str-" Jude's eyes got wide as she guessed at what was happening, "Are you kidnapping me?"

His voice cackled, mean and ugly, "More like constraint to protect you from stupidity. I'm not like your other fan, who made you write a song that probably wasn't even yours, I'm quite the opposite. I want you to learn how to live without music, become the perfect dedicated housewife, mom, and most importantly, my new assistant."

Jude looked out the window in horror. The mention of kids was starting to scare her. They were still at the friend's house. They were expecting her at ten o'clock in the morning. And no one would be there to pick them up, what would she do? "I have kids, please, please, let me see my kids," she pleaded, sobbing.

"You're mine now. You'll have new kids, kids that we'll make together. You won't miss your old ones. They were probably annoying anyway. Girls usually are. No, we're going to have a son. And we'll name him… Tommy. What do you say about that?" he laughed again, hatred spurting from his words.

Jude couldn't take it anymore. She had to get out of the car. She had to, even if it meant getting out while the car was still in motion. Suddenly she screamed to distract him, unlocked the door and slowly put her hands around the handle on the door. Before she could think about it anymore, she pushed the door open, letting it fly with the car and jumped out onto the grass, screaming for help. She saw Max's car turn around and rush to the scene, but it was too late, by the time he got there, someone was pulled over, more like everyone was starting to pull over.

Jude cried out in pain, it hurt everywhere. She didn't even know what she could move without it hurting. She tried to stay awake, tried to keep from going unconscious, but it was calling to her, screaming her name, begging her to forget about the pain and just return to her happy place. She had been there a few times and she remembered it, liked the way you felt so peaceful, so at ease. She saw her kids and Tommy playing in the backyard, laughing, rolling over in the fresh cut grass. Then she saw herself walking out, holding a tray of lemonade. Seeing herself walk out the screen door so happy and carefree made her smile. She heard herself calling to all four of them, telling them to come get their drink. But they didn't hear her, they just kept right on playing. Walking to them, she held her hand out to touch the sleeve of Tommy's shirt, but her touch didn't spark anything. She realized she didn't exist to anyone there.

No! No! No! This wasn't happening! She was going to be there! She wasn't going to die! Slowly opening her eyes, she saw she was among the chaos of what seemed to be an ambulance. Her eyes squinted from being closed so long.

"We've got a response!" one of them said, "Honey, can you hear me? Can you say anything at all?"

Jude tried to open her mouth but nothing came out. She tried again. Nothing. Why couldn't she talk? She knew exactly what she wanted to say.

"It's okay, We've given you some medicine to help numb the pain. You'll be able to talk again, don't worry," the paramedic smiled warmly at her and she knew she was going to be okay. The throbs of pain making her cry earlier were a distant throb. It felt like her pain was detached from her body somehow, like she felt the aftershock of someone else's pain.

When she couldn't hold her eyes open any longer, she drifted off into a deep sleep, hoping she would wake up in Tommy's arms. Even though she knew it would never happen, not in this lifetime.

Tommy rushed through the hospital, trying to find Jude. He had gotten a call from Sadie, telling him she'd been informed of Jude checking into a hospital following a major accident. There was no telling what happened, but Sadie sounded hysterical on the phone. Just as he was about to give up hope, he saw her being wheeled to the far end, the big black doors.

"Wait! WAAAAAAIT!" he yelled, dashing to the side of Jude's bed. Her blond locks of hair gave her away. Not to mention the expert team around an unconscious body. Who else could it have been?

"Are you related to her?" a nurse asked, rather sharply.

"Fiancé. We've been engaged for over five years now," he lied. Well technically, they had been engaged five years ago, it just didn't last as long as he'd hoped the first time around. And there was no way he would let that same thing happen again.

"Alright. But you'll have to wait outside while we get her stable. I'll come and get you when she's in her own room." Before Tommy had a chance to answer her, she was right back on Jude's left side, resuming whatever it was she doing when he interrupted.

He walked over to one of the chairs and plopped down. Great. He was getting tired of hospitals. How many unfortunate events could one person go through during the course of two months. And what was Jude doing? Who was she with? Where were the girls? What the hell happened?

Tommy stood up and walked to the front desk, hoping they would have some answers, "Excuse me, do you know about the girl that just came in? Where there any other people involved?" he asked.

The nurse raised her eyebrow, "You don't know what happened? Some lunatic seduced her, took her out to dinner and kidnapped her. The only way she could get out was to open the door and jump. And when she did, she landed head first on a steep hill and rolled down it. I heard the kids were at a friend's house. The other nurse told me not to say anything, but you seem like a nice guy." She winked at him as he made his way back to his seat.

Her explanation drove his thought process insane. Why was she in a car with someone she didn't know well? Why was she on a date? Why was she being kidnapped? And who the hell did it? Tommy felt the urge to kill whoever did this to her. Whoever made her fear for her life was going to pay. After everything she'd been through, after everything she'd overcome, someone had to find some way to crash her happiness and burn it to the ground. Not that he was the poster child for that or anything. But he didn't go around trying to kidnap her either.

"Tommy? You may come in to see her now," a voice whispered, patting his shoulder.

He looked up and tried to smile. It was the nurse who had told him to wait in the first place. Silently, he got up and followed the doctor, down a series of hallways. When he stepped into the room, seeing her all bruised up again made him want to cry. His feet dragged him to the edge of her bed and he grabbed her hand gently. He let a teardrop fall onto her palm, "Don't worry, we'll get through this," he whispered, squeezing her hand slightly, "I know I messed up and I know you probably never want to talk to me again, but I have to know you're going to be okay. I have to know you at least be here."

He waited for a response, though he half knew he wasn't going to get one. He threw his shoes off and lay down next to her, putting shaking arms around her frail body. It wasn't long before he settled into a deep sleep with his girl in his arms.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Loving You is the Only Way to be**

Jude woke up to familiar arms wrapped tightly around her. Subconsciously, she nestled deeper into his chest, a smile spreading across her face. She was finally in her happy place, with Tommy's arms around-

"Tommy!" she gasped, her eyes shooting open.

He stirred, "Jude?" he groggily croaked, squinting at the sunlight pouring through the open curtains.

Jude frantically tried to untangle herself from Tommy's limbs, "What are you doing here?"

"Taking care of you," his devious grin made her heart melt.

"Tommy, please, how did you get here?" she whispered, exhausted from the night before.

His response was to grin wider, "Well, there's really only one way to get across the Atlantic. It involves something with wings… it has a pilot… what is that thing called? Oh that's right. A plane," he explained sarcastically.

Jude groaned outwardly, "Tommy! This isn't a joke!" she snapped. An instant later, her hands were covering her head. She winced.

His hands were immediately on hers, "Jude! What hurts?"

"Everything!" she screamed, "Ah, I shouldn't have done that," her hand squeezed tighter onto her forehead, "I have a killer headache."

"Listen Jude, you have to tell me what happened," Tommy's hand gripped Jude's.

Guilt washed over her as she thought about what she had done with Max. She had let herself believe having another man would replace what her and Tommy had, "I was on a date, okay?" tears were falling from her eyes.

Tommy held in his anger. The important thing was that Jude was okay, "What happened?"

Jude sighed, trying to think of a way to put it, "We went out to dinner. And when we left, he… he kept driving… and we passed my street," Jude paused and rubbed her temples, "Tommy, I don't remember what happened after that."

He didn't know what to say. He was laying next to a girl, his girl, and he didn't know what to say. What was wrong with him?

"Tommy, say something, anything," she whispered, laying a hand on his chest softly, "I didn't mean to hurt you, you have to believe that."

"Jude, we should talk. If we're really going to break up, we need to talk it out," Jude felt the body under her hand move as she followed Tommy's figure to the nearby chair he sat down in.

She felt fresh tears on the brim of her eyes but blinked them back, "Okay, let's talk. You first." She folded her arms across her chest defensively.

He sighed, "I know I've let you down a lot in the past ten years, and I know I don't deserve an explanation, but… why do you always run without telling me beforehand? The first time you ran off, you told your entire hometown concert that you were deserting me! The second time I find you in our living room with everything packed! So, tell me how I'm supposed to trust you!" he screamed, starting to pace. There was nothing else he could think to do, "And I still come running after you," he muttered, cradling his head in his hand.

"Tommy, you lied to me! About my own child! How am I supposed to react to that?" she retaliated, throwing her arms out.

"I was trying to protect you!"

"Yeah, just like you were trying to protect me at my eighteenth birthday party! And how well did that turn out?"

"Okay, this isn't talking. This is arguing over things that don't matter anymore. I thought we were over the past. I thought we were both worried about the future," his voice was calmer now.

Jude didn't know what to say. She started to get up, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. But when she slid down to the floor, her feet gave out, "Tommy! I can't stand!" she whimpered, clutching the side of the bed, breathing hard.

Before she could say another word, Tommy was at her side, "Jude, you have to lay down."

"No, I'll be fine!" she snapped, shrugging out of Tommy's grip. She instantly missed his reassuring hands on the small of her back and grumbled, "I'm sorry. It's just I don't like being… helped," she managed a weak smile.

"Just let me help you into bed, okay?" he sounded tired, really tired.

Nodding, she swallowed hard, "Okay."

Her stiff body relaxed the second Tommy's hands were wrapped around her waist, hoisting her back up onto the bed, "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks," she said sheepishly. Damn Quincy, she thought. His touch still had her mind reeling.

He made his way back to the chair, "So, this is it for us?" he asked, not looking into Jude's eyes. He couldn't, not without letting a tear escape. And he was not about to cry in front of her.

Jude took several minutes to think before answering. She was so miserable without him. But she wasn't sure if she could trust him. But she was sure she couldn't live without him. And she was also sure he loved her, "No, this isn't it. We need to give this one more shot. We need to because we love each other. And no matter how many miles are in between us, I'll still love you, I'll still long to be in your arms. And I'll never be happy without you."

Surprise flashed through his eyes, "Do you really mean that?" his eyebrows were raised and that mischievous grin of his was spread from ear to ear. Jude loved that face of his.

Her response was to giggle, "Yes, I really mean that Quincy."

"Good, Soon-to-be Mrs. Quincy," he walked over to Jude and planted a kiss on top of her forehead before continuing, "Because we're getting married."

"I can't believe we're doing this," Jude whispered, trying to straighten out her wrinkled hospital gown, which wasn't easy in a wheelchair.

Tommy chuckled, "Jude, you look beautiful," he whispered back. The truth was, he thought she was beautiful in anything she wore.

"I want to do this the right way," Jude blurted, looking up at Tommy. A quizzical expression spread across his face, "I want to stand," she explained.

He nodded his head in understanding, "You sure? The doc said the whole bottom half of your body is too sore and bruised to do anything for awhile."

Jude sighed and rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Quincy, I only get married once!" she blushed at her own statement, "theoretically. Now get me up!" she snapped. Both burst out laughing at the irony in her statement.

"You know what they say… first is worst, second is best…" he sang, helping her out of the wheelchair. She squeezed his shoulders, trying to release the pain her feet felt, "Hey, you sure you don't want to sit down?"

"No, I want to do this," she replied firmly.

Jude loosened her grip and tried really hard not to wince in pain when she put her weight on her hips and legs, "Well, if you say so."

"Excuse me, are you the couple to be married?" a priest asked, walking into the tiny chapel. He was holding his bible close to his heart and smiled at Jude and Tommy.

"Yes," the both said automatically.

"Well, alright. Do you have any witnesses?" he asked, taking his place on the small altar.

They looked at each other before Jude answered, "Can it be a nurse?"

Tommy looked surprised, "Do you really want a nurse to be our witness?"

"Yeah, that way it'll be legal," Jude squealed and started to walk toward the door before remembering her hips and legs were sore. Falling down pain, she yelped.

"Jude," Tommy sighed and bent down, picking her back up and setting her in the wheelchair, "You stay here. I'll go get the witness."

Jude's cheeks reddened as she thought about how stupid she must have looked, "You must think I'm a freak," Jude muttered to the priest once Tommy was gone.

The priest just looked at her, "No, I think you're excited about getting married. Clumsiness is a common symptom of that," he said, winking at her.

"Thanks."

They sat in an awkward silence for another five minutes waiting for Tommy to get back with someone to be their witness. It was nerve-racking for Jude. She wasn't really religious and being in a room all alone with a priest made her sweat. Mostly because he wouldn't approve of some of the things she's done. And partly because she didn't know what he would think if she opened her big mouth again.

"Hey! Meet Alice. She's the only one that agreed to do this," Tommy explained, breathless, "Now, let's get on with it. I'm ready for her to be my wife."

Jude smiled at that, her nervousness melting away. All her troubles seemed to disappear when she looked at him, his eyes swimming in hers, they mirrored each other. They knew each other so well. They were so perfect together, "He's right. Let's get on with it."

Her smile seemed to beam with pure happiness, like she was in nirvana. She was so happy. She had her dream guy, she had her kids… her kids!

"What time is it?" Jude asked frantically. When Tommy didn't answer she repeated her question, "Tommy, what time is it?"

"It's, uh, twelve thirty, why?" he answered after looking down at his watch.

"The kids! They're at a friend's house! I was supposed to be there by ten!" Jude was panicked. What would those people think of her? Forgetting her kids to get married? In her defense, she did spend the night in the hospital, "Can we hurry this up? I really need to call them."

A tight smile landed on her face for an instant before disappearing, "Jude, do we need to postpone this?" Tommy whispered, holding her hands.

"No, no. We just need to get this done with. I… I just don't think I can wait any longer," she whispered back, squeezing his fingers. She stood up again, this time leaning on Tommy. Her feet just weren't ready to hold her up all on her own. Unfortunately, she thought glumly.

"Okay."

The service took about twenty minutes in all and before she knew it, Jude had a ring to match her engagement diamond. And Tommy had one, too. Wheeling Jude back to her room, Tommy stopped at the gift shop and bought some candy, their version of wedding cake and champagne.

Back in the room, Jude punched in the number to the girls' friend's house and was soon chatting with the mother, "Again, I'm so sorry for not calling you sooner. I've just been tired and sore," she explained. After what seemed like an hour, she hung up the phone and wheeled herself over to Tommy's chair, "You look so tired. And I hate to ask you to do this but…"

"You need me to go get the kids," he finished for her, smiling, "It's okay, I'll do it. Just tell me where."

Jude rested her hands on his thighs, "Thank you thank you thank you. I owe you so much," she replied, rubbing her hands up his legs.

"Yeah, you owe me alright," he whispered seductively, brushing a hair out of her face. Cupping his hands around her cheek, he pulled her into a gentle kiss.

"Oh, I missed doing that," Jude whispered. Her arms snaked around his neck, pushing his lips harder on hers. If they couldn't pull each other down on the bed and have wild crazy sex, she was determined to have a hot make out session.

After about five minutes, Tommy pulled back and a moan escaped Jude's lips, "As much as I want to, we have other things to worry about. The girls need to be picked up and you need to be discharged. There's just so much to do. Plus, it'll be more romantic when we can kiss in an actual house. I'm getting kind of tired of hospital beds," he joked, his hand lingering in Jude's.

Her eyebrows furrowed together in frustration. "Why do men have to go and ruin everything? First Henry, now Max. The only guy that hasn't done that to me is you," a sweet look in her eyes told Tommy she truly meant her words.

"Who else would it be? Anyway, I'm gonna go get the kids. Be back later," he said, walking out of the room.

Jude smiled, feeling lucky to have such a good guy. Someone that cared about her kids. Someone that lived for her. Someone she could live for in return.

_A few days later…_

They walked hand in hand, all five of them, to the waiting limo out in front of the Toronto airport. The girls were gong ecstatic, jumping up and down, relieved to be out of the stuffy airplane.

"Mommy, do we get to see Aunt Sadie now? I really miss her and Uncle Kwest," Alexa whined, skipping. Her hand slipped from Jude's as she leaned in closer to Tommy.

"Yes, we're going there now," Jude said, out of breath. It took a lot of work to walk, more like a pathetic limp, all the way across the airport. But she was determined to make it without a wheelchair.

Tommy stopped all three girls and turned to Jude, "Do we need to sit down?"

"No, it's only a little farther. I'll rest when we get to Sadie's" her voice told Tommy she was okay. But her face… well her face told a whole different story. With all the pain, she hadn't slept in days and it showed with dark circles under her eyes.

Tommy's raised eyebrows showed disapproval, "Let me carry you."

"Tommy, I can handle myself!" she insisted, walking around him. But Jude was going pretty slow these days and when Tommy caught her and swept her up in his arms like a bird feather, she folded hers arms across her chest and made a hmph noise.

His response was to laugh, "See? Isn't this more comfortable?"

She thought about it. Truthfully, she was more comfortable and she loved being in Tommy's arms. But no way would she tell Tommy that, so she kept her mouth shut.

"What? You don't think I'm comfortable?" Tommy asked playfully.

"I think Daddy's comfortable. I remember fallin asleep on his lap," Ali interjected. This made Jude laugh.

"I think Daddy's comfortable too," she agreed, then turned to Tommy, "But don't you think I would heal better if I walked it off?" She leaned in close, millimeters away from Tommy's face, "And faster?" she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively while her sweet breath lingered on Tommy, tickling his lips.

But just as he reached into kiss her, she pulled back and suppressed a giggle, "You'll pay for that," he whispered wickedly.

Jude wondered what he had in mind but kept her mouth closed the rest of the way.

Sadie was waiting impatiently in the foyer for her sister to get back. She was worried sick about Jude. Tommy was supposed to keep her updated. She should've known. Asking a guy to remember is like asking a tree to talk. It'll never happen.

"You want something? I'm making dinner, but I can get you something to drink," Kwest offered, rubbing her back. She leaned into his touch instinctively and closed her eyes, a smile playing on her lips.

"I think I'll have a huge glass of wine. Scratch that, I'll take a whole bottle," she whined. It's not like she could have any though. She rubbed her belly and sighed heavily.

Kwest laughed, "I'll go get us some tomato juice."

Sadie felt the hand just on her back disappear and she watched Kwest retreat to the kitchen. He knew her so well, had all her crazy cravings memorized, and somehow knew which one she needed. And he was never wrong.

Just then, she heard three voices carry out onto the lawn. They were little girl voices… they were here! Running, practically tripping, all the way to the limo, Sadie threw her arms out for her sister, who graciously fell into them, not getting two steps closer to the house.

"Jude! You're okay! You're here! Everyone's here!" Sadie squealed. She didn't let go until Jude started to moan.

Her arms released and she looked straight at Jude, "Sadie, it's nothing. I'm getting better. Really."

"Aunt Sadie, can we eat now?" Alexa asked, running up to the side of the limo. Her little fingers caught Sadie's and she began swinging their arms back and forth.

"Sweetie, take your sisters in the house. I'm sure Kwest will have something for you," she answered sweetly. Giving her a gentle push toward the house, she smiled for the girls before turning her attention back to Tommy, "Why the hell wasn't I updated? And why the hell does Jude have a bandage on her forehead?" Sadie screamed, walking, or rather stomping, up to him.

He stepped back, throwing his hand out in front of him for defense, "Look, I meant to call, but… well… we were busy… you know… packing, and the girls-"

"Well, you still could have called and warned me!" she scolded, then turned back to Jude, giving _the_ look of sympathy, "You and I have a lot to talk about. Let's get inside. Kwest is fixing dinner," Sadie cooed, wrapping her arm around Jude's shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze, causing Jude to wince, "Sorry." Sadie whispered. She sounded as if she was never even mad. How someone could go from queen of the bitches to sweet old lady was beyond Jude.

"It's okay. I'm used to it," she gave a quick playful glare to Tommy before continuing, "Some people just haven't learned how to keep their hands off of me," she joked.

While Jude was busy laughing at the now red-cheeked Tommy, Sadie went into panic attack mode, "Tommy did this to you?"

"What? No! Hell no! Sadie, do you seriously think he'd be standing here right now if he had beaten me to a bloody pulp?" she rolled her eyes for dramatic effect. Sometimes Sadie could be so dense. Not everything she said was literal.

Her muscles relaxed and a smile appeared on her face, "Well, at least we know he's not a wife-beater." Jude couldn't help it, she burst out laughing. Before long, Tommy and Sadie had joined in.

It wasn't until after they had climbed the first step, that Jude remembered her pain, what felt like a jolt of lightning beaming down her calf, "Uh, I gotta sit down, okay?" she tried to say it with as little hurt in her voice as possible, but both Tommy and Sadie knew what was wrong.

"Here, I'll help."

In one swift move, Jude was in Tommy's arms, ascending the steps to the front door. When they were inside, Tommy set Jude down gently on the couch, making sure everything that hurt was comfortable and then let Sadie in to talk.

"Tommy, wait," Jude called, motioning with her hand to come back in.

His figure reappeared in the dimly lit room at first as a shadow. When Jude saw him fully, she smiled, "I want you to be here with me when I tell her," she whispered, holding out her hand. Tommy graciously took it.

A few minutes had passed, neither one of them daring to leave Jude's side. She would get to the explaining part. She just needed time. That was all. There was nothing she couldn't tell her sister. At least that was what Sadie thought.

That was it. Sadie couldn't take any more of the deafening silence, "Jude, tell me what happened!" she insisted, grabbing Jude's other hand.

Another deep breath from Jude, "I…. I can't explain it. All I know is that one minute I'm eating dinner with this guy I met in London and the next he's trying to kidnap me. So I do the only thing I know: I bolt, run, whatever the hell you want to call it. As soon as I could get the car door opened up, I jumped out. I just couldn't seem to stop myself from bumping into things on the roll downhill," she laughed softly attempting to make the story less horrific, but Sadie was already close to tears, "So anyway, I go to the hospital and the next thing I know Tommy is there, comforting me and making sure I'm okay. All over again. And…. well," she paused again, her face lighting up with excitement. Anticipation grew, filling the gap between the two sisters, "Sadie I'm married!"

Gasp. Scratch that. Life threatening stop of airflow would be the correct terminology, "Jude! You got married! And didn't tell me!"

Jude's excitement wore off and breathing calmly, she started to explain, "We wanted to tell you, really we did. But it was kind of spur of the moment. And we wanted to surprise everyone."

"Yeah, you accomplished that one, blondie," she muttered, her forehead clutched tightly with a slightly swollen, sweaty hand. A sigh erupted the silence that had fallen over them and without another word, Sadie got up to go to the kitchen.

Tommy and Jude shared a very confused, very horrified look before getting up and following her.

"Do you think she's really really mad? Or do you think it's just the hormones?" Jude whispered, intertwining her fingers with Tommy's as they made their way to the kitchen.

Tommy wasn't sure. So he gave her the answer he wanted to believe himself, "I think it's just the hormones."

Jude nodded understandingly, and peered through the dining room. Muffled voices chimed in the kitchen, filtering out through the entire house. Jude's sudden stop had Tommy running into her backside as she put a furious finger to her lip, demanding silence so she could hear what was going on.

"Sadie, you need to let this one go," Kwest said firmly. Jude could picture his eyes radiating with assurance and all-knowingness.

"She's my sister! We're supposed to tell each other everything! Before it happens!" she hastily added before letting a tear roll down her cheek.

Jude sighed and was about to go in and stop the argument when the sound of pitter putter behind her gave away her presence, "Mommy what are you doing standing in the dining room? It's not dinner time yet," Alexa questioned in her loudest voice possible.

The sounds coming from the kitchen stopped and two confused and shocked faces stood in the doorway, "Were you…. Spying on us?" Sadie asked, raising her eyebrows in amazement, "Jude Harriso-… I mean Quincy. I didn't know you had it in you to be sneaky."

Jude noted the sly remark and continued coolly, "Let's just say I've had my fair share of demonstrations," she slid her eyes over to Tommy before glancing back at her sister.

"Well, I'm not the one who decided to get married behind my sister ba-"

"STOP IT! SADIE, SHE MARRIED GET OVER IT! JUDE… WELL… JUST STOP BEING SO DAMN IMMATURE AND JUST APOLOGIZE!" Kwest's sudden interruption had everyone silent.

Until Alexa decided to open her mouth, "Uncle Kwest, should I go get the twins for dinner yet?" her voice was shaky and Jude could tell her question was just to ease the tension. Five year olds had a way of feeling distress and getting rid of it.

Everyone let out a sigh and slumped over more casually. Jude changed positions, leaning into Tommy, her arms resting on his which were wrapped around her waist tightly. Without looking in Sadie's direction, Jude began to speak, "I'm sorry for not telling you. I'm sorry that it hurt your feelings," she muttered, trying to sound emotionless, "But I just wanted to do something you couldn't-"

"Jude, stop. She understands. You apologized, that's all you need to do," Kwest interrupted, yet again. His attitude was really starting to piss Jude off.

Sadie smiled triumphantly before pivoting back around toward the kitchen. Jude let out an exasperated sigh, one that could possibly be heard on Pluto, and closed her eyes briefly, only thinking of how good Tommy's arms around her felt.

"Jude…" Tommy's voice had Jude smiling.

"Yes?" she replied dreamily, swaying back and forth. If only they could stay like this forever. Without anything interrupting…

"You need to talk to your sister," and just like that, Jude's dreamland went poof! Never to be seen again.

Rolling her eyes she pried herself out of Tommy's arms and grudgingly made her way to the kitchen, "Fine!"

When she entered, Sadie was butchering a carrot, practically smashing it into stringy orange pulp. Jude held back her gags and tried not to look at the orange baby food looking stuff on the cutting board, "Sadie…"

"Don't, okay? I understand why you needed to do this," Jude wished she would stop slicing and look up at her.

When Jude couldn't take it any longer, she took her chances, knowing she might lose a finger in the process, and grabbed the large bladed knife from her sister, "Sadie! Look at me!" Jude hadn't realized what she had done until she looked down. The knife had somehow gone through the wooden cutting board and was now bending back and forth with the growing pressure she was putting on it.

"Jude! Do you have to ruin everything?" and with that, her sister took off running down the hall toward the staircase. Jude left the knife, still barely swaying with its uneven balance and started to head up the stairs when Kwest stopped her.

"Just give it time. She'll come around," he mumbled, placing a firm hand on her shoulder.

Her legs were hurting from walking and she realized all the excitement had her temporarily forgetting about the pain, "Uh, Kwest?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you catch me? Because I'm about to-" before she could get the words out, Jude gave out and tumbled to the floor. The loud boom had everyone, even Sadie, running toward the hallway.

Tommy was the first to get to Jude's side, "Jude, are you okay? I should have made you sit back down," he was in the middle of second guessing his decisions when Sadie thundered down the stairs to her sister.

"Jude!" she turned to Kwest, "Do we need to call 911?"

A very exasperated sigh and outward groan came from below them, "I'm FINE! Get it? F-I-N-E!" Jude screamed, slamming her fist into the wood floors.

Ali and Andrea came running down the stairs followed by a very concerned Alexa, "Momma, do we need to take you home?" Alexa's stern voice had everyone laughing within seconds.

Tommy hoisted Alexa onto his raised knee and grinned, "No, we're going to eat dinner first," he declared.

Jude smiled at that, "Yes. I'm going to get myself up and Kwest is going to finish getting dinner ready. Me and Sadie have a lot to talk about," she glanced up at her sister who smiled back.

"Jude, we'll go into the living room. Tommy, you and the girls help Kwest okay?" it was amazing how easily her mood could change. Must be the hormones.

An hour later, everyone sat around the living room, laughing at the skit the twins had just put on followed by Alexa's dancing and singing act. Jude had herself propped up against Tommy. Kwest and Sadie occupied the two chairs sitting side by side. Everyone had a cup of tea in their hand with a bunch of junkfood sprawled out across the coffee table like it was Superbowl Sunday.

"Just tell me one thing," Jude eyed her daughters slyly, "Who here do you think is the most ticklish?"

All three girls looked back and forth from the couch and the chairs and all three smiled at each other and nodded before running to Jude with outstretched arms, fingers wiggling, taunting Jude's frail body, "You are Mommy!" she screamed, running to jump on the couch. Before long, Jude had managed to end up on the opposite side of the couch from Tommy and was screaming mercilessly for them to stop, "Okay! Okay! I give up! I forfeit! Whatever it takes to make you monsters stop!"

Everyone was laughing, "Tell us we're allowed to have hot chocolate at bed time for a whole week!" Alexa suggested, squirming her fingers in Jude's side.

Jude had barely choked out an "okay" when Alexa's bony knee jabbed Jude right in the thigh. Her cry this time wasn't one of happy giddiness, it was a cry of agony. Before she knew what was going on, Tommy had pried all three girls away from Jude and put them on the floor.

"Jude, are you okay?" he asked.

She sighed and sat up, "I'm fine. I just… It sucks when I can't play with my own kids!" Jude whined.

Everyone was silent and the girls stayed still on the floor, not sure how to react to the whole situation.

Alexa crawled toward the couch and propped her elbows on the cushions, "Momma, are you gonna be okay? I'm real sorry for hurtin ya," she said, her voice sweet and scared at the same time.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, don't you worry," she did her best to smile and hugged Alexa.

Their apartment was too far away for Jude's liking. Thirty minutes of being in the car, which Jude was not too thrilled about. There was something about riding in a car that made Jude sick, well, ever since her accident in London.

When they finally walked in the door, she plopped down on one of the bar stools, letting her purse and few other bags drop to the floor. She was officially pooped and longed to be in her own bed again.

"You want some coffee?"

Coffee sounded tempting, but she didn't think her mind could take caffeine right now, "Nah, just wanna lay down."

Tommy's grip was around her in seconds and before she knew it, she was be whisked off to the bedroom, "Are you losing weight?"

Jude took in the clean bedroom, surprised Tommy had managed to keep it neat, before answering, "No! At least I don't think so!" she insisted, "Tommy I'm eating, I am. Really," she assured him, before squirming out of his arms. She didn't bother to shield herself from his view and instead began undressing right in front of Tommy. I mean, they were married, right? It wasn't that big of a deal. But she froze and reached for the nearest t-shirt when he gasped, "What? What is it?"

"That son of a bitch! I swear to god I'm gonna kill him!" Tommy was fuming. Jude let out a sigh and walked over to where he stood.

"Tommy, I decided to jump out of the car, okay? I knew it was my only way out. There's nothing we can do about it now, so let's just let it go, okay?" her voice was calm. Before she had a chance to look at herself in the mirror. When she turned toward the dresser, she caught a glimpse of her naked body and almost broke down in tears, "Tommy! What did he do to me?" she shrieked, stepping back from the mirror. There were cuts and bruises all over her legs. And her back was black and blue. Not to mention the bandage that covered most of her forehead.

"Jude, he's never going to hurt you again, okay? I'm here. I'll always be here. And there's nothing or no one that can tear us apart," he whispered, blocking her view of her reflection.

Somehow not being able to see it kept Jude going and she put on her pajamas before climbing up in bed.

The second her head hit the familiar pillow, she was engulfed in that smell of Tommy. The mixture of hair-gel and old-spice all wrapped into one ready-to-sniff bundle. Smiling, she drifted off into a deep content sleep, vaguely remembering the pressing of sweet tender lips on her forehead.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Life at its finest moments (or the best ones you can get): part 1

Jude heard the footsteps shuffling outside her bedroom door. Groaning, she tore her eyes open and squinted at the bright red numbers on her alarm clock. It was only nine in the morning.

She ripped the covers off and put on her slippers before trudging out into the apartment. As she walked in the kitchen, she noticed a woman making coffee in sweats… wait… were those Tommy's sweats? The mystery woman began to hum (terribly off tune) the words to one of her songs.

Still half asleep, Jude stomped right up to her and grabbed the woman's arm with such force she spilled her coffee all over Jude, "What the hell are you doing in my house! With my husband's clothes! How dare you come in her like-" Jude stopped the second her eyes reached the familiar face and gasped, "Karma?"

She rolled her eyes and smiled, "That's me," she glanced over Jude's now soaked t-shirt.

"What are you doing here? In Tommy's clothes?" Jude's voice was still hoarse from too much sleep and her eyes still hadn't gotten used to the bright sun pouring in through the open blinds.

"Well I came to talk to you… why else would I be here? And the reason I'm in these… scraps of cloth your husband actually wears is because your kids do not have an appreciation for Saks yet. But don't worry. Auntie Karma will teach them everything they need to know," she smiled at the last part and started walking toward the living room.

Jude, smelling like vanilla bean and amaretto creamer, followed, "What did they do?" she asked, sighing.

"Well… I guess Tommy hasn't figured out five year olds need sippy cups because they ran right to me and spilled their chocolate milk all down the front of my new Saks scarf. And I couldn't wear what I had on, so Tommy offered to get me some clothes. Apparently you were all out of clean outfits… not that I would be caught dead in a vest… no offense," she smiled again and twirled her perfectly curled hair around a manicured finger.

Jude buried her head in her hands and moaned loudly, "God, I'm so sorry. My kids… they're… three of a kind," she explained, falling back onto the couch.

"Don't worry about it. They're so cute… I see where Alexa gets her eyes."

She blushed at Karma's comment and decided to change the subject, "So, how's Spied? I hear you two are madly in love," she nudged Karma playfully in the arm and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah… we wanted to ask you… Um… will you be my maid of honor? Spied's gonna ask Tommy to be the best man," she asked sheepishly, "I'm… not used to asking things like this so…"

"Of course I'll do it," Jude answered quickly, saving Karma the trouble of being embarrassed.

A sigh of relief escaped her lips and she smiled brightly, "Oh Jude! Thank you so much!" she squealed, pulling Jude into a hug. Seconds later, she pulled back, the coffee staining Jude was now seeping through Tommy's sweats onto Karma.

Jude couldn't help it: she started to laugh, "I'll go get you some clothes… I think I have something you'll like."

When her feet touched the floor, she braced herself for the ache and pain that was to come when she stood on her feet. The pain was always the worst in the morning.

Her weight was finally transferred from the couch to her legs and she winced in pain, squeezing her eyes shut in concentration, "You okay?" Karma asked, putting a cautious hand on Jude's back. She shocked herself with the action, not usually caring for other people, just how good she looked in those new stilettos she bought the day before.

"I'm fine. I'll be right back," she smiled weakly and waddled back to the bedroom.

The counters sparkled. The appliances gleamed. The cabinets shone. There was nothing wrong with the kitchen. There was nothing wrong with the entire house. There were five bedrooms upstairs and two in the basement. And four and a half baths. Everything was perfect. All it needed was furniture and some paint.

"Daddy, do me and Ali have to share our room?" Andrea asked, running up to him from the stairs.

He laughed and was glad he could give her an answer that would please her, "Nope, not if you don't want to. There's plenty of room for everyone to have their own space," he explained, running his hand across the chair railing in the dining room, "So, do you think mommy'll like it?"

All three girls nodded until their heads looked like they were about to pop off. He smiled at that and headed down the hallway toward the second set of stairs. The girls ran after him and followed him to the master bedroom. He smiled and stared at the gleaming hardwood floors and huge bay windows.

"Guys, I think mommy's gonna love it," he stated, walking toward the master bathroom. He beckoned them in with a wave of his hand and walked toward the magnificent antique bathtub sitting in the middle of the brightly lit spacious bathroom, "How'd you like to take a bath in that?" he asked.

Alexa was the first to jump in the tub and lay down flat, "Woah, my whole body doesn't even touch both sides! Ali! Andrea! You gotta get in here!" she exclaimed, scooting over just enough for her sisters to sit beside her.

When all of them finally got comfortable in the bathtub, Tommy sat on the built in bench tucked away under the window sill. Life couldn't get any better, he thought to himself. But there was one thing he hoped more than anything: he hoped Jude would absolutely love the house. Because if she didn't… well, he didn't want to think about that right now.

Jude and Karma had been talking for at least an hour, sharing stories about Spied. Both were just as surprised as the other that they actually had something in common.

When their laughter finally died down from the last story Karma had just shared, Jude thought back to how horrible Karma sounded humming a tune to one of her songs. She wasn't sure how to take that.

"Karma… why were you humming one of my songs earlier?" Jude asked, hoping the question wouldn't offend her.

Karma looked at her as if she had just won the dumb and dumber contest, "Your song Come Back to Me is amazing. I couldn't get it out of my head. And I'm sorry I was so off pitch. If I don't write it, it's hard for me to sing it," she explained, shrugging it off like it was no big deal.

But to Jude, it was exciting. Karma had liked one of her songs!

"Yeah, I wrote it for Tommy when I was confined to a hospital bed," Jude admitted, smiling very faintly.

But Karma wasn't giving up, "Yeah, that must've been hard. I'm so sorry I couldn't come and speak to you in the hospital. Me and Spied… well… me and Spied weren't on speaking terms. But I promise, we'll always be there for you," she smiled brightly and abruptly changed the subject, "So… where were your kids and hubbie off to this morning?"

Jude thought back to that morning, vaguely aware of Tommy's presence in the shower, him getting dressed, leaving a kiss on her forehead, and walking out of the room so quietly she could have slept through it. The problem was, every time he got out of bed, she could sense it and her eyes would snap open and make sure he was okay.

"Jude?"

Karma's voice brought her back into reality, "Oh sorry. Um… what were you saying? Oh yeah… my kids. Well, now that I think about it, I don't know where they were going," her voice trailed off as she racked her brain for scheduled appointments or special holidays… nothing, "I'm gonna go call him and see where he is."

Jude departed hastily, leaving Karma to roam around the living room aimlessly, the occasional photo snatching her vision. One in particular, the one of Tommy and her at her sixteenth birthday caught her attention. They looked so… in sync with each other. Everything about them screamed 'I'm so in love' and yet Karma knew the age difference between them. She wasn't sure what had gone on between the two when she was that young. Or, more importantly, what they shouldn't have done.

Her fingers were tracing the edges of their skin, trying to tell how close together they were when the photo was taken, when Jude walked back into the room, startling Karma. The picture in her hand, started to fall, but she clumsily caught it and stared at Jude, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… well it was a good picture… and-"

"Karma, it's okay. I wouldn't have pictures on the mantle that were only meant for my eyes. We have company over all the time. Trust me, I'm okay," she explained, starting to laugh a little, "And the girls are with Tommy at the new house we bought."

Karma's eyes grew wide with excitement, her mind completely forgetting the picture, "You guys bought a house! Oh my gosh! I'm the queen of interior design, just so you know. And I'm happy to help in any way. Just don't expect me to paint. I'm not so good at the getting dirty part," she made a face and flicked her wrist as if trying to get the thought out of her head.

Jude was cackling now, "Thanks Karma. I'll take that into consideration."

"So did you completely renovate it?"

Jude thought about it. So much had been going on that she didn't know how the construction was going, "Actually… I think it's under construction now. But I'm not sure how done it is," she furrowed her eyebrows and thought back to the latest report they had gotten.

She inched her way beside Jude and sighed, "Don't stress over it. I'm sure Tommy has everything covered."

"I hope so," she muttered.

A lulling silence fell over them as Jude tapped her fingers on her knee. She probed her mind for safe conversation topics but came up empty. Smiling in Karma's direction, she got up to get something to eat.

"Are you hungry? We have a bunch of leftovers from Sadie's last night," she offered, limping toward the refrigerator.

It was all Karma could do not to get up and get the leftovers herself, "Um… that's okay-"

"No really! Kwest cooked last night and it was amazing… it was just so much," she smiled and started to dig out Tupperware containers filled with all sorts of concoctions.

Karma sat down on one of the barstools and watched as Jude hobbled around the kitchen, "So, when is Tommy getting home? He's been gone awhile," she commented.

"Oh… well… they might have stopped somewhere and gotten something to eat. He does that every now and then with the girls," she explained, opening the beeping microwave, "Okay… here's lunch!" she exclaimed, sliding the plate over to Karma.

Both girls just looked at it for a good minute before Karma spoke, "Um… Jude… what is it?"

She cocked her head to one side as she studied what was on Karma's plate, "Well… I'm not really sure. It was chicken in this amazing alfredo sauce with fettucini noodles and broccoli. But it looks like… well it looks like what I puked up when I was pregnant with the twins."

Just as Karma went to put a bite into her mouth, she dropped her fork and stared at Jude in amazement, "You actually puked something this color?"

"Yeah, and many others. If you can name the colors, I puked them. The twins were so picky. I could barely keep anything down. Except for apples and bananas. They loved those. But Alexa… well she let me eat just about anything. And that I did," Jude was laughing at her pregnancy quirks. Karma was just staring, her eyes seeming to glaze over.

Her already pale skin grew a shade lighter. Her voice was just above a whisper, "How are you laughing about that? It's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard!"

"You'll understand when you have a baby. Trust me. I thought this stuff was beyond disgusting, too. Then I had Alexa, and after the first poopie diaper I was pretty much immune to anything gross," she explained, pouring the mush down the garbage disposal.

Karma's nervous laugh filled the small kitchen and Jude looked at her puzzled, "Why are you so interested? I mean, really, pregnancy is far away for you… isn't it?"

"Oh of course! What would make you think different? I was just worried, that's all. I'm not used to kids… and… well… everyone's having them. And you… you have three. I'm older than you and I don't even have one. Doesn't that just seem sad?"

Jude felt an involuntary twinge of guilt. It was because of her Karma and Spied were getting started so late in life, "Look. Kids are a lot of work. Enjoy married life for awhile before you start popping out babies."

"Well you didn't even give it two weeks before you got pregnant! You just married Henry and had three kids! Why can't I do that?"

Her cold calculation of the past five years of Jude's life had her blood boiling, "And look where it got me! We're divorced!" she snapped, furiously wiping down the bar where they had sat.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just so frustrated with the situation. I'm almost thirty and I don't even have kids yet," she grumbled.

"Look, don't sweat it, okay? There's always adoption for the people who prefer to keep their figure," she joked, putting a supportive arm around Karma's shoulders.

Just as the two settled into a quiet stillness in the living room, the door burst open and three little figures dispersed throughout the apartment looking for their mom.

"Last one to find her's a rotten egg!" Alexa called, running toward the living room. Her eyes brightened when she saw Jude sitting on the couch.

"Alexa! You're home! How was it?" Jude asked, ticking her eldest daughter's stomach, "Where's dad?"

She hesitated and stared down at her shoes before talking, "Well... he's… um… well… we kinda left him in the car," she stuttered.

"Alexa! Did you get on that elevator by yourself?" Jude screamed, her face raging with red heat.

Alexa's face immediately transformed into a perfected pout, "We promise we didn't mean to!" she insisted, looking at her mother with puppy eyes.

"Alexa, go to your room and send your sisters here please! And don't you think about coming out until dinner!"

Karma watched silently as Jude scorned her daughter and followed her glare toward the twins coming in through the kitchen, "Jude don't you think you're being too harsh on them? I mean, they're only what? Five or six?"

"Try four and five! And no I'm not being too harsh on them! Do you know what could have happened on that elevator because Tommy wasn't with them? They could have gotten off on the wrong floor. They could've been trapped by some wild child molester! You just don't know!" she belted, scaring Ali and Andrea.

Jude's head snapped up when she heard the slam of the door. Must be Tommy, she thought.

"Where are they?" he bellowed, jogging into the living room. His eyes watched as Jude scolded the twins and sent them to separate rooms.

"Tommy, gosh, I'm so sorry. You should have woken me this morning. I would have come with you," she looked at him with her blue eyes and he found his anger dissipating.

She followed his figure as he sat down right beside her and put his arms around her waist, "No. They were awesome… until we got here and Alexa had the bright idea to trick me into waiting in the car while they took a joyride all over the apartment building."

Jude couldn't help but laugh at Tommy's choice of words, "Well… I'm glad they were good… mostly."

Karma, almost completely forgotten, got up and started toward the entryway, "Well, I better get going. I have a lot to do for my performance…"

"Oh, by the way, be at the studio at ten tomorrow. I have some things I have to do before then," Tommy called on her way out. She yelled a quick okay before clicking the door shut behind her.

"So, how was your day with Karma?"

Jude thought back to the stories and conversations and laughter they had shared, "It was good. I think she really does have a heart. And get this: she actually likes my song Come Back to Me!" Jude squealed, wiggling in Tommy's firm grip.

He sighed and propped his feet on the coffee table, "So, how's the healing going? I see you're feeling a little better, but does anything still hurt?"

She rolled her eyes and nestled deeper into his embrace, "Well… when you hold me like this nothing hurts…"

"Oh yeah?" he replied in a husky voice.

He heard a giggle escape her lips, "Don't go getting any ideas. I'm still limping around the house," she warned, pushing his chest away from hers.

Just like that, as quickly as it came, the mood had passed and Jude had gotten up, or rather somehow crawled to her feet to go to the bathroom.

"Jude, you're killing me," he whined, letting his head fall on the back of the couch. He flung his shoes to the corner of the living room and tore off his shirt like he was dying of heat right in the smack dab middle of the Sahara desert.

"Oh, by the way, I'm going to find a school for the girls tomorrow. They're supposed to be starting any day now. It is August," Jude called from the toilet.

"I was going to do that tomorrow morning," he responded.

"Good. We can make a trip of it!"

Tommy opted to keep his mouth shut and heard the commode flush seconds later. Jude could pee in record time. His eyes followed her body limping back to the couch and he plastered a smile across his face. There was a sweet sadness in her condition. Her accident had brought them back together, but at the same time it had caused her a lot of hurt and pain. And there wasn't a day Tommy wasn't reminded of it constantly.

"Welcome to planet earth. We have now successfully departed from Planet Tommy," Jude sang in an alien monotone voice.

He shook his head and looked back to her apologetically, "Sorry, just thinking."

"Well think a little less and talk a little more," Jude snapped playfully before giggling, "Do you want to call the schools or should I?"

He gave her a quizzical look, "Call the schools? Don't we just show up and sign a bunch of papers?"

Jude burst into a fit of hysteria before answering, "Tommy, I'm not sending my girls to just any school. We have to do some research. And since our house is almost finished, I thought we'd pick something close to the neighborhood," she explained, plopping down on the sofa.

"Right, I knew that. I was just… you know… joking," he explained, with a hint of sarcasm peeking out in his voice.

"Yeah, I'll believe that when five year olds don't lock their dads in the car for fun," she shot back, "By the way, we have some shopping to do. I thought since we were moving, we could get a few new pieces of furniture."

His famous smirk spread across his face as he thought about the beautiful house that was completely done, "Yeah, but we have somewhere to go tomorrow after we pick out a school."

Tommy raised his eyebrows suggestively and couldn't help from grinning, "Tommy, what are you talking about?"

"The house. We have to see the progress on the house," he prompted.

Her baffled expression seemed to be amusing him, "but Tommy, you just went and checked on it today. What could I possibly do to make it go any faster?"

"Nothing, really, but aren't you curious to see it?"

She hesitated before sighing, "Yeah, I am curious. But I don't know if I want to see it if it's not done."

"Trust me. It's done enough. Practically move in ready," he beamed with excitement and couldn't wait for Jude to see the finished product. There wasn't going to be anything sweeter than seeing her face when she walked into her dream home.

"Well, whatever. We'll take a look. But I'm not going to get my hopes up. You know how construction workers can be," she grumbled, waving her hands in the air, "I mean really, do they ever get anything done on time? The building down the street has been under construction the entire time I've been here. And I know that's not a long time, but still. They were making a few simple repairs. Do they even know how to work those tools they carry around?"

Tommy let out a little laugh before grabbing her hands and rubbing calming circles around her knuckles, "Girl, calm down. Please. You're scaring me," he whispered, pulling her closer to him. He got lost in her big beautiful blue eyes, swimming in her thoughts, reading them like tarot cards. She was so easy to predict, her eyes gave everything away.

"I love you too much," she breathed, brushing her lips against his.

"Is that right?" he cooed between kisses, "Well then, I guess I'll have to change that."

She kissed him eagerly, her tongue flicking its way into his mouth. His hands worked their way up her t-shirt, his calloused fingertips massaging her bare breasts. He laid her down on the couch gently and slowly tugged off her shirt, bra, and panties.

Her fingers had wound themselves around his arousal, pulling up and pushing down. His pants had fallen to his ankles, the legs scrunched up at his feet. He quickly kicked them off and positioned himself right above Jude, their chests barely brushing against each other.

He rubbed her sensitive spot with his thumb and pushed two fingers into her gently. There were tears streaming down her cheeks, subtle, but enough to make Tommy notice, "Jude, it's okay if you don't want to do this," he whispered, pulling out of her, "I know you still feel pretty bad."

He wiped her tears away from her cheek and she stared up into his eyes bravely, "I want to, these are tears of joy. I've wanted to ever since I left you," she explained, capturing his lips before he could say another word. Tommy continued to gently push into her with his fingers, his mouth trailing down to her jaw line and neck.

She started to whimper and he could tell she was ready. He plunged into her and a small cry escaped her lungs. His lips had made their way to her breasts and his tongue was circling around each nipple like a prized possession. He took his time and tried not to get his hopes up. He had to keep control of himself. Jude was still in pretty bad shape. This wasn't going to be the wild passionate sex they had so often had. This was going to be a gentle, over and done with sex. She wasn't ready for anything more.

Her fingers raked his back and she tried with all her might to keep her moans and groans to herself. He felt her walls tighten around him and he soon climaxed as well. His pace quickened. His breathing got heavier. Finally, it came, as he collapsed onto the Jude, rolling over onto his side.

"I missed us like this," she whispered with a yawn.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Yeah. Is it time for round two yet?"

Jude glared at him and his sinful grin and tried really hard to smack him in the chest, "Men! They're always so ungrateful! Can't you just be happy with what you got? I mean seriously. I'm recovering from jumping out of a moving car! Cut me a break!" she snapped. Even though her tone was a warning, she stayed put and reveled in the closeness she and Tommy were currently sharing.

"I'm sorry. I am happy. I'm glad you felt up to that. Because, honestly? I really needed it."

"Men are such pigs," she mumbled, closing her eyes. She was due for a nap. And nothing, not even Tommy's sarcastic comments in an attempt to get her aroused again, would come between her and her beauty sleep.


	16. Chapter 14 pt 2

Chapter 14: Life at its finest moments (or the best ones you can get) part 2

Jude let out a sigh and slowly opened her eyes, thankful the sun was just setting. She smiled at the arms wrapped around her torso and pressed deeper into his abdomen.

"You awake?" Tommy whispered, lightly kissing her hair.

Groans escaped her lips before she got to say anything, "Yep, I'm gonna go cook dinner. I bet the girls are starving."

"Yeah, they've been moping around ever since you yelled at them."

Her eyes rolled as she toppled over Tommy to get off the couch. When she finally stumbled to the carpeted floor, she remembered she was completely naked, and blushed an unmistakable tinge of deep rose, "Um… where did my clothes get thrown to?"

A roar of laughter bellowed throughout the room, rumbling in his chest, "This is great, so fucking great. I need a camera."

"Tommy! Language!" she hissed, crouching down to look under the couch and everywhere in between, "Seriously. Where did you throw my underwear?"

"Uh… I think…" his answer was interrupted with insane laughing. Jude looked over at him scornfully and all he could do was point.

Her head cautiously made its way toward the TV where sure enough, her underwear was carelessly hanging onto the corner of the cabinet, "OH MY GOD!" was all she could say. When she picked them up and stumbled, trying to put them on, she toppled over in laughter, "I can't believe we were that careless. What would have happened if the kids saw us?"

"Jude, seriously, don't sweat it. Just a pair of purple panties. They would have thought it was hilarious," his famous smirk spread across those perfect lips of his, "Plus, they'll need to know about the birds and the bees someday…"

Her eyes widened at the thought, "Tommy! They're still little kids!"

"Jude… kidding," he responded gently, rubbing her back, "But really, you should get dressed. Seeing you like this, it only makes me want to pull you back onto the couch-"

"Men!" Jude huffed, untangling herself from him, "I'm gonna go make dinner. What do we have?"

"Well, I haven't really been to the store in a few weeks. I mean, the last time someone went shopping was when you took the girls a few weeks ago. The same night I came home…" he stopped briefly, realizing the mood was getting to serious. Then he added brightly, "You know. But all that's over and done with. So, why don't we order takeout?"

She admired him for trying to brighten the mood, but her thoughts had already traveled back to that night. How loyally she took care of him, just like she thought a good wife should do. How much she had wished he would just tell her what was going on. How she knew all along there was something wrong with him, but decided to ignore it… _Jude stop! You're only making things worse! Just stop thinking about it and smile back at him! _And that's exactly what she did. There wasn't anyone who could make her as happy as he did, and she was just going to have to accept that not every knight in shining armor was perfect.

He took note of her sad eyes and knew he had already said too much about that night, "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to upset you. Would you rather me go to the store and pick up some things to cook?"

She wrapped her arms around him and gave him the sweetest hug she could give. Her head nestled deeper into his shoulder and her eyes closed for the briefest of seconds, "You, Tom Quincy, are the best. And I just want you to know how much I love you." She looked up and him and smiled and continued before he had a chance to say anything, "Everyone makes mistakes, Tommy, even my knight in shining armor. I accepted them, and moved past them. And I'll make mistakes, too. And we'll get through them together. I made a mistake running off like I did. And I'm sorry I didn't stay and talk it out with you. But we both need to make mistakes to learn from them. And I think we have. So, just don't be afraid to talk about them with me. I'm not going to get mad or upset. I'm past them. But just because I am, doesn't mean you are."

His hands took hold of her elbows and rubbed gently up and down her arms, "Can I ask you something?"

She smiled and nodded.

"Do you believe in second chances?"

"Tommy, I believe in tenth chances! What do you think we're on, now? Our second chance happened a long time ago. Along with our third and fourth and fifth and sixth… I think you get the point."

He laughed a little at that and kissed the top of her forehead, "Wow. You must really love me.'

"Ha! Don't flatter yourself. Maybe I'm just after your hair gel and leather jacket Little Tommy Q!" she cooed, like a crazed BoyzAttack groupie.

He gave her a run-and-hide look and dropped his jaw, "I know you didn't just go there!"

"Oh I just went there alright!" she giggled as he relentlessly attacked her with tickles.

They were in the middle of their hysterics when a knock on the door echoed through the entire apartment.

"Who is it?" Jude called sweetly, pressing her forefinger to Tommy's lips.

There was a muffled answer but Jude couldn't make out the words, "I better go see who it is," she whispered, giving him a peck on the cheek. Then added, "But don't think we're finished here."

Her feet finally made it to the door, after limping from the kitchen, and she eyed the visitor through the peephole. She was both relieved to find Sadie on the other side. She casually opened the door, leaving her sister to walk in and hobbled back to the kitchen to find Tommy pouring two glasses of wine.

"Better make that three we have company," she said in a monotone voice.  
As he pulled another glass from the cupboard, he raised his eyebrows, "You don't sound too happy."

Just then a disheveled Sadie stomped into the kitchen, heels clacking on the Italian tiles, "Jude! We need to talk!"

She eyed her sister quizzically and folded her arms across her chest, "About what?"

She tapped her foot impatiently and narrowed her eyes, "I think you know exactly what about!"

A deep breath escaped Jude's lips as she reached for two wine glasses, offering one to Sadie, "Tommy, can you give us a minute?"

"Yeah, I'll just go play a game with the girls," he muttered, high tailing it down the hall.

When they were left alone, Jude collapsed on a kitchen chair, Sadie mimicking, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"You know exactly what!" she hissed, leaning in over the table, "Since when do you lend Karma your favorite low rise jeans and the most expensive vintage tee you own? Not to mention those shoes!"

Jude let a laugh bubble on her lips and sat back in her chair, "Is this what this is about? Me and Karma getting along? Me and Karma hanging out?" she asked jokingly. Then it dawned on her. Sadie might actually be jealous, "Do you think I'm going to replace you with Karma?"

Sadie rolled her eyes dismissively, "No! Not that that little slut could replace me anyway. There's no way you'd have as much fun," she rolled her eyes again for effect.

"Look, Sadie, I'm just trying to be nice. She's Spied's fiancé. And she's actually pretty cool. She liked my song! And, as it turns out, she's actually got some awesome soul music on her album."

Sadie couldn't believe what she was hearing, "This is the same girl that screwed you over at a press conference! This is the girl that called you a slut! This is the girl that turned you in to Darius!"

"Yeah, and Sadie, that was a long time ago. She's really grown up and mature. You're forgetting she's older than me," she took another sip of her wine and raised her eyebrows in a mommylike way.

A long, deep, dramatic sigh passed through Sadie's lips, "You've never let me touch your vintage tees. And the day you decide Karma's your new best friend she gets to wear your most prized possession!"

Jude felt kind of bad for hurting Sadie's feelings, but at the same time felt annoyed that she would bring up such a trivial thing, "That was years ago, Sadie. If you asked now I would lend you one. But five years ago I was still a selfish wanna be rock star who valued her belongings. And for the record, that's not my most prized vintage tee. It was a copy."

"Oh. Well. Then, I'm sorry."

"I bought it for when I go to places like dingy bars, or anywhere that could get my t-shirt dirty. I only wear the real one on my birthday and sometimes on Christmas," she explained, downing the last sip of wine.

"Oh good, because I seriously thought you let that… that _bitch_ wear it," she smiled, relieved and went to pour more wine into both of their glasses, "I knew there was a reasonable explanation. Anyway, now that we've got that settled, I want to ask you a few questions about the party…"

Jude smiled as her sister droned on and on about party details and who not to include on the guest list. Sometimes it was so nice to have a sister so worried about being replaced. It made her feel like Sadie wanted to be around her, wanted to do things with her. And that meant the world to Jude.

"Jude? Are you listening? Because if I'm wasting my breath, I can plan this party all on my own. I don't _need _your input," she warned, tapping her pen on Jude's head.

She shook her head quickly and refocused her attention on Sadie, "Sorry, what were you saying?"

Deep breath, "I was asking if you wanted Jamie on the list or not."

The question, or rather, statement, sent Jude's mind into hyperdrive. There was nothing more she wanted than to make up with Jamie, "Um… sure, put him on the list. It won't hurt. He probably won't come anyway."

_The next day…_

"Now, Mr. and Mrs. Quincy, I assure you your children will get a quality education here. There are no uniforms, we believe students should be allowed to express individuality. However, there are guidelines and rules to what can and can't be worn during school operating hours. If you'll follow me, I'll show you the kindergarten and four year old classrooms."

Jude followed the slender lady down the hall, Tommy at her side, "I think this is the best one we've seen so far," Jude whispered excitedly. The last three schools had been wacky and undisciplined and just plain weird. But this one, it seemed perfect. The lady they were walking with was nice, in a strict motherly way, exactly what her three girls needed, given that she was pushover of the year.

He took her hand and let their entwined fingers swing slightly as they shuffled to the classroom door, "I think you're right."

"Now, in here, there is an amplitude of games, exercises and other educational tools to help prepare four year olds for kindergarten and grade school," she explained, opening the door. She politely introduced them as "school guests" to the teacher and then let them walk around the classroom.

"Um miss…." Jude looked at her expectantly.

"Ms. Carlant," she offered, nodding for Jude to continue.

"I was just wondering if there are any books in here. I mean, aren't there supposed to be books in a classroom?" she asked, confused. All she saw was mini tables and chairs, a playground set and lots of toys and games.

The teacher laughed and proceeded to explain, "When the school year starts, the kids will get an I.D. to hang in their cubby. Everyday, they have the opportunity to go to the library and pick out as many as five books, providing they are returned by the next day. They're allowed to take them home. And every Friday, on top of all the reading I do to them, they all share their favorite book of the week and tell us what it's about. We encourage them to take the books home so parents can read to them, too."

Jude was so impressed, she smiled goofily, "You guys really are into the whole reading thing. I love that."

Both Ms. Carlant and the teacher laughed lightly, "Well, we also stress the importance of fine arts. There are lessons taught weekly through playing musical instruments, singing, and sometimes acting. There are also ample opportunities for them to draw, paint, sculpt, and build things in bi-weekly art classes. I'm sure the creative aspect of learning is rather important to you, considering what you do."

Wow, Jude didn't think it could get any better than this. This school was a done deal as far as she was concerned, "Where do I sign?"

Ms. Carlant smiled warmly and made her way back to the door, "Aren't you interested to see what the kindergarten room has to offer?"

"Well, if it's anything like the one we just saw, I think I'll be okay."

She clicked the door shut and started walking back down the hallway where they came from, "If you'd like, I could give you a whole tour after we sign all the papers," she suggested, "There are many rooms the children use that aren't their classrooms."

Jude and Tommy grinned at each other and practically pranced into her office, "That would be amazing."

Jude was ecstatic about the girls' new school. It would cost a mini fortune, but that didn't matter. Between Tommy's boyband days and her several multi platinum albums, they could afford a mega fortune. And both of them had agreed that education for their kids was too important to put a price on.

"So, do you think they're gonna like it?" she asked nervously.

"Yeah, did you see that music room? Alexa's gonna die. And those easels looked perfect for the twins," he assured her, resting his hand on her thigh.

They sat like this, in comfortable silence, until Tommy pulled the Hummer into the driveway of their new home, "So, what do you think of the outside?"

Her breath was shallow and she just about cried at the beauty of it, "It's beautiful. I can't believe they're done with the outside. _And_ it's already landscaped," she breathed, getting out of the car.

"Would you like to do the honors?" Tommy asked, dangling the keys in front of her.

The grabbed them and ran to the front door, "This is so nerve racking! What if I don't like what I see? What if everything I picked out isn't how I thought it would look? And where are the construction workers? There's not a cloud in the sky. I swear, they're beyond frustrating. I mean they couldn't even-"

"Jude, just open the door," Tommy pleaded, rolling his eyes. She had to be the highest strung woman he had ever met.

As the turned the key, she felt her hands shaking, desperately trying to get it open. When it finally did give, after what seemed like an eternity, Jude took a deep breath before swinging open her newly installed French doors.

She took a look around the foyer. Hardwood floors, original architecture fully restored, and a grand looking staircase going up to what looked like a loft.

"Tommy, it looks completely done. What room isn't done yet?" she asked.

He could barely contain himself, he was so happy. He knew his answer would floor Jude, "Well, why don't we take a look at the kitchen? I hear the granite countertops are to die for," he suggested, winking at her.

She eagerly took his extended hand and skipped her way into the designer kitchen, "Oh. My. God."

"I knew you'd like it."

She smiled at him and continued exploring. Every single room on this floor looked completely move in ready to her. There wasn't a nick, or scratch, or imperfection to be seen anywhere. Not even a smudge of dirt.

He found her admiring all the architecture around the fireplace, restored to its original beauty, "So, what do you think?"

"I'm thinking that I'm dreaming. There's no way this house is as beautiful as it seems," she replied softly, humming a little tune, "Wait, I'm going to think twice about my answer when we walk upstairs, aren't I?"

He looked at her with sweetness in his eyes, "Jude I have to tell you something."

A pit formed in her stomach as she recognized the serious tone in his voice, "Oh no. You're not cheating on me, are you?"

He laughed at that and tried his best to recompose his serious look, "No. The house… well… let's just say the construction workers won't be coming back."

She looked at him incredulously, "What do you mean they're not coming back? Did they just quit or something?"

"No, they're finished. There's no more construction to be done. Jude, the house is complete. As in, we can move in whenever we want to."

She leapt to her feet and squeezed his neck, "Are you serious? We can start putting our house together?"

"Yes, we can start whenever we want to. Except, not right now. I have to drop you back off at Sadie's so you can take the girls home and I have to get to work. I told Karma to be there by ten and it's already nine thirty," he explained, resting his head atop hers. They swayed gently to the music of their house's creaks. It was settling into its new foundation, just as they were moving in, "Do you know this is going to be the first place we've lived in that is _ours_."

"You're right," she agreed, pulling away. She limped up the stairs to find only more finished rooms, everything looking move in ready. Her breath literally stopped when she reached the master bathroom. She'd never seen a tub so beautiful before.

When she returned downstairs, she found Tommy on the phone, "I'm gonna be a little late getting to the studio today. Yeah, see you there," he hung up the phone and was surprised to see Jude standing there, the funniest lopsided grin on her face.

"I absolutely love it!" she squealed, falling into his arms, "I don't know how you did it, but I'm glad. I can't wait to start painting. I already have a few colors in mind."

He chuckled and led her to the front door, "Well, take one more look around because unfortunately we have to go," he said apologetically.

"Nah, I'll probably bring the girls by later. They can help me pick out some paint colors," she reasoned, "Have they already seen it like this?"

"Yeah. Remember? I took them by here yesterday while you were chatting with your new best buddy," she ignored the jab and instead smiled.

"Right, well, let's get going. I wouldn't want you to keep my bestest buddy waiting," she teased, laughing all the way to the car.

It seemed like seconds had passed when they arrived at Sadie's house and Jude was surprised to see how quick it took to get there, "See? Isn't this commute better?"

"You have no idea. God, I love this. We're finally starting our lives together and for once, nothing's going wrong," she rested her head on the back of her seat for a moment.

"Shhh, you're gonna jinx it," he whispered, leaning over for a kiss.

She quickly caught on and was soon in his hap, their lips never parting from each other. She shifted so that her torso was completely squished against his. He leaned forward, leaning her backward, causing her shoulder to push the button for the horn. Two seconds into another steamy kiss, they were rudely interrupted by a continuous honking and they quickly realized it was them, leaning onto the steering wheel.

Jude giggled softly and moved so her shoulder was elsewhere. They continued kissing, not realizing they had an audience. Outside, Jamie and Zepplin watched, the first in horror, the latter with amusement. Kwest and Sadie had walked outside, too, surprised to find the two attempting to go at it in the car. The girls, who were trying desperately to see what was going on, pushed their way through Kwest's and Sadie's legs, running to the car. By this time, Jude had her shirt off and Tommy's hands were up her bra, teasing her nipples.

"No girls! Don't go there!" Sadie screeched, the girls' hands and arms just out of her reach. They approached the car with little discretion and started pounding on the door.

"Oh my god!" Jude shrieked, "Tommy! The girls!"

He took a quick look outside the car door and froze, just baffled by the scene laying out before him.

"Well? What are you doing? Get your hands out of my bra!" she hissed, looking for her shirt, "Oh god, not this again. Where the hell did my shirt go?"

"Um… I think I tossed it to the very back of the car," he admitted sheepishly, "I didn't think we'd get caught. I didn't think anyone heard the honk, but apparently the whole neighborhood did," he said softly, realizing just how many neighbors there were.

Jude slowly looked out the window and eyed all the people who had come out to see what had happened. She caught Jamie and Zepplin slipping back into their house. _Great,_ she thought_, they saw me about to screw Tommy_.

"Can you.,, um… help me get to the back? I have to get my shirt before I get out of this car. And you need to button up what little of you I got unbuttoned," she sounded frustrated, almost like she wished everyone would just go back in and let them screw each other senseless. Tommy could sense her restlessness.

He put a hand on her back and rubbed it gingerly, "It'll be okay. We'll finish this tonight, after the kids are asleep and we have the privacy of a bed and shower. Sound good?"

She nodded eagerly and climbed over the backseat to retrieve her shirt. She quickly threw it over head, "I'll see you, Mr. Horny, tonight. You better not be late for dinner."

He reveled in her kiss, lingering on his lips before she opened the car door, "Don't worry, Mrs. Quickie, that won't be a problem."

He heard her laughing as she closed the car door and walked over to her daughters. There was nothing better than seeing his family happy and laughing. They all retreated inside the house and when he was sure they were all safe and sound, he drove off, almost an hour late for work.

They were unpacking groceries after a long three hour shopping trip. They had gotten uniforms, school supplies, groceries, toiletries, and everything else Jude could think of for the house. Being out of her usual routine for weeks took its toll.

"Mama what's for dinner?" Alexa asked, putting her box of cereal in the cabinet.

"Um, I think I'm gonna make some spaghetti. We haven't had that in a long time."

"But don't you think we should have something else? Like pizza?"

She sighed heavily and turned toward Alexa, "Honey, we didn't get anything to make pizza. I don't have the right ingredients. How about I go to the store tomorrow and we'll do it another night?"

"No! I want pizza tonight! I haven't had it in a really long time and I really want pizza!" she whined, tears threatening to spill.

Jude was tired as it is and wasn't in the mood for three spoiled girls to demand anything, "Alexa, you're going to eat whatever I cook you, alright? I'm not in the mood to go back to the store for pizza stuff, okay? You're just going to have to wait for another night."

She heard a knock on the door and left Alexa standing in the kitchen pouting. When she opened the door, she was so glad to see Spied, Wally, and Kyle with a huge bouquet of flowers, "Can we come in?"

"Of course! Girls! Guess who's here!" she called as they pranced into the room. The pizza fiasco was instantly forgotten as they all ran to jump on Spied.

"Hey guys! Look at the flowers I brought for your mom!"

All three girls looked at Jude knowingly, "You know, when Daddy brings you flowers, he's always sorry for something. Why is he bringing you flowers?"

Jude looked at Spied and then began wondering the same question herself, "Yeah, I'm happy you're here and all, but what's with the flowers?"

Kyle and Wally jabbed each other playfully and started to explain, "Well, you know Spied, the mushy gushy one of the group. Well, he remembered how you mentioned in the hospital that you were supposed to bring flowers, so he decided he would bring some now."

Spied shot them both death glares and turned back to Jude, "I know they're really late, but they kind of reminded me of you."

Kissy noises came from the two immature boys as Jude took them and set them on the kitchen table, "They're beautiful, Spied, don't listen to them. They're just jealous that we have love lives."

They shut up at that remark and sulked off to the living room, leaving Spied and Jude alone to talk, "So."

"What brings you here?"

"Well, I was hoping I could convince you to start recording again. I mean, I know you're just settling down again, and trying to fit everything back together, but just hear me out. While the music industry isn't calming, writing music is. And I know you still have songs, Jude. Plus, I miss playing at your concerts. They were so awesome."

Jude smiled in appreciation, admiring Spied and just how grown up he had become (most of the time). Maybe that's why she didn't altogether say no, "We'll see. I'll at least think about it."


	17. Chapter 15 pt 1

Hey readers and reviewers! I know, long time no see! But alas! An update for you all!!! Chapter 15 part 1 is up now and part 2 will be up sometime today or tomorrow. I hope you enjoy. We're getting close to the end of this story. I think I have four more chapters and an epilogue planned out for you guys. But don't worry. There's going to be a sequel and it's going to deal with some past characters in the earlier instant star episodes. So, watch out for it! As soon as I think of a name, I'll let ya'll know. So, without further ado…

Xoxo,

Kaitlyn

Chapter 15: Get the party Started (part 1)

_Two weeks later…_

The lazy Saturday morning in the cramped Quincy apartment was going amazingly well. So well, in fact, that Tommy and Jude had opted to stay in bed even after Sadie kidnapped the girls for one of her infamous shopping sprees.

Jude lay sprawled out on her favorite sheets, the soft cotton linens covering her otherwise naked body. She giggled to herself thinking it was just like her to say up all night making love. She felt exactly like the eighteen year old girl she had been when London had called.

A sigh escaped her lips, as she was hopelessly bored. Tommy had left, leaving a sweet peck on her forehead, promising to come back bearing two deliciously hot cups of coffee. She had agreed with a small smile, but quickly changed her mind when he had untangled himself from her limbs. His body heat had kept her warm in their drafty apartment and the instant it was gone, she started to shiver. She was too comfortable, however, to get up and retrieve the blanket that had been kicked to the floor in their wild night of passion, leaving her cold.

Jude pulled the sheets closer and curled into her pillow, inhaling Tommy's fresh scent. There was nothing better than the smell of Old Spice and Armani Code on Tom Quincy and Jude reveled in it.

"Miss me that much?"

Jude's head shot up at his voice and she felt the blood rush up to her cheeks, "Yeah. Did you bring me that coffee?" she asked, quickly changing the subject.

"It's in the kitchen. I figured we could finish what we started last night," he whispered, crawling across the bed toward Jude. She met him halfway and pushed her hands up his shirt, the instant contact warming her tremendously.

Their lips brushed slightly before she pressed her body towards his, pushing him back. They slammed down on the mattress completely enveloped in a passionate kiss. She took advantage of her dominant position on top of Tommy and began to trail her top lip all the way down to his naval and back up with her bottom. Her tongue played tricks on his mind, casually making its way in and out of her mouth around his neck.

A pleasurable moan escaped his lips before she moved her lips lower, "Juuuuude."

She was so caught up in what her mouth was doing that she almost forgot to answer him, "Yes?" she whispered lightly, giggling.

"Maybe we should go drink that coffee before it gets too cold. I'm not sure we'll be finished in here anytime soon," he said abruptly, sitting up. This caught Jude off guard and she threw him a puzzled look before getting up to follow him.

Her lips involuntarily tugged up into a smile when she smelled the homey scent of coffee, "Sorry, Quincy, but coffee will always be my first love."

"What are you saying?" he asked jokingly.

"I'm saying there's no way your getting me back in bed today, not with coffee in me," she explained, sipping one of the cups she had grabbed from the table.

He sighed and took the other cup in his hand, "There's always tonight," he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh! Guess what? I ordered the last of our furniture yesterday! It's this gorgeous bedroom set I just had to have. And it was the last in stock, so I couldn't wait. But I'm sure you'll love it," she squealed, the day in bed completely forgotten.

Tommy sighed and took another sip, burning his tongue, "How are you so sure I'm gonna like it?"

"Because I like it. And anything I like you like because you're my husband," she said stupidly, like she was waving the word "duh" in his face.

The words stuck to him like glue and he smiled at her calling him 'husband.' There was nothing quite like it. It had a certain ring, "Sure. Of course I'll love it, Mrs. _Quincy_."

"Yes, and you'll love how it feels to make love on that bed, Mr. Quincy," she retaliated, grinning ear to ear.

The two were so happy that day, loving, joking, doing normal husband-wife things like eating breakfast together and getting dressed in the same room, cohabitating without disturbing the pleasant peace that had settled into their little apartment. They effortlessly reached past each other for various things, stealing shy sideways glances and looks through the mirror. There was something so comforting about them being a part of each other's daily routines. They were somehow proving that they could make it all work out by showing it in the simple roundabout ways, like being able to brush their hair and fix their clothes in the same vicinity without biting the other's head off.

"Would you pass me the toothpaste?" she asked politely, running her toothbrush under the drizzling faucet.

He effortlessly tossed the tube her way and she caught it in her free hand without blinking an eye, "Lemme have it when you're done," he warned, throwing her a playful look through the mirror. She pretended to be offended at his tone.

When the spat the last of the water out, she looked toward the bedroom, eying the phone neatly placed on its receiver, "Do you think I should call Sadie and see where her and the girls are?"

He shrugged, "If you want to."

She cocked her head to one side and gave it a moment's thought, "It'll make me feel better," she decided, pushing the bathroom drawer in with a swift motion of her torso.

He eyed her swaying hips as she sashayed out the door towards their nightstand phone. Tommy shook his head out of the daze and tried to concentrate on fixing his hair, not that he didn't steal a glance every few seconds. It was hard not to. If he wasn't mistaken, Jude seemed to have more voluptuous aspects than she used to and he liked the new look.

On the other side of the room, Jude took the phone in her hand and dialed the familiar numbers, "Hey Sadie, it's me. Just calling to check in. I wanted to know if I needed to get the kids' dinner. It is getting pretty late. So… I guess just give me a call when you get this. Love you, bye."

Tommy frowned at the one sided conversation. Why wasn't Sadie picking up? Jude bore the same expression as she sauntered back into the bathroom, "Did they tell you where they were going?" she asked thoughtfully, trying to keep her emotions in check. The last thing she needed was for Tommy to think she was worried or anything.

"You're upset about something," he muttered flatly, sighing. Shit, she hadn't concealed her distraught face long enough.

She let out a ragged breath and slouched into the doorframe, "Nah, just a tad bit worried, that's all. Well, maybe not. She'll call. She always calls."

The last repetition gave away her nervousness and within seconds, Tommy was giving her a supportive hug. She felt so right in his arms and he couldn't help but think there was a time when he would've shrugged and given her "space" that she really didn't need. Now, he was determined to show her how supportive and dedicated he really was to their relationship. Even if it meant smothering her in times like these.

"Tommy, you smell so friggin good," she admitted, blushing immediately, "I am allowed to say that, right?"

He laughed and gave her one more quick squeeze before letting go, "Yes, I'm your husband. You can do whatever you want to me. You can handcuff me to the bedpost, you can force me to take off all my clothes…" he whispered, not finishing his obviously sexual thought. He figured she got the point.

"Oh is that right?"

He kissed her hair and made his way down to her ear where his hot breath tickled her, "Don't ever think there's anything you can do to me to make me leave you. Nothing you're capable of will make me stop loving you."

The seriousness in his eyes almost scared Jude, but she couldn't back away, there wasn't any way that was possible, not with him boring into her brain like that, "Do you really mean that?"

"You know me. I'm not good with words. If I didn't mean it I wouldn't have said it," he whispered reassuringly. And somehow Jude trusted him with her whole body and soul. She couldn't explain it, nor did she want to. She had learned that overanalyzing had just gotten things more complicated. Sometimes you just had to settle with the best a person could give you and be happy. And she was going to do just that with Tommy. That was the only way they could make this work. And oh, how badly did she want this to work.

Gathering her temporarily forgotten wit, she shrugged out of his grip and looked up at him with a smirk, "Boy, do I know that. There's no way you're teaching our kids grammar."

He smiled appreciatively. She had said "our" kids. That meant the world to him. The fact that she could say it so naturally and maternally was amazing and made him wonder if all of them weren't his. Even though he knew it was impossible. They were never together in London. Unfortunately.

"I did drop out in the seventh grade, you know," he waved in her face.

Her expression immediately became apologetic, "Tommy, I'm sorry. Tell you what? You can teach them anything you want to. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Just don't teach them grammar, okay? I beg you."

He laughed, relieved, and continued globbing gel all over his bed head hair, "We have ourselves a deal."

She took his extended hand and gave it a firm shake before pivoting around and gliding toward the kitchen, where another pot of coffee awaited her. _Never forget, Tommy Quincy, coffee will always be my first love, _she thought playfully, grabbing a mug from the dishwasher. She had been meaning to put the dishes away but got sidetracked. There was always tomorrow.

Speaking of.

Her party, no, _their_ wedding party was tomorrow. The one Sadie spent all of two weeks planning. That was probably what the girls were doing with Sadie. No wonder she hadn't answered.

"Ow!" she shrieked, noticing her overflowing mug. The scalding hot liquid was all over her hands and the cup was a steaming heap of ceramic and coffee, "Shit!"

"Jude? You okay?" she heard Tommy call.

"Yes!" she snapped, ripping a paper towel a little too forcefully off the holder, "I just spilled my coffee! That's all!"

He heard her huff all the way down the hall (not that there was much of one in their apartment) and laughed lightly, not wanting to get her more riled up than she already was.

Twenty minutes later, Tommy appeared in the living room, finally all fixed up. Jude rolled her eyes. It took him twice as long. And that was when they showered _apart_ and he went _first_.

"What? Can't a guy look nice?" he asked helplessly, throwing his famous grin at her.

She peeled herself off the couch and slung the magazine on the coffee table, "Tommy, we're going to the _grocery store_," she deadpanned, trudging to the front door.

He followed her, grabbing the keys and his wallet, "Hey, you never know who you'll run into."

"You trying to tell me something Quincy?" she asked condescendingly.

"What? No! I'm just saying we're famous and you never know who will want to take your picture!" he explained quickly, trying to get the wrong ideas out of Jude's head before they permanently sank in.

She pushed the down button and stepped back to wait for the _ding_ that would signal a free elevator, "Tommy I was just kidding. No need to get all defensive."

"I know," he mumbled. After a minute's silence he added, "So what are we getting at the store?"

"I don't know, here, look at the list," she pulled out a piece of paper with fifty or so items written all over the front and back.

He squinted, opened his eyes wide, held the paper and various lengths, and still couldn't read half the words on there, "You write even messier lists than you do songs," he commented, trying a new angle.

"Watch it Quincy. Or I'll make sure you can read my name very clearly on the divorce papers."

"Ha! Right. Funny Jude. That's just fucking hilarious."


	18. Chapter 15 Pt 2

Chapter 15: Get the Party Started part 2

_The next day…_

"I'm not wearing that!" Alexa shouted, throwing the flower dress on her bed.

Jude sighed miserably and held out yet another dress, "What about this one? It's cute," she tried, knowing exactly what Alexa would say about it. It was no use. Jude wouldn't wear frilly clothing either when she was that age. Why expect her little girl to?

"I wanna wear my Who t-shirt!" she screamed. She huffed and ran to her dresser drawers, "And my ripped jeans! And my converse!" she added, throwing her favorable articles of clothing on the bed in front of her.

Jude's face crumbled into her hands. She had completely given up. It was her party for heaven sakes. She should be allowed to choose her own daughter's clothing, not Sadie. And if Alexa wanted to wear ripped jeans and a vintage tee, who was she to say no, especially when she had worn the exact same thing?

"Alright, fine. But if Sadie yells at you-"

"Jude!" Tommy's call interrupted her rant.

She glanced back at Alexa for a brief second, "We'll talk about this in the car," she warned and then headed off to her own bedroom.

"Yes?" she replied wearily. But her questions were answered when she walked in the room and took in the sight of Tommy in a bowtie. Her body was completely curled up in the fetal position on the floor as she laughed hysterically.

"It's not funny! Tell me I don't have to wear this!" he huffed, ripping the black bow from his neck, "I'm not going like this! I'm wearing jeans!" he finally concluded, storming over to his closet.

Jude realized at that moment how much Alexa was like her dad and laughed at her revelation. Then she quickly added, "I'm not laughing at you, I swear. It's just that Alexa said the exact same thing when she tried on her flower dress."

Tommy took a second to ponder this and then laughed along side her, "I guess we do have something in common. Other than liking to play practical jokes. Unfortunately, she's not old enough for us to partake in that," he had a playful gleam in his eyes as he said that, "Yet," he added.

"Shut up! You are so not going to play jokes on people for fun! I thought you were behind your immature days," Jude scolded, walking over to her own closet.

"Jude, you can take the man out of the wilderness, but you can't take the wilderness out of a man. We're always going to be immature, sex-crazed fools. But you love me anyway," he added overly sweet, smiling wide.

She let out a sigh and quickly decided that she, too, would wear jeans, "You know what? Who needs to dress up for beer and burgers? That's just a disaster waiting to happen on a white dress."

"That's the spirit!" Tommy chanted, pulling the zipper up on his jeans, "Now if we could only get the twins to agree."

_At the party…_

The Quincys pulled up in front of the Sadie/Kwest household only to find vehicle after vehicle parked along the street. What happened to small, informal gathering? Isn't that what Sadie had promised Jude?

"Tommy, what is this? The prom or something?"

He shrugged and parked the car in the tacky spot marked 'Jude and Tommy: the newlyweds.' Something about the sign irritated him. Oh yes, it was the feminism of the decoration. All pink and white and green. What wonderful colors for a beer drinking party, "Well, at least we'll meet some new people."

Jude smiled, very much a superficial smile, and stepped out onto the street with a deep inhaling breath. She turned to the kids' doors and beckoned them to come out, "Come on kids, I'm sure there'll be some other little rugrats running around the place."

Tommy followed around to the other side and slid his arm around Jude's shoulders, smiling, "At least everyone will officially know you're now Jude _Quincy_."

Leave it to Tommy to lighten the situation with narcissism.

As they reached the front door, Jude paused briefly, getting butterflies in her stomach. Contrary to popular belief, she always got nervous before standing in front of a big crowd. And that was exactly what awaited her on the other side of that looming door.

Tommy, however, plunged right into the mayhem and swung the door open to find everyone chatting aimlessly around the room. Elevator music echoed throughout the entire house and he noticed a table with fancy finger food sporadically laid out. It was messy, yet neat. Fancy, yet casual enough to be informal. Small, yet big.

"Jude! Tommy! You guys are here!" Sadie squealed, walking over to her sister's side, "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show."

She examined them all and when the realization that they were all wearing jeans (with the exception of the twins) finally hit her, she backed away, jaw hanging open freely, "What happened to all the clothes I had sent to your house?"

Jude winced at her tone and her eyes instantly fell to the floor, "I'm sorry, its just… well we thought this was going to be… just friends and family and stuff… I didn't… we didn't…"

"What's she trying to say is we didn't think a beer drinking burger eating get together required so much clothing," Tommy explained smoothly, giving Jude a reassuring squeeze. She smiled helplessly and decided to stick with his explanation.

"Well, I guess it's okay. Except that everyone else here is wearing their Sunday best. But if you two- I mean three," she added, noticing Alexa's choice of clothing, "would like to be party spoilers then be my guest."

Before Jude could protest, she saw her sister's head disappear into the mob of people around her, "Sometimes I wish she wasn't pregnant," she muttered, meant for only Tommy's ears.

He coughed back his laugh and tried to hold a straight face, "Why don't we go find someone we know?"

"Ha, right. Like that's gonna happen."

"Look, I see Spied over there with Kyle and Wally. Go talk to them. I see some industry big wigs I'm gonna get rid of. I'll be damned if they get my girl."

She laughed at his jealously. It was so cute, "Don't worry, you're the only one I'll ever fight with in the studio."

"Good to know," and with that he was gone, just like Sadie, disappearing into all the interlaced faces, like a game of connect-the-dots.

She made her way to her group and nudged everyone over so she could stand next to Spied, "Hey guys!"

"Ah! Dude! Why didn't you tell us we could wear real clothes!" Spied shouted, turning to face Jude completely.

"Huh, well, I guess I didn't decide until this morning. Honestly, I didn't think anyone would follow the dress code. I thought it was just going to be us friends," she explained casually, hoping they would buy their answer. But everyone knew nothing with Sadie was ever casual or small.

He wiggled his eyebrows doubtfully, "We're talking about _Sadie_. As in queen of social gatherings, ultimate party planner. Do you honestly think she was going to let us grill out and drink beer? Yeah, think again."

Spied had a point, "Yeah… well… I guess I just thought for once she'd just do what I wanted," she whined, looking around to see if there was anyone else she knew. Of course not. She had a sneaking suspicion that everyone in the room other than her friends were here to get to know her. And Tommy was taking care of that right now. Hopefully they would be gone soon.

"Dude, you're totally spacing out on us," Spied called, waving a glass in her face.

Her eyes followed the hot pink liquid in his cup, "Spied, you are aware that what you're holding is a _girl's _drink?"

"It's Karma's! I swear!" He held the cup now as if it were toxic and was going to burn his hand off, "Here, take it."

"Nope, I'm good. But thanks, though. You know, for the consideration and all."

She started to walk off when she caught sight of the one person she didn't want to see. The one person she didn't think would show up. And it was then her whole world came crashing down around her. Because she did love him, and she did care about him. Just not enough to be in love with him and be together with him. She wished he could just understand that. They were friends. And, it was left up to Jamie if they would ever be that again. But friends would be all they could be.

"Jude, I'm sorry. I know this is your party and everything, but I've missed you like crazy and I just really think we need to sit down and sort this out," When did he get so close? When did he move so near that she could feel his breath on her lips?

"No, I think _you_ need to sit down and think about what you've done. I'm married. I'm happy. I have three kids. And I'm never going to leave him and he's never going to leave me ever again. And if you can't be okay with that, then you need to turn around and leave right now. And don't ever think about coming back," she hissed, below a whisper. It was hard, but she kept a smile on her face through her whole rant. And as much as the words hurt her to say, she needed to say them and she wasn't going to regret them. As much as she wanted to, she wouldn't let it get to her. Tommy and her kids were more important than a childhood friendship. Or at least that was what she was going to keep telling herself.

"Jude, I know that. And I'm okay with that. But don't you think you rushed into this? Don't you think you should've given it-"

"Don't you dare accuse me of rushing into things! Do you know how many years me and Tommy have been in love with each other? No! I bet you don't know! Because you were too busy being jealous to care about my feelings at all!" she screamed. The smile had faded with the first word and she didn't take any notice to the gathering crowd surrounding them, "And obviously you're not okay with my relationship if you're telling me I rushed into things, are you?"

He bowed his head in embarrassment when he finally noticed what Jude hadn't. Everyone in the room was silent, waiting to hear the next thing. The music had stopped filtering into every room. The clinking and clattering of silverware and dinnerware had ceased, "Jude, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. Can you at least accept my apology?"

She huffed one big breath, "Only if you tell me what I want to hear. And if it's not true, don't bother saying it."

Her words sliced the oxygen near him, "Jude, I'm okay with Tommy, I really am. And I'm in love with Zepplin. There's no need for me to be jealous of you. It's not that anymore. It's just that I'm still your friend and I still think you should have given it more time before you ran off and married him. Doesn't my opinion count as a friend's?"

Jude couldn't believe what she was hearing, "You make it sound like we got drunk and decided to hit Vegas! It was a conscious decision on both of our parts. And, get this, we were sober! Now get out of my party. And for the record, I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Because I'm going to miss you as a friend," the last part was more for herself, letting him know that she wasn't a total heartless bitch. She would miss him. She would miss his dorky hair cut. She would miss his geeky not so funny jokes. She would miss the way he smiled at her when she first came into his view. There were too many things to even think about.

She felt the tension rise up throughout her whole entire body. The dread of losing your lifelong best friend for good was devastating. She was ready to crawl in to her own little hole and sob, but a reassuring hand touched her shoulder and she whirled around, pressing her wet face into his shirt. She smelled Old Spice and Armani Code. She felt right in his arms. Somehow, no matter the situation, he found a way to make it all better by just surrounding her with his presence.

"Jude, are you okay?" he murmured into her ear as the crowd turned to walk away.

"I will be. Just hold me for a minute," she whispered back, her words muffled from his shirt.

"Karma! Seriously! It's just a drink! You asked for one and now you're getting it! Who cares if it has alcohol in it?" Jude lifted her head from Tommy's chest and turned to see the couple's face off.

Karma snatched the cup and poured the remaining liquid onto Spied's head. Then gasped at her own doings, "Spiedy, I'm so sorry! It's just that… well… I'm pregnant!"

At that second Jude manipulated her way out of Tommy's arms and scrambled to Karma's side, enveloping her into a huge hug, "Karma! I'm so happy for you!"

Spied gave her a quizzical look and then directed his attention back to his wife, "When did you find out?"

She hesitated and bit her bottom lip, "Um... about two days ago."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I wanted to wait until I was sure!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't want you to get your hopes up! I went to the doctor's two days ago and he informed me that I'm two months along," she explained, stepping closer to him, "And I really want this, Spiedy, I really do. Please let us have this baby. We can make it work."

He opened his mouth to laugh, but shut it again and thought better of it, "Karma, I want kids too. And it's not quite in our plans right now, but hey! We'll make it work, I promise we will."

He leaned in to kiss her forehead and then smiled at Jude, "Since when were you so happy?"

She shared a knowing look with Karma, "You know how us girls are, always overly excited."


	19. Chapter 15 pt 3

Hey guys! I'm sorry it's been so long, but these final chapters are really hard to write, especially with so much going on. There's not too much Jommy at the moment, but be patient. The last four chapters have lots of adorable Jommy moments, so keep a look out!

Xoxo,

Kaitlyn

**Chapter 15: Get the Party Started part 3**

Jude spent the next two hours making her rounds to every distant relative, friends of friends, and occasionally people who she didn't even recognize. She had lost count of how many flukes of champagne she'd downed and was now making her way to the kitchen for a beer. She was tired of fruity, nasty, weak beverages. She was ready for some beer and real food that actually filled your stomach. She'd eaten five of those individual sandwiches and was still hungry.

"So, do you like it? Isn't it the perfect reception?" Sadie slid up next to Jude and put a casual arm around her neck.

Jude had two options: she could argue this one out or let it go. Which one sounded better? The arguing, definitely, "Sadie, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. You promised me a casual grill out with beer and burgers. Instead, I get this fancy gathering where people don't even know me."

"I thought I'd surprise you. I just thought you'd want to celebrate your wedding, make it known that you married the hottest bachelor in Canada. That's something to be proud of," she winked at Jude and continued their way to the kitchen.

When they walked in, she realized it was abandoned and everyone had made their way outside to the fire pit, "Yeah, well, what I wanted was just to hang out with the people that I care about. I don't give a shit who knows I'm married. They'll find out when they find out!"

Sadie was taken back by her response and crossed her arms. Apparently she had gone through her crying phase and was now in her anger one. Pregnancy had never been this hard on Jude, "I thought you'd be happy! And think about what this will do for your next album!" She tried to smile, get Jude excited, but all she wouldn't look up from the floor.

"Sadie, I don't care about my record sales! I have enough money for half the country to live off of for the next fifty years! I just want to make music, live life, take care of my kids, and hang out with my friends!"

"Hope I'm not interrupting you two."

Both girls turned to the chipper voice to see their dad walking in with a suitcase. Jude ran to him and flung her arms around his torso, squeezing him tight, "Are you kidding? I missed you like crazy!"

"Well, I hope this fight isn't too big. A newlywed and a very pregnant mom-to-be isn't such a good mix," he laughed a hearty laugh and let go of Jude to make his way to Sadie, who hobbled up to him as quick as she could go, "Don't worry. She's just upset about all the people. I just won't ever give her a party again, if she's not grateful-"

"I would be grateful if for once you'd _listen_ to what I wanted! I _told_ you I wanted a small, _informal_ gathering with friends and family _only_! But no! You had to go and make it the party of the year just because it suited_ you_!"

At this, Jude strode out of the room. She was going to find Tommy and the girls and they were going to get out of here. Not only was her one and only lasting friendship from childhood now permanently gone, her own party had turned out to be one sopping mess that she would have to clean up later. Right now she had to get out before she broke something.

She spotted Tommy's head through the crowd, talking to someone, but she couldn't see the face. That hair, where had she seen that hair… and that jacket… He was talking to Jamie. Of all people.

She picked up the pace and started shoving people out of the way. The last thing she needed was for Tommy to start throwing punches, "What the hell are you-"

A sudden hand in her face stopped her. She had never been ignored. This was too much, "Jamie, all I'm saying is give me a chance. Jude needs you. You're like… oh hell, I don't know, like Kwest is to me. I need him sometimes when I need to bullshit or just blow off steam. Things best friends do together. And she needs that. So please, just do it for Jude if anyone."

She noticed his pained expression as he eyed her and he finally nodded, slowly, unsure, but nodded all the same, "I can try. But Tommy… I swear if you hurt her one-"

"Jamie, we're in this forever. So just quit trying to threaten him and tell him you'll be my friend already."

Her tone scared him, she could tell, by the subtle tremor that flew through his back, something that only she would be able to pick up. Yes, she knew him that well.

"Alright. So, can we shake on it or some-"

He was enveloped into a tight hug before he knew what hit him. It was like the breath being squeezed out of him. But after the first initial shock, he returned the gesture, pulling his arms around her shoulders, careful not to go too low. Tommy would beat him to a bloody pulp, considering their past relations.

"I missed you so much! So, where do you wanna start? I have a feeling Zepplin still wants me to sing at your wedding," she nudged him in the side and he couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, actually I think we need a whole band. She's said no to over fifty. I guess it's because they weren't you."

She laughed and for the first time that day, her smile touched the tips of her eyes, "Yeah, well, just let me know what you want on the playlist and me and SME we'll be there."

"Sounds great," he was beaming now, everything seeming to be emanating a soft glow, "Well, I'll let Zepplin know you're back on. She'll probably call you or something to thank you profusely or something, but don't worry. She's not as weird as she sounds on the phone."

Tommy stifled a laugh and blinked his watering eyes. Jamie gave her one last hug before darting to find the infamous Zepplin. She stepped closer to Tommy and put her chin on his chest, "I love you, you know that? I can't believe what you did. You've grown up so much and I wish I could have been there so see it happen," she gave him an apologetic glance before lifting her chin to meet his gaze, "Tom Quincy, you really are the best."

"Why thank you, Mrs. Quincy. I'll be sure to hold a press conference tomorrow and clue them in on your miraculous discovery," he gloated, smiling shamelessly. Since when had his jokes gotten so dorky? Whatever, she didn't care. As long as she was his.

"What do you say, why don't we round up the girls and go home?"

He gave her a peck on the lips and sighed, "Yeah, I'm ready for some real beer. Which is at home."

She giggled and let go, starting back toward the kitchen, where she'd left that big sopping mess, "I have to take care of some things first. Oh, Dad's in town, by the way."

His eyes widened, but she turned away before she could see them and started her way to the kitchen door. She glanced around and saw Sadie slumped over the counter, her bottom half in a barstool. She looked sad, twirling the spoon between her fingers, eying the slushy ice cream gathering in the foot of the bowl.

"Hey."

"Hey. Sorry about earlier. I really do like everything. The colors are just right. The people were really nice, even if they didn't know me. And the food was good, even though it was tiny. And the drinks were a big hit. You did everything right and I'm so sorry for-"

She sighed heavily and waved a hand in Jude's face. That was the second time today someone had shut her up that way and she was getting annoyed, "Look, I'm sorry. Don't play all nice just because I'm pregnant. It won't hurt the baby for us to disagree on some things, like this. Although, in this case, it's just more of me being an idiot. I should have listened to-"

"Sadie, it's okay."

"No, let me finish!" she snapped, a look of sternness on her face, "As I was saying, I should have listened to you. This was supposed to be your party and I totally ruined it. There were people here that didn't even know what the party was for. And I didn't want to admit it, but that made me mad. Didn't they even read the invitation I sent them? It was clearly marked wedding party! How do people miss that?"

She was suddenly sobbing, flinging herself into Jude's arms, "Shh, it's okay, really. I saw everyone that mattered. It's okay. Don't cry. I got everything I wanted. Except for that beer." She got a laugh from Sadie, but the sound didn't nearly match that of sobs.

"I just should've listened! Why can't I just listen? Why can't I just give people what they want?" her words were almost unintelligible with her sounds slurred together from crying.

Jude sighed against her sister and managed a kiss on her hair, "Sades, don't do this to yourself. Your hormones are all out of wack and sometimes that makes you do things you wouldn't normally do."

"But that's just it!" she bellowed, suddenly stiff in Jude's arms. She pulled herself out of Jude's grasp and started straight at her continuing, "This is something I would do even if I wasn't pregnant! Don't you see?"

"See what? Sadie, you're starting to scare me."

"I'm always going to be like this! I'm always going to do what I think is best for you. Not what you want, not what you need, no. I'm going to do it Sadie style or no way at all!" She was screaming now, her hands flying in all different directions, whipping around inches from Jude's face.

Her cheeks were caked with dried mascara, which cut through her normally perfect bronzer. Jude looked at her with the utmost sympathy before replying, "Come on, you're not that bad, trust me. There are worse people out there. At least you're not as self-centered as Karma. Or as stupid as Spied. Aren't you glad you had brains _and _beauty in school?"

Sadie laughed pathetically, rolling her eyes in disbelief. She plopped her head on Jude's shoulder and exhaled slowly, "I just can't believe how stupid I've become. You're life is on track. You've got three amazing kids, a husband you'd die for, and the life you've always wanted. And here I am, living in my childhood home, and I still haven't had a kid. I was supposed to do everything first, to be there for you when it happened to you! But no! I have to be the one getting taken care of!"

Jude's eyes widened. She had no idea Sadie's fears had gotten this bad, "Oh, but you are going to have kids! And you love your husband to pieces! And you've got me!"

"But it isn't enough!"

"What isn't enough? How is that not enough?"

Sadie was suddenly angry now. She couldn't believe the confused furrowed eyebrows that dressed Jude's face, "You have the money and the fame and the dream! I have the horrible job, boring husband and hormonal pregnancy! Everything good has to happen to you! You get Tommy! You get three wonderful beautiful, smart girls! You get your poster on everyone's wall. Dammit! Can't I have just one thing that's all mine? No! Because my sister is Jude fucking Harrison!"

Jude, suddenly repulsed with Sadie's behavior, got up to leave. She didn't reveal the tears staining her blushed cheeks as she retreated noiselessly, "I'm so sorry you feel that way. I'll just leave you alone."

"No! Jude! I'm so sorry I didn't mean it!" But it was too late. Jude had already let go of the swinging door and it was squeaking with every movement it made, the only sound reverberating throughout the echoing house.

She concentrated solely on finding her kids, which she hadn't seen around for quite some time. Her hand made its way around Tommy's as she dragged through the crowd gathering around the fire pit. It was getting increasingly cold outside and getting through the mob of people to get back into the house.

"Where are we going?" he asked, once he was sure she could hear him.

It was then he noticed the tears welling up in her eyes, "We're getting out of here but I need help finding the girls. They're probably-"

"There you guys are!"

Both Jude and Tommy snapped their heads towards the general direction of the voice to find Stuart Harrison walking toward them, a goofy grin fixated on his lips, "Dad! What are you doing?"

He smiled and gave Jude another hug before extending his hand for Tommy, "I've been looking all over for you."

Tommy took his hand and shook it firmly, "Well, here we are. There something you need?"

He hadn't meant it to come out so harsh, but Jude had mentioned the girls and her tone worried him. Stuart gave him a confused look, "You guys in a hurry?"

"No" and "Yes" were both simultaneously said by both Tommy and Jude. They looked at each other before Jude spoke again.

"No, dad, we're not in a hurry," she answered, giving Tommy The Look, "What's up?"

"But you said we needed to find-" Jude's elbow in Tommy's ribs shut him up and he followed dutifully after Jude into the study.

Stuart closed the door and motioned for them both to have a seat in the recently replaced couch, "I don't mean to freak you out, but I want to talk to you guys about marriage. There's so much I feel I should tell-"

"Dad, please. We love each other, really, we do. Please spare us the lecture on how we rushed into things and that we're irresponsible. Because I've already gotten that from-"

"Jude, stop," it was his turn to interrupt and Jude had to admit, he was better at it, "I know you two love each other. I've known since the day I met Tommy. The way he looked at you was beyond comprehension, nothing that words could give justice to."

His words got lost on Jude. She shook her head in confusion before speaking, "But all those years you didn't want me with him! All those years you told me he was a bad influence. And when he was with Sadie… you just… you just let him!"

His head was hung down, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, "I know, but I just had to be sure. And honey, love sometimes isn't enough to convince a father that a guy is good enough for his little girl. His reputation was still in tact when you introduced him to me. And I did what I thought was best for you. I just didn't expect him to stick around this long. But now that's he's proven his love, I don't see any reason to fight it anymore."

There was a gentleness in his voice as he said this. An exchange of simple understanding passed through from Tommy to Stuart and before he could stop himself, he embraced Stuart. He pulled away awkwardly, hoping against hopes that both Jude and Stuart found it acceptable, "I… uh… just wanted to… well… show you that I'm grateful for your approval. I'm sorry i-if that was weird."

Jude laughed and hugged her dad as well, "Thanks a lot dad. You just gave him yet another boost to his ego. Now I'll never hear the end of it."

A knock on the door broke their gathering as Sadie stormed through. All three looked at her expectantly, eyebrows raised and arms folded across their chests.

"Jude, Tommy, the girls are missing. We can't find them anywhere!" Sadie whimpered. All previous hurtful comments were temporarily forgotten. All Jude could think about was how much she needed her sister. She felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach as she breathed.


	20. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: The Mornings After

… three weeks later…

_Pitter patter feet danced on the hardwood floors, the taps and raps echoing off the expansive ceilings. The noise belonged to three beautiful children, all girls, all angelic. They looked well taken care of but something about their demeanor irked Jude. Ah, yes, their smiles were empty and almost meaningless. Those smiles framed their lips perfectly, casting a dizzy spell on her. She moved from face to face, looking straight into their eyes, the eyes that told a different story than their smiles. They held a glimmer of longing, to be some place where their lives were fulfilled, where they meant something to the people around them. Jude got a terrible sense that they were just pawns in a long, drawn out, twisted game. _

_Jude floated toward the angelic bodies, putting her hands out to all of them. She had the overwhelming desire to embrace them one by one and kiss their foreheads reassuringly. But the second her hand merely brushed the shoulder of one seemed to be the eldest, its owner let out a high-pitched shriek before crumbling into dust. Shocked, Jude reached out again and again, only to have the same thing happen to all of them. _

_She slowly, agonizingly brought down her eyes to meet the three piles of dust on the once gleaming hardwood floors. Her face crumpled into her hands as she sobbed, not noticing the swirling around her. Only when the slight rush of cold air hit her body did the look up before her. And there, dressed in something resembling a leather jacket and jeans that seemingly hugged in all the right places, was a man she could swear she knew from somewhere. _

_"I thought you'd enjoy this, seeing your own children disappear like that."_

_Jude glared at him, ignoring the echoes of his haunting words in her mind, "You leave those kids alone! You just leave them alone!"_

_The laugh that tumbled out of his mouth, like lava from a volcano, cut right through the atmosphere, "It's too late for that, I'm afraid. But I'm telling you, if you want them alive, I suggest you forget them. And I swear, if you come looking for them, and you get anywhere near close, I'll kill them. They mean nothing to me." _

_"Don't you dare touch them! Give them back! Give them back to me!" She was floating away involuntarily. As much as she wanted to fight back, she noticed her limbs weren't working anymore. All she could do was stare helplessly as Hunter, yes that was his name, laughed mockingly._

Jude squeezed her eyes shut more, if that was possible, and held in a scream. She tossed and turned, and was nearly close to banging her head on the sharp point of her nightstand, "Noooooooooooo!"

Tommy bolted upright beside her and watched in horror as she writhed in agony, "Jude! It's just a dream, Jude!"

He shook her until her eyes shot open. She gasped and reached for Tommy, "Hunter has them! Hunter has them!"

"Jude, what are you talking about? Hunter's in jail," he assured her, running his fingers through her messy hair, "Jude it was just a dream."

She wiggled out of his grasp and looked him dead in the eye, almost threateningly, "I'm telling you, Tommy, this wasn't just a dream. I know he has them. He told me he was going to kill them if we kept looking. He can see us, Tommy! He knows what we're doing! And he's going to kill them!"

He sighed and took hold of her hands, "Alright, I'll talk to detective Rombert at work today, okay?"

She nodded her head jerkily and pulled the covers up to her chin. She was wide awake and alert. There was no way she was getting back to sleep today, "I think I'm gonna go take a shower."

Tommy took a deep breath and followed her into the bathroom, "Do you mind if I shower with you?"

She tried not to notice the huskiness in his voice and shrugged indifferently, "I don't care. Whatever you want."

"I thought we could-"

"No! I won't do… that… until we have our kids back!" she screamed, throwing her t-shirt on the ground. She started the shower and turned to him, white-knuckled fists on her hips, "You can leave now."

He reached to her and rubbed her arms gently, coming in for a kiss. But she pushed her head down and all he got was a sweep of hair on his mouth, "I thought you said I could shower with you."

She shrugged out of his reach and looked around worriedly, "I – I changed my mind."

Helpless, he backed away and silently left the bathroom, roaming toward the kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee. Lord knows Jude would need it for being up at six thirty in the morning.

Tommy stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the neatly made beds adorned with stuffed animals, bedposts weighted down with plastic pearl necklaces and various trinkets. Somehow on his way to the kitchen, he'd taken a subconscious wrong turn and ended up in the girls' room. At first he panicked when all three girls were absent from their beds, but memories of the dreadful day came rushing back. No, he was not going to cry. He was not going to cry. He was not- the tears started to come, sliding down his cheeks silently, then out of the blue, he shrank to his feet and let out the most pathetic of whimpers.

He felt so helpless. After three weeks of avoiding this room, he felt as if he had been punched in the gut. For those weeks, he chose to ignore the room, hoping the problem would just go away, the typical old fashioned Tommy way. But he realized now he had to deal with it. And dealing with it meant crying, sucking up all his male pride and just letting it all go.

In the other room, Jude heard the soft sobs, coming from the girls' bedroom and stopped the shower. She threw her robe over her shoulders, shooting her arms through the sleeves. She tied it together as she raced down the hallway, finding Tommy leaning on the doorframe, knees bent in front of him as he shook into his hands.

"Oh, Tommy. It's okay. It'll all be okay. Don't worry, we'll find them. I bet you the detective will call any minute now and tell us good news," she cooed, hoping the words would sooth her as well. Because she knew if she sat her long enough and stared at all their belongings, she would start to cry, too. And if she was holding Tommy together, who would hold her?

"Dammit! I just need to know if Hunter Carson has been released from prison! That's public information!" he screamed into the phone, "You know what? I'll just come down to your office so we can handle this in person!" he shot before the detective could respond. Slamming the phone on its holder, he grabbed the jacket from his chair, sending it into a whirling frenzy, and jetted out the door.

Minutes later, he was pulling into a visitor's spot for the detective's office, after running a few lights and speeding insanely. He didn't even bother to lock the car before barreling into the bureau and demanding to be directed to Detective Rombert's office immediately.

"Sir, he's in with a suspect right now. I'm afraid you'll have to take a seat in the waiting area for a few minutes."

"Look, I don't have a few minutes, okay! I need to talk to him right now!" he bellowed, slamming a fist into the poorly made desk. He could hear it creak under the force of the blow. The secretary jumped in surprise and sucked in a sharp breath.

"Please sir, take a seat and I will let you know when he's available to talk," she said a little more sternly, hoping to get her point across.

He sighed and looked at her with desperation, "Look, my three girls have been kidnapped and we have no clue where they are. I just need to know if a previous offender has been released from jail. If he has, then we need to find him and make sure he doesn't have my kids. You see, he kind of hates me because he blames the death of his sister on me and well, while it wasn't my fault, it was because of something I did, so he thinks he has to make me miserable. And I just want to make sure he's still in jail to satisfy my wife. And God, please, just make an exception just this-"

"Oh, you can stop your moanin and groanin Quincy. I'm here, what do you need?" the detective's voice saved Tommy from further embarrassment, he realized, when he saw the secretary's look of wonderment.

"Um… I just need to know if Hunter Carson has been released from his sentence. I asked you the same question on the phone and you said you couldn't answer that, and I know you can. So either he's been released and you just don't want to tell me or you're a complete ass who thinks I'll do something I'll regret, which I can assure you isn't the case. I would never regret anything I did if it got my kids back. So please, just tell me whether or not he's in jail!"

Detective Rombert just shook his head and lead Tommy to his office, "Well, son, since you really want to know, I'll tell you. But you can't do anything with the information I give you, understand?"

"With all due respect Detective Rombert, I-"

"Please, call me Stu."

"Alright, fine, _Stu_, if he's out and has my kids, I can't promise that I won't do anything about it," Tommy explained, plopping down in an outdated dusty chair sitting in the corner of Stu's office.

He laughed and sat down in his own chair, "Alright, Tommy, I'll make a few phone calls and check this out. You just sit tight for a few minutes."

Tommy grunted a reply, and stretched out as far as he possibly could without his butt falling out of the chair, and rested his head on the back. Moments after he closed his eyes, he heard the gentle click of the phone being returned to its receiver and his head shot up.

"So?"

No answer, this wasn't a good sign.

"Well, the officer I talked to has to call Hunter's prison to see because, I'm not part of Hunter's case, so I don't have his records. And this is quicker than running his name through the record system. There are probably hundreds of Hunter Carsons in this country. But the people in our town know who I'm talking about, generally and know who to ask for."

Tommy let a sigh escape his lips as he adjusted himself in the uncomfortable chair, "So, do I just wait for him to call back?"

Stu nodded, leaning back in his office swivel chair. Tommy rolled his eyes and got up to pace the room, looking at various pictures propped up on mismatching end tables, "You have kids?"

"Don't sound so surprised, Quincy. Yeah, I got kids. I know how you're feelin. Just don't give up. That's the worst thing you can do."

He scoffed at the suggestion and fell down into the chair once more, "Yeah, like that'll ever happen. Jude won't let it. Those three girls were her life. They were all she had for a while."

"What do you mean? Are those kids not yours?" Stu knew he was being nosey, but he couldn't help himself. He was a detective after all.

"Alexa's mine, but the twins aren't. Jude was in an abusive relationship. Our story's a little complicated. You see, when we first met she was fifteen and I was twenty two. We weren't really a match made in heaven back then. She was illegal and I couldn't be that guy, not with her. She made everything different. Made me see everything in a new light…"

Stu saw mist in his eyes as he talked about his wife, so loving, so kind, "So whatever happened? If you loved her that much, why didn't it work out?"

"Ah, see, that's were it gets complicated. Remember how I said I couldn't be that guy? Well, I had a momentary lapse of judgment on her sixteenth birthday and kissed her, I mean really kissed her. And then on her seventeenth birthday, I lapsed again and ended up admitting I had feelings for her. And then again when we recorded White Lines. And then again before she turned eighteen. And the problem was, I kept hurting her, kept leaving her. I lost all respect from her. And then all the trust we had built up was gone. There were so many things she didn't know about me back then, so many things I didn't want her to know. She was so young, everything was optimistic to her. And I was so scared if she found out who I really was… well… it would ruin her delicate view of the world. And that's what I loved about her. She always looked for the best in people, which is rare because most of the time, humans are generally looking for something wrong with a person. And she didn't. She saw through all my bull shit. And so we finally got on track and then I screwed up yet again by going back to my hometown. I scared her off and when I finally came back, I was out of secrets. Every one of my regrets was out in the open between us. And I asked her to marry me. Around the same time she got a record deal with a London company. We were gonna go together but she decided to go alone. I thought that was the end of me and her. And then, five years later, she shows up in Toronto, a battered wife with three kids, claiming Alexa was mine. And dammit, I fell for her all over again, and her kids, too. And I'm just scared our entire relationship was based around her kids. And if that's true, then we have nothing without them. And that's why we need to find them. We need to have something between us again. What if she wants to leave me? What if she goes crazy? Dammit! I should have kept an eye on those girls! I should have made them stay with me! But I let them go because they gave me those damn puppy dog eyes! I let them go play with all the other kids in the backyard. I swear I thought they'd be fine. They know not to go off with strangers! They know to come ask us first!"

Tommy was sobbing now, hiding his red face in his hands. Stu threw him a box of Kleenex before clearing his throat to ease the awkward silence, "Well, maybe I should go into the therapy business. Am I really that easy to talk to?"

Tommy let out a single laugh before wiping his eyes with a tissue, "I'm sorry. I just needed to get that off my chest. Man, I feel better."

"Well that's good."

Tommy blew his nose hard and ran a hand through his hair. He tried looking into the window as a mirror, but his reflection wasn't there. Must be the wrong time of day, "Uh… can I use the bathroom? I'll be back in a minute."

Stu nodded once, "Yeah, it's right down the hall to your left. You can't miss it," and without another word, Tommy left and Stu directed his attention to his computer, apparently working on other case files.

Moments after Tommy stepped out of the room, the phone rang in his office. He recognized the number immediately and picked up, "Hello?"

"Stu Rombert?"

"That's what they call me."

"Hunter Carson is still serving his sentence. He's not scheduled to be released for another five years."

Stu breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the officer before hanging up. Tommy would be grateful. And so was he. Now he could concentrate on finding the real kidnapper.

Tommy stepped back into the room, clicking the door behind him softly. He noticed Stu's look of relief and he knew, without being told, that Hunter was still in jail, "It's not him, is it?"

"From the looks of it? No. It's someone who has one hell of a nerve, stealing a rockstar's kids. This story is all over the news. Jude hasn't watched any TV recently, has she?"

"Oh god, Jude! I have to call her and tell her it's not Hunter. She's probably having a panic attack on the living room floor right about now," Tommy muttered, grabbing the phone from his pocket. He punched the familiar numbers and pressed talk.

_"Hi, you've reached Jude Harrison-Quincy. If I'm not answering, I'm probably making music with my hunk of a husband, Tom Quincy, or as most of you know, Little Tommy Q. So, just leave me a message and when I'm finished with my song, I'll call you back!" _

Tommy sighed and laughed despite the situation at her voicemail message, "Hey, Jude. It's your 'hunk of a husband.' Just letting you know Hunter's still in jail. And I'm coming home early today. G-major is a little slow with a lot of our artists on vacation. It's August and apparently the perfect time for an escape to the States. So, I love you and I'll see you later."

Stu chuckled after Tommy pressed the end button and shook his head, "Man, you're whipped."

"Maybe so, but I'm the one that's got Jude Harrison as a wife. No other man can say that. And as long as I get to listen to her sing once and a while, I'm okay with being whipped."

With that, Tommy headed out of the office with a quick thanks to Stu and a heartfelt apology to the secretary. She graciously accepted and in turn offered him luck with his search, something they needed.

The towel in Jude's hair was getting to be extremely difficult. She sighed in frustration as it fell, once more, in front of her face, gathering in her lap, "Dammit!"

Wrapping it up around her hair, for the fourth time, she picked up her guitar and began to strum, a familiar lullaby she sang the girls back in London filtering through the apartment. Why hadn't she done it more? When did she get so sidetracked with her own life? When did she lose sight of her children? How could all of this happen? They were supposed to be in school right now, the school her and Tommy had picked out for them, both certain that it would be the best choice.

Tommy. Just his name alone sent shivers down her spine. Despite the situation, she couldn't help but love him, and smile when he walked in the room. But she wasn't going to think about that right now.

She tried to refocus on her guitar but failed miserably, unconsciously letting a few tears drop on the fret board. She couldn't keep her attention on finishing a song. She couldn't keep her attention on anything. Her mind was rewinding then pushing play on her time with Tommy, something she'd need after she talked to him tonight. A steady stream was now pouring from her eyes, dripping quickly on to her oversized t-shirt, or to be correct, Tommy's t-shirt. She hadn't even realized she'd pulled Tommy's shirt out of the drawer. She was so comfortable in his clothes, something no other man ever did to her. But knowing she would have to change and put on her clothes made her cry even more, almost breaking into sobs.

Her phone rang, bringing her deteriorating thought process to the present. The Caller ID read LTQ, her nick name for Little Tommy Q. She laughed, but almost immediately caught herself, throwing the phone across the room. She couldn't talk to him, no matter how much she had to say to him. She couldn't lie to him over the phone. The ringing seemed to go on forever. She held her breath to suppress a scream and finally, she heard the distinctive beep indicating she had voicemail. The breath in her lungs escaped her mouth as she hustled to the phone. Her hands were trembling as she pressed in the pass code to her voicemail.

_"Hey, Jude. It's your 'hunk of a husband.' Just letting you know Hunter's still in jail. And I'm coming home early today. G-major is a little slow with a lot of our artists on vacation. It's August and apparently the perfect time for an escape to the States. So, I love you and I'll see you later."_

She almost dropped the phone. Hunter was still in jail, which meant someone else had their kids. So they were back to square one. She let her mind wander to other things, not wanting to think of the possibilities.

She thought of his message, the tone he used with her, so gentle and warm. His voice was intoxicating. His voice made everything about her feel right. His voice alone could to things to her body she had never imagined would happen. She felt the trickle between her thighs and chided herself for being able to have sexual reactions when her kids were somewhere out there, crying their eyes out, desperately wishing they were home.

She remembered the day she picked them up from the foster home. She had promised to not let anything happen to them again, vowing to never let them out of her sight. Well, she had let them out of her sight and look what happened.

She sighed and pressed "save" when the message finally ended and vowed to only listen to it when she absolutely had to hear his voice. Goodness, this was hard, how on earth was she going to leave the one man she trusted with her whole heart and soul? How was she going to leave Tommy?

Thirty minutes later, Jude sat on her couch, dressed in her own clothing, hair styled, make up perfect. She wanted to leave him with a good image of herself, so she had chosen a rather sexy tight shirt, hugging in all the right places. Her nice jeans, the ones without holes in them, squeezed around her thighs, leaving a breathtaking imprint on anyone who saw them. Her single black suitcase sat beside her on the floor, almost hauntingly. She had packed one of Tommy's t-shirts, despite her conscience's warnings, and planned to wear it every night to bed. That was the only way she'd get over him. Oh, and did she mention she packed Tommy's Armani Code cologne? Well, not the big bottle, but the small one he had bought for when they planned their first family vacation, which, of course, would never happen, at least not now. So she decided it was okay to sneak it into her suitcase, something else she planned to wear every day. If she couldn't smell him, she'd smell _like_ him.

The door swung open, and Tommy appeared, relief washing over his face, "God, Jude, I was worried when you didn't answer your phone. I rushed home to make sure you were okay. And thank god you are because I have a plan."

She smiled at him, unshed tears shining in the light pouring in from the huge window facing the city, "Tommy, sit down."

He obeyed, not noticing the suitcase sitting just out of his sight, "Look, Detective Rombert says that when multiple children from the same family are kidnapped, the person knows who you are and knew how many kids you had. And I know, you're a rockstar and everyone knows you have three kids, but not everyone knew your kids would be at that party. Which means it's someone you know."

She sighed and shook her head. Most of the people at that party were there just for that, a party. Sure, they knew who she was, but she herself knew only a fraction of the guests. She shared this fact with Tommy and, in turn got a small laugh.

"Jude, but don't you see? How many people were there just to avenge you? Most people at that party were there to further their own careers. Trust me, I spent the better part of my time trying to get rid of them," he muttered, shaking his head in disgust.

She thought about what he had said and suddenly realization knocked her on the head, "Wait, you weren't with the girls that whole time? Did you even know where they were?"

"Woah, hold up! Of course I knew where they were! And the last time I checked on them, which was right before we met back up for the last time, they were playing with the rest of the kids in the backyard. One of the mothers told me she'd look after them, that I should go and find you. So, yes! I knew where they were!"

She cringed at his tone, "Okay, fine, so it wasn't your fault, but someone that we knew should have been keeping an eye on them. Where was Spied, or Karma?"

Tommy sighed heavily and reached for Jude's hand. She let him, because it would probably be the last time he would be able to hold her like this, "Jude, I promise you, I'm going to do everything I can to bring them home, okay?"

She nodded wordlessly, casting her eyes down, "Tommy, I think… I think… well…. I—I th—think that I sh—should…" her voice failed her as she tried to spit out the last few words.

"Jude, what is it? What's wrong?" Tommy's voice was so gentle, so loving, so concerned, she couldn't leave him, she couldn't move her cold hand from his warm one.

"Nothing, it's nothing. I'm just being silly," she pressed her head into his shoulder and started to cry. How could she have thought leaving Tommy would have solved anything? How did she think that was going to help? She felt him suddenly stiffen underneath her and she forced her head up to meet his gaze directly, "Tommy, what is it?"

"When were you planning on leaving?" his voice was dangerously low, venom leaking through every word, "When were you going to tell me you were planning on leaving me?"

"Oh, Tommy! I wasn't! I was just being ridiculous! I thought that if I gave my undivided attention to finding my girls, I would need space, that's all. I thought you'd distract me! But then I realized how devoted you were to finding them and I just couldn't do it, I can't do this without you!" she cried, placing two firm hands on his shoulders.

He tore his body away from her grip and started pacing around the living room, "How dare you think that leaving me is okay! Jude, we're married! I'm your husband! Did you leave Henry every time something happened? Huh? You can't just run because things are tough!"

She got up and defensively crossed tight arms across her chest, "You're one to talk! You run from everything! Every time something got hard, you'd take off! So don't talk to me about running from my problems! If anything, I got the habit from you!"

He marched up to her, fully intending on yelling at her again, but when he searched her eyes, all he saw was fear, "I hate when you do this."

"I can't stand when you do things without asking me first."

"Yeah, well I can't stand the way you think those kids belong only to you!"

"I hate that you can't accept that!"

"I hate that you can't see that it's wrong. I love those kids!"

"So do I! They're my kids for god's sake!"  
"They're mine too!"

"They were mine first!"

"Did you get that line from Alexa?"

"Did you get your brains from a fly?"

At that, they both started to cry, laughing as they did so. It was a bitter sweet moment for them as a couple. Tommy broke the tension that had surrounded them and grabbed Jude's face between his fingers and crashed his lips down on hers, getting a full response.

His fingers got lost in her soft blond curls as he kissed every single one of her tears away. She sighed at his touch, relief flooding through her bloodstream. The pleasure had guiltiness to it, but she didn't care. Her body and heart needed this more than she could ever say.

Her lips moved to his neck, leaving a beeline of soft kisses, working her way up his chin, to his mouth. She sucked briefly on his bottom lip and flicked her tongue across the entrance of his mouth. He copied her movement and opened his mouth where their tongues greedily fought for control. Somehow, Jude's had won as she moved her lips away from his. She almost laughed when he let out a moan and moved to his ear, where she nibbled playfully at his lobe.

She pressed into him possessively and giggled when she felt the bulge even through his jeans. Suddenly, their bodily contact made her too weak to stand, causing her to fall onto the couch, pulling Tommy down on top of her. She arched her back at his weight on her, her skin going crazy. He pushed his hands up her shirt, gently cupping one breast, still covered with her bra. She whimpered and decided it was time to move things along. She broke the kiss and guided his hands to the back of her bra, wrapping his fingers around the clasp. He laughed gently as she pulled the shirt over hear head, almost ripping it with her impatience. Tommy took a moment to appreciate her beauty, sucking it all in. But Jude's eyes had soon found his, begging him to continue, which he happily obliged to do so.

His fingers expertly undid the clasp and gently, he slid the straps down her arm, exposing more and more of her breasts as he continued. Finally, the bra was off, and with more help from Jude, had found a home on the floor with her shirt. Jude wasted no time in returning the favor.

--_--_--_--

Jude squinted at the harsh light blaring in from the window. What had they done last night?

Two empty wine bottles lay strewn about the living room floor. Ah, that was it, they were drinking. And having sex. Lots of sex. It was coming back to her now, the butt shaking, the singing, the tenderness, the rush. It was almost perfect. It was the night from heaven. Except that her kids were out there somewhere waiting for her to find them. She did feel guilty for enjoying something when they couldn't, but she felt she needed last night to give her strength, to help her along.

She heard a soft grunt come from beside her and turned her head. There on the floor, lay four sprawled out limbs, one sexy body and a drooling face. She giggled and sat up, fisting the sheets to hold them up.

"Jude?"

"Hmm?"

"What time is it?"

"Uh… I dunno, what time is it?"

"Time for you to shut the hell up and go back to sleep."

She laughed and pushed him in the side, only to hear a loud exaggerated groan come from the sleeping Tommy, "Someone had a little too much wine last night. I'm never going to forget that private concert you gave me. Naked butt shaking is definitely on the "to do again" list."

Yet another groan came from his lips as he pressed his face into his pillow, "Jude, please, can we talk about this in say, twelve hours when I've fully recovered from this hangover?"

"Like you're ever going to recover. Tommy, just face it. You're old."

At that, he sat up, and looked at Jude worriedly, "What, do I have gray hair or something? What makes you think I'm old?" His hands sifted through his hair over and over as he said this.

"No, there's no gray hair, just a few bald spots…"

"What?" he bellowed, getting up to run toward the bathroom. He pressed his hand into the couch cushion to hoist himself up, only to fall over, "Ow! My back! Damn floors. I can't sleep on floors!"

Jude just giggled, "Right, you're not getting old at all. You know, young people don't have back problems."

"Sometimes they do. For all you know I could've been born with a bad back," he retorted, like a five year old.

"Now who's getting their lines from a five year old?" she countered.

Tommy glared at her unconvincingly and headed straight for the bathroom, slamming the door, "I am not old!"

Jude sighed, and plopped onto the couch, red sheet draped around her, "Men," she muttered, shaking her head, "Sometimes I wonder about men."


	21. Chapter 17 teasers

Hey guys, it's me with some teasers. It's taking me a lot longer than expected to finish this one and get the sequel up and running. But, nevertheless, I'm persevering and hopefully Chapter 17 will be up this weekend. It all depends on what I have planned.

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

**Chapter 17 Teasers**

_She was curled up, snuggling close to his shirt from the day before, her hands clamped tight around the material._

_Jude was upstairs planning a search party for the greater Toronto area and where was he?_

"_Is everything okay in… oh my god! Jude, are you alright?" Stuart shrieked, tearing his daughter away from Tommy, "Sweetie, what's the matter?"_

_Everyone in the room shifted from one foot to the other, shocked from Karma's words. Was this the girl who threw a diva fit over the wrong shade of lip gloss? Or made sure her dog's outfits matched hers?_


	22. Chapter 17 pt 1

Okay, so I know this isn't a whole chapter, it's only half of it. But I'm really, really tired and I really wanted to post tonight and this is what I have. I really hope I finish this chapter this weekend, but I'm celebrating my birthday this weekend, so I'm not sure how much I'll get done. Anyway, here's chapter 17 part 1.

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

**Chapter 17: The Art of Losing (part 1)**

Tommy stepped out of the shower calmer. His rush from the night before had rubbed off as reality settled back in his mind. His girls were still missing, still out there with God knows who doing god knows what. Jude would realize this, too, he knew.

Throwing the towel around his waist, it hung limply off his hip bones and threatened to fall down altogether as he ran toward the living room. What he found when he got there, however, was not what he expected.

Jude lie peacefully, her chest rising slowly and dropping, and a playful smile was hinted on her lips. She was curled up, snuggling close to his shirt from the day before, her hands clamped tight around the material. He watched her nose wrinkle up the slightest bit and let out a silent laugh.

Her grip, he noticed, had tightened around the sleeve of his shirt, "Tommy, don't you dare go anywhere," she breathed, positioning so the thin cotton draped around her entire body, "Please, you're all I've got left."

He touched his cheek lightly, where a single tear had shed, and let out a small breath, "I'll never leave you. I'll never make that mistake again," he whispered. He knew deep down she had heard it, because the tips of her lips pointed upward once more.

--_--_--_--

If he stared at the brick wall facing his car any longer, he was going to go crazy. Jude was upstairs planning a search party for the greater Toronto area and where was he? Slumped over in the driver's seat of his car, contemplating how he was going to tell Jude the police were off the case for good. It was officially over.

He sighed and stepped out of the car, reluctantly, and tried desperately to move as slow as he could toward the elevator. When he pressed the up arrow, he prayed for all the elevators to be busy. He heard the ringing of an opening elevator the instant his finger let go of the button. Just his luck.

As he walked silently toward his front door, the voices from inside filtered out louder and louder. Jude was in her boss mode, giving everyone directions. He could hear the quiet murmurs of the search party, most likely uncertain of the whole investigation. He might as well go in.

Pushing the door open, he attempted a smile and closed the door, still facing the crowd, "Uh, hey guys. Jude, can I, uh, see you in the kitchen for a minute?"

Her hopeful eyes had undoubtedly drooped as she followed Tommy into the adjoined kitchen, "What is it? What did he say?"

"It's off."

The few precious moments of silence was all Tommy needed to prepare himself for Jude's answer, "What's off? Tommy?"

He blinked back his tears and looked at her in the eye, his stare cold and blank, "The investigation, Jude. Detective Rombert called it quits. The fucker gave up, okay?"

Her hope was completely diminished and to Tommy she looked like a dilapidated flower, about to tumble over from malnutrition. His expression immediately softened when her big blue eyes caught his. He never could hide his sadness when she looked so hurt, "I… I… I just d-don't… Oh God, Tommy!" she fell into his chest, her head quietly thumping on his shoulder. Her hands were in fists, curled beneath her body, pressed firmly against his ribs. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around her, and let his silent tears slide off his cheek onto the top of her head.

"Shhh, we'll get them back. We'll do it on our own. We'll never give up, okay? Do you hear me? We'll never give up," his repetitiveness was for both of their benefits, as convincing himself of anything these past few weeks had grown increasingly difficult.

Her response was to sob louder and harder, shaking against his body, like a writhing epileptic.

"Is everything okay in… oh my god! Jude, are you alright?" Stuart shrieked, tearing his daughter away from Tommy, "Sweetie, what's the matter?"

She wiggled her way from everyone's grasp and stared at them both, "Dad, they're quitting. They're quitting on my girls! Can they even do that? Can they just quit like that? Like it doesn't matter anymore?" she wailed, thrusting her arms about the empty space around her.

Everyone who had previously been in the living room was filtering into the kitchen, trying to come in undetected. They were unsure at first, standing awkwardly among each other, looking from Jude to Tommy to Stuart. But as the conversation stole on, they became more comfortable in showing their distaste, hatred or even disgust with what she was saying.

"So you're trying to tell me they decided that just because they didn't have any good leads yet that they were going to shut down the case?" Spied interjected, his eyebrows furrowed. He shot a glance at Karma, who looked as vulnerable as a newborn kitten.

She chanced a step toward the unpredictable-at-the-moment Jude and offered a supporting hand on her shoulder, "Look, sweetie, we all know you're going through a hard time and… well… simply said, we have your back. Day or night. Rain or shine. We're here for you. We'll do anything… and I really mean anything to get your kids back. Right Spiedy?"

Everyone in the room shifted from one foot to the other, shocked from Karma's words. Was this the girl who threw a diva fit over the wrong shade of lip gloss? Or made sure her dog's outfits matched hers? It couldn't be. And if it was, she was really good at acting, or, the less believable circumstance, she actually had a heart.

"Yes" and "Definitely" were heard throughout the room. Jude smiled in appreciation; however, it lacked the usual ambiance of warmth it usually portrayed.  
Now that there was nothing left to say, the entire party went silent, the awkwardness returning. Jude decided to be brave and broke the tension with her unsure words, "Well, I guess everyone can leave now, I think I'll figure out a new plan and we'll meet back here tomorrow bright and early. Everyone needs sleep if we're going to pull this off."

Tommy noticed the slight hint of doubt and hopelessness in her words, but he silently praised her for her bravery and calmness, something she would have never possessed nine years ago.

The last of her family and friends had finally moseyed their way through the door, and as soon as they heard the door click, Tommy and Jude collapsed on the sofa, Jude's head in the crook of Tommy's arm, both of their feet resting upon the coffee table.

"I love you," she whispered, letting out the softest of snores.

He, in return, kissed the tip of her delicate nose and smiled, "I love you, too."

They both were sleeping peacefully, well as peaceful as you could get with three of your kids absent. But, nevertheless, they were sleeping. All curled up in each other. Tommy allowed his head to fall back on the sofa as Jude shifted so her head was on his lap. She stretched her legs across the length of the couch. Her soft snores grew until she had settled back in a deep sleep.

Neither of them were expecting a phone call, so when the phone let out its first ring, they both shook and nearly peed in their pants, the shrill of the ring hurting both of their ears, "I'll get it," Jude mumbled, peeling herself off the couch. She yawned loudly before pushing the 'talk' button, "Hello?" she stifled another yawn before saying it again, "Hello?"

"Jude, is this Jude?" the voice on the other end sounded breathless and hoarse.

"Yes, yes, this is she."

She was standing on her tiptoes now, hoping this call had something to do with her three girls.

"Jude, this is a fair warning. If you continue to hold these little search parties of yours in your apartment, I will kill your-"

"DON'T YOU TOUCH THEM! YOU NO GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH. YOU JUST KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF THEM OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE!"

Click.

"Jude, what the hell? Who was it?"

--_--_--_--

Caren looked at all three of the girls, tied helplessly to the bedpost of their dingy hotel room, "Now you little munchkins were great. I was just talking to Mommy about how I'm going to keep you from now on."

Alexa looked at her scowling, "Ali, Andrea, don't listen to her! Momma's coming to get us!"

The sharp intake of Alexa's breath as Caren's hand hit her face silenced her, "You shouldn't be so reluctant, Alexa. Bad little girls get punished."

"Yeah, well! Bad people get punished, too! They go to jail!" she retorted, spitting in Caren's face. She turned to the twins and held both of their gazes, "Look, don't believe her. She's not telling the truth!"

Caren reached to slap her again, but Alexa was fast and dodged her head just in time, kicking Caren back against the dresser, "You shouldn't have done that, little girl!"

Pulling herself up by the corner of the dresser, she breathed raggedly. When she was to her feet, her heavy footfall thumped on the carpet as she closed in on Alexa.

"Don't touch me!"

"If you scream one more time I'm gonna shove a damn sock in your mouth!" she hissed, rubbing her back where the dresser had collided with her spine.

Alexa screamed as loud as she could and kicked the wall with her feet. Ali and Andrea mimicked her almost as soon as she started.

Caren grabbed Alexa by the arms, yanking them out of the rope, and threw her on the squeaky bed. She jammed one of her dirty socks into Alexa's mouth and held her down by the arms, her thighs pressing into Alexa's knees, keeping them anchored on the bed, "What did I tell you about screaming?"

Alexa's eyes darted back and forth from each of her wrists, burning with a passionate sensation. They were raw from tugging and the final yank Caren had given her. The sizzling palms of Caren were now partially covering them, irritating the skin even more.

All that came of her pathetic attempts at speech were incoherent mumbles and sounds. And they weren't loud enough to get someone's attention with either, exactly the thought that gave Caren so much relief, "Finally, you've shut up," she muttered under her breath, tying the ropes back even tighter than they were before, "Maybe that'll teach you not to ever defy me again."

Her thighs released Alexa's knees and instead of kicking vigorously like Caren had suspected, she lie limp on stained bed linens. Tears were trickling down the crooks in her disheveled face.

A pang of guilt flashed through Caren's system, making her weak and dizzy. These kids had never done anything to her. Hell, Jude and Tommy had never done anything to her.

Just as those thoughts lingered on her mind, flashes of someone else flooded her brain. They might not have done something to her, but it wasn't her she was worried about. It was her brother.

--_--_--_--

Jude's knees grew weak and black swirls invaded her mind. Suddenly two Tommys were swimming in her vision, both with the same look of horror and concern. Horror for what she was going to tell him, concern for her.

"Jude, Jude, come on, don't pass out, not now, please not now!" Tommy insisted, swiping her up in one solid motion. Thirty seconds later, she was positioned on the couch, sitting up, head leaning back on the hard armrest. She fought fainting and fatigue and looked what seemed like beyond the blank wall in her line of vision. She was getting some of her strength back and her face became more and more distorted with anger and fear and sadness. Anticipation grew in Tommy's fingertips as he let his calloused hands glide through her perfectly soft hair. Just then her eyes lit up and seemed to be flickering a response to the phone conversation, or really a threat. Her numbness was fading. She was beginning to feel more and more of the emotions she was supposed to feel with her kids being gone. She was almost into hyperventilation but gave in to the cries clogging up her throat.

"She has them! She has them! She wants to kill them! Tommy, she wants them dead!" her body was racking with sobs now, her weakness gone and in its place fury, cold, hardened fury for whoever was trying to scare her, "Wouldn't she have killed them by now? Why would she call? Were we close to finding her? Did we mention a place where she might me? Oh God! I don't even remember all the places! How am I supposed to look if I don't remember what they were? Oh God, please, just let my girls be okay!"

Her last few words were prolonged by her wailing and lack of oxygen. She was sitting up now, clutching Tommy's frozen fingertips as tight as she could. He didn't know what to say because at that very moment he felt like breaking down with her and sobbing on her shoulder. He wanted to experience the agony with her, feel her pain, the ever constant ache of having your children ripped from your life, their voices torn from your day, faces pulling away from your mind. They were going away and he didn't want them to go so far. He felt like screaming "Come back! Come back!" like they were just a few blocks down the street. And he knew Jude felt it, too, because every time he looked into those blue eyes of hers, all he saw was concentration, her mind far off in a world of remembering. Straining her ears to hear their voices. Squinting her eyes to get a better picture of their faces.

"Tommy?" a quivering voice took him out of his nightmare of thoughts and back to the shriveled up life form in front of him.

What was he thinking? Jude wasn't shriveled up. She was just tired and thin, really thin and pale. He could see the slightest of wrinkles already forming on her lower forehead. But he figured she had an excuse. Having three kids uprooted from your home against your will is definitely ground for some slight wrinkles.

"Tommy?" she asked again, a little louder, still broken and squeaky.

This time he answered her, returning to the small gesture of running his fingers through her hair, "Hmm?"

"Don't you ever just feel like giving up and dying? That your life isn't worth living if you can't have your children back?" she spoke up and twisted her upper body to she could peer into the depths of Tommy's eyes.

He nodded and felt a few tears slip out of his grasp. His self control wasn't enough to keep them back today. Today was an exception, "Sometimes I feel like breaking down and crying like I'm five. Sometimes I feel like punching a wall just to destroy something like our family has been destroyed. And then sometimes I feel so determined to find them that not finding them isn't even a possibility," he answered, his voice snapping. So much for self control.

She put her head back down and let a few tears drop herself, "It's okay to cry, you know. I would feel so much more understood if you'd cry. Because I know you want to, Tommy. I see your wet eyes almost every day. Just let it all out," she soothed. The tears plopped on the pillow under her, forming perfect circles in the fabric.

His hands wiped the saltiness from her face and he kissed her cheek so lightly and so sweet she felt as if an angel had bent down from the heavens and kissed her themselves, "Jude, I can't keep it in any longer! I want so bad to cry," Tommy rested his head on Jude's hair and let his tears pour out of his slitted eyes.


	23. Chapter 17 pt 2

Hey guys! I know it's been a long time and I know I've dragged this out for a long time. But there's only one two page part after this one and an epilogue and then I'm going to start posting the new story in mid to late June. I need to have some time to finish UnDead. I've been slacking off on that one until I finished this one. So, with all that said, here's chapter 17 part 2.

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

**Chapter 17: The Art of Losing Part 2**

She sighed and set the last of the boxes down on the floor. Taking one last look around the apartment, she motioned for the movers to carry away the boxes adorning the dusty hardwood beneath her feet.

"Ready to go?" Jude spun around at Tommy's faulty voice, tear tracks on his left cheek.

She tried to smile, but failed miserably, "I guess so."

"Jude, I know this isn't easy. But it has to be done," he whispered, letting his lips brush her ear.

She leaned into him, his muscles evident through his shirt. She pushed all the tension out of her body and allowed herself to completely lean on Tommy for support. Her mind wandered freely, she herself too tired to try and block out any unwanted thoughts.

Memories of the night before crept their way up into the recesses of Jude's mind. Packing up the clothes that had been sitting in the girls' dressers for weeks. Making sure everything that was theirs had been clearly marked 'FRAGILE' and had been handled with care. Her sobs had rung throughout the apartment as she came across their favorite pajamas, wishing desperately that they could at least have a little piece of home with them to keep from losing hope.

Tommy pulled Jude away from him and allowed his eyes to swim in the dark blue depths of hers, "Are you sure you don't want the movers to set up their rooms?"

Suddenly, Tommy had lost all physical contact with Jude as she pulled herself away abruptly, "No! How could you even suggest that? Having movers set up our kids' rooms? Are you insane?" she screamed, fresh tears spewing out of her tear ducts. They pushed their way out of her eyes and rolled down her cheek to the hollow of her throat.

"Okay, okay, just calm down, we'll do it together, okay?" Tommy cooed, slowing stepping up to Jude. She allowed him to rest his hand on her hips as he stared down onto her, "Look at me." Although it could have sounded like a command, the sweetness and lightness of his tone gave away that he was just as desperate as she was.

She almost didn't hear the whisper with the movers' loud noise, "Can we just go?"

He nodded once and repositioned his arm around her waist, "Of course."

--_--_--_--

The walk to the front door of their new house seemed ominous. Jude felt out of place, unlocking what was supposed to be their new home. It almost seemed too big for just the two of them. Wow, she was going to have to get used to that. Just the two of them. No kids. Maybe they should get a dog.

"So."

Jude turned to the voice in the doorway, "So."

He stood there a second more, looking past Jude, staring off into space. His mind was far away, probably stuck in the past, a past where three kids existed between them. A place where they were actually a family, no matter how dysfunctional or weird.

"Let's start unpacking."

She jerkily nodded her head and smiled tightly, "Uh… the movers can set up everything except…"

She couldn't say it, her mouth wouldn't form the words, no matter how hard she tried. It wasn't that she didn't want to say it, but she was afraid if she dared speak the words aloud, she'd burst into a fresh set of tears and sobs.

"I know. I'll get their boxes and set them in their rooms. We'll set it up when you're ready," his soft voice pacified Jude, even in the most difficult circumstances. She smiled gratefully and started toward the front door.

"I'm… uh… gonna go see Sadie. She's… well… she owes me lunch."

With that, she was out the door, sprinting to her mustang. Tommy knew all about her secret cry sessions. She didn't think he knew, but he did. He heard the faint echoes of her sobs late at night. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes, reddened from crying. And he saw right through her façade. She was bent up, depressed, and lonely. And the worst feeling ever was having no clue how to fix her, how to make her feel better.

When he heard her zoom away, probably furiously wiping her eyes of mascara and staring determinedly at the road, he walked out of the house and started unloading boxes from the Uhaul they had driven themselves. The one with all the girls' stuff piled in the back.

Thirty minutes into it, with only a few boxes left to drag up the stairs, the other movers arrived with the rest of their things, mostly clothes and memorabilia because they had bought brand new furniture for every room in the house.

"Looks like it's gonna rain. Better hurry up!" one called, piling the boxes neatly beside the staircase, "We got three left and we're outta here."

Tommy nodded and sauntered out the door toward the last of the boxes. When it was safely inside, he let out a big sigh and shrunk onto the bench Jude had chosen for the foyer. Jude. How he wished he could help her. How he wished she wasn't so distant. It seemed like every day she was moving farther and farther away from reality and deeper and deeper into the depressing depths of her thoughts.

--_--_--_--

"I just don't understand, Sadie. It's like he's been getting farther and farther away! And I can't do anything for him! Doesn't he know he's the only thing that can even touch my sadness? His fingers do things to me… things they shouldn't after all this. And don't get me started on his voice." Jude fell into the couch, a worried look wrinkling her face.

Sadie paced behind her, worried out of her mind about Jude and Tommy. It was possible they would never get over this. It was possible they would end up apart after all they'd been through just because some bitch thought it was somehow justified in taking a rockstar's kids. The nerve, "Jude, it'll be alright, honey. Men just don't know what to do with us when we're sad."

She allowed her head to rest atop Jude's. A long minute passed before Jude spoke again, "I just don't understand."

Her eyes were squinted and she appeared to be very deep in thought, deep to the innermost mind she had, "Understand what?"

"Well, I'm a rockstar. People know who I am all over the world. It just doesn't make sense that no one has spotted my kids for a month. And why would the police suddenly give up on my case? I mean, I don't mean to sound spoiled, but I am a rockstar. There's something someone's not telling me."

Sadie shifted nervously in her seat, averting her eyes from her sister's sad ones. There was something everyone was not telling Jude for fear she'd go insane or fall into a deep depression. When Sadie didn't speak, Jude turned her head toward her and looked at her funny.

"Sadie? Do you know what people aren't telling me?" Jude took another moment to search Sadie's face for any sign, "You do, don't you? What is it? What aren't people telling me?"

Sadie blinked her tears back, hoping against all hopes that this knowledge would not tear Jude to pieces, "Jude, they think, well, they think Alexa's dead. A little girl's body was found around the Toronto area a few days ago. They're waiting for someone who-"

"No! Alexa is not dead! I would know! Dammit, I would know!" Jude fell to the floor, the most horrific, pathetic, abstracted look on her face.

"Look, I know this isn't exactly how you wanted to find out. We weren't going to tell you until someone identified the body's remains. I was going to go in this afternoon, but you showed up and…" She stopped talking. There was no use. Jude was falling deeper and deeper with every second that ticked by on her large clock.

"I want to go there. Right now. I'm going to prove to you that this girl isn't my Alexa. Let's go."

Jude picked herself up with much determination and walked swiftly to the door. Sadie followed suit.

Ten minutes later, they were there, staring at the stark gray building. The moment of truth.

"Let's go in." Jude didn't care about the tear tracks making curvy little rivers down the sides of her face, nor did she care that she looked like a raccoon because her mascara had rubbed all around her eyes. And she didn't care that her jacket was ratty and old and belonged to Tommy. All she cared about was looking into the face of that little girl and knowing for sure that it wasn't Alexa.

Sadie was taken out of her drunken daze when she heard Jude's car door slam and hurriedly got out herself, "Jude! Wait up! I'm coming!" she called, running to catch up with her sister, "God, you could have at least given me a heads up."

Jude didn't answer. Instead she made her way into the door leading to the morgue. It wasn't her daughter. It wasn't her daughter It wasn't her daughter. These words ran through her head a million times as she took those fateful steps that got closer and closer to her destination, "Sades, I'm so fucking scared right now."

Sadie's heart cracked a little bit at the sound of her voice. It was the first time Jude had shown anyone other than Tommy her true emotions, "Don't be. Because it's not going to be Alexa."

Jude, despite the unfortunate situation, had to smile at her sister's confidence and gave Sadie's hand, that had made its way around her own, a slight squeeze of gratitude.

--_--_--_--

Tommy was drowsily flipping through channels in the living room, not the least interested in what was being played on the screen. His mind was far off thinking of Jude. He had the terrible sense that Jude needed him at that moment. It was almost like he could feel her overwhelming sadness and anxiety.

He shook his head. It must be his paranoia. Jude was with Sadie and Sadie knew how to take care of her little sister. If there was one thing Sadie could be given an award for, it would be for her love for Jude.

He heard a knock on the door and sighed as he slugged forward to open it. Unlocking the door, he swung it open to find a very grave looking Kwest resting on the other side, "What's up?"

Kwest took a moment to examine Tommy's condition and let himself into the house, "I need to tell you something. You're not gonna like it, but you need to know."

Tommy's lazy expression disappeared, "What is it?"

No answer. Just Kwest opening and closing his mouth for a lack of the right words.

"Kwest, what the hell is it?"

A deep sigh sounded and Kwest opened his mouth once more, "They found a little girl. She's the same age as Alexa and fits the profile. Sadie's going there this afternoon to identify the body. We didn't want to tell Jude until we were absolutely sure it was Alexa."

Tommy's eyes shot up at the mention of Alexa, "Kwest, Jude just went over there to see Sadie. Something about her owing her lunch or something like that."

"Shit. Sadie probably broke down and told her. Shit."

"Yeah. Shit."

Tommy got up and headed straight for his keys. The viper was parked on the street, much to his dismay, but he didn't have time to care about that, not when Jude was about to view the dead body of a little girl, possibly their little girl. He was the father of that little girl. She was conceived the night they had gotten engaged. She meant so much to him, she was the reason Jude came back to Toronto. She was the reason they were together once again. Everything that happened had happened because of their kids. Tears blurred his vision as he sped the whole way to the hospital.

He walked through the blank hallways to where Jude and Sadie were standing about ready to go in, "Jude!"

He ran until he was right beside them, her body pressed so tightly to his that it was near impossible to breath. Both of them were soaking the other's shirt with salty tears. Everything for them was about to change and Jude was glad Tommy had come because she didn't think she could handle the news if it was bad without Tommy there holding her hand.

"How did you know?" Jude asked, sniffling. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked up to Tommy,

"Kwest. But it was funny. Before Kwest said anything it was like I knew you needed me. But I wrote it off as paranoia until he came by."

Sadie peered down the hallway, "Where is he?"

Both girls looked at Tommy quizzically, "Uh… I kinda left him. Maybe he followed me in his car. Sorry. The second he told me I was out the door."

"It's okay," Sadie sighed and pushed open the doors, "Let's get this over with."

She second Jude pushed through the doorway, an instant chill ran up her spine. She wanted to blame it on the sudden temperature drop from hallway to where they keep dead bodies, but she knew differently. Even if the little girl wasn't Alexa, she was still looking into the face of death that some other family would have to identify. And she felt guilty for hoping it wasn't her daughter. Because then someone who maybe wasn't as strong as her would have to go through the pain of losing a child.

"Excuse me?" Sadie's squeaky voice caught the attention of the mortician on duty and he smiled gravely at the three.

"Yes, are you Sadie Harrison?"

She nodded and then motioned over to Jude and Tommy, "These, these are the p-parents o-of th-the…"

Jude patted Sadie on the shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Funny how she could still think about comforting her sister at a time like this.

"Okay, it's alright. This way, now." His voice was gentle and forlorn, perfected from dealing with death every day.

They silently followed him across the room where he slid a body out of it's place and lifted the sheet. For a moment, none of them could look. No one had the nerve. Jude kept her face buried in Tommy's arm pit and Sadie had her hands clamped tightly around her eyes. Tommy stared at the empty wall to the left of them, "Jude, let's look now," he whispered, slowly turning her to the body, "On the count of three, we'll both look, okay?" he waited for her slight nod and started to count "… two, three."

Gasps escaped the lips of all three of them, even Sadie who had managed to tear her hands away long enough to take a peak. Jude breathed and leaned back into Tommy. Sadie sighed. Tommy hugged Jude closer, whispering reassuring words.

Jude was the first to speak, "What do we do now?"

To Tommy, there was only one solution, "We keep looking."

Sadie smiled at the released tension floating around the room, "Thank God it wasn't Alexa." Finally, the three had a reason to smile and a reason to celebrate. Everyone nodded and gave Sadie the best grin they could offer up. Today was the day to start looking again. Today gave them new hope. Today would mark the start of their journey to find their children.

--_--_--_--

_Two weeks later…_

Jude walked into the living room, plopped down next to Tommy and sighed. He knew there was something wrong, he'd sensed it since that fateful day two weeks ago. And he knew it now as he tried to stay concentrated on the hockey game blaring on the TV screen.

Jude was persistent, however, and kept looking at him expectantly. Fine, if she wanted to talk, he'd talk. Since she hadn't been doing too much of it anyway, "Okay Jude. You have my full and undivided attention," he said as he clicked the TV off.

"Good. Tommy, I think I'm ready."

Her statement puzzled Tommy. That could mean a lot of things for women. The could mean she's ready to have sex. Or she's ready to go. Or she's ready… oh god no, Tommy hoped against hopes it wasn't that, "Oh no, Jude, you don't want to have… a bab-"

"God no!" she screamed, cutting him off, "I'm ready to set up their rooms. It's time. I can't stand walking by there every night and seeing their toys all dusty in a box."

Tommy smiled at that, "Okay, sure. Let's go do it."

Jude smiled, but didn't say anything more as she got up and headed toward the steps.

"I'm right behind you! I'm gonna get another beer!" he called. Dealing with knowing Jude cried secretly was one thing, but seeing her do it right in front of him was another. And two or three beers did him good to ease the pain a little bit.

When he returned to the staircase and started to ascend, he noticed a blond wave of hair hanging off the balcony. His heart started to pump faster, every bone in his body feeling the anticipation. When he got up to her, she was hunched over in agony, "Oh God Tommy! I can't move! I can't stand up! It's awful! I can't do anything!"

Her voice was tight with pain, her letter sounds were breathy and forced. Tommy was so scared. If he lost Jude, he'd lose everything. He already lost his kids, "Alright, we're going to the doctor."

"No! I. Don't. Want. A. Doctor!" she screamed, squeezing the balcony rail, "Okay, maybe… I need… a… doctor."  
Tommy nodded and picked her up, carried her to the car, grabbing the keys on the way out. On the way there, Jude passed out, blood, he noticed, dripping from between her legs. What could that mean?

"Jude? Jude, please stay with me. I can't lose you," he kept glancing over at her, hoping to see a glimmer of movement in her eyes. But nothing ever came.

--_--_--_--

"I just don't know what we can do about it. We saved her this time, but if she goes home, I can't guarantee we'll be able to do it again," the doctor sounded grave.

Tommy's voice rang in the echoing hospital room, "Doc, I can't keep her in the hospital for nine months. She'll go crazy. She had a hard enough time staying here for six weeks!"

Jude perked up at the mention of nine months. Was she really… could she really be?

Tommy was the first to notice Jude's head moving from side to side, "Hey there," he whispered, smiling, "You're okay."

"Tommy, am I…"

"Yeah, you're pregnant. You are definitely pregnant. You were losing the baby, that's what you were feeling. And if we don't keep you in here on strict bed-rest, I'm afraid you'll start to miscarry again. And the next time it happens, we won't be able to stop it," this time the doctor spoke.

"Why was I losing the baby? Was it something I did?" Jude sounded panicked. Here she was working herself to death, trying to get moved into a new house, "Oh gosh, I lifted so many heavy boxes and I lived off of cereal! Oh god!"

The doctor nodded, "That might have had something to do with it. Or you could have just started to miscarry. We can't be certain either way."

Tommy cleared his throat, "Could it be because of her ectopic pregnancy?"

The doctor glanced back down at his medical history chart and nodded, "Could be, but like I said, the cause of miscarriages are unclear. We have theories about what cause them, but we can't put our finger on the exact cause in every case."

Jude nodded sadly and put her head back on her pillow, "Tommy, what are we gonna do? Nine months in a hospital bed? Tommy, I just don't know if I could do that."

She sounded so deflated and put out, "Jude, we'll get through this, okay? Don't worry. We'll be okay."

The weight of a new baby dropped on Jude's shoulders, suddenly pressing her too hard, "I can't have another baby. I can't take care of another life form, not with my three girls missing. Tommy, I want an abortion."


	24. Chapter 17 pt 3

Guys!!! I am so excited. This is the final post for Chapter 17 and the Epilogue will hopefully be up soon. I'm gonna try to thank all my reviewers in my final post for this story, so let me know if your name doesn't make it in. I'm really glad I got this done today so I could post this right now. And I'm so stoked for the sequel!!!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

**Chapter 17: The Art of Losing part 3**

Tommy lay in bed with Jude, his arms wrapped firmly around her body. Jude herself had eventually changed her mind about the abortion, but hadn't spoken to anyone in the last three days. Not one word had formed upon her lips, no sounds escaping her mouth. Nothing. Nada. She would stare out the window, for endless hours, sleep, eat, and hold on to Tommy. If he so much as moved, she would shoot him a worried glance. And he would stay. Unless, of course, nature was calling. He had gone three days without any actual food, just the leftovers from Jude's plate and water from the sink in the bathroom. And he didn't mind. He'd go to the end of the earth for Jude. And if she wanted him by her side constantly, he wouldn't dare change that. Unless, of course, nature called.

When Jude actually raised her eyebrows, a sign of human communication and comprehension of the English language, Tommy was surprised, thrilled and nervous for fear of what she might say, "Jude? Do you need something?"

"No, I'm just thinking," she replied simply.

Her angelic voice was startling. It was a relief to know she was talking again. And because Tommy hadn't heard that voice for days, it was beautiful, like the first time he heard her sing.

Before he knew what she was doing, words were escaping her lips, angelic, other-worldly words. They were words of wisdom and knowledge, not those of a lost teenage girl seeking answers.

"_Breath on me_

_Lean on me_

_Tell me you're gonna be okay_

_Tell me you're gonna stay_

_I'll breath on you_

_I'll lean on you_

_I'm telling you I'll be okay_

_I'm telling you I'll stay_

_You're the only thing_

_That's keeping me from leaving_

_Cause I have better places to be_

_Better people to see_

_But you need me_

_Like I need you_

_Maybe you have better places to be_

_More important people to see_

_But you stayed here with me_

_Because you need me_

_And I need you_

_So breath on me_

_Lean on me_

_Tell me you're gonna be okay_

_Tell me you're gonna stay_

_I'll breath on you_

_I'll lean on you_

_I'm telling you I'll be okay_

_I'm telling you I'll stay_

_For you and for me_

_I'll stand by your side_

_But there's people who need me_

_Places that want me_

_Heaven is calling_

_And I'm saying no_

_For you and only you_

_Please just_

_Breath on me_

_Lean on me_

_Tell me you're gonna be okay_

_Tell me you're gonna stay_

_I'll breath on you_

_I'll lean on you_

_I'm telling you I'll be okay_

_I'm telling you I'll stay_

_For you_

_And for me_

_Because we belong together_

_Forever and ever"_

Jude turned to Tommy and gave a small, hesitant smile, "Tommy, I wrote that song for you. And I want to record it."

Tommy swallowed his tears and nodded, "Okay, sure. We'll do that. But…"

She let out a heavy sigh, "I know. I'll be in bed for another nine months."

"Look at it this way, we'll have a new son and once you look into those eyes of his, you'll see that all the waiting was well worth it."

Jude cocked her eyebrow, "Son? What about daughter?"

Both of them instantly dropped their smile, "We already have three of those," Tommy whispered, both of them lying back down.

Jude let a few tears slip out of her eyes, "How the hell am I suppose to raise another child knowing I've already lost three?"

Tommy pulled her closer, "We'll figure it out."

Jude just snuggled closer into Tommy. He was right, they would figure it out. They would be okay. They would survive this. They've survived everything else life has thrown at them, there was no reason this time would be any different. Harder maybe, but not different.


	25. Epilogue

Okay guys! The epilogue is finally here! Beware, it's a cliffy. I wrote it in Jude's point of view because I thought it was really important to know what she was thinking. So, without further ado, here's the long awaited closing to the first installment of the trilogy. The next one, called "The Monsters Under My Bed," will be out maybe in late June. I need a few weeks to proof and rewrite some weak spots, but it'll definitely be up in no time. This also serves as a prologue to the sequel so chapter one will start immediately picking up where this one left off. Also, be sure to check the bottom of the epilogue for thank you notes and more information!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn

**Epilogue**

Jude's POV.

_Almost two years later…_

Sammy's screaming.

Tommy's still working.

Sadie's out shopping.

Karma's recording.

And where am I?

Standing in my kitchen trying desperately to frost the damn cake I almost burnt. Sammy, my Sammy, is one year old today, August twenty-sixth. And I'm really trying to get things right. The Martha Stewart in me wanted to bake a cake for my son. Sadie convinced me to do all the party preparations myself because it was his first birthday. She actually had me thinking I could do it, be super mom for a day. Yeah right. I can't bake, I can't organize. Hell, I even forgot to send out invitations. I had to post a shout out on Facebook. What kind of mom forgets to invite people to her kid's first birthday? People like me, that's right.

Taking a moment to examine my efforts, I see the cake is one big heaping lump. Damn frosting! Who needs it anyways? I can't even think about the calories it must contain. God, how awful am I getting? Five years ago I could down a bag of potato chips and _lose _weight. Now, if I so much as eat one too many bites of cake, five pounds find themselves around my waist. And if I go up another dress size, I think I'll die. Size six is big enough for me.

Shit! The freaking knife just landed in the frosting. God, nothing is going right today. Sammy woke up with a slight fever and I ended up having to almost choke him to get the medicine down his throat. Sadie called to inform me the grocery store was out of Sammy's favorite juice. How can a store be out of apple juice? Can they even call themselves a grocery store? And, to top it all off, Tommy called no more than twenty minutes ago to apologize for being a little late getting home. Karma was being her usual diva self and wouldn't let him leave until he finished mixing her song. I mean, I love Karma, I would be lost without her. Our growing friendship has helped me through… well… stuff. But sometimes she grates on my last nerve. He's _my_ husband and he _should_ be here helping me with party preparations.

Of course nothing ever goes right this time of year. And as much as I want to blame it on the crazy weather or something ridiculous like that, I can't. Because even though I want to forget this day altogether, I remember it well, every single agonizing detail. And it sucks my Sammy's birthday falls on such a horrible memory, but I still can't help but feel a little sad.

This time last year I was crying my eyes out, splayed out on the bathroom floor, the cold tiles chilling my splotchy skin. I remember my head pressed against the cabinet, the lines and details in the wood, creating crooks and crevices on my cheeks and forehead. Tommy found me passed out and took me to the hospital where they did an emergency c-section. They were afraid my "condition" would cause problems during a natural childbirth. I just wish I wouldn't have been so depressed. It took me two whole weeks to be okay with holding Sammy. Tommy tried, tried really, really hard to put him in my arms, but I would just go limp. And then one day I woke up and took him in my frail hands and snapped out of it. I was back to myself. Of course, that doesn't mean that people still don't try to step around eggshells when they're around me. Most of my close friends have realized I'm me and have stopped, but whenever mom or dad comes to visit, I swear they just agree with everything I say in fear I'll relapse and go to "that" place again.

I sigh and place the knife on the counter. The lumpy cake will have to wait, Sammy's still crying. Afternoon naps have never been his strong point.

I climb the stairs and pass all the pictures of me and Tommy and Sammy. At the beach in Virginia. In the car on the way to visit Tommy's family. At the pier in New Brunswick. I feel a pang in my chest when I think about family pictures. Three other faces should be up here, hanging right along side me, Tommy, and Sammy. And I do have boxes of pictures with me and Tommy with them, all up in the attic, but every time I try to hang them up, I get all depressed and end up crying the entire day. Tommy finally convinced me to put them in the attic until I felt up to sifting through old photos.

Maybe, since today marks such a horrible day, I should make time later this week to hang them up. I've gone two years to this day without my girls and there's no reason I shouldn't be able to see their pretty faces when I walk up the stairs. But now's not the time to think about this and I sternly berate myself for letting my mind sway off course. Today is also Sammy's birthday and right now, I need to focus on the kid I do have and stop obsessing over the kids I don't. Sounds harsh, but that's what reality is, and not the kind you catch on MTV.

"Alright, Sammy, mommy's coming!" My sweet voice filters through the upstairs as I walk all the way down the hallway. I almost don't notice the two other doors shut and closed off, but today is a day for remembering and I let my eyes rest on the white frames for longer than usual. Someday, maybe soon, I'll have to open them and face what's in there. I can't pretend they're in there playing anymore. I can't imagine their voices squealing while they have a tickle fight. And I can't ignore the dull thud of pain smothering my soul in hopes that it'll all just go away. Before I know it, I'm past the doors and standing in the frame of the door to Sammy's room where's he's quit crying and standing up in his crib letting snot and drool fall out of his mouth and nose. I giggle and pick him up, reaching for a baby wipe. Maybe with Sammy around, this day will be a little easier to bear. I clean off his face and set him down on the changing table, "Momma's little boy is one year old today."

"Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Ma-ma!"

I smile at his cute voice. This precious little thing is the only reason I live, aside from Tommy of course.

"Ready for your party little guy?" I get a few claps and a wide grin for that one. I take him downstairs, where he happily sits in his highchair while I finish icing the cake.

Sometimes I swear I'm just content sitting here in silence, occasionally glancing Sammy's way only to see a drooly grin beaming up at me. I know my life will never be what it used to be, filled with joy, occasional sadness, one extreme emotional roller coaster. And I know that because my three girls were taken away from me, I'll never be able to feel as vividly, smile as often, love as much, but I can still try. And two years has made it easier, especially with the newest addition, my Sammy, but sometimes I still let my mind wander to when three pairs of hands were tugging on my shirt, whining because they were hungry. And then I have to think that if they could just come back, my entire life would be complete.

I sigh as the back door opens with a whine and shuts again, boots treading on the hardwood of our laundry room. I smile, instantly relieved. I know those foot steps anywhere. They're Tommy's, not too heavy, not too soft. Not too quick, not too slow. Perfect.

Seconds later, he's in full view, leather jacket and all. Looking at him, I'm amazed. How one person can change so much from the wannabe jackass from ten years ago to the sweet and tender husband and dad he is today and still have the same sarcastic comments and be as much in love with me as ever still befuddles me.

That smile has me melting already. I have to say something or I night just turn to mush, "Hey, how was work?" I take a deep breath, just to inhale his scent, and try to focus on smoothing out the lumps on the cake. Sammy lets out a gurgled giggle and spurts spit up on his shirt.

He shrugs and lets his hands find themselves around my waist, "You know. The usual." Of course. Karma having her usual diva fits, Bengi probably screaming the whole time. Honestly, I don't know how Karma handles that kid so well. I mean she can't stand when someone barely touches her. How does she deal with grimy fingers and runny noses?

He unwraps himself from me and moves to Sammy who's sitting impatiently in his high chair. He tickles his feet, mumbling sweet words. Who would have thought it? Tommy actually going all googly eyes over a baby.

God, the icing is still lumpy. I'm never gonna get it right, "Did you remember the candles?"

Silence. Guess that means no. Okay, so I'm definitely not melting as much as I was at the sight of him.

He laughs a little bit and eases the knife out of my hand, and starts to smooth out the lumps, one by one. Damn him and his hands! Well, maybe not his hands. They do incredible things in the bedroom…

"You know I was thinking," his voice interrupts my thoughts, though I don't mind. That tone of his can do some pretty amazing things, too, "Maybe we could just do away with the candles and try something more natural. Like, say, a twig."

I snort and roll my eyes. Even after all these years, he coolly figures out a way to get out of admitting he forgot. And I can't get mad at him because his voice does things to me elsewhere, things I absolutely can't control, no matter how hard I try. The only things I can think to do are shake my head and bite my lip, "You forgot."

"I didn't forget!" he defends, raising his eyebrows, "I just temporarily misplaced the request you mumbled to me on my way out of the bedroom."

I laugh at his tone. Its sweetness suggests innocence, but I know better, "Mumble? You call screaming at you to turn around so I can tell you something mumbling? I swear, sometimes I think you're deaf!" I slap his arm playfully and get a tap on the butt for it.

All the while, Sammy's just watching us from the high chair, giggling away, "Voila!" I look at the lump-turned-cake Tommy has managed to create. God, I love him, "Hey, by the way, I never saw the invitations you sent out. Did you remember to include the address? You know, most people will probably show up at Sadie's since that's where most of our parties are."

Crap. The invitations. I guess I forgot to tell Tommy about the Facebook shout out. Oh no, what if he's asking because no one RSVP-ed? That would totally put me on Sammy's shit list, "Oh no, did everyone R-S-V-P? I had to send out invitations over Facebook because I forgot about them. God, I'm totally the world's worst mom right now."

I'm almost broken down by now, the weight of realization finally sinking in. Today, the day my three girls were ripped from my world, is also the day Sammy turns one year old. How screwed up is that?

Tommy's calloused hands are on mine and in that moment, as corny as it sounds, I'm thankful for it, thankful for his touch, his voice, his everything, "Hey, don't say that. Sammy loves you. I love you. We all love you," he coos into my ear. I sigh and revel in bliss for another moment before he pulls back, "And yes. Everyone's gonna be here. Even Vic."

I smile at that. So maybe I am an okay mom. I mean, I didn't burn the cake. That has to count for something. I smile again, relieved. Who am I kidding? Who would miss my son's birthday? I'm a rockstar.

"Okay, well, you stay here and start decorating and I'm going to run to the store and get some candles." I tear my hands away from his and offer up a smile before walking towards the door. I just need a few minutes to think, perk myself up for the party.

Tommy yells to wait up and I turn around, hopefully displaying a sweet look on my face, "Don't go, I'll go. The deal was that you wouldn't have to leave the house today, that everyone else would help you get what you needed."

Aww, it's so cute when Tommy acts all nice and husband-y I'm already starting to feel a little better, "Tommy, it's no big deal. I could really use the break. And Sadie couldn't find any apple juice, so I have to go anyways."

I see his stubbornness start to crack, "Really, let me go. I was the one who forgot the candles."

"Aha! So you admit you forgot! Ha! I gotcha!" This really makes me happy. Seeing Tommy all pissed off because he let that one word slip. I kiss him on the cheek quickly and skip out the door laughing, "Oh, and be sure not to forget to dress your son, I'm pretty sure he just threw up on himself!" I shut the door right after catching a glimpse of his disgusted face. Priceless.

God, I love this. Being a family with Tommy. It's all I've wanted since I was fifteen and now I finally have it. I finally have a future with him, ten years later. Yes, I'm pushing twenty seven, but that doesn't matter to me. All that matters is that he's here and I'm here. In the moment. Now if we could get our three girls back everything would be amazing…

--_--_--_--

Balloons. Check

Birthday signs. Check.

Presents. Check.

Food. Check

Cake. Check.

Apple Juice. Check.

Shit. No ice cream.

It's five minutes before four, the time of the party, and we don't have ice cream. Not even an old gallon of vanilla hidden in the deep depths of our freezer.

"All set?" Tommy asks. I can tell he's ready for the party.

I glance up at him and let out a huge breath, "Actually, I forgot to get ice cream."

He puts his hand to his chest and gasps. I roll my eyes at his sarcasm, "No ice cream? What ever shall we do?"

"Look, could you just run up to the store and grab a few gallons?" I give him the puppy dog eyes and lean on his chest slightly, "Please?"

Yep, that does it. He's a goner, "Yeah, I'll go. But if Sammy throws up again, you're changing him. That stuff's nasty."

I laugh and kiss him on the lips, something I haven't done all day. Perhaps I let it linger too long and maybe I got a little carried away in tasting his mouth, but what can I say? When you love someone, kissing them never gets old, "Yeah, sure. Now go before people get here!"

He grumbles as I push him out the door toward the car. I throw him the keys and open the garage door, blowing him a kiss as he backs out. Inside, Sammy's crawling toward the baby-gate, his tongue resting on his bottom lip as he smiles.

"Sammy! What's mommy's favorite guy doing?" I squat down to his level and examine his chubby cheeks. His eyes squint when he smiles at me and I swear I could just melt at the sight of him. My fair hair, Tommy's chiseled looks and both of our musical abilities, well, at least I hope.

"Ma-ma! Da-da! Par-teee!" Aww? Isn't that just so cute?

His hands are clapping on the top of the gate he has hoisted himself up on, "Yes! Mommy and Daddy are throwing you a party for your first birthday!" My high voice has him giggling and I take the opportunity to rustle my fingers on his belly. He immediately grabs onto my arms and starts to laugh uncontrollably all while trying to get me off. Ah, the irony of tickling. All you want is for them to stop, yet you laugh your ass off because, well, it tickles!

I scoop him up in my arms and head for the door, making sure Tommy remembered to put up the birthday balloons on the mailbox. I see them fluttering in the slight breeze and smile. He remembered.

"Baaa-woon!"

I'm brought out of my daze with Sammy's giggles. I swear he sounded just like Alexa when he said that. Figures, they're both Tommy's kids. I'm suddenly caught up in memories of holding her this age, she herself pointing and yelling 'bawoon' in the park. As much as I wish it didn't, the memory brings tears to my eyes and it takes all my might not to cry in front of Sammy.

Then it all hits me, like a fifty pound boulder, right on the head.

I'm standing in my big fancy foyer, the one everyone dreams of getting one day and I can't find a single ounce of thankfulness for any of it. None of it seems to matter right now. I'm falling back into that place again, the deep hole that is impossible to escape twice, I'm smart enough to realize that. And I know if I fall again, if I let grief consume me, I'll never smile, never laugh, never say happy words ever again. I'm aware of all of this, but I can't seem to stop, it's like watching your car crash. As much as you try to slam on the brakes, your feet just aren't fast enough. It's like that. The good thoughts just aren't fast enough for the bad thoughts. Negativity always out runs the positive emotions in my mind. It's negativity that has me thinking that Sammy and Tommy aren't worth it anymore. It tries to convince me that they'd be better off without me, and they wouldn't have to worry about upsetting me just because of this stupid date on the calendar. All the positive thoughts that were going through my mind before Tommy left just can't measure up the grief I feel. Gosh, this it all so confusing. I force myself to stop thinking altogether.

All I can do right now is hold Sammy close to my heart, reminding it to beat for him. I've had nightmares about this day, waking up and not caring about Sammy or Tommy anymore. Or just going and driving my car off a bridge. And so when I did wake up, I was determined to be happy, determined to make this the best birthday Sammy will ever have. And I know it'll get easier, maybe even the ache in my chest will thump with a little less energy. But still, I can't help but blame myself, think if I would have just kept looking, maybe, just maybe…

"Jude! We're here!" I spin around and there's Spied and Karma, both looking abundantly happy to see me. Bengi is clapping his hands and squirms out of his mother's grip to run toward me.

"Aunt Juuude!" he grabs hold of my right leg and squeezes it tight, "Par-tee!"

Sammy mimics, "Par-teeeee!"

I set them both down on the living room floor and help Karma carry bags of presents to the kitchen, "So, how's life?"

How's life? Who asks your best friend 'how's life?' Oh, she must remember what day it is, too, "It's… good."

And who says 'it's good' to your best friend when it's really not? Oh, right, me because today is _that_ day and no one ever feels comfortable talking about it. That goes for me, too.

"Ladies, I brought some weak wine coolers for those of you who can't take the real deal," I roll my eyes at Spied's comment. I've outdone him so many times it's not even close to being funny.

"Please, like I can't take some liquor. Do you really want to repeat the story of three years ago in London? Oooh! Or we could tell one from just a couple months ago-"

"Okay, really, Jude, let's not go there," I see his pleading eyes. Oops, Karma must not know about that little incident.

"Spiedy, what happened?"

I almost snort at Karma's tone but I don't and just stay quiet. I'm staying out of this one. My miniature mental breakdown from just minutes earlier is already fading into the walled up memories.

His nervous laugh catches my attention. It sounds kind of like a whipped husband's. Oh yeah, that's 'cause it is, "Oh nothing, really. I just got a little carried away and Jude had to let me crash on her couch. Really it's no big deal."

"Ha! That's an understatement!" Okay, so much for staying out. But what can I say? He was totally sugar coating it, "I had to drag your half-naked ass out of the front yard because you decided you were going to drink the _entire_ bottle of tequila!"

"You WHAT?"

"Karma, babe, I swear, she's exaggerating. I mean, she dared me to!"

Oopsies, I think I just started World War III.

"What are you, two? What kind of twenty-five year old acts on a stupid dare?"

Karma's face is almost as red as my dining room walls and I'm not liking where this is going.

"Well, it's just that… you know… I've never backed down from a dare… and… this time… well it was no different. I had to do it!"

"Okay! Let's take a cooler here. Spied, I swear she knew. And Karma, really, it's just the way he is. So, let's just forget it and go back to setting up for the party."

Nice. Level headed Jude straightened everything out. Everything's going to be just-

"Aaaaa-sssss" the gurgling sound comes from the other room. Shit. I think one of the boys is repeating that word.

"Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!"

That got everyone's attention. Soon enough, we're all filing into the living room, where both of the boys are chanting their newly acquired word.

"Thanks a lot Jude," Karma mumbles, letting out one of her trademark dramatic sighs.

Sorry, BFF, sometimes things slip. I swear I didn't know your little kid was going to be so quick picking up on the one word in the entire sentence that was bad. Of course I don't say that. It would be considered mean, "Sorry, Karm, I just let it slip. I'll be more careful."  
"You better be. My Bengi is not going to be a potty mouth!" Yeah, real nice Karma. I apologize and decide to be nice and what do you do? The exact opposite.

I hate the way it makes me feel sometimes, my conflicted feelings for Karma. She's that friend who is totally rude and irrational and preppy that you want to strangle her and throw her through a huge glass window, but at the same time, want to just roll your eyes and let it go because that's who she's always been. I think today, though, I would prefer to throw her out of a huge glass window. Preferably one that is one hundred stories in the air and overlooks a concrete slab. Okay, yes, that was mean. I guess I should tone down on the negativity.

But then I glance at her guilty face. I think she's trying not to be mean to me today because, well, because it's _that_ day.

"So, who all's coming to the party?"

"Um, everyone as far as I know."

Why is she asking pointless questions?

"Cool, is your mom bringing her new boyfriend?"

"I don't think so. I think he's staying wherever it is she lives now."

"Brazil."

How does she remember these things?

"Yeah. I knew that."

"Oh, okay."

Now I know something's up. Normally, she would have jumped all over that. Been all 'well then why didn't you say it?' or some crazy smart ass comment. But no, she comes back with a passive 'okay.'

"So Spied, how's recording?"

"Sucky without you there producing. Lord squinty frown is a total hard ass."

God, I wish people would stop trying to guilt me into coming back. I recorded for nine months on doctor's approval during my 'high risk' pregnancy. I got a full album done. And now they're complaining because I'm not going to come back as a producer until Sammy's in kindergarten. Sue me if I want to be a halfway decent parent.

"Yeah, well, Sammy's more important than your problems with Tommy."

"Ouch, harsh Dude."

Yeah, well, that's what you get when you mess with me on the wrong day.

See what I mean about nothing going right? This day is cursed, I'll swear to it.

"Well, sweetie, it'll be okay. Jude's doing the best she can, so just let it go. Plus, Tommy's great at producing. Maybe you should just try listening to him."

Okay, she's really starting to piss me off. I'm doing the best I can? She's making it sound like I lost my mom or something. No, losing what I lost is incredibly mind boggling and heart wrenching.

"Karma? Can I talk to you for a sec?" I turn to Spied, "you mind looking after the boys?"

"No! Not at all, you girls go have your aimless sex and beauty talk. Get it out of your systems so we don't have to hear it today."

He's getting ignored for that one. I grab Karma's arm and pull her to the stairs. As I'm leading her up them, I make a note to stop at Alexa's door. It's time for me to face this, for Karma to see me face this. I'm tired of the way people treat me just because of the date on the calendar. I'm going to get over this and people are going to realize it's okay for me to get over this.

I gulp at the top of the stairs and turn to the first door I see. Alexa's.

"Jude, what the hell are you doing?"

There's the Karma I know and love. I grip the knob with all the courage I have and swing the door open. Everything is just how I left it, all perfect and neat, "Two years ago, my girls were stolen from me, Karma. And I can't pretend it didn't happen just because I might cry. I know I was in a bad place last year, but I'm not that person anymore. I'm different, better. I have Sammy now. But he can't replace them. He can't make it all better. As much as I want him to."

I hear her sigh from the other side of the doorway. I go around the room, touch the books on the shelf, all her favorites, the animals on her bed. Her teddy bear still smells like the strawberry shampoo she used.

"You know, you can come in. I'm not going to scream or freak out. You can even touch stuff. And I'm thinking of clearing out their rooms anyway. Maybe donating all their clothes to charity. They probably wouldn't even fit anyway…" Okay, that does it for me. I'm on the floor and crying as loud as I possibly can, gripping her teddy bear to my nose, inhaling her, breathing her, almost being able to feel her, "God I miss them! I miss them so fucking much! That damn bitch had no right to take them from me!"

In seconds, her arms are around me, hugging me close to her chest, "Jude, you don't have to get rid of their things. There's still hope. There's still a chance they'll come back. You can never give up. Just think of how beautiful they are right now, think of how they must have changed. Two years is a long time. But it's also nothing to the timeless love a mother has for her child. Jude, listen to me," I feel her shift so she's right in front of me, both of her perfect hands gripping my shoulders, "For as long as you live, you cannot give up. Until the day you die, you have to believe there's a chance you'll find them, a chance you'll see them. That's the only way to do it."

I just nod and fall back into her, letting all my breath out. After about five minutes, I clear my throat and start to get up, wiping all the blackened tears off of my eyes. Great, re-application of mascara is now necessary, "Um, you head back downstairs. I think I'm going to look at Ali and Andrea's room. I think I need to."

God, here comes the disapproving stare, "I really think I should stay up here with you."

"Yeah, I know what you think Karma, but I need time alone, time to just be with them, as much as I can, okay?"

I see her mold weaken, everything she's got left is dispelled, "Alright. But if you need me, please, please come get me."

She takes my hands one last time and squeezes them before dropping her gaze from mine.

"I'll be down in a few."

She just nods and heads back down the stairs. As I leave, I start to close the door, but decide to leave it open. Their rooms are so pretty, just how they wanted them. And I think they would want people to see them, all the colors and patterns they picked out.

In Ali and Andrea's room, I spot the poem they wrote for me forever ago. I smile and run my forefinger over the words. I forgot Tommy set it out, that night so many months ago. 'They'd want us to see it,' he'd told me. I guess he was right because here I am, not able to take my eyes off the wobbly handwriting of Alexa.

--_--_--_--

I hear the chatter and clambering downstairs. Everyone's starting to arrive in a constant stream and here I am, making sure all the crying splotches on my cheeks are expertly covered. The only person that needs to know I was crying is Karma. Walking from the master bedroom, I pass their open doors. I'm startled at first. All the light and color sneaking its way into the hallway is new to me. But I smile, surprisingly, and just pass by them with ease. Maybe this would get better. Maybe I could get over this. Maybe I could find a way to be at peace and yet never give up hope. Maybe, just maybe, I would be alright.

"Hey. Where have you been?" Tommy offers me a drink, hopefully something with strong liquor in it, and leads me to the backyard where my dad is grilling hamburgers and hotdogs. I spot Sammy, perched on Vic's hip as she chats with my dad. Amazing those two have come this far, being able to have friendly conversation with each other.

"Um, just freshening up," I can see my smile isn't working. He's seeing through my little façade, "Look, we'll talk later, okay? Let's just enjoy the party. Sammy only turns one once."

He nods and takes my hand, "Okay, but we're talking. I see your red eyes. You can't hide that one, Jude."

How did I get such an observant husband? Weren't men supposed to be the exact opposite? And I thought I fixed my red eyes! Well whatever. I make my way to the door and push it open, hoping my best smile is good enough.

"Hey! There's my darling! Tell me, how are you dear?" and that's my mom, giving me kisses on both cheeks, undoubtedly leaving red lipstick marks.

This is going to be a long afternoon.

"Great. We're all doing amazing, actually."

She just smiles at me and gives Sammy another squeeze, "Well that's good dear. Now tell me, would it bother you to take me in for the winter? I'm just dying to stay in Canada for awhile. And you know Ricky, always working."

That's my mom's attempt at inviting herself over. And it works, I mean, who can say no to a mom who'll have to spend the winter alone because her boyfriend is always working? I face Tommy, who I already know will comply just for my sake, "Is it okay?"

He nods, a pacified look on his face.

"Well, then it's settled! Of course I'll have to go back to Brazil and pack what I need, oh! And Jude, we can go shopping! I do need some winter clothes. You know in Brazil, it's mild. I almost didn't need to wear a coat the entire time!"

Gosh, I'm never going to hear the end of it. But I nod as she talks and pretend to be interested in her life in Brazil. After Don broke things off with her for another woman, she has been devastated. And then she met Ricky at some night club in Italy and decided to move in with him in Brazil. Wow, that's embarrassing. I have a mom who's almost as stupid and spontaneous as a teenager.

"Do you know if Sadie's coming dear?"

Okay enough with the 'dear' already.

"Uh yeah, she's bringing Joshua."

"And Kwest I hope?"

"Yes mom, they're both coming. Now, um, can you talk to Tommy for a bit while I go check on things?"

Okay, the look on Tommy's face isn't so happy right now. If only he knew about the extra brownie points he gets in bed tonight.

"Oh sure dear! I should have let you go minutes ago. I'm sorry for holding you up! Go on! Check. I'm sure Tommy here will be wonderful company."

Yes, you are right. Tommy is amazing company. I give Sammy a kiss on the cheek and whisper happy birthday in his ear before I turn around and walk back inside, where quiet consumes me. The noise and excitement of the party is distant, barely filtering to the inside of our house. I feel like crying all over again.

Okay, I can't do this right now. It's Sammy's birthday party and I have a million things to do. I have to get a platter for the burgers, make sure all the onions, tomatoes and lettuce are cut up, get the drinks poured for the little ones. And… what else was there? God, I should have written it all down. This is just too much! Dammit! I don't even remember the rest of the stuff I'm supposed to do! I knew I should have had this damn party catered!

"Ahhh!" I scream and slam the cabinet door shut. I let my butt slide down the wall until it is firmly planted on the tile at my feet.

"Hey there, what's wrong little sis?" Boy am I glad to see her right now.

"Dammit Sadie! I can't do it all! I just can't!"

Okay, not how I wanted our greeting to go, but what can I say? I'm overwhelmed right now.

"Honey, what's wrong? I thought you had it all under control," she whispers, getting down on the floor with me.

Joshua struggles to be free from Kwest's arms as he walks in the kitchen, "Everything okay in here?"

"Aunt Jude! Aunt Jude!"

"Yes, everything's fine. Josh, why don't you go play with Sammy and I'll bring Aunt Jude out when we're finished talking."

"O-kay!"

I have to laugh at his optimistic tone.

"Well that's good. At least you can still laugh."

That's for sure.

"Sadie, I'm so lost right now. I'm missing the girls. I can't seem to concentrate on anything and I feel so guilty. It's Sammy's birthday and I'm in here crying!"

Fresh tears find themselves rolling down my cheek. That's not good. I'm not going to tolerate this. I just put another coat of mascara on!

"Okay, you know what? I think I'm fine. I just needed a minute."

I'm sniffling and trying really hard to make the tears stop. And I know Sadie knows because she doesn't let go of me, "We're not leaving until I'm positive my little sis is going to be okay."

"Sadie, really, there's a million things that need to be done. I'll have to deal with this later," I struggle out of her arms and stand up, straightening out my sundress. I'm breathing in deep sharp breaths, just to make sure enough oxygen gets to my brain so it'll function properly, which it hasn't been doing in these last few hours.

"Jude, you can't just lock up whatever you're feeling until you think you can deal with it! You have to talk about it!"

"Sadie, I'll talk about it later! I have to be happy for Sammy! Dammit! Don't any of you understand! He only turns one once!"

I really shouldn't have yelled like that because now any hope of a normal day has just flown out the window.

"Jude, honey, you're going to explode if you don't talk to someone. I could recommend a good therapist-"

"Sadie, I swear, if one more person tells me I need to see a fucking shrink, I will end up murdering someone. I will talk when I'm ready to talk. No sooner. No later. Now, please, just help me with the lettuce and tomatoes."

If that doesn't get my point across then I don't know what will. She nods wordlessly, thank God. The only sound I can hear is the breaking suction on the refrigerator as Sadie opens it.

"Oh, Jude, you'll never guess what I found at-"

Karma stops mid sentence when she realizes who's in the room with me. To say she doesn't like Sadie would be putting it nicely. Same goes the other way around. They've been in a constant battle over the past two years. Who gets the most time with me. Who gets the most time with Sammy. Who gets to take me shopping. I swear, it's like I'm a kid in a custody battle.

"Jude, I thought you were going to come get me if you needed anything."

Her tone is barely sweet, in fact, it's anything but, but she smiles anyway, "Oh, well, Sadie was in here, so I just let her do it this time."

"Yeah, she was crying, but we took care of it. So you can go now."

"You were crying?"

Nice Sadie, real nice. Why don't you just lay her down in a bed of cockroaches, it would be about the same level of torture. The one thing Karma can't stand is when I cry.

"Karma, really, I'm totally fine."

"Yes, as you can see, she doesn't need you right now. And we were having private sister conversation. So you can leave."

"Private sister conversation? About how you're obviously not getting any in bed?"

"Karma!"

"Because no one could screw you with that stick shoved so far up your ass!"

"That's it bitch! How Spied married such a heartless slut is beyond me!"

This is getting nasty.

"Please! Is that all you got?"

"All I got? I don't think you really want what I've got to offer!"

Alright, Sadie's three seconds away from reverting back to primeval instincts so I think I should cut in, "Enough! Both of you! Just shut up!"

Both of their eyes are on me when I speak.

"God, you two need to grow up! Here it is the two year anniversary of when my three baby girls got taken from me and all you two can think to do is call each other out! How immature and selfish can you two be?"

They bow their head in shame, each catching a side glimpse of the other, no doubt mentally playing the blame-game. I roll my eyes and set back to chopping. Usually right now is when I would send them in separate directions, but today I really just don't care. They could kill each other right now and I'd probably jump up and down from relief. Dealing with these two is like putting to male beta fish in the same tank: instantaneous death by hatred.

The phone rings and it yanks all of us out of our own little worlds. Sadie and Karma both reach for it, but before either one of their perfectly manicured fingers could reach the surface, I snatch it out of its holder and dangle it.

"I'll get it. After all, it is my house."

"Yeah okay."

"Whatever."

I push the green 'talk' button and roll my eyes before speaking, "Hello?"

"Jude?"

The voice sounds oddly familiar, haunting really. But it's been a long time since I've heard it, "Who's speaking?"

"Never mind that. What's more important is what you want from me."

Now I'm worried. That same breathy, raspy voice… Where is it from?

"Excuse me?"

"Now, Jude, dearest Jude, have you already forgotten? What a shame. Your darling girls here would hate to know their mommy has forgotten them."

I freeze, right where I am. That voice. From so many months ago, telling me to stop looking, to give up. She has my girls. And once this realization hits me, I lose my grip on the phone and let it fall the floor, the battery pack splaying out on the tiles. I open my mouth, maybe to speak, I'm not sure, but all that comes out is a heart shattering scream.

Okay, guys, more information about the sequel. All the chapters will be written in different points of view, I'll let you know which one though because it could get a little confusing if you had to figure it out. Anyway, I'm going to give you the official summary:

It's been two years, officially, since Jude and Tommy had their hearts ripped from their chests. But when a phone call stirs up old search hunts and mixed up emotions, their new fragile world breaks once again. In pursuit of finding the three spunky girls who once rocked their worlds, come other problems. Old faces return and new ones emerge as their quest for the truth goes deeper than they could have imagined. In their final battle to bring their children home, Jude and Tommy's relationship will be tested, as well as that of Jude with her son, Sammy. Will the new Quincy family be able to survive the journey to bring back the old one? Read and find out in the sequel, "The Monsters Under My Bed."

And to all of my devoted fans and reviewers, I'm thanking you from the very bottom of my heart. This fanfic is my first and it's hard to part with it, but I know newer things are on the horizon. So, here's a list of people who have reviewed, who have put me on their story/author alert lists, or added me or my stories to their favorite stories/author lists. Thanks so much and I hope you follow me to my sequel! I apologize in advance if anyone's screen name is spelled wrong.

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Thanks everyone for your support and reviews! I love you all!

xoxo,

Kaitlyn


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